Ok no harsh judgements.. think I just cheated.. did I???

[samsungxoxo]

"Nothing good will come from telling"? How about genuine love, respect, honesty, and concern for your BF's well-being. Aren't those good things? With all respect, Samsung, I'm sure glad my Gf isn't like you.

Yes but even if we were to still work on this... it will not really be the same again. I don't think I can't deal with this. At some point he would have to trust me and from what I heard in a WS's story it's hard work... too much.

I don't want to ruin his image he has of me nor place this burden. I would rather consume with this guilt than confess (hurting at the same time). I think I'm too coward to do that.

Or perhaps I will one day tell him but I'm not ready to yet...

[samsungxoxo]

Nothing good will come out in telling?! No kidding. It's either he'll break up with you or he won't trust you 100% if you guys continue but hey, who can blame him? You did cheat.

Which is bad news... either one of those outcomes are lose-lose. If he doesn't trust me 100% it's like a break-up... another losing position but in a prolong drastic way. Coming back in a couple of hours... gotta head off to work now...

[bayouboi]

Which is bad news... either one of those outcomes are lose-lose. If he doesn't trust me 100% it's like a break-up... another losing position but in a prolong drastic way. Coming back in a couple of hours... gotta head off to work now...

 

It's only a lose-lose for you, but you have already demonstrated your selfishness when you cheated on him in the first place, so it's no surprise. It's a 100% win-win for him to know that you're unfaithful and disrespectful of the relationship. You should be honest with yourself, you wouldn't have cheated if you were 100% satisfied with your boyfriend, so if you're not 100% satisfied, why are you wasting his and your time carrying on a charade?

[Hop_prophet]

I think I'm too coward to do that.

 

I agree 100%. This is what it boils down to.

 

Which is bad news... either one of those outcomes are lose-lose. If he doesn't trust me 100% it's like a break-up... another losing position but in a prolong drastic way. Coming back in a couple of hours... gotta head off to work now...

 

Oh so instead its win-win for you. You get all the trust and support from your boyfriend while you flirt and cozy up to other men behind his back. You're right, you're such an awesome gf.

 

2) Don't get too close to P if he's drunk (stay away from him in that instance)

What? You really haven't learned anything. You have a crush on the guy, but yet you have no problem continuing to hang out with him. If you were really serious about your relationship you would cut this guy out in a heartbeat. But of course then nothing else will happen. This is ALREADY emotional cheating and you have no problem continuing it. I give it a month before you actually physically cheat with this guy.

[Dexter Morgan]

sam....yes, you cheated and you know it.

 

inappropriate touching

 

would have kissed him if he started it

 

and crushing on him therefore you had no business being with him alone and like that.

 

you cheated

this coupled with your internet sex with other guys indicates that maybe you should stay away from any committments for a LONG time.

 

so what are you going to do?

break up with your boyfriend and quit disrespecting him?

 

or stay with him and use him until you just can't hold back any longer?

Edited July 14, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[Dexter Morgan]

Typical response from a pessimist.

 

typical dissmissal from a cheater.

[lordWilhelm]

Why are you here asking for advice? You're clearly not willing to take responsibility for your actions.

 

To me it seems that you more interested in what his image of you is rather than having meaningful communication with your BF. Even if it means that you end up breaking up right now with the BF because you tell him, maybe your next relationship will be better.

 

Look if all you want is confirmation that what you did is okay and not telling your BF is cool, then just go with what you friends advised.

 

But you probably know that's not the right thing to do, and in the long run these kinds of things will undermine your relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

I will use better judgment next time and simple not over do it with the drinks when partying. I will not tell him what happened but will continue being a good girlfriend and bury this in the drawer.

 

continue to be a good girlfriend to him? based on this and past posts, you aren't a good girlfriend.

 

you already said you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him, so quit stringing him along and letting him unknowingly waste any more short years of his life on this earth and breakup.

 

that way you can go gratify yourself with other guys all you want without holding him hostage for your own selfish reasons.

[Dexter Morgan]

By doing the followings:

1) Have better judgment when drinking in a party

 

how about not going partying? meeting the opposite sex is the #1 reason people party.

 

 

2) Don't get too close to P if he's drunk (stay away from him in that instance)

 

how about not getting close to him period? too much to ask probably.

 

 

 

3) Drink at a much slower pace (I'm a slow drinker but the mixtures were a bit strong)

 

you being a cheater has nothing to do with drinking.

 

 

4) Tell my boyfriend he's #1 when we're talking

 

LMFAO....oh god:lmao:. this one is a joke right? telling him he is #1 when its clear he is not? If he was #1, being with this other guy wouldn't even enter your mind.

 

i didn't know lying when ego stroking was a mark of a good girlfriend.

 

 

5) Consume with guilt within me (in other words punish myself)

 

ya right. you aren't gonna be developing any ulcers over this by cowardly keeping it to yourself.

 

 

6) Continue being the same girlfriend he met years ago.. he met me as a good-two shoes naivee virgin woman (was 19 then... now I'm 23)

 

what do you mean "continue"?

 

 

Nothing real good will come out in telling.

 

Nothing real good for him can come out of being with you

[seibert253]

Your boundries are extremely poor IMO

 

Whenever you find yourself in ANY situation involving a male other than your boyfriend, to determine if you're crossing the line ask yourself this simple question:

"If my boyfriend saw me doing this, how would he feel?"

If your answer is it would hurt, upset, or make him angry, then you know it's wrong and you're crossing the line.

 

Pretty simple really.

[Star Gazer]

I get it. You're lonely, your boyfriend is away from you and that sucks. But doing something like that is so inappropriate, and yes I'd count it as cheating. You don't dnce with another person like that, or claim affection from them in such a way, if you're faithful to your bf. You shouldn't even be putting yourself in that situation.

 

You need a crazy amount of trust for a LDR to work and you have just proven you're untrustworthy in your relationship. IMO you need to inform your boyfriend and work on it. If your needs aren't being met, you need to question why you're doing a LDR to begin with.

 

I totally agree with this post.

 

I'd consider it cheating too. When you love your BF and you're committed to him, regardless of how much you've had to drink, (1) you don't have crushes, (2) you don't put yourself in sticky situations with said cruses, (3) you don't dance like that with another man, (4) you don't sit on their lap, and (5) you don't seek out affection from another man.

 

Your feelings for your BF are not strong enough to warrant remaining in the relationship, IMHO.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Yes but even if we were to still work on this... it will not really be the same again. I don't think I can't deal with this. At some point he would have to trust me and from what I heard in a WS's story it's hard work... too much.

I don't want to ruin his image he has of me nor place this burden. I would rather consume with this guilt than confess (hurting at the same time). I think I'm too coward to do that.

Or perhaps I will one day tell him but I'm not ready to yet...

 

There is a awful lot of "I"s in your post here samsung

 

I would rather consume with this guilt than confess

 

I don't think I can't deal with this

 

I don't want to ruin his image he has of me

 

I will one day tell him but I'm not ready to yet

 

I think I'm too coward to do that.

 

Im just wondering were the US or HIM comes into play in your relationship?

 

look as I said in my earlier post im not trying to judge you I think I saw before you are in a LDR? Thats hard to deal with maybe a little to hard at the moment for you?

 

Your human but so is your bf sam you need to take a step back and truly think about what may be best for HIM as well not just you! Would you rather have some one who lives near you honestly?

 

You cant just wash this encounter away and swear not to do it again cause there must be some deeper issue that led you to cheat in the 1st place. And that issue wont simply go away it will grow and fester until you cheat again.

 

I refuse to think its solely because of the drink lots of people drink sam but they don't all cheat JMO I hope you can find the strength to do what im sure you already know is the right thing for both of you.

[LSNoob]

I don't think so. I think it's called common sense. Who would actually go on confessing now in 2010? Very few and I'm not one of them. I would rather bury this with me than place him with questions or a burden. For sure, if I tell him (if we were to work this out) he won't trust me again if it comes to drinking and question me around. I don't want that so no I'm not telling.

 

It's not about you. Really. No one cares about you at this point. From now on it's all about your bf. He's the victim and you are the cheater. He decides what happens next. Not you. Yes I can tell you are not one of the decent women. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

 

No I said I had a crush on him.

 

That is cheating my dear.

 

No I'm just stating what happened. The we were both drunk statement is true. This is part of what happened in the story.

 

We didn't need to know about it. Who cares if you were drunk or not? You cheated because you wanted to, not because you were drunk.

 

Excuse me but did you correctly read the story. No where did I say we did it. I stated there was some heavy touching and caressing along with dirty dancing (where there were occasions it could have been close to kissing but didn't happened). Lastly I did not touch his privates, it was his chest I rubbed. There was no banging. You got to quit assuming every single indiscretion involves banging.

 

Oh, please give me a break. Things didn't go this far because of mr.P, he showed more respect, towards your bf, than you. He could have easily sex'd you up if he wanted. But he was a decent guy and pushed you away.

 

And this is coming from who.. one who doesn't even have a girlfriend? If I recalled clearly on a poster you stated how you still had no girlfriend because you're not ready to commit. And no I'm not mentioning a word about this. Even my mother told me not to say anything about it.

 

Excuse me, are you trying to say I'm a cheater or something?? Mind you, but I have never cheated on anyone before. I'm faithful, unlike you.

 

Well I also enjoy dancing and rubbing with opposite sex and girls sitting on my lap . BUT, I don't do it when I'm committed to someone. I don't cheat on anyone, I don't go out partying and having fun and enjoy a good night out and cheat when my SO is home loving me and being true to me. I will never do that. Why would you go have a good time while in return you are disrespecting and hurting someone that loves you and cares for you?

 

You say you mother told you not to tell as well?? " like mother, like daughter " Only god knows how many of those incidents your mom kept away from your dad then :lmao:. My mom would've slapped me so hard that I will have a ringing noise in my ear for 30 seconds.:laugh:

 

You say you're a good gf?? :lmao::laugh: Oh my god that is hilarrriiiouusssss!!! Didn't you know? Cheaters can't make a good gf/bf.

 

Look, I say it again. Right now its all about your bf. You decided to bring in another man behind your bf's back, now the ball in his court. He decides if he wants to be in a relationship with a cheater. And of course he will have trust issues, C'mon ARE YOU SERIOUS? What did you expect? A medal and round of applause? You CHEATED, do you not understand this? Why would any one be with a cheater or trust a cheater 100%?

 

And don't fool your self, you are not punishing your self when you keeping this from your bf. You are only disrespecting him. He will be telling his friends and family I have a true and faithful girlfriend when in reality you are in a balcony grinding with some drunk guy reliving a scene from The Desperate Housewives or Sex and the City. This is gross, un-classy and very low.

[TheLoneSock]

An easy answer to this question would be to ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your boyfriend slow dancing, bumping and grinding, caressing another woman, holding her, then taking her to the beach while she sat on his lap in the sand for more caressing?

 

Would you feel cheated or betrayed? You most certainly would.

 

CE is spot on in what she had to say. As someone currently (and successfully) engaged in a LDR herself you can and should take her advice seriously.

 

I won't doll out harsh or berating judgment in your direction on this, because I think you already know my opinion about it.

[flyguy23]

lol the OP is a complete mess. You have a bf and you have crush on someone else? No that's not what a gf does. You dance and caress some other guy? Nope not what a gf does. Admit to wanting to kiss him and then hide it all from him. Then you get an attitude when everyone is saying you cheated. God I hope my gf doesn't act like you. Girls like you are the worst

[Untouchable_Fire]

By doing the followings:

1) Have better judgment when drinking in a party

2) Don't get too close to P if he's drunk (stay away from him in that instance)

3) Drink at a much slower pace (I'm a slow drinker but the mixtures were a bit strong)

4) Tell my boyfriend he's #1 when we're talking

5) Consume with guilt within me (in other words punish myself)

6) Continue being the same girlfriend he met years ago.. he met me as a good-two shoes naivee virgin woman (was 19 then... now I'm 23)

Nothing real good will come out in telling.

 

Samsung... Why did you come to this website when you already had the women at work telling you what you wanted to hear? You know what people on this site will say.

 

Your afraid telling will change how he sees you? Who do you want him to be in love with? You or someone who doesn't exist? Because right now... he doesn't know you... there is NO INTIMACY.

 

Also... you have to give him the chance to stay or leave. I know that sucks, but it's just not right to force someone into a relationship with you by telling lies.

 

Oh, and punishing yourself with guilt will drive you to cheat again. That is a fact.

[JamesM]

There is a simple answer to this question and you realize why this may be cheating.

 

I will answer this question with a question...why are you afraid of telling your BF if you do not think it is cheating? It truly doesn't matter what WE think...it only matters what he thinks.

 

While I can say to you (and I would) that this is kinda cheating simply because you are afraid to tell your BF, I can also say that this is the kind of "cheating" that is forgivable by most men...provided that they feel it won't happen again. However, since he is long distance, then you are right...what good can come from it? Or rather, will he freak out and leave you?

 

And that is the issue....you do not want to lose him over this because in your heart you realize that it was one of those drunk moments. And you are afraid he will not see it that way.

 

If the roles were reversed, then could you easily forgive him? And do you want this indiscretion hanging between the two of you?

[samsungxoxo]

That is cheating my dear.

Really so I'm suppose to be a puritanical old-fashioned woman who never finds a man attractive?? I got eyes too don't you know and that no one can't help.. that's like being hungry.

So how is liking a guy friend you met at work for a certain time (but never acting on it during that time) cheating? I'm referring back to February. I found him attractive but didn't do what I did at the party and by the way he does have a girlfriend.

Excuse me, are you trying to say I'm a cheater or something??

No I was trying to say that you're probably not in a relationship because you don't want to commit and not ready for one yet. Another possibility is you probably have no single experience at all and just talk about it like it was a black-n-white issue. I too was like that at some point in my younger years... all judgmental like you and too strict... till I trip. At ages 18-19 did I ever thought about what would happen during the next 3-5 years?? No...

I was an innocent house girl at one point (I didn't even like wine the first time I drank it). Did I ever thought things would change? No

You say you mother told you not to tell as well?? " like mother, like daughter " Only god knows how many of those incidents your mom kept away from your dad then :lmao:.

Excuse me but it's one thing too come all disrespectful and put your pathetic labels but do you mind not insulting my mother.

[samsungxoxo]

I will answer this question with a question...why are you afraid of telling your BF if you do not think it is cheating? It truly doesn't matter what WE think...it only matters what he thinks.

He's not going to like this one bit.

And that is the issue....you do not want to lose him over this because in your heart you realize that it was one of those drunk moments. And you are afraid he will not see it that way.

Yes.. you got it....

If the roles were reversed, then could you easily forgive him? And do you want this indiscretion hanging between the two of you?

I would get very upset but would forget about it the next day or two days.

[samsungxoxo]

An easy answer to this question would be to ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your boyfriend slow dancing, bumping and grinding, caressing another woman, holding her, then taking her to the beach while she sat on his lap in the sand for more caressing?

 

Would you feel cheated or betrayed? You most certainly would.

Maybe not but it would upset me and definitely wouldn't want him partying with that same woman...

[samsungxoxo]

so what are you going to do?

break up with your boyfriend and quit disrespecting him?

 

or stay with him and use him until you just can't hold back any longer?

Neither one of your options. I'm going to be the best girlfriend and learn from this. Only we humans would trip over the same rock twice.... not happening again.

[Art_Critic]

Role reversal..

 

Would you consider it cheating if your BF did the exact thing with a girl he had a crush on ?

 

I think you cheated.. as hard as I tried to make it fit into a non cheating frame in my head I couldn't..

The reason is simple..

You are in a committed relationship with a man and have agreed to only date one another.

You have feelings for another man and acted on some of those feelings and it went farther than your BF would be comfortable with... hence why you won't tell him..

Because you know it is cheating...

 

What you do at this point is up to you.. but if I was your BF I would want to know...

[samsungxoxo]

Role reversal..

Would you consider it cheating if your BF did the exact thing with a girl he had a crush on ?

Maybe not but I wouldn't want to know about it. If he insisted on telling me then he would have to either stop talking to the woman or go into a party with her again.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Really so I'm suppose to be a puritanical old-fashioned woman who never finds a man attractive?? I got eyes too don't you know and that no one can't help.. that's like being hungry.

So how is liking a guy friend you met at work for a certain time (but never acting on it during that time) cheating? I'm referring back to February. I found him attractive but didn't do what I did at the party and by the way he does have a girlfriend.

No I was trying to say that you're probably not in a relationship because you don't want to commit and not ready for one yet. Another possibility is you probably have no single experience at all and just talk about it like it was a black-n-white issue. I too was like that at some point in my younger years... all judgmental like you and too strict... till I trip. At ages 18-19 did I ever thought about what would happen during the next 3-5 years?? No...

I was an innocent house girl at one point (I didn't even like wine the first time I drank it). Did I ever thought things would change? No

Excuse me but it's one thing too come all disrespectful and put your pathetic labels but do you mind not insulting my mother.

 

Stop replying to the people who are clearly just trying to hurt your feelings and pay attention to the people who really want to help you.

 

Look, I've done way worse than what you have just done.

 

You need to put the effort into being honest with your BF and yourself in regards to why you did this.

[Art_Critic]

Maybe not but I wouldn't want to know about it. If he insisted on telling me then he would have to either stop talking to the woman or go into a party with her again.

 

I have always felt that role reversal helps me figure out things sometimes..

Putting yourself in their shoes..

 

If you can live with your decision after doing role reversal and can look yourself in the mirror and be okay with it then you made the right decision.. whatever it is..

 

At least that is how I feel anyhow..

Some may disagree but you have to live your life, we posters on LS don't get that opportunity and as such then the it's your mind to make up...

 

Good luck...