Husband's Percocet Addiction is scaring me .......!!!! (Long Read)

[atwitsendinnc]

[sIZE=2]First off, let me say that I truly feel for all those that are going thru a loved one's addiction and for those that are in recovery.....may you always find the courage and strength to continue your journey!

 

To set the stage of my dilemma:

I am a 39 yr old mother of three. I have two boys ages 16 and 13 from my first marriage and a 3 1/2 yr old daughter with my now husband. My 13 yr old son has chronic kidney disease from birth and is currently undergoing the initial preparation for a transplant or possible dialysis and I came home from my job this past December to stay home and care for him and my daughter. My son also has anxiety, stress and some underlying anger issues, so trying to rear him sometimes challenging at best. I work closely with his docters and so forth on this. My 16 yr old son is an absolute Godsend. He helps me tremendously. I am currently working to obtain my CNA certification so that I can atleast go back to work part-time. The real problem is my percocet addicted/dependant, self-centered, it's all about me and my feelings husband. Whom I truly love deeply love and wish to spend the rest of my life with. Did I just say that in the same breath?! This however, is becoming increasingly impossible.

 

My dilemma:

My husband has been on some type of drug since his early teenage years, he didn't exactly have the perfect family life growing up. His parents are wonderful people, but passive/aggressive at best on the subject. So, instead of facing things head learning to cope, I guess he hid everything in his drug usage and eventual addiction. He has stolen things from home, friends, his sister parents and myself thru the years to support the then habit.

When we first met almost 5 yrs ago, unbeknownst to me at time he was using cocaine frequently, time went on and I became pregnant with our daughter and at two months into the pregnancy I found out. Yea, it got ugly, but I was determined, so after many months of spying, running around confronting his suppliers, calling him out on his lies and endless support he finally stopped. The last known time is April 4, 2007 to be exact. Here's where my troubles really begin!

A month after he started complaining of back pain and off to the doctors he went and wound up at pain management clinic or legalized drug outlet as I call them. He has been on percocets for 2 1/2 to 3 years now up to 7.5's now maybe 6, 7,8 or 10 a day now not really sure. But not what the doctor says, because he always runs out atleast two weeks or more before his next visit for his new script. So, in order to feed the need, he trades pills with his so called "good friends" back and forth so they cover each other in the meantime or takes anything in the house he can get his hands on. Friends and family lock up their stuff when he's around. Isn't this illegal? He also bums pills from my dad who has had 3 back surgeries in his life and is a recent cancer survivor. My dad is responsible with his meds and follows his docs orders. He wants to live. Otherwise, my husband avoids or has as little to do with my parents as possible. My mom, is livid with this, but supportive of us and our marriage. My dad has recently decided to cut him off and help no more. Thank God!

My husband has nothing now whatsoever to do with my boys unless it's to complain about something they did or did not do. He has become an absolute monster and b****es about everything!! He's like the teacher on the Peanuts cartoon now, it's been going on so long. Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Blah, Blah, Blah. The kids can do nothing right, except for our daughter and if she does anything wrong it's the boys fault. He has no patience with her and yells at her alot. Come to think of it he has no patience with anything except his habit. This of course hurts her and me. He does however spend time with her most days when he gets home from work and weekends, he does loves her. He does nothing with the boys except fuss at them, to them and about them constantly. They just live and walk around each other and I am stuck in the middle of it all!! He is hateful, can be just plain mean and spiteful and can say the most hurtful and cut u to quick things I have ever heard. He acts as though he is superior and kinda looks down his nose at us sometimer and thinks we're the ones with problem. Not mention he says we're all crazy, excluding himself of course. He has total disregard for anyone's feelings but his own and when confronted he blames everything on every body else. He holds everything they do against them and does not even begin to try to parent them in the least. My 13 yr olds Birthday was this July 10th and he made sure he was gone to play golf that day. As far as I know he hasn't even acknowledge his day or told him HBay. He got mad because I told him I got him an Xbox 360 for his Bday the day before and said he didn't deserve anything. What am I supposed to do not even acknowledge my childs birthday?!!!! He woke up this morning and said we were all crazy because my son was looking at the tv in what he thought or perceived to be a funny way. He gets up at all hours of the night walking around the house. I asked him why he does this everynight and he says he scared the boys are gonna leave the doors unlocked or the fridge open, to see what they are doing and so on and so forth! He's just looking for anything to pounce on. Even my oldest son says it's creepy the way he looks in their room to see if they are sleeping or what not.

Sometimes he acts normal, but it only seems to be while he is at work and calls home. That is the only time he seems like he is even remotely happy we can talk and have casual convo like nothing is wrong and all is well with the world. I know that he loves me and my daughter and he used to really care about my boys, but his addiction is spiraling outta control.

We recently went up and spent the night with his best friend and his parents at the lake, they went to play golf the next day and later on his friend told me he got soooo tired of hearing him complain about his back and that was all he could talk about. Of course my husband was out of his meds then and kept asking his friend for pain pills from his recent bout with a kidney stone. However, his friend knows the deal and only gave him one the whole time we were there. He knows my husband is an addict and tells me he needs rehab and psycological counseling. Yea, well saying is easier that doing, huh?

He is absolutely obsessed with his "back pain" which I know he has to some degree as I have been to the doc with him and seen the mri's and xrays, but it's not bad enough to warrant surgery and think it may/could actually make it worse. Small tear in something and a herniated disk with little to no fluid I think is the problem. But it is all he talks about and our lives revolve around his pain pills, and when the next doctor appointment is. I am tired of his ranting and raving, tired of hearing about is frickin' back and pills!!!!! tired of his self-centeredness!!!! I really want him OUT of this house until he can get himself cleaned up, but I am afraid of losing my daughter as I don't really have a concrete job at this point only school. I really don't want a divorce, I just want him to seek help and clean up before he turns to other things for his high when the pills are not in supply or not enough. I am becoming increasingly fearful of him and leaving my daughter under his care while I am at school or go out to run errands. I have no clue what to do about him and our situation. The only reason I have NOT kicked him out already is because of our daughter and the fact that she absolutely adores "her daddy". It is heartwrenching, I am to the point of depression myself and frequently invision myself in a corner rocking back and forth crying uncontrollably. I am literally at my wits end here.!! Can anyone provide any type of legal, moral, etc advice?

Thanks Much!!

　

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[Jilly Bean]

He has a severe addiction, and one that isn't easy to kick. You yelling at him about it isn't going to get him clean.

 

Get rid of him.

 

Saying you keep him around because your 3 year old loves him is just an excuse to stay inert.

[ymrkaicho]

Hi,

I've been in recovery for 21 years now.

I worked in a pharmacy for years - which is where I go my Percocet from during the long years of addiction to that, Tylenol #4's, vicodan in a pinch etc. and tons of alcohol and coke.

 

The good news is I got sober and god willing have stayed that way - one day at a time - truly.

The bad news is I almost died and that's what it took. After just about everyone in my life was gone, fed up, couldn't take me anymore. And even after everyone walked on me, I still didn't give a squirrels butt about it.

 

You need Al-Anon or Narc-Anon for yourself to come to terms with how important it is to realize the best thing you can do for him is walk. The damage that is already done is far worse than you may even imagine.

"We" drug addicts and alcoholics are master liars and manipulators. "We" know how to twist your world into temporarily seeing a warped sense of our way or put up with us so we can use one more time. Over and over again.

I say "we" because I will always have the potential to be that way.

But since my life depends on honesty - I'm stuck with it in order to stay alive.

 

Do right by your children and get away from that crap now.

Your children are learning how to become just like that as long as they are exposed to that crap.

 

thanks for hearing my view. Sorry if I'm so blunt. But I've been there on the treating others like poop end of things.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I have been having problems with oxy's on and off in my life. I have wasted so much money and lost friends because of it but i didn't care. I was always buying pills after my back surgery. Its so easy to go to the doctor and complain of back pain and get pills...i did this 2 months ago and got 2 scripts for pain pills. Its like a cake walk and i hate it. I think i am done for good now but i am not in the clear yet.

 

 

He clearly has a major problem and you need to do something ASAP about this...i am not sure what you should do..but you need to let him know where you stand and you will not take it anymore.

[skydiveaddict]

I got addicted to that crap after being injured in Afghanistan. The army doc cut me off cold turkey and it was hell for a little while but not long. Your husband can do the same thing. Who keeps prescribing the drug?