Fourth date: should I invite the guy over to watch DVDs if I don't plan on having sex

[sultry33]

what about if she's just not ready? Money has nothing to to with it. If you just want to get laid, go buy a whore

 

lol great reply:laugh:

[tincanman99]

Speaking as a guy if you invited me to over to your house to watch movies I would think you want to fool around and/or have sex.

 

I had one girl do this and we ended up watching movies followed by massaging each others backs on the floor. This was after food and wine. Than she was shocked and aghast when I went for it.

 

That being said if you are multi-dating ie. other wise known as playing the field than you are not serious about this guy. Frankly you dont sound that into him and should just leave him alone. Maybe do the disappearing act which is very popular - it works wonders.

 

Realize that most men know that if they DONT PAY the women think less of them, thats why even after you offer to pay he refuses to let you. I have heard many a woman complain that guys are CHEAP because they want to go dutch.

 

An example - I was dating a coworker of mine a few years ago and I dropped about $400 between dinner and a show. She disappeared without a trace and I found out she was dating 4 men simultaneously.

[alphamale]

What to do?

get a menu together for your "light dinner"....and don't forget the booze

[alphamale]

I am pretty interested. We just click. I do have some reservations and so I need a bit more time to figure it out. Sparks can happen later.

why don't you sleep with him SaCWA? maybe he's real good in the sack or maybe he's not. either way you'll be drunk so you won't remember

[Phateless]

I am housesitting a HUGE house for a friend for the next 3 weeks. I am abslutely loving it even if it takes a bit longer to get to work.

 

So I am thinking of inviting the guy I have been "dating" (only 3 dates so far) over one evening to watch some movies and have light dinner. He has been paying for everything previously so I thought this would be a nice thing to do. Plus the home enivroment can possibly help to get us closer (emotionally).

 

The thing is, it's too early for sex but I am ok with making out.

 

What to do?

 

Invite him over. You don't have to put out, but do enjoy the heavy making out. Maybe let him get to second base?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Wow, vestigalvirgin. FYI I have NEVER slept with a guy wihtin first 4 dates. Not even close. So it doesn't matter how attracted I am.

 

Secondly, I have only slept with 3 men in my 31 years. I would think that this is not many. Consider that I went on dates with around 50-70 guys in my lifetime.

[alphamale]

Secondly, I have only slept with 3 men in my 31 years. I would think that this is not many. Consider that I went on dates with around 50-70 guys in my lifetime.

you're a tough nut to crack SaCWA

[TheWatcher]

Consider that I went on dates with around 50-70 guys in my lifetime.

 

Lol...no...its just a myth that dating is just as

hard for women.Women have just as hard a

time meeting guys as men have meeting

women.50-70 !!

 

SadandConfusedWA (and other women)

 

This would be a great way to test any guy;invite him over to your place (for a movie,drink or whatever) then gauge his reaction when you end the night early or make it clear (non-verbally)that nothing sexual is going to happen.If he gets visibly upset & looks like he's trying to control his anger

( you have your red flag)...If he's understanding & calm...you get insight into his character.

 

You can also use this scenario play games..to get a guy riled up & yank his chain.Most guys will automatically assume that being invited to a woman's home is an euphemism for sex.You could dress provocatively...make suggestive comments,etc.Then at the last moment pull away "Oh what time is it ? I didn't know it was getting so late.I really have to ...." Or "Can we take this slow...can we just sit & talk for a bit ?"

Edited July 15, 2010 by TheWatcher

[SadandConfusedWA]

Why are men on LS so bitter

[carhill]

Probably the result of impaired people-pickers and the fallout of those choices. I've had bitter days too, going through a divorce.

 

TBH, when stbx and I were dating, before we made love for the first time, I spent a couple nights at her place, having dinner and later sleeping on the sofa. I learned over the subsequent ten years that this is very unusual behavior for a *man*. That may have accounted for/been the impetus of, retrospectively, her attraction being low, which of course I didn't know at the time. I'm getting some of the same spidey sense with your story, hence my advice.

 

Not bitter, just recognizing how 'normal' men behave. Thinking outside my own 'box'.

[TheWatcher]

Why are men on LS so bitter

 

SACWA,

 

My reply to your thread wasn't meant to bitter.You can seriously use the situation of inviting your date over to gauge his reaction when he realizes that nothing sexual is going to take place.

 

If he is a decent guy....he'll be satisfied with simply enjoying your company But if he seems visibly upset or it appears like he's trying to control himself from erupting in anger;then you have a good idea of what kind of man you're dealing with.

 

Really !! 50-70 !! Still can't get over that.

[amymarieca]

Don't worry about all the harsh comments. People just say that kind of stuff because they are online and would probably not say it in that way to your face.

 

I honestly don't see a problem with watching a movie together. It's cheaper to eat in and can really provide some time for you two to get to know each other better. There is no rule book that says that as soon as you two are alone in a house together you need to put out. Keep anything you do PG rated and he won't get the wrong idea. If he can't respect that, then he is not a good guy anyway.

[Sith Apprentice]

4 dates and no sex, WTF? A real man would have already kicked you to the curb by now.

[SadandConfusedWA]

4 dates and no sex, WTF? A real man would have already kicked you to the curb by now.

 

I am worth waiting for

[carhill]

IMO, the dynamic is probably a function of how her intellect and emotions inter-operate. Everyone is wired up differently. This is where fine-tuning one's people picker and decisively accepting or rejecting potentials based on that criteria pays off.

Temet nosce - thine own self you must know

[SadandConfusedWA]

50-70 already have.

 

Nope. I ended things in about 90% of the cases (probably more). I end things when it becomes apparent that there is not enough spark/compatibility for the LTR to form. Sometimes this becomes obvious after 1 date, other times after 10.

[threebyfate]

No woman must provide sex as a service after a set number of dates. Sex muddies the intellect and causes bonding, which makes it counterproductive to someone who's more interested in relationship-style men.

 

Not hopping into bed at the drop of a hat, doesn't even come close to meaning that women like this are frigid. It's like saying that if a man can't come twice in an hour, he's got Erectile Dysfunction.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Virgin,

 

You are not only bitter, but you are now internalizing this situation and becoming irrational and hostile. I have never done anything to you so there is no reason to take your frustrations out on me.

 

I am sorry you have had bad luck with women, but not everyone's reasons for being single at 31 are continual rejection.

[BentSpine]

No woman must provide sex as a service after a set number of dates.

Similarly, no woman must wait a set number of dates before providing sex. Feelings of desire should be there for sex to turn out well, regardless if it's first date or eleventh date. If she wears her 4 no-sex dates as a badge of honour, I'd say she gets off more on power than on his body and face.

[TheBigQuestion]

Virgin,

 

You are not only bitter, but you are now internalizing this situation and becoming irrational and hostile. I have never done anything to you so there is no reason to take your frustrations out on me.

 

I am sorry you have had bad luck with women, but not everyone's reasons for being single at 31 are continual rejection.

 

Although I do think he's being unnecessarily aggressive, he is nonetheless pointing out a few things that you may want to address in regards to your actions with this 4th-date guy.

[threebyfate]

Similarly, no woman must wait a set number of dates before providing sex. Feelings of desire should be there for sex to turn out well, regardless if it's first date or eleventh date. If she wears her 4 no-sex dates as a badge of honour, I'd say she gets off more on power than on his body and face.

You appear to have missed the key points of why women won't just hop into bed with men they barely know, so I'm requoting to give you the benefit of a doubt.

 

Sex muddies the intellect and causes bonding, which makes it counterproductive to someone who's more interested in relationship-style men.

[Cracker Jack]

At this point, though--what are you looking for from this guy? I know you're waiting on the sex and it's good that he's fine with it. I'm just wondering (Especially after reading the bit on keeping your options open) what he needs to do at this point to convince you that he's the one for you.

 

If you guys connect on many levels, that should be half the battle, right?

[SadandConfusedWA]

At this point, though--what are you looking for from this guy? I know you're waiting on the sex and it's good that he's fine with it. I'm just wondering (Especially after reading the bit on keeping your options open) what he needs to do at this point to convince you that he's the one for you.

 

If you guys connect on many levels, that should be half the battle, right?

 

It takes so much longer than 4 dates to be convinced that someone is "the one" for me. We barely know each other. He needs to prove that he is consistent over longer period of time. I am also hoping that my feelings of attachment will grow (I tend to take things at the snail's pace). I usually become more sexually attracted to someone if I feel emotionally connected.

[threebyfate]

I'm too tired to argue with you tonight vestigalvirgin. I've stated my perception and stand by it.

[Cracker Jack]

Well, "the one" was used wrongly here. I mainly meant to say, in simple words, "how could he convince you to focus on him only instead of keeping your options open?"

 

What does he need to do to prove that he's consistent with you? Continue doing what he's doing? I also think the bit on "hoping your feelings grow" makes this even more difficult. I understand that it takes time, but usually when someone "hopes" they can change their feelings, it means they're not, uh, how can I say this? Naturally feeling that way.

 

Btw, when's your next date with him, again? And you guys have already decided on going out, right?