4givrnt4gtr Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 So Ive been with my boyfriend for about four months. Although it seems quite soon, in a past relationship by the four to five month mark I knew i wanted to marry the guy i was dating (ofcourse, I was the only one who felt that way). In this relationship, my boyfriend says he is 100% sure he wants to marry me and wants to have children with me. I, on the other hand, Im not so sure to jump on the lets get married train....but not because I dont love him...more like...what if it doesn't work? what if later on I find out something about him I cant live with? what if he changes the way he treats me? As of right now he has been the best boyfriend Ive had so far. He treats me really well, takes care of me, and I feel safe with him. I love his sense of humor, his caring nature, definitely love the way he looks....but for some reason, this time around I feel much more gun shy about the whole marriage thing. When I see other couples and how in love they seem and how both seem so sure about the other I feel jealous and wonder if Im in the wrong relationship despite how wonderful my boyfriend is with me. However, when we talk about getting married and having kids I feel excited, even though I know i have doubts Today he told me that if it were appropiate he would ask me to marry him right now. I got excited for a second but then all these fears began crawling thru my head.... Its so very weird, its like a mixture of excitement and fear...is that normal? Another thing...although we talk about marriage we wont get married til next year or the following, still I cant help but feel anxious about it. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 Woahh! You've ONLY been together four months! Why all this pressure and talk of marriage so soon??! I think you should slow down, especially since it seems to be freaking you out a bit. If you have doubts, LISTEN TO THEM. Don't ignore them! Also, in my experience, it's not uncommon for guys to get all excited & talk about marriage & the future when the relationship is brand new and still in the honeymoon phase. If he's still talking about it when the honeymoon phase is over, then you know he's serious about it and he's thinking about it logically not just emotionally. (There are loads of threads on here from girls who's boyfriends talked about marriage all the time in the beginning, but now they've been together 3 years and the BF is still just a BF with no plans of marriage in the works..) Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 You've only known the guy four months so you're right to be cautious. However, marriage is such a huge undertaking, if you have any doubts whatsoever, at any stage in the relationship (four months or four years) don't even consider it no matter how exciting it may seem. I have a theory 'if you're not sure, the answer is 'no''. You can apply it to almost anything and it usually works. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 I've hit 7 months with my BF and I "know" that he's the one for me. HOWEVER...I'm not running around looking for a ring right now. First I have to get moved in. Then I have to get settled, then after I see how things will go then I will think about a ring and talk it over with him. While I think a year is plenty of time to decide if someone is the one for you, I'm not at that point yet. In time, if it's the right guy it will work out. If not, it won't. But if you aren't jumping for joy at the mere thought of him I can't say that he's the right one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted July 19, 2010 Author Share Posted July 19, 2010 See thats how i feel, like its sooo ridiculously soon to be talking about kids and marriage. In fact it freaks me out when he kinda implies he'd be more than happy if we have an accident and end up pregnant. Ive talked to him about slowing down and stop talking about marriage. He agrees and stops it for a while but sometimes he brings it up again. Also, recently i was in the hospital for almost two week and in those two weeks he was more than amazing, taking care of me, watching out for my family etc. I though, thats it, he is it, so I made the mistake of talking about it again which encouraged him to get more intense about it. Att his point im not even sure our relationship will last long especially since im about to move, let alone think we're gonna get married. He on the other hand tells me he can't live without me, that im the love of his life that he will wait for me until im sure. All this is making feel guilty and stressed out. I really like him and all that but i feel he is waaay ahead of me and Im afraid i wont be able to catch up.... really not sure what to do Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 All this in four months??? You don't even know each other yet! That would be like marrying a stranger. Your feelings that this is too much too soon are absolutely valid. And you feeling freaked out with him implying he'd be happy if you end up pregnant when you barely know this guy is valid too. You're feeling freaked out for a good reason! Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Well you know my boyfriend and I have been together for a little under 6 months and we both know this is it for us. But like Crazy Magnet I'm not looking at rings and planning on going shopping for a wedding dress. Tell him to take a chill pill. Like I told my boyfriend the other night, when he told me he couldn't wait for us to start our lives together one day. Forever has already started for us, it started 6 months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Tell the guy to chill, no one gains anything from rushing into this. Getting married is a pretty big decison and there is no reason why you should make that decision when you're not ready. As LT said: 'if you're not sure, the answer is 'no'' We announced engagement after two months and got married after six months. While we are still together and happy, I don't recommend doing it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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