Can a new relationship be too good?

[m0nkey]

I recently (a month ago) met an amazing guy. We hung out and talked for hours the first day we met. I was very up front with him about the relationship I was trying to rekindle with a guy who was flying to town to see me a few days later. The new guy was kind and understanding & we spent tons of time together the next few days. Those days with him made me realize I didn't want anything more than a friendship with the old guy & was very clear with the old guy as soon as he got to town. The first week with the new guy was spectacular. We couldn't spend a lot of time together because the old guy was staying with me and I was still trying to be polite.

After a few weeks of incredibly open communication, the new guy and I spent an incredible day together, and immediately after he avoided calling me for days. The next time we talked and hung out he admitted that he had done it in an attempt to pull away. We had a long conversation where he kept saying things that showed he was afraid of how great we get along. We both mentioned how easily we can talk & ho we feel like old souls together. Finally, after being intimate a few more times I was fed up with his disappearing act. To me I value talking to him and being open, but I started to feel as if the physical intimacy was carrying heavier weight than our friendship. I told him I was having problems with that and he agreed, then I said maybe we should just be friends. He said he didn't like the idea at first, but then tried to buy some time. I wasn't very leniant and he said: fine, we'll just be friends then.

The next day was awful for me and I finally went to his house. We touched on the subject for a while, but really just hung out. Eventually we were talking and he gave me a few little kisses. After a few more he pulled away & we talked & he said maybe it would be best if we were not to kiss if we were just going to be friends. I know he has an exflame coming to town this weekend, I'm not scared of her importance, but I wonder if he's worried that he might cave in and hurt me. He said she was a reason, but not the main reason for wanting to slow things down.

Basically, my friends all tell me I need to play games and act aloof & not be available. I just want things to go back to how easy it was at first and not evaluate it or worry about what it may/may not turn in to. Now I'm just scared that maybe he has backed off and may never come back. I know he just got out of a 2 year relationship and he's young, but I feel like we have a really great connection & don't want to lose that to timing.

Any ideas on what I can and can't do: I know just taking it as it comes, but should I listen to my friends and play hard to get... date other people?

thanks!

[xalysabethh]

are you sure your not with my ex??? LOL heres basically waht happend in my situation i met this guy we were like soul mates we got so close so fast he pulled away stated he ownly wanted to be friends but he'd still try to act like i was his girlfriend when we were together etc. so i kept saying no if were only friends were only friends i finnanly said it an dmeant it and he asked me out and fell in love with me after that. jus tmy story

xalysabeth

[appletree]

i'd say date other people....or at least move on with other things and leave her alone,

make it seem like you're moving on

[mujer]

Ugh. I hate games, and I would not recommend that route if you want something long-term.

As far as this guy goes, unfortunatley, it sounds like Mr. Wonderful has issues. The only thing I can suggest other than communication (which hasn't seemed to work so far), is to just live your life. I know that sounds vague, but just go about your business. If you want to continue to hang out with him, fine, but don't go into it with the notion that things are going to any different than they are right now. You don't have to jump into the dating pool again, but hang out with your friends, meet people, do the things you would normally do before you met him.

Sorry I can come up with anything better than that. Good luck!

[luvcrazy02]

Originally posted by mujer

You don't have to jump into the dating pool again, but hang out with your friends, meet people, do the things you would normally do before you met him.

 

This is very true honey. If you let something go, and it comes back to you, it was meant to be. You can continue to be friends, but don't try to rush things...it'll only cause problems. Spending time together will stir up thoughts, and things will eventually go one way or the other. I wouldn't play games though. If you want anything to develope, that is NOT the way to go. It'll cause more problems and end up screwing things over. If you care about someone, you don't play mind games with them...it's not right, and it's not respectful. Take things one day at a time, and just be you. Don't be something you're not. Don't change the way you would handle things just because someone else thinks a different way is better, when it actually could be worse.