longlegzs80 Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 Today is just an overall bad day for me. I am an emotional mess and it seems like no one cares. I know my mom don't. I can honestly say she don't care for me anymore and that are relationship as mother and daughter has gone down the drain. I feel like I am worthless, losser, whats the point of living, whats my purpose in life, just everything that is going through my mind. She is unhappy herself and she has not had a man in her life for 15 years. There is nothing wrong with her, but she used the excuse of not dating because she was taking care of me. But, now I think it has come to the point where she is real bitter about it. I know she would like someone in her life, but she does nothing to get that. Her and I are too alike. Anyways, I have always felt really really alone and that no one cares. You don't know how much that has been such a problem for me. Knowing that no one cares. I don't know what to do anymore. I am a disappointment to her and to myself, and I hold alot of anger for various things in life and towards her. I can't tell you how much I hate my family just because. So, I don't know. I just sick of my life and I know I need to do more things to better myself but its not working. I do things I go out by myself and I hate doing everything. The only thing I like to do is sleep and if I could sleep all day I would. I just don't care about myself, or life in general. Boy, I hope my life is cut short very soon. I have no reason to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 The only thing I like to do is sleep and if I could sleep all day I would. I just don't care about myself, or life in general. Boy, I hope my life is cut short very soon. I have no reason to live. Please don't talk like that. You are worth it, your life is worth living. There are people that care about you. I personally don't want to see you like this, I want to see you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 To start off, it's not your fault that your mother isn't dating and you shouldn't blame youself and she shouldn't blame you. It's just a lame excuse because she doesn't want to face her own insecurities. Just because you don't think your mother cares, there are other people out there but her. Find your friends and other family members and don't be afraid to talk to them. But on that note, your mother probably does care, but has a hard time showing it. Talk to her, let her know what's bothering you and let her know how you feel. Everyone has a purpose and you just haven't found your just yet. (BUT YOUR STILL YOUNG!) Don't hide from your feelings because they will still be there. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
wiseOLDman Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 Longlegz, if you are in high school, please go speak with your advisor or counselor. If you're in college, please go speak with someone in the healthcare clinic. If you're in neither, please go to a local health clinic. You're email shows of clinical depression and those feelings that you're having are not really you and they can be relieved. You have to take care of yourself right now and not worry about your mother, anything or anyone else. Please do this tomorrow. Just make the call or walk in. I guarantee, someone will be there to LISTEN to you. Please be well and check back in with us. -wiseOLD Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 longlegz, i agree that some counselling would be good for you (but you already know this!). what's important to realize is that nothing will go right until YOU become number ONE in your own mind and life. do what makes YOU happy. find what can make YOUR life great. it sounds like moving away from your mother (or perhaps getting her into counselling too) would be good for you. saying that she hasn't had a man for 15 years b/c she was taking care of you is a major guilt trip - try not to take it to heart!... also... you say her and you are very similar. well, keep in mind that we always see in other people what we dislike about ourselves, so this is not surprising. there, some thoughts for ya. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 Sweetheart, nononono....I don't know you too well, I only know you thru your posts, and you seem like a VERY lovely girl with a wonderful personality. You have OODLES to live for. Everyone gets down in the dumps. When I had my break up, there were times when I was going to sleep, I'd think, "If I didn't wake up tomorrow, or woke up in heaven, I wouldn't care." But that passed. Luckily. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 7, 2004 Author Share Posted February 7, 2004 I know what I need the most is to move away from home. I just feel like such a burden and I have offered to help her out money wise since I live here and all. And I told her this morning that I can contribute to the food money and anything else, which I am fine about. The one thing I am doing for myself is saving my money so I can eventually get an appartment. I need that freedom again of being on my own. Because when I did that for the first time with going to college, I loved it. I loved not having to answer to anyone and do my own thing. So, that is what I am doing, I have been saving up and realize that I might have to get another job just to bring in more cash. But, I know my mom does care about me, it is just these mood swings she gets into and the mood swings I get into and it is not good. She has always been there for me, it is just I want her to do something with her life other then complain and hate it so much. And find someone, and find hobbies or learn to like something. And I have been very open in the past with her on how I feel and I told her as much as I am not a strong believer or taking meds, I told her she should, just to have some contentment in life. I have considered it more then you would know, and am still considering it. But, there are things in my life I want to work on first before going on medication. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted February 7, 2004 Share Posted February 7, 2004 And I have been very open in the past with her on how I feel and I told her as much as I am not a strong believer or taking meds, I told her she should, just to have some contentment in life. I have considered it more then you would know, and am still considering it. But, there are things in my life I want to work on first before going on medication. I do feel for you, but I think you should strongly reconsider going on medication as well as getting some therapy. Just a few thoughts: I've read through your posts and it seems to me that you've been in a depressed state since you joined the 'Shack. That was about 7 months ago. It doesn't help that you live with someone else who is also depressed and (please correct me if I am wrong) that you don't seem to have many people (in real life) who you can or want to turn to. I think the internet is a fantastic resource for many things, but when it becomes your sole source of comfort and contact with others.... LS in particular is great for instant feedback and validation, but still, it shouldn't take the place of normal human interaction in your life. A lot of people have given you really great advice on what you can do to improve your life, but you seem more intent on getting sympathy than actual help for yourself. I know how debilitating depression can be - I have it. I continue to have it, but I live with it and I deal with it. Neither medication nor therapy is a crutch. What I think sometimes becomes the crutch is the pity we feel for ourselves. Please reconsider your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Longlegsz...we all go through bad days, it's true. But you do seem depressed and need to keep on seeking help for yourself (as you already know!). Please realise you have lots to live for and lots of people (even those of us on here) who care about you and like you. Just take the setbacks and the bad days as they come, they will pass, and then there will be another great day/week/month around the corner for you! Sending you smiles PS Do not be frightened of taking meds, or think it is weak. They are helping me, and sometimes we just need to get the chemical balance in our brains back on track! Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 8, 2004 Author Share Posted February 8, 2004 WOW IAMNOTNOTHING, you got me squared to a "T". I come on this site not only for advice but because people on here listen to me whether I talk and ramble about the same thing or whatever it may be. People on this site are truely great and I am so glad that people are willing to help me out. It is true that I have been depressed, but that is something that I have dealt with all my life. Yes, the meds will come, I do plan on helping myself in that sense and going on something. I don't know why I am so afraid of taking medication. But, I do understand where everyone is comming from. I would not say I look for people to have sympathy for me. I just tell my threads how it is and that is it. I don't expect any advice from anyone because I know what it is going to be. So, the reason why I post about depression and whatnot is to get out my problems and get help. Anywho, I feel like I have no place to turn and that is why I utilize this site as much as possible for people to help me out. If I did not have my mom, I would have no one. And that is so sad to admit, but so true. I don't talk to anyone from college because they are all going their separate ways. I need to do some stuff differently though with meeting others. I just need a dirastic change in my life and I wish if I do afew things, it would change my life for the better, but I have yet found things that I enjoy and I just sit home and work and dwell about my life. Kinda like what my mom does and she has admited she hates her life and her job. So, I don't know. Things will get better when I get help. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Yes they will. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I understand LL ..that life has been more than unfair to you. It's hard to grow up without a Dad and have a Mom who may resent it a little that he left her with so much responsibility. I've been there as the Mom and can identify with the dynamics of your relationship with her. The deal is this LL.....you are a full grown woman who is wonderful and articulate.....and I'm sure a very lovely person. You have got to QUIT looking at the past failures of your parents and realize only YOU can make the difference now. You aren't 10 years old....you can CHANGE the cycle! Your whole world is in your hands. You are young and vibrant....and witty...and have so much going for you. Why in the world would you let all the dyfunctions of your youth stand in your way. STAND UP and BE STRONG! Make your life count! Do things no one else in your family ever has......be the ENIGMA! I have faith in you LL......I KNOW you can do this!! Anything less....is failure....and us Shackers don't fail. We move on....cause WE CAN! We have each other... Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
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