I think I acted too uninterested

[TooCasual]

I POSTED THIS FIRST IN CHEATING CATEGORY ACCIDENTALLY. I'M PASTING IT HERE I HOPE THAT'S OK.

 

Ok, I hang out in a place on a regular basis. My best friend works there so I'm there a couple of times each week.

 

I know mostly everyone there.

 

My reputation is friendly but not very available let's say.

 

Most of the guys there flirt and try to get a date with me but I usually blow it off as flirting and never really commit to dating any of them.

 

One guy, an attractive guy and the brother of a good friend, I never gave much thought about. He's been there often lately.

 

The girls like him but he's non-commital. He dates and sometimes if he brings his date there, they end up talking to me because they know I'm his friend to some extent.

The conversations are usually the same for each of them. They like him but he doesn't commit. They don't know what to do. Many of them are hung up on him.

 

He is actually very much like me.

 

Anyway, we got together one night when we were drunk. We both admitted that everyone we date gets hung up on us and scares us away. Then we joked how we were similar and who would get hung up on whom first. It was casual and neither offered to contact the other and I didn't think anything of it.

 

Since that night, we've ran into each other which led to getting together a couple more times within a week or two after that first night. Every time we ran into each other, he pursued me. He is affectionate and flirty and I really think he likes me and I think I could like him if I let myself but I feel like that is impossible now.

 

I'm not a game player and I never had to be. I'm also very picky and it takes me a long time before I really like someone. Usually, I'm running because the guy likes me too much.

 

I guess my question is, am I thinking about where this could go because I'm not used to a guy being so casual that it's become a bit of a challenge?

Am I just not used to or insulted that he hasn't asked me for even my phone number?

 

Also, how do we dig ourselves out of the hole we made in this casual relationship that is so 'unimportant' to both of us if we did want it to go further?

 

Should I just play it by ear? How do I know if he's more interested? I kind of made it difficult for him to go there or even ask me for my phone number because of the conversation that first night and visa versa.

 

I'm not inexperienced with the way men think. I'm pretty sure he's thinking what I'm thinking but how will I (or we) ever know?

[BlockHead]

TooCasual

I'm not a game player and I never had to be.

You are playing games.

[carla]

Next time your talking to him have a conversation simular about committment but put in the fact the maybe that the reason your scared to comit is that maybe your scared of wasting time with Mr. Wrong and that with Mr. Right you would be willing to take it slow. Then be open and honest about your feelings. If he is Mr.Right you could be ruining things by hidding your feelings behind a wall. If he runs, he wasn't Mr. Right. The best relationships are based on good communication and honesty. Good Luck.

[TooCasual]

Thank you for the advice.

 

I guess my problem is like everyone elses, fear of rejection.

 

I'm going to seem like all of the other girls he is used to 'falling for him' when I really didn't 'fall' yet.

 

Maybe Blockhead is right and I am playing games but so is he.

 

How do we end the game and get down to reality?

 

At this point, it's like the game Chicken. Who gives in first?

 

With his past experience, even if he does have interest in me, confronting him might make him back off, don't you think?

[carla]

If he runs, he wasn't Mr. Right

[monkey00]

now you finally get a taste of your own medicine!! ahahaha OK im done :-)

 

i guess since u 2 are similar in your ways with ppl, you know how it feels to be someone that you victimized. game players, playing hard to get, acting uninterested when you are....**** like this goes on forever like a cycle and if you cont it, you'll be stuck in it. why? cause it's fun and exhilirating to know that you have the power to attract ppl and yet not stay committed to them.

 

i suggest you look yourself in the mirror and do a self analysis of putting yourself in your victim's shoe and try to think like they think, act like they act, realize their faults and successes...it will probably help you figure this guy out and what he wants.

 

and oh yea, you have to act a little interested sometimes...if a guy gets a vibe that you're not interested in him, he's just gonna be sticking his foot through someone else's door...even a little eye contact or patting him on the back touching his arm...will show that you're interested.

 

ive done putting yourself in someone's shoe thing in the past before and i find it very effective and helpful. it's also helped me improve myself and my attitude better in certain aspects.