AprilShowers Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 I know that is how I feel. I have been with a man over 5 yrs and he will not propose. We have been to weddings together. Even seen a couple get engaged at a concert and he said how "lame" that was. I feel rejected. I guess when I look over my life, my father rejected me by not caring for me growing up, I had my own kid, now I am a single mom and deemed "undesirable" I am starting to think I should accept that and try to find a husband when my child leaves for college. How do you ladies feel when a man you are with doesn't want to marry you and share a life together. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 You're not undesirable just because you're a single Mom. There's guys out there who love kids and would love to marry you and raise a child with you. Don't bash yourself like that. When women have low self-esteem like that, they usually get treated like crap by guys as well. Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl25 Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 It does feel like rejection, I agree. BUT, there are men out there that will love you enough to jump at the chance to marry you and help you raise your child. Has your boyfriend told you he doesn't want to get married? Or he is just not ready? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 15, 2010 Author Share Posted July 15, 2010 He used to talk about marriage all the time, and he used to use these words like "us" he would even call me Mrs._________(his last name). Not any more. Now its like women are this, bla bla bla, no incentive to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 15, 2010 Author Share Posted July 15, 2010 I told him I want to be married, he laughed like I was Dane Cook performing stand up. Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl25 Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 He used to talk about marriage all the time, and he used to use these words like "us" he would even call me Mrs._________(his last name). Not any more. Now its like women are this, bla bla bla, no incentive to marry. Unfortunately, I do not think he wants to marry you. I'm very sorry, I know it's a hard thing to accept. If he does not talk about it anymore and he laughed when you said you wanted to be married then I don't think he is going to propose. Now I could be wrong, but if he wanted to marry you he would be proposing. If you can accept not being married then stay with him. If you can't then you have a decision to make if being married is worth letting him go. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 I told him I want to be married, he laughed like I was Dane Cook performing stand up. Wow, that's so disrespectful and hurtful. Are you ok with him treating you like this? Why do you want to marry a man who laughs in your face when you try to talk to him? Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 Why are you wasting your time on somebody who won't give you what you want and treats you with so little respect?? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 You feel rejected because he is rejecting you. Get away from him and find a man who really loves you and treats you with the respect you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 17, 2010 Author Share Posted July 17, 2010 Unfortunately, I do not think he wants to marry you. I'm very sorry, I know it's a hard thing to accept. If he does not talk about it anymore and he laughed when you said you wanted to be married then I don't think he is going to propose. Now I could be wrong, but if he wanted to marry you he would be proposing. If you can accept not being married then stay with him. If you can't then you have a decision to make if being married is worth letting him go. I'm sure your right. I just feel like we only have ONE life to live. I'm tired of mediocrity. I want to be married...build a life with someone, I want one or two more children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 17, 2010 Author Share Posted July 17, 2010 You feel rejected because he is rejecting you. Get away from him and find a man who really loves you and treats you with the respect you deserve. Yes it hurts a lot. He told me women over 30 are just waste to men and all men thinks something is wrong with them and they are worn out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 17, 2010 Author Share Posted July 17, 2010 Why are you wasting your time on somebody who won't give you what you want and treats you with so little respect?? I love him and been with him for a while. 5 yrs. He says he doesnt think im ready for it but yet he says now he isnt sure if thats what he wants or what he will ever want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted July 17, 2010 Author Share Posted July 17, 2010 Wow, that's so disrespectful and hurtful. Are you ok with him treating you like this? Why do you want to marry a man who laughs in your face when you try to talk to him? No I'm not ok with it. I love him and he's not all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 Now its like women are this, bla bla bla, no incentive to marry.So from his point of view marriage is kind of like russian roulette: at best nothing has improved, at worst the result even surpasses death. At worst, without the possibility of a financially managable divorce, lack of hope of a better future kills the soul. All that is left is a walking, empty shell. Apart from the marriage issue, congratulations to your loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SakenPT Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I know that is how I feel. I have been with a man over 5 yrs and he will not propose. We have been to weddings together. Even seen a couple get engaged at a concert and he said how "lame" that was. I feel rejected. I guess when I look over my life, my father rejected me by not caring for me growing up, I had my own kid, now I am a single mom and deemed "undesirable" I am starting to think I should accept that and try to find a husband when my child leaves for college. How do you ladies feel when a man you are with doesn't want to marry you and share a life together. i know how it feels, personaly i was going to propose myself to my girlfriend this summer where i got some sweet romantic sposts with rustic houses and stuff like that, a real paradise. I started an idle chit chat about getting married, and she said that she doesn't give a dam about getting married, so i think my proposal is going down the drain.. Still it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, it might just mean that he doesn't give a dam about getting married... Link to post Share on other sites
Calendula Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Yes it hurts a lot. He told me women over 30 are just waste to men and all men thinks something is wrong with them and they are worn out. I love him and been with him for a while. 5 yrs. He says he doesnt think im ready for it but yet he says now he isnt sure if thats what he wants or what he will ever want. No I'm not ok with it. I love him and he's not all bad. "But, I love him" and "It's not all bad" are NEVER acceptable excuses for tolerating what sounds to me like emotional abuse, not just rejection or disrespect. I really think you should check out the threads on emotional abuse in the Abuse forum and see if the warning signs fit you... just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 I'm sorry for you AprilShowers. We hear this so much on LS. I am starting to think the best solution to this problem is if you know you someday want to marry, talk about it in the beginning of the relationship, this way you will know whether that man or woman wants to marry one day. If you know ahead of time that this is not a goal for them you can move on before you get your heart involved. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to try to make someone marry you when they don't want to marry. I just feel like you can save time this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I'm sorry, but from what you have said, I don't think much of your boyfriend. As for you - I do understand why you would be feeling rejected, but really, the only choice you have is to either accept the relationship as it is or risk absolute rejection (and have a chance at getting what you want - a proposal) by telling him that you want and need to be married. If he is not interested, and that is truly what you do want and need, you owe it to yourself to be free to find it. Or, as I said, accept the reality of what you do have. I don't vote for that, since he is not nice to you. Link to post Share on other sites
John55 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Yes you don't think much of him, and validate her feelings, typical female BS. She is a typical woman, desperate to get power & money in the relationship, so she is playing mind games with the dude. Love, security, blah blah. Yeah right. I think they are a good match, and good for him to be in control, and not allow himself to be intimidated by the sisterhood. Edited July 31, 2010 by John55 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yes you don't think much of him, and validate her feelings, typical female BS. She is a typical woman, desperate to get power & money in the relationship, so she is playing mind games with the dude. Love, security, blah blah. Yeah right. I think they are a good match, and good for him to be in control, and not allow himself to be intimidated by the sisterhood. Oh, look. Another appearance of the troll. Where in this thread do you see that this woman is desperate to get power and money? From the very sparse information here, she has just expressed that she feels hurt and rejected by her boyfriend. In reality, a man laughing at his loved one when she brings up the fact that she would like to be married to him is a pretty good sign that he's a jerk, most men and women would agree. Sisterhood? His control? Whatever. In a relationship both people are there to get certain needs met, and if one of them is not getting those needs met, they owe it to themselves to move on in the hope of finding a relationship where they CAN. Duh. Link to post Share on other sites
MsSydneyLane Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your story. This is just a thought, but some men don't want to marry because of certain reasons. Find out what it is. And then make a decision. I have seen these situations before from which a long term engagement like 4 yrs onwards don't end up together. Of course, I'm not saying this is always true, but men have this tendencies, they get so assured that you'll always be there even if they don't marry you. You are taken for granted. I think you deserve better. I know it hurts.. just think of all the time wasted and effort for the relationship of 5 years. It's really painful, but let this man realize you're worth. You can give him ultimatum.. but then once you do this.. make sure you're prepared for the consequence. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I love him and been with him for a while. 5 yrs. He says he doesnt think im ready for it but yet he says now he isnt sure if thats what he wants or what he will ever want. Right, like putting words in your mouth. You know you want to get married yet you let this guy deliberately put words in your mouth to make you doubt yourself? Hell, if he were to propose the only words you should say is " NO!" Really, why do you want to marry a man who does not want to marry you? Nothing can stop a guy from proposing, unless he's really selfish and doesn't want to marry you in the first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted August 4, 2010 Author Share Posted August 4, 2010 He says now he doesn't trust any woman to be faithful that women cheat more than men and he even saw his mummy cheat on his father. Its a lost cause I guess Link to post Share on other sites
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 He says now he doesn't trust any woman to be faithful that women cheat more than men and he even saw his mummy cheat on his father. Its a lost cause I guess I hate to say it, but it's been a lost cause from the time you started this thread. Generally, if a man wants to marry you, he'll let you know. Whatever the rights or wrongs of this guy's reasons, the fact is, he doesn't want to marry you. So what you need to decide now is whether your content with your relationship staying as it is, or whether you want something more. If you want to be married, you'll have to marry someone else. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts