How do I get him to come back to me?

[Glors1116]

I read about relationships that break up and then get back together again... how often are they successful? My engagement and relationship ended for no apparent reason at all, other than he was not ready to get married and wanted to be alone. If you asked me to write a list of problems, I couldn't possibly think of one thing. There was complete honesty and trust and we were very happy. He told me I was perfect and that there was nothing wrong with our relationship. I didn't think I would ever hear from him again because he never called like he said he would and when I called him and left a message he never returned it. Yet, he emailed me a few days later and apologized for not calling and when I didn't immediately respond to that email, he emailed me again a few days later asking if I got the first email. I am trying so hard not to look into it to deeply but at least I know he hasn't forgotten me or cut me out of his life. I want nothing more than for us to get back together. I know that guys get cold feet and change their minds later, but I don't know whether that would ever happen with him. Obviously I can't force him to marry me or to love me (if he really loves me less than before as he claims). I asked him what would happen if in a few years he changes his mind and decides he's ready for marriage and I'm still in the picture, then what. And he said I wouldn't want him. He does not know that for sure and I can see why I shouldn't want him but the thing is I do want him and I miss him terribly. I'm tired of hearing people tell me to get over him and move on, because at this point, I'm not ready to do that. I've given him his space, and I always did give him his space throughout our relationship... will he come back to me on his own?

[SoleMate]

I've read stories like yours so many times on Loveshack! The "soft" breakup, where the person leaving doesn't really want to hurt the other one, but wants the relationship to end. So they back away, without any real reason. I believe that breakups are done this way because there are few people in this world who can really look someone that they've been close to in the eye and say, "I don't love you now, I possibly never did, I'm tired of you, I would rather take my chances and see who's out there than spend any more time in this relationship. Regardless of what you say or do, it's O-V-E-R." Many people don't have the courage - or the cruelty. I sure don't want to look someone in the eye while I give him the worst news he's ever heard - even if I know it MUST be done.

 

That's why they say, "It's not you, it's me", "You're perfect", "You did everything right", "Our relationship was perfect" (??!!), "You won't want me", "I need space". It's unlikely that someone will just walk out the door one day from a satisfying relationship.

 

Myself, I would prefer a cleansing, knockdown, screaming fight that makes everything clear to both parties and punctuates the finality.

[calithin83]

somethings are meant to be yet others arent, right now you need to focus on yourself, He MIGHT come back and if he does then u should give him another chance but if he doesnt..well u gotta then realize that ure more important....i dont know how long u should wait but i would proabbly wait 3 months the most, if i still see nothing then id probably start trying to move on....its hard because i know you love him but sometimes Guys get scared of love and they kinda need a break to see if they really love u or miss u, they will only realize this if ure not around calling them or answering them, u gotta avoid him and make him feel like he lost u even if it aint true, if he then comes back cos he misses u and craves ure attention then Hurray for both of u!!!

 

me and my bf of 3 years broke up for almost 2 months and it was cos he wanted his space i guess cos we were getting so serious and i was also always There, but when he broke up with me at first i used to call him and try to talk butt it didnt solve anything, right after i STOPPED and just ignored him when i saw him (awful feeling), didnt pick up his calls, then tahts when finally he made a way to see me and started talking again.....now i can honestly say we are happy together and im glad we had that breakup..i think we needed it.