Parenting and Nudity

[Chitowngirl]

I have a 6 yr old half-sister, we'll call her "V". My mom is her mother, she had her at age 45 (she's now 51). My step-dad is now 47. This is my mom's 6th live birth, my step-dad's first. My mom and step-dad have been together for 7 yrs.

**Back ground info**

My step-dad allows me to live with them because I was laid off (I'm moving out tomorrow). Before I moved in with them, my step-dad said they want "V" to be comfortable with nudity, so I wasn't allowed to scream or shreak if I saw them walking around naked. My step-dad goes to the bathroom #1 & #2 with the door open. I have seen my mother naked numerous times. My mom never wears a bra in public and dresses like a sluttly college girl (she says because my step-dad likes her that way.) I guess you could say they live a 'free' lifestyle. They are swingers. They are regulars at the nudist beach down the street. They lived in Key West,FL for years. They intertwine their swinger lifestyle with their daughter, who has met the couples they play with, as they have visited the house with their children, and they go to family parties together.

What I wonder about is what is considered incest/inappropriate, or just plain uneducated parenting.

My step-dad takes a bath(naked) with his 6 yr old daughter every night. They've been doing this for years. They sit in the bathtub and watch tv, or whatever else they do, I'm not sure. I was walking past their bath time once, and my sister said to my mom who was close by, "Hey Mom, why don't you join us?".

After bath time, my step-dad cuddles, in his boxers, with his daughter for about an hour while he plays games with her on his Iphone in her bed.

The other day I saw my mom walking around in her robe after her shower. A little while later I saw her laying on the couch, in her robe, with my 6 yr sister inside her robe watching tv. My sister was laying against her nude body.

*More background info* My mother is a sociopath who has no relationships with her daughters or any of her 3 sisters. My step-dad has made passes at me, stating once, "I wish I had met you before I met your mother." Besides my step-dad's creepiness, he is a decent father,from what I see. The nude bath time and cuddling in bed is just creepy.

Would this bother anyone else?

Was anyone else raised like this, and did it harm you in any way?

Edited July 15, 2010 by Chitowngirl
spelling

[JustJoe]

Creepy, yes....possibly illegal. But many people have decided that they want their kids to be comfortable with their bodies, but I think that your Mom and step-dad are going about it the wrong way.

[Green]

well as a grown woman living at home you really have no say.

 

If you think your half sister is being molested then go ahead and tell them the story you just told us. I don't know the law but from what I can hear child protective services probably wouldn't do anything.

 

As a kid I saw my dad naked or in his boxers plenty of times. My parents weren't swingers though.

 

I don't think anything is necesarily wrong with taking a nude bath with her dad especialy if it isn't some big sexual secret.

 

I would worry about the entire swinger lifestyle but there is nothing you can do about that.

 

From your story I wouldn't think anything wrong was going on. But if you do then by all means report them to the law.

[ladydesigner]

I was molested and this is creepy to me. My H and I both get dressed an undressed in front of our children. I sometimes take showers with them because it is easier to get everyone washed that way (both my kids are very young). The part that bothers me is how their swingers lifestyle is so out in the open. I believe they should keep that a private matter especially since it is sexual in nature. The comment your step father made is extremely inappropriate. I hope nothing has happened to your 6 year old sister, but there is always a possibility. Lot's of communication with her may help. Have you ever had the stranger danger talks with your younger sister? My molestation was by a family member so I think if you communicate with the younger sister about inappropriate touching she may open up to you about anything inappropriate happening. Not sure how close you are with her. It would be hard to be in the middle of all of that. A lot of what you mention really bothers me.

[Chitowngirl]

What bothers me is when I'm alone with my 6 yr old sister, and she does something wrong, like throw a dog toy over the balcony (which is 20 stories up), she will ask me to not tell her mom. She also has touched my chest a few times (and I slap her hand away) and she'll say, "Don't tell anyone, please." Where did she learn to say that? It makes me wonder if something happened to her or if someone tells her to not tell anyone.

[Chitowngirl]

well as a grown woman living at home you really have no say.

 

I have a say because I have seen it and she is my sister. My mother has a history of abuse, and who knows about my step-dad since this is his first child and he's creepy in general.

 

Your statement doesn't make sense.

[2sure]

GREAT BIG HUGE WAVING RED BANNERS

 

The things that you describe have little to do with being comfortable with nudity. Nudity and naked contact are two different things. Nudity and the bathroom are two different things. They are not teaching her to be comfortable with the human body...they are teaching her that having her personal boundaries violated is natural. The "dont tell" did me in. The fact that your step father confessed he would have preferred you to your mother...is beyond inappropriate.

[ladydesigner]

GREAT BIG HUGE WAVING RED BANNERS

 

The things that you describe have little to do with being comfortable with nudity. Nudity and naked contact are two different things. Nudity and the bathroom are two different things. They are not teaching her to be comfortable with the human body...they are teaching her that having her personal boundaries violated is natural. The "dont tell" did me in. The fact that your step father confessed he would have preferred you to your mother...is beyond inappropriate.

 

Very well said. I think there are also some huge red flags here, especially the "don't tell" statement. A 6 year old doesn't just come up with that on her own. See if you could find more information. Are you close to your mother? The thing is I am all for telling but get all your ducks in a row. Even telling a counselor they will need to report this and your little sister could be removed from the home. Either way if something is going on eventually the truth should be told. Can you spend more time with your little sister to ask indirect questions to get an answer? Can you talk to your mother more about this?

[Green]

I have a say because I have seen it and she is my sister. My mother has a history of abuse, and who knows about my step-dad since this is his first child and he's creepy in general.

 

Your statement doesn't make sense.

 

My statement just pertains to how they raise your sister.

 

My advice is tell your mom about how your step dad hit on you.

 

Also feel free to tell your sister "I won't tell" "but why are you so scared of me telling? did some one else teach you to say this?"

 

Like I said just call the law if you think your sister is being abused. If you arn't sure if she is being abused ask open ended questions. If you ask a leading question like "does daddy touch you" then you might not get an honest response... but if you just let her talk and ask her open questions like "is everything ok, is some one making you keep secrets?"

 

Good luck.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I think you have reason to be concerned. Reading your post, it's as if your mother is in "sleep-mode." Did she have these feelings about nudity and swinging before she married your step-father?

 

I wonder at what age they think a child/person becomes sexual and should start experimenting sexual acts?

[Tayla]

I was raised in three different households- One was a single parent very prim and proper so being naked even in the tub was unheard of! We had to wear our undies even! I still can recall the first time ( age 8 or 9) when my grandparents told me to bath proper and I thought I was!! They had to literally insist that its okay to be naked in the tub...

The third household was by then another culture shock ( they were young and hip foster parents) so they smoked, drank, and walked naked around the house. But not in a creepy way. They actually taught this lil straight laced chick to be open to other avenues and styles of life ( not the swinger kind though) they just were free spirited leftovers from the late 60's era.

 

To the OP: If you sense its creepy, it IS! Trust your instincts! Since you made it clear that your mum is a wee bit bonkers, talking realistically will not compute for her. Try to protect your sibling though and be encouraging to her to open up with you.

Yes here in the states most states have laws against certain behavior in front of a child......The parents sound negligent and yes welfare can step in if they cross a line.....

[Corporate]

The nudity thing might or might not be a big deal, but that in addition to swinger life style is at least somewhat concerning. Your step dad is very open sexually and if it includes child porn, your sister is in immediate danger.

[Enchanted Girl]

My statement just pertains to how they raise your sister.

 

My advice is tell your mom about how your step dad hit on you.

 

Also feel free to tell your sister "I won't tell" "but why are you so scared of me telling? did some one else teach you to say this?"

 

Like I said just call the law if you think your sister is being abused. If you arn't sure if she is being abused ask open ended questions. If you ask a leading question like "does daddy touch you" then you might not get an honest response... but if you just let her talk and ask her open questions like "is everything ok, is some one making you keep secrets?"

 

Good luck.

 

I agree 100% with this post. PLEASE DO THIS.

 

I wasn't concerned with your first post. After all, there are cultures full of people in primitive parts of the world who don't believe in wearing clothing, so they do everything with their children, both of them naked and it's not sexual, but the parts that made me concerned was her knowledge of the swinger lifestyle and also the fact that she touched your chest and said,"Don't tell."

 

Children copy what they see, especially when what they see is disturbing to them. I, as a child (of about 3 years old), saw someone touch another person's bare crotch and I talked for the next several weeks straight about people touching each other's privates. It was an accident that I saw it and the people weren't doing anything wrong, but the point is it traumatized me and kids don't know how to say,"I saw/experienced this and it scared me." Instead, they repeat the behaviors and become fascinated with them because they are trying to understand them. More likely than not, she's either seen someone touching another person sexually in that way, been encouraged to touch someone sexually in that way or been touched sexually in that way and immediately told afterwards,"Don't tell" and now she's copying it. Children don't do those things on their own.

[Clep]

I think that your parents are setting your sister up for a situation where sexual abuse by another would be confusing to her to comprehend. I mean if it was truly wrong or not.

 

My son is seven and I do not dress in front of him. He does not see me naked at all, nor his father. Dad is with him when he showers to check that he is doing his hair properly and that is it.

 

If your step father was ever accused he is not putting himself in a very good position here, nor your sister.

 

I do view what is happening here to be sexual abuse. It is considered abuse for a child to be shown naked pictures of adults, let alone watching them walk around naked. Going to the bathroom would hopefully be a private act regardless of age unless a child needs help. I don't think they are teaching your sister any personal boundaries.

 

Your step father hitting on you is disgusting.

 

I personally would be reporting this and leaving it to the authorities. If child services deems this kind of behavior to be fine, so be it.

[alexlakeman]

Report your concern to the department of children and families... let them decide... do the right thing, it's a little girl .... that's not right!!!!!!!!!!! good luck.. if you turn a blind eye and something happens later on in her life or she turns out f'ed up, you'll have a guilty conciense..

[Chinook]

I don't know what kinds of social norms exist over in Florida, but I can tell you this, if you were saying this about a kid in the UK, the child protective services would be on the door in a heartbeat. Sorry, we may be a bit prim over here and all, but this swinging stuff is what is way inappropriate. The nudity and bathing questionable at the very least.

[movingon2]

Fortunately I don’t come from any abuse in my family but defiantly keep an eye on your sister.

 

The swinger thing freaks me out!

 

I am now a single dad and my kids are boy 7 girl 3. Their mom wanted me to be a swinger and I said no way, she said if I was more sexually active before we got together I would feel different about it (my ex’s father was a swinger). My STBX’s parents let my kids take baths together and grandma will even wash my son while he is bathing (he’s too old for that). I don’t let either of my kids see me without at least shorts on. My son is the same way with me he doesn’t like me to see him but he is ok with his grandma and his mom. My daughter being 3 she thinks it’s funny to run around the house without clothes on until I make her get dressed.

 

I agree the whole “don’t tell” thing came from someone.