Trying to be romantic

[Nooksukao]

I have to be honest and say that I am not the most romantic of men. Although that is not how I want to be. I do try to do romantic things for my wife of 3 years now but I could always use some help. If any of you have some ideas please let me know. All I want to do is to show her how much I love her and what she means to me. Thank you for you assistance

[Honorable_Venerable]

I have to be honest and say that I am not the most romantic of men. Although that is not how I want to be. I do try to do romantic things for my wife of 3 years now but I could always use some help. If any of you have some ideas please let me know. All I want to do is to show her how much I love her and what she means to me. Thank you for you assistance

To be honest, if she loves you, any genuinely made gestures would do it - cooking for her (and cleaning up before during and after!), buying flowers with a bit of thought, taking her somewhere she likes, is going to work.

 

If she's scoring points or trying to gee you up or using it as a bargaining tool in return for being nice to you, you're on a road to nowhere, nothing will work.

[jenngem]

I think touching is romantic - as in gently touching her arm or back when you are walking or sitting next to each other, kissing her briefly on her neck, that kind of thing...

[choosinghappiness]

You should ask her - what makes her feel romantic about you, what things can you do to let her know how much you care, what does she like, etc.

 

Also you should tell her you love her, and hug and kiss her everyday

[Married_and_Lonely]

I have to be honest and say that I am not the most romantic of men. Although that is not how I want to be. I do try to do romantic things for my wife of 3 years now but I could always use some help. If any of you have some ideas please let me know. All I want to do is to show her how much I love her and what she means to me. Thank you for you assistance

 

You can help us out by providing a little more detail? Are you celebrating the anniversary of an important event? Is relationship still strong despite your romantic shortcomings?

 

Off the top of my head though:

1) show her that you're listening - if she comments on something she loves or would like to do some day, write it down in a journal that you can come back to later for ideas. Then surprise her with a date that focuses on that activity she loves and bring her that special gift that she treasures and she'll feel loved because you were listening and remembered.

 

2) be selfless and do something she loves, even if it's not your favorite activity - we all do this when we're dating because we're courting, but then for some reason we stop when we get married because we think we're entitled now to "be ourselves." Sharing something we love with the person we love is romantic.

 

3) be creative - don't always bring home flowers and don't always take her to the same restaurant. search the internet for things like "gift ideas for her" or "date ideas" and you'll get tons of ideas on something new to try. Routine is boring; creativity and variety is romantic.

 

4) Give her your undivided attention. If you're on date night, turn off the cell phone or leave it in the car. If you're having a conversation or playing a board game at home, turn off the TV. This is called the "quality time" love language and its one spoke by many women. You want to show by your actions, not just your words, that being there for her is important to you.

 

Also, she probably has some favorite romantic movies with romantic men that she idolizes; if it's a favorite movie of hers, this gives you access to her heart and what she loves. See if there's something in the movie you can emulate.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[kuma]

I have to be honest and say that I am not the most romantic of men. Although that is not how I want to be. I do try to do romantic things for my wife of 3 years now but I could always use some help. If any of you have some ideas please let me know. All I want to do is to show her how much I love her and what she means to me. Thank you for you assistance

 

1. Send her flowers at work.

2. Cook her favorite food and have a nice candlelight dinner at home.

3. Make a picnic basket and go to the park.

 

Those are my favorite romantic ideas. Good luck!

[anne1707]

Take her back to where you went on your first date or where you proposed to her

[qtegirl]

Being romantic isn't always about buying her flowers or something like that. A girl just wants to know that shes wanted and loved by you. Take interest in her. For me it's all the little things a guy does. Walk up to her and give her a kiss on the forehead. Look into her eyes and let her see you soul. Corny...yes... but true.

[RoseJan123]

You have to act casual at first... Then sort of lead up to that point of asking her out. It doesn't have to be seriously romantic or anything. You could crack a joke and then when she's done laughing just say like "You know, I feel during the time we've known each other, we've gotten to be really good freinds and I was just wondering if you wanted to take our relationship to the next level." Then ask her if she'd like to be your girlfriend. Good Luck!!! Oh nice avatar by the way. Stanley Cup Champions!

[quankanne]

qt is right – it doesn't have to be some grand gesture, just something that's heartfelt. The sweetest thing my husband does is hold my hand. At home when we're watching TV or when we're out shopping ... as silly as it sounds, it makes me weak in the knees knowing that he's comfortable with people seeing his affection for me. Kisses "just because" are also a favorite of mine, because he doesn't have to do that, you know? But, he chooses to ...

[denise_xo]

You can help us out by providing a little more detail? Are you celebrating the anniversary of an important event? Is relationship still strong despite your romantic shortcomings?

 

Off the top of my head though:

1) show her that you're listening - if she comments on something she loves or would like to do some day, write it down in a journal that you can come back to later for ideas. Then surprise her with a date that focuses on that activity she loves and bring her that special gift that she treasures and she'll feel loved because you were listening and remembered.

 

2) be selfless and do something she loves, even if it's not your favorite activity - we all do this when we're dating because we're courting, but then for some reason we stop when we get married because we think we're entitled now to "be ourselves." Sharing something we love with the person we love is romantic.

 

3) be creative - don't always bring home flowers and don't always take her to the same restaurant. search the internet for things like "gift ideas for her" or "date ideas" and you'll get tons of ideas on something new to try. Routine is boring; creativity and variety is romantic.

 

4) Give her your undivided attention. If you're on date night, turn off the cell phone or leave it in the car. If you're having a conversation or playing a board game at home, turn off the TV. This is called the "quality time" love language and its one spoke by many women. You want to show by your actions, not just your words, that being there for her is important to you.

 

Also, she probably has some favorite romantic movies with romantic men that she idolizes; if it's a favorite movie of hers, this gives you access to her heart and what she loves. See if there's something in the movie you can emulate.

 

Nice advice (M&L, just out of curiosity, have you actually tried out this last bit about the movies? hadn't heard that one before - but then I'm also not into romantic movies...)

[Crazy Magnet]

I am a woman who is a fan of the smaller romantic gestures.

 

I like sticky notes on the mirror or on my windshield. I like little notes in my lunch box. I do like I'm thinking of you randomly flowers, but I prefer fun flowers like daisies (I HATE I'm sorry flowers!). I would think some take out and a candle lit picnic on the living room floor would be sweet. Randomly grabbing me and slow dancing to a sweet song (the BF does this, makes me swoon every time.) Brushing the hair out of my face and telling me I'm beautiful. Remembering to grab my favorites at the grocery store. Taking me back to where we had our first date/kiss/meeting place. Telling me those "remember when stories" of when we first started dating.

 

Extra major bonus points for a guy who brings me a sweet little surprise gift and some dog treats for the pooch at the same time!

[Married_and_Lonely]

Taking me back to where we had our first date/kiss/meeting place.

 

Thanks - you gave me a great idea and I don't know why it didn't occur to me until now. But my first date with my W was at a Chili's restaurant in our college town where we met. This year at Homecoming I'm going to take her there (and maybe the kids too) as a surprise. It'll be fun to say, "kids... this is where mommy and I had our first date."

[Stung]

Take her back to where you went on your first date or where you proposed to her

 

 

I am sentimental and I love it when my husband does things like this. We even got married on the anniversary of our first date. He loves that too because it means he already had our anniversary date memorized, ha.

 

OP, it's hard to say what will work for your wife in particular. Some women like the traditional chocolates and flowers, some women find that stuff kind of cheesy and predictable. For some women it's all about being creative and thoughtful, for others it's about remembering details from your courtship, or just spending a lot of quality time together...some others like the grand gesture, etc.

 

There is a website and a book about 'the five love languages', Google it and see if you can find the associated personality test. If you can get your wife to take the test, you might gain some insight into what 'language' of romantic expression works best for her, whether she likes gifts she can look at fondly for years, whether she would prefer a handwritten love letter, or just a backrub or a long walk into the sunset.

[quankanne]

It'll be fun to say, "kids... this is where mommy and I had our first date." awwwww :love:

 

Five Love Languages is an excellent book, because it helps you understand your spouse better, which in turn helps you communicate in his/her language of love without taking away anything from yourself. Good suggestion, Stung!

[puzzled44]

I don't seem to be able to find the things that are romantic, but I've learned a few things not to do.

 

For example, don't send her flowers from 1-800-flowers. The last time I did that (I sent them to her work) she came home from work, threw the box down on the table and said "You sent me flowers in a box!!". She never opened the box and threw the box away unopened the next day. How was I to know that they would come in a box?

 

So what I learned is that when you order flowers be sure you are ordering from a company that will deliver the flowers, not send them out in a box.

[Married_and_Lonely]

I don't seem to be able to find the things that are romantic, but I've learned a few things not to do.

 

For example, don't send her flowers from 1-800-flowers. The last time I did that (I sent them to her work) she came home from work, threw the box down on the table and said "You sent me flowers in a box!!". She never opened the box and threw the box away unopened the next day. How was I to know that they would come in a box?

 

So what I learned is that when you order flowers be sure you are ordering from a company that will deliver the flowers, not send them out in a box.

 

damn, that's cold.. women at my work have gotten them that way and were fine with it.. she sounds a little too high maintenance for my taste.

[Feelin Frisky]

You say you're not particulalry romantic usually. I'm not quite sure what that means. But to make a real impression, you should probably expect to sustain change otherwise it might just look like you've gone nuts or are just trying to butter her up for a one-time thing.

 

Tell her you want to do more to make her happy and feel out what she says. She may have a laundry list of things that make her feel unappreciated. Follow up on those things as a lifestyle change but throw in some surprises of your own. I'm from a big northern US city (NY) and have only moved to Virginia recently. But in NY there was always some place to go dancing--and I don't mean hee haw hoe downs. If you have access to such places learn dance where you touch and not just stand seperated and try to impress with your moves. I've taken dance classses because I wanted to learn salsa dance. It's exciting and "frisky" and touchy. A lot of other things people have said here are romantic too but finding out what she really wants and showing your willingess to accomodate her is better than giving her what you assume she wants.

[denise_xo]

I don't seem to be able to find the things that are romantic, but I've learned a few things not to do.

 

For example, don't send her flowers from 1-800-flowers. The last time I did that (I sent them to her work) she came home from work, threw the box down on the table and said "You sent me flowers in a box!!". She never opened the box and threw the box away unopened the next day. How was I to know that they would come in a box?

 

So what I learned is that when you order flowers be sure you are ordering from a company that will deliver the flowers, not send them out in a box.

 

Sounds to me she didn't deserve those flowers in the first place...???

[motogirl]

To me, it's sometimes the simplest little things that are the most romantic. These are the little things my hubby does that make me melt: Reaches to hold my hand when we are in the car, takes my hand when we are walking, pulls me close to snuggle me when we are watching tv on the couch, stops what he is doing when I come home from work in the evenings to greet me with a hug and a kiss, asks me how my day was and actually listens to the response, sends me little texts or calls me to tell me he misses me (we work different shifts), takes my face into his hands looks into my eyes and kisses me, reaches out to touch my hair or smells my hair, compliments me on a meal I've cooked and then clears the table and loads the dishwasher before I have a chance, sometimes when we are at home doing chores...usually me inside and him outside...he will periodically grab me for a hug and say "Have I told you lately that I love you?", sometimes surprises me by having dinner cooking when I get home, doesn't hesitate to tell me he loves me on the phone when he is at work in the breakroom surrounded by male co-workers/friends, opens car doors and holds doors open for me to enter. Those are all things I love and will never get tired of...in my opinion, very romantic.

 

One of the more elaborate things he does that I think is extremely romantic is when he plans a date for us. I love it when he calls me from the road while working and says we have plans for Saturday or Sunday...whether it is dinner and a movie, fishing and a picnic, canoeing, a day spent riding the motorcycle...whatever. It's just the fact that while he is away at work he is looking forward to us reconnecting on the weekend and has actually put thought into planning something fun for the two of us to do together.

 

Hope some of those help!

[motogirl]

I don't seem to be able to find the things that are romantic, but I've learned a few things not to do.

 

For example, don't send her flowers from 1-800-flowers. The last time I did that (I sent them to her work) she came home from work, threw the box down on the table and said "You sent me flowers in a box!!". She never opened the box and threw the box away unopened the next day. How was I to know that they would come in a box?

 

So what I learned is that when you order flowers be sure you are ordering from a company that will deliver the flowers, not send them out in a box.

 

That's horrible! I would never treat my hubby so coldy or be so unappreciative. I wouldn't think the box was a big deal. Ladies I work with have received flowers this way and were thrilled.

[nddb]

I don't seem to be able to find the things that are romantic, but I've learned a few things not to do.

 

For example, don't send her flowers from 1-800-flowers. The last time I did that (I sent them to her work) she came home from work, threw the box down on the table and said "You sent me flowers in a box!!". She never opened the box and threw the box away unopened the next day. How was I to know that they would come in a box?

 

So what I learned is that when you order flowers be sure you are ordering from a company that will deliver the flowers, not send them out in a box.

 

I would have set my boundary. Either appreciate what I do or ship out. It's not the box, not the flowers. It's the fact that I think of you and if you can't appreciate that and act all beotching over it, there's the door.

 

If the shoe were on the other foot (i.e., she bought you a shirt in a box), and you toss it without opening it and go "ooh" and "ahhh", we likely would think you are an a__hole too.

 

Frankly, if you don't set boundaries and let your SO walk all over you, she will end up losing respect for you and you end up in a no-win situation.