How do you deal with a male coworker that says things like this?!!?

[Art_Chick]

I'm a 23 year old young woman and it's been 9 months since my last relationship fell apart after 4 and a half years. I started a new job almost 3 months ago and have been working along side a guy, who we'll call Funny Guy for now, who constantly compliments and flirts with me. He is 25, has been out of a relationship for almost 3 years and has told me that he wouldn't mind dating me. Just about every day for the past 3 weeks we've been texting back and forth; mostly just gossiping about idiot customers and co-workers who frustrate us or do something hilariously stupid. Occasionally though he'll send me a text saying that he doesn't "get how more guys haven't asked me out" or "why no one has ever told you you're beautiful before." I have asked him once why he finds me beautiful and instead of the typical guy response his was far more thought out: "You have the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, a lovely face and seriously the most honest, straight forward personality of anyone I've ever met. There's no games or BS with you, and that makes you beautiful inside and out."

 

Being the honest person I am, I have let him know that I like him and that I am attracted to him both physically and personally; I like Funny Guy because he's smart, has the ability to calm me down when I'm pissed off, finds me beautiful despite my flaws and is able to deal with just about all of my issues, both health related and previous relationship related.

 

Sunday evening, I visited him at our work after getting out of my second job and after my ex sent me horrible text messages that brought me to tears for the first time in years. Funny Guy talked me out of feeling sorry for myself and told me that it was alright to be angry instead of feeling sorry for this loser... After making me second guess myself, and watching me walk away to cry in private a few times while he paitently waited by our cars, he grabbed a hold of my face and forced me to look into his eyes as he told me that he was sorry for upsetting me before he yanked me tightly against his chest and told me that I was beautiful, that he never wanted to see me cry like this again and that I should never doubt myself because of someone else because those people have no idea what they were lucky enough to have...

 

Today at work he was cold and standoffish. Part of the reason for this he explained, and I appologized for my assistance in teasing him with other co-workers (Our group is pretty tight at work and we enjoy making fun of one another in an obviously teasing way) and allowing it to get under his skin... The rest I don't understand. I know that he likes another girl who occasionally works with us, but she's not interested in him and in many people's minds has made that obvious through the things she says and the signals she sends him. She's constantly pulling the whole "I don't see an us" or the "I can't do this right now" card... I can do this, and I know he wants to try, but he's explicitly told me he's a one woman kind of guy; I don't see how that factors in though when she's not his and vice versa... I want to see where this could lead, but I don't want to pressure him or anything, but he's confusing the heck out of me by telling me that he could and would date me... but only after he gets over her. How do I handle this? Should I just keep being his friend and ignore my feelings for him until he's ready to see if we can be more? Or do I attempt to get him to see how much I care and that he could have what he wants with the other girl with me? I hate games, and if he's playing one with me I'd like to know... I don't think he is, but there's always that fear...

 

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Enchanted Girl]

Blech. I hate wishy-washy guys!

 

Can't you just point blank ask him if he wants to date you or not? Tell you're not the kind of girl to waste your time either, that you're a one-man kind of girl, and that if he can't make up his mind then he should stop flirting with you.

 

Then stop flirting and hanging out with him. Make yourself scarce. If he says no, stop wasting your time with him. Wishy washy is such a risky and boring proposition.

 

I agree with this post.

 

He could mean the words he says, it's possible, but you know how he likes that girl and she keeps saying,"Not right now" to him and it seems so obvious to you that she's just playing games with him?

 

Well, it sounds like he's doing the same thing with you unless he can give you a straight answer to this question. He's saying a bunch of nice things to you and flirting with you and then finding excuses as to why he can't be with you "right now."

 

It's harder to see through games when you are attracted to someone then it is to see through them when you're not.

 

But I'd still try to ask him this directly because he could mean every word. If he continues refusing to date you though ... he's playing games with you.

[Odyssey]

OP you tend to over-analyse. it's simple really... just ask him.

[Mary3]

He likes her.

 

You like him.

 

She is playing a game with him.

 

He is playing a game with you.

 

Do not wait this out because if he wanted you it would be NOW .right now...., not when she rejects him 15 times and he comes crawling to you .

[gopher]

He likes her.

 

You like him.

 

She is playing a game with him.

 

He is playing a game with you.

 

Do not wait this out because if he wanted you it would be NOW .right now...., not when she rejects him 15 times and he comes crawling to you .

 

This...Run the other way.

[Sophia8]

He likes her.

 

You like him.

 

She is playing a game with him.

 

He is playing a game with you.

 

Do not wait this out because if he wanted you it would be NOW .right now...., not when she rejects him 15 times and he comes crawling to you .

 

I completely agree with this!

[spiderowl]

He's flirting with you but not following up with the dates. Could be just having fun, could be that he's still stuck on the previous girl. If he is stuck on her, don't waste your time on him romantically. Seriously, you need to leave him be until he's genuinely over her (if ever). Otherwise, if he did date you, she'd be there in the background in his mind and you could find him suddenly dropping you if she reappears for him.

 

Because you like him, he's getting your time and attention at the moment by flirting with you. I think you could withdraw from him a bit which will subtly get the message across to him that he actually has to work for your time and affection, that you're not just available for him to play with when he's in the mood. There is no need to be unpleasant or cold, but maintaining a little distance and spending more of your time with others will be a wake-up call for him. It will also show you are self-directed and not under his influence. Emotional intimacy is as much a prize as physical intimacy, so see your friendship and sharing as something worth having and making an effort for. He's not just doing you a favour by talking about intimate matters with you, you are doing him one by sharing yourself. Give him some space to learn to appreciate what he could have with you.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think that you both have so many cards face-up on the table that YOU should walk up to him and say:

 

 

"I want to date you - now - this weekend. What do you say?"

 

 

(then because it's you extending the invite, you have to plan the date and maybe even pay, but so what)

 

To do this would afford the best use of where you both are at this point in time. Otherwise, you just bide your time, and wait, and risk him landing in a relationship with someone else, or perhaps one of you leaving the workplace for good.

 

Take your chances now while things are tilted toward success.

[Eeyore79]

Does he know you're interested in him? He's communicated fairly clearly that he's interested in you, but did you respond? He probably thinks you're still hung up on your ex and aren't ready to date, given that you were crying on his shoulder about your ex. No decent guy is going to take advantage of a vulnerable, upset woman - of course he's not going to make a move when you're crying about some other guy.

 

You need to communicate that you're attracted to him and are interested in dating. Just bite the bullet and ask him out. No more crying about your ex to him either - all you're doing is showing him that you're not ready for a relationship with him.