aerogurl87 Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 None of the people that were at the party are his friends.... they don't even know him as well as I don't know all my boyfriend's friends either. I'll try to tell him but in 3rd person point of view... say something like ''I heard a story about so and so.... and go on from there without telling it was really me for the meantime). I'll tell him one day but now I'm just not ready yet. I need more time. The longer you wait to tell him the worse the fallout is going to be when he finds out. Especially if you tell him this in third person. People have a way of finding out when they've been deceived, whether it be someone telling them or their instinct saying something is off. But you really should tell him the truth as soon as possible. Now I'm not going to say you must tell him everything in life as their are some secrets that should be kept just that, secrets. But when something you do has a direct effect on the person you're with, you should be honest. Also, just because you wouldn't want to know doesn't mean he won't want to. My boyfriend and I went through this whole dilhemma when it came to our sexual pasts. He wanted to know how many guys I had slept with and I honestly didn't care to know his history (although it was zero till I came along ). The point is, don't just put yourself in the same scenario. Put yourself in that scenario thinking like your partner. Would he want to know is the question you need to ask yourself and if the answer is yes you need to tell the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 If this is you "being a good girlfriend" I'd hate to see what you do as a bad girlfriend. Give him an STD?Oh my you really think I would go bang another man and not even wear protection?? The only thing I ever did as a bad girlfriend was dumped him right on Christmas Day but then we got back again. I wouldn't go that far.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Oh my you really think I would go bang another man and not even wear protection?? Samsung... The proper answer should have been "Oh my you really think I would go bang another man??" Your poor BF.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 Samsung... The proper answer should have been "Oh my you really think I would go bang another man??" Your poor BF....Yes... but I was so shocked by the ''bring him an STD'' statement that I wrote quickly.... Just because I drink at times and like partying doesn't mean I'll turn into a trashy slut.. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Oh my you really think I would go bang another man and not even wear protection?? The only thing I ever did as a bad girlfriend was dumped him right on Christmas Day but then we got back again. I wouldn't go that far.... You need to add to that cheating on him and not being totally honest so you could save your self sorry sam but its true Yes... but I was so shocked by the ''bring him an STD'' statement that I wrote quickly.... Just because I drink at times and like partying doesn't mean I'll turn into a trashy slut.. Yea the thing is some times the stuff we blurt out like that is the real truth because we don't give ourselves the the time to stop and edit it out to make ourselves look better before hand. That said I think you know exactly what this episode very well could lead to in the future weither or not you want to admit it is another thing Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Hang out where you're not likely to run into the horny wolf pack. Well said H1N1. If you know a situation could tempt you to cheat, don't put yourself in that situation. Keep yourself out of the line of fire and you're less likely to get burned. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) I think the advice to avoid partying misses the point. You don't strike me as being some out of control party girl. Instead, you strike me as someone who's feeling lonely in her LDR. I'd rather focus on making sure you are putting in place strategies to avoid feeling lonely in your relationship. That way, it will be much easier for you not to cross any lines. Samsung, what are you going to do so that you feel fulfilled in your relationship, in spite of the distance? How about planning to call your bf from the party? Or, if that's impossible, planning a skype date with him either before or after the party? Make him a part of your life in your town. Edited July 20, 2010 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 It was a whole day of sleep over at this co-worker's house. Approximately 25-30 people arrived... People still do this at your age? Are you guys in high school or actually grown up in the big world? This seems a bit odd to me. I think that this may not necessarily fall into the category of cheating, but something that you should use as a contemplation tool. You have some things to figure out about the way you behave without your bf around. Situations like the one you were in are classic examples of putting yourself in a very bad situation. People in mature relationships do not do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Oh my you really think I would go bang another man and not even wear protection?? well people blame stupid things on drinking all the time, why would anyone expect this to be out of line in your case? The only thing I ever did as a bad girlfriend was dumped him right on Christmas Day but then we got back again.. wrong, you have cyber sex with other guys on the internet and you cheated on him. also you expect to be able to keep this guy as a friend as well. so obviously dumping him on Christmas wasn't "the only thing" that indicates you are a bad girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 I am sure you love your boyfriend, but (this is meant as a factual comment, not a harsh one) - you don't respect him. If you did, you wouldn't act like that with another guy. Who cares if it was technically cheating or not?-it is just disrespectful and hurtful. I could never do this with a guy other than my fiance because (apart from any other reason) it would completely crush him and I could never hurt him like that. I am not passing judgement though - it is your life and it is cool for you to have a crush on this guy and hang out with him and do some dirty dancing and all that stuff - but not really when you have a boyfriend because it suggests that you aren't with the right person, or you arent ready to settle down yet... Link to post Share on other sites
elizabethjane Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Really so I'm suppose to be a puritanical old-fashioned woman who never finds a man attractive?? I got eyes too don't you know and that no one can't help.. that's like being hungry.. When I was in a long term relationship, I used to form crushes on other guys all the time. You can't help it. But as long as they are just innocent crushes, it doesn't matter - I never would have done anything with any of them, because I had my boyfriend and he was so much more important. It is completely human to be attracted to other guys. HOWEVER, you took it too far. You can't actually spend time with people you have crushes on - especially not alone time. A friend of mine used to say, "dating is like dieting - you can look at the menu, you just can't order anything" But you went ahead and had yourself a little taste, and that is wrong. You put yourself in a difficult situation. the problem is, you seem to want to vindicate yourself instead of learn from your mistakes. You want everyone to tell you what you did wasn't wrong, but it was. If you don't want to tell your bf, that is your prerogative, but think about why you did this in the first place: do you REALLY want to end up with him? I know you said you don't want people to contradict or question that, and it might not be anyone else's business - but I think that is something you need to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 24, 2010 Author Share Posted July 24, 2010 well people blame stupid things on drinking all the time, why would anyone expect this to be out of line in your case?I still think that was an exaggeration. That's like saying someone who once stole candies from a store will latter on become a bank burglar. That would be extreme comparisons. wrong, you have cyber sex with other guys on the internet and you cheated on him. also you expect to be able to keep this guy as a friend as well. so obviously dumping him on Christmas wasn't "the only thing" that indicates you are a bad girlfriend.Not really because cyber sex means you're getting it on online with another person while they are watching you with a cam. My texts (which I stopped doing it for a long while now) include certain fantasies but I never contacted them again afterwards. I was only joking around with them but nope you don't play with people's feelings online. I know that now. Lastly that dirty talk online was talked on an occasion and boyfriend didn't seem to mind. It's just this incident for now but I'm not going to act reckless like this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 24, 2010 Author Share Posted July 24, 2010 but think about why you did this in the first place: do you REALLY want to end up with him? I know you said you don't want people to contradict or question that, and it might not be anyone else's business - but I think that is something you need to consider.No I do not want to end up with him. As for why it happened. I would say since I'm in a LDR (long distance relationship) for so long, I missed being with my boyfriend as well as his touch to which it would explain why I kind of got turned on when P started caressing me. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 No I do not want to end up with him. As for why it happened. I would say since I'm in a LDR (long distance relationship) for so long, I missed being with my boyfriend as well as his touch to which it would explain why I kind of got turned on when P started caressing me. You don't want to end up with your boyfriend? Then WHY are you staying in a relationship with him? He deserves to know how you really feel and then move on to find someone who is serious about him and truly loves him, in ACTIONS not just by lip service. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 You don't want to end up with your boyfriend? Then WHY are you staying in a relationship with him? He deserves to know how you really feel and then move on to find someone who is serious about him and truly loves him, in ACTIONS not just by lip service. I think she meant the guy she is cheating on her boyfriend with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 I think she meant the guy she is cheating on her boyfriend with.I meant P, not my boyfriend. The poster misunderstood me. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyCharm Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 (edited) honey, I'm not trying to judge or sounds harsh I just want to help you understand a few things. I read this entire thread and like another poster mentioned I also noticed alot of "I's" instead of Him and Us. A lot of other posters have tried asking you how you'd feel if you were in his shoes and you said you wouldn't want to know and that as far as you know he's being faithful to you. I honestly think that if none of this had ever happened you would want to know if he cheated on you and your covering up for what you did by saying you wouldn't want to know so you can excuse your self by not telling him. If I'm wrong about all this and you really wouldn't want to know then o.k. BUT what about HIM? maybe he would like to know if he's been cheated on so he can make the decision if he wants to forgive you or not. You sound to me very confused, I get that you came here for advice and it seems your not taking it because your RL friends and mother make you feel better by taking the easy way out, but did it occur to you that they might be giving you the wrong advice cause they know you and trying to be on "your side" and justify what you did, as to us "outsiders" who see this from a whole different point of view. When I say you sound confused is because I see you saying all kinds of things (which might be the cause of the pressure and harsh judgment here, but can you blame them?) like your not ever going to tell him cause nothing good will come from it. then you says you will tell him a story about someone who cheated to see his reaction and then you said you will tell him when the time it right. I think your time is up from your posts you sound really scared to tell him, try thinking of why. is it because he'll dump you? because your afraid you'll have a reputation as a cheater? Before I married my DH I found out he had an EA with his ex, it would have been less horrible finding out if he had just told me. I did forgive him and I fully trust him,t other wise I wouldn't have stayed with him. Remember that forgiveness come from the open heart! I really think you should tell him and let him decide instead of you deciding whether or not your a good girlfriend. Maybe it's not meant to be but If this relationship is meant to be then you two will be together. Edited July 25, 2010 by LuckyCharm Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Actually the only update is I just had a hang-out with some friends from work at a park recently two days ago. It just me, another woman and two guys... 4 of us. We finished two whole bottles of Pisco shots but damn, I was very thirsty the next morning. I was hammered yet again but this time I was in control. I know how to now handle it unlike this guy who started yowling in the middle of the night (possibly waking up the people trying to sleep) and spilling his drink on us...how embarrassing... Okay ... two guys, two girls, extremely heavy drinking and an overnighter is appropriate behavior for a woman in a committed relationship? No, it is NOT. Sam, you are not behaving as if your relationship is of any value to you at all. NOBODY is "in control" when drunk. That's one of the whole points of getting hammered. That fellow "P" is not really important to the story. Your own boundaries are. You really need to take a good look at your SELF and the choices you make. It really sounds like you need to be single now. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Not really because cyber sex means you're getting it on online with another person while they are watching you with a cam. My texts (which I stopped doing it for a long while now) include certain fantasies but I never contacted them again afterwards. I was only joking around with them but nope you don't play with people's feelings online. I know that now. Lastly that dirty talk online was talked on an occasion and boyfriend didn't seem to mind. It's just this incident for now but I'm not going to act reckless like this again. ok, thanks for clarifying that. I sure hope I get a girlfriend some day that gets off online with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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