displacement

[nama]

Hello,

I hope anyone can offer any insight/ suggestions to my problem.

I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle. It happened a few times when I was 9 years old (I'm 28 now). I have been going to therapy the last year and I have worked out that since the abuse I had learned a dysfunctional coping mechanism. If I feel any discomfort i.e. feelings (stress/ anger/ hurt etc) I deny them and 'do activities' to 'forget' the feelings. If I'm stressed I may binge eat/ play computer games when I know I have deadlines/ have sex (i'm not in a relationship). I have been doing this for 20 years. I have lived with internal conflict for 20 years.

I guess what I'm asking is how did people cope with abuse and how do you 'unlearn' 20 years of bad behaviour?

Thanks,

N x

[TaraMaiden]

First of all, you have my profound sympathy for the experiences you had as a child.

Secondly, "unlearning" behaviour is something you would be far better to discuss with your therapist.

I'm sure there are professional guidelines and methods you could implement, but these would have to be advised and monitored by your therapist.

Thirdly, everybody's coping mechanisms are different, and some 'cope' with things better than others.

But if I may say so, you are posing questions which address painful issues for people who may have had great emotional pain and psychological scarring.

It's only my opinion, and I'm not seeking to be a spokesperson for those who have experienced such traumas, but I'm not sure airing such matters on a public forum, is really something that would be deemed either wise or constructive.

It may well open old wounds.

 

please - talk to your therapist, and continue with the professional and experienced help and support. I'm sure this would be a more productive and constructive route.

I wish you well, and peace in your life.

[sugarmomma]

For me I had to forgive my abusers and understand that hating them was simply holding me hostage to the events that took place.

 

I had to forgive myself for not telling someone what was going on and later staying with an abuser.

 

I had to learn how to "be" with my pain as well as any good feelings I was experiencing. Dealing with all my feelings has been the biggest challenge since I also like to medicate my pain (i.e. relationships, work, food etc).

 

Don't take on a victim mentality and instead take on a Victor way of thinking. Don't allow your past to determine your future. You do have a choice how you want your life to be going forward.