Ok no harsh judgements.. think I just cheated.. did I???

[samsungxoxo]

its not harsh at all. why do you think people go to parties? to socialize mainly.

 

And would you go to parties where there were only other women?

 

I know you'll try to tell us that you would, but the honest answer from you would be "no". Because what fun would partying be without the opposite sex there, eh?

Well many of the people in the party (more guys) got wasted. Two were about to get into a fight and one got drunk to the point of not remembering everything. Edited July 16, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

Come to think of it.. with P he is the type of friend one would have to keep a distance with. He's really not to be trusted that much, not even with regular friends...

[samsungxoxo]

What he should really be worried about is, if he ends up marrying you, will you kill him for the insurance money?

How is this related to the incident?

[Kamille]

The thing with all the posters who mean well but are trying to make you feel guilty is that they're enabling you not to address the deeper issues at work here.

 

I don't give a damn whether or not you tell your bf. I imagine you will tell him when the time is right, likely the next time you see each other.

 

But where I do see an issue is that nothing explains why you were vulnerable to crossing the line with a coworker. The drinking and the attraction to coworker in and of themselves are not sufficient explanations. I think this is a sign there are deeper issues at work: did you like the attention? Does the LDR make you feel lonely? Did you and your bf have a fight? Do you wonder if he is faithful to you? Again, in your shoes, I would want to work at addressing those core issues so that the relationship can get stronger.

 

Don't sweep this under the rug Sam. Try to put the guilt and the self-defense aside and spend time figuring out if there is something you can change in your R to make sure you are never tempted again.

[samsungxoxo]

did you like the attention?

Sadly I got to admit that I was kind of turned on when P started caressing me and doing the dirty dance. However, he isn't someone to trust. He is what in my country would be described a ''pendejo''. I wouldn't date him if I was single as he would cheat on me too.

Does the LDR make you feel lonely?

I would say you're partly correct about this. My LDR calls me many times but it's not the same as if he were here with me in the same place.

Did you and your bf have a fight? Do you wonder if he is faithful to you?

We don't get into arguments and as for him being faithful... that I don't know but do trust him. I always try to think positive and optimistic about things.

[samsungxoxo]

But where I do see an issue is that nothing explains why you were vulnerable to crossing the line with a coworker.

Well we used to work in the same job position months before, not anymore. We all got terminated from there but I quickly got a new job thanks to him (he isn't working with me no more). We have however remained friend but I'll keep my distance from him now.

 

I think it's the fact that I acted out on my feelings towards him in my drunken state and how lonely the LDR feels. I liked him for a while but never acted on it sober. Once I was drunk.. my judgment became foggy in that instance.

[Kamille]

 

I think it's the fact that I acted out on my feelings towards him in my drunken state and how lonely the LDR feels.

 

I'm also in an international LDR and I can sympathize with the feeling of loneliness. What do you and your bf do when one of you feels lonely? How do you address it?

[jnj express]

Are you in one of the US Border States, or are you in Mexico????

 

Do both of you have free travel access, and are you both able to be in both countries??

 

If you two decide to marry, are you gonna have to continue to be apart??

 

Just exactly where are you going in this relationship with your BF, cuz the longer it goes, the tougher it gets for you to stay "straight" in your relationship. It is hard to sit by and watch others do things you would like to do----so I can see where you would weaken, but then you have to decide --is the wait worth it, or do you wanna get on with your life, and go back to being single.

 

Whether you tell your BF, depends on what you want for the future of your relationship with your BF.

 

As a single what you did with the other guy is nothing----but in a COMMITTED relationship, with mge., as a goal, you screwed up. You don't seem to be able to handle you alcohol very well, especially when you are on your own

 

 

and once you have one drink, it will lead to another, and you will be off cheating again----believe me it will happen, you can't handle your licquor, and you won't be able to stop yourself.

 

Don't come back and tell me I am judging you, and this and that----You won't stop at one drink, and one drink will lead you to more, and just like that you have NO inhibitions----guess what---you will screw around again, just like last time.

 

I guess you have a problem---to party or not to party??????

[Untouchable_Fire]

Sadly I got to admit that I was kind of turned on when P started caressing me and doing the dirty dance. However, he isn't someone to trust. He is what in my country would be described a ''pendejo''. I wouldn't date him if I was single as he would cheat on me too.

I would say you're partly correct about this. My LDR calls me many times but it's not the same as if he were here with me in the same place.

We don't get into arguments and as for him being faithful... that I don't know but do trust him. I always try to think positive and optimistic about things.

 

Ok... I can see that your dead set on not being honest. I believe that is a mistake, but it's your mistake to make.

 

So... the question becomes this. How do you plan to fix what is driving you to cheat? How do you plan to make sure it doesn't happen again?

 

I see that you are already demonizing the guy a bit. That won't fully work. There will always be another coworker.

 

Also... it's Ok to think a guy is attractive.... it's completely wrong to sit and fantasize about him! That I think is where this issue comes into play big time. Why has that been Ok?

[New_Life08]

I know there is temptation out there and being long distance probably makes it harder to resist. But, the fact is you chose the relationship as it is. So you owe your bf your loyalty. If you cannot be loyal to the relationship then break it off.

 

The problem with deceit is that it seems like the buffer that will spare feelings when really it is poison to the trust in a relationship. The truth ALWAYS comes out in one way or another. If you told your bf what happened and assured him that no matter how upset he gets, you are not going to lie to him. He will have much more respect for you, and I would bet it wouldn't end the relationship.

 

Try to remember in relationships we are all human, and it isn't so much about being "good" as it is about being honest.

 

Always, always be truthful no matter the cost because it teaches you NOT to cross a line you have to be accountable for later. You will be a better person, and have a much healthier relationship.

 

Good luck!

[Gradschooler]

Switch places with him and then read this post. Lo Behold, your answer!

[You'reasian]

It's not a court. It's a forum and I'm the narrator.

I don't think so. I think it's called common sense. Who would actually go on confessing now in 2010? Very few and I'm not one of them. I would rather bury this with me than place him with questions or a burden. For sure, if I tell him (if we were to work this out) he won't trust me again if it comes to drinking and question me around. I don't want that so no I'm not telling.

No I said I had a crush on him.

No I'm just stating what happened. The we were both drunk statement is true. This is part of what happened in the story.

Excuse me but did you correctly read the story. No where did I say we did it. I stated there was some heavy touching and caressing along with dirty dancing (where there were occasions it could have been close to kissing but didn't happened). Lastly I did not touch his privates, it was his chest I rubbed. There was no banging. You got to quit assuming every single indiscretion involves banging.

Once again stop assuming things in the story that aren't there. No I did not rub his penis nor privates.... it was his chest and me laying on his shoulder.

And this is coming from who.. one who doesn't even have a girlfriend? If I recalled clearly on a poster you stated how you still had no girlfriend because you're not ready to commit. And no I'm not mentioning a word about this. Even my mother told me not to say anything about it.

 

Man, I need to go to more parties like the ones you go to where lots of girls and guys sleep over...jk:laugh:

 

Women who party alot and drink are more prone to cheating. Not saying they are bad women, I'm just sayin.

Edited July 18, 2010 by You'reasian

[samsungxoxo]

Man, I need to go to more parties like the ones you go to where lots of girls and guys sleep over...jk:laugh:

 

Women who party alot and drink are more prone to cheating. Not saying they are bad women, I'm just sayin.

Actually the only update is I just had a hang-out with some friends from work at a park recently two days ago. It just me, another woman and two guys... 4 of us. We finished two whole bottles of Pisco shots but damn, I was very thirsty the next morning. I was hammered yet again but this time I was in control. I know how to now handle it unlike this guy who started yowling in the middle of the night (possibly waking up the people trying to sleep) and spilling his drink on us...how embarrassing...

[samsungxoxo]

Switch places with him and then read this post. Lo Behold, your answer!

There would be an argument and he obviously won't like it. No point to it. I already got over it and will proceed on with my life... coming to work on time, finish my psychology major, practicing French again, being a good girlfriend, handle my drinks better (yes I like partying) and help out my younger brother with his homeworks....

[You'reasian]

girls + guys + drinking + partying + sleepover = a recipe for something interesting....

[TheLoneSock]

I already got over it

 

Oh, well that's good. That's all that matters. Wouldn't want it haunting you or anything like that...

[Maggotface]

Actually the only update is I just had a hang-out with some friends from work at a park recently two days ago. It just me, another woman and two guys... 4 of us. We finished two whole bottles of Pisco shots but damn, I was very thirsty the next morning. I was hammered yet again but this time I was in control. I know how to now handle it unlike this guy who started yowling in the middle of the night (possibly waking up the people trying to sleep) and spilling his drink on us...how embarrassing...

 

Where you only in control because P wasnt there? I wouldnt really be talking about other people not being able to handle it, at least this guy didnt cheat on anyone.

[aerogurl87]

samsungxoxo what you did isn't cheating because of what you did, it's how you handled the situation. Now I was in a LDR and I actually cheated in my relationship without a doubt (slept with another guy while on vacation). But as soon as I got back, I had the balls to tell my ex exactly what happened. I knew what the consequences were and I didn't want to tell him in order to not lose him, but in the end I told him all the same. He took me back but our relationship was just a cracked image of what it was before my betrayl. My point being, you should've told him the truth.

 

I know you've made up your mind that you're gonna go to this next party and nothing's gonna happen, but I'm going to give you an analogy of an alcoholic. If an alcoholic goes to a bar and says "I'll be fine, I'm in control" what would you think? Dumb idea right? Well it's not the same exactly but you get my point. Putting yourself in the same situation with the same factors and expecting it to yield different results, isn't the brightest idea. Not doubting your intelligence or anything, but it's seriously not a good idea. And if or when your boyfriend finds out, I think he'd be happier hearing the truth from you than one of your friends who may slip and tell him one day.

[samsungxoxo]

And if or when your boyfriend finds out, I think he'd be happier hearing the truth from you than one of your friends who may slip and tell him one day.

None of the people that were at the party are his friends.... they don't even know him as well as I don't know all my boyfriend's friends either.

I'll try to tell him but in 3rd person point of view... say something like ''I heard a story about so and so.... and go on from there without telling it was really me for the meantime).

I'll tell him one day but now I'm just not ready yet. I need more time.

[Dexter Morgan]

Come to think of it.. with P he is the type of friend one would have to keep a distance with. He's really not to be trusted that much, not even with regular friends...

 

and apparantly, neither are you

[Dexter Morgan]

Switch places with him and then read this post. Lo Behold, your answer!

 

that tactic doesn't really work with people who are making excuses and in denial.

 

because if they reverse the roles they will say it wouldn't be any big deal, because it really isn't happening to them.

[lkjh]

From what I understand samsung has a crush on a "friend", gets drunk at a party with him, acts inappropriate, doesn't want to tell her bf or change her ways, disregards everyones advice, tells people how she wants them to respond on here, and just in case that wasn't enough she decided to get drunk with a bunch of guys once again just to see if she could handle it.

 

Oh and she wants to keep her "friend" around.

 

Samsung just break up with your boyfriend and wait until you have matured enough to be in a relationship. Also wait until you can learn what it means to be honest. You can't pick and choose what you are going to be honest about.

[Dexter Morgan]

There would be an argument and he obviously won't like it. No point to it. I already got over it and will proceed on with my life

 

of course YOU got over it. You are the betrayer, not the betrayed. And its obvious from your posts, whether it be those of telling of your internet sex with other guys, or this story, that you really don't feel any remorse over anything. Maybe feel a little funny, but you excuse your actions away and brush them off with a laissez-faire attitude as if, "hmm, no big deal".

 

and the whole thing about "continuing" to be a good girlfriend?

 

you need to correct that. You can START being a good girlfriend, but you can't "continue" since you weren't one to begin with.

[stace79]

I will use better judgment next time and simple not over do it with the drinks when partying. I will not tell him what happened but will continue being a good girlfriend and bury this in the drawer.

 

If this is you "being a good girlfriend" I'd hate to see what you do as a bad girlfriend. Give him an STD?

 

I really hope that one of your mutual friends spills the beans to him. He deserves much better than you.

[stace79]

From what I understand samsung has a crush on a "friend", gets drunk at a party with him, acts inappropriate, doesn't want to tell her bf or change her ways, disregards everyones advice, tells people how she wants them to respond on here, and just in case that wasn't enough she decided to get drunk with a bunch of guys once again just to see if she could handle it.

 

Oh and she wants to keep her "friend" around.

 

Samsung just break up with your boyfriend and wait until you have matured enough to be in a relationship. Also wait until you can learn what it means to be honest. You can't pick and choose what you are going to be honest about.

 

I can only hope he is being as "good" a bf to her as she is being a "good" gf to him.