I miss my gf

[Durden]

One of my ex girlfriends I kept in contact with nearly everyday with emails for over a year. She finished with me (another one that did) but i wanted to get back with her, she was getting on with her life, but i wasnt. In the end i told her im not contacting her again as its messing my head up and im not moving on. I kept my word, and have not had contact with her for over 2 years now. Smartest thing I did. I dont want to go like that with my ex now, so i'm going to leave it. Really want to text or phone her, but she's made it clear she doesnt want to try again, so I have to get over it. Really hurting now though. If I phone her im just going to make a twat of myself telling her i miss her. In the end it makes it easy for her if im always phoning her. Knowing im at mine crying whilst she does whatever she's doing.

[UCFKevin]

Yes you will.

 

Don't think like that. Don't think you'll never give up because one day, you might just have to.

 

Just hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Never assume that things will work out right.

 

I didn't want to give up hope for the longest time at the end of my last r/s but I had to give in and just succumb to reality. It's a s***ty s***ty feeling but at least you can start recovering at that point.

 

Because, when you don't give up and hold onto that hope, every day is a suffering one. "Will I hear from her? Will today be the day? What if it doesn't work out? What if it does?" Only when it's definitely over and you accept it can your mind be at ease and KNOW it's over. Hope is a good thing...but not always.

 

Get rid of her photos, perhaps. I did. I regret it sometimes but I have no reason for the photos anymore. Other than looking at them and missing her and feeling bad. Why would I want that? I made the mistake of looking thru old emails and came across a few of hers. Seeing her say "I love you" was like a punch to the stomach.

 

I say cut off all contact. Don't pursue her, don't harass her. Let it be. The Beatles weren't screwing around when they made that song. Just let it be.

[Durden]

Kevin, your spot on.

[dario]

Yep....let it be.

[monkey]

so easy to say.

i burned all my bridges, gave up everything, job, friends, home , everything to start a life with my girl, so some can never give up. i'm all alone now with nobody

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

burned all my bridges, gave up everything, job, friends, home , everything to start a life with my girl, so some can never give up.

 

my god monkey... that was madness, but what is done is done so you just have to try and recover and learn from your mistake here!

 

i lucky enough always kept friendly with my friends so in my painful last few months i still have them all around me for company and support, my friends won't dump me or hurt me so they are very valuable

 

your job, friends and home are amongst the most stable things in your life and you should never neglect them nor should one expect a partner to neglect theirs!!!

 

i'm all alone now with nobody

 

take the bull by the horns and get out there to meet people

 

don't let your ex ruin the rest of your life, you deserve better and you will someday meet somebody better than your ex

 

i bet you she isn't all alone with nowbody or gave anything thing up to be with you

[monkey]

because it was real, going to Texas from England to start a new life, i stopped drinking for her & because it wasn't good for my health, all my mates were bar associates & wanted to finish with all that counterproductive ****, some of those guys will be there all their lives. My new lifestyle makes me not want to associate with them anymore, it's so difficult to go get new friends. I trusted her & feel my confidence is rock bottom & i'm so low.

She did what she did she said for me, tell me all what i needed to hear to get me home safely, if she said the truth, i wouldn't have come home, how did she expect me to be when i got home.

I don't understand her, i'm undergoing the biggest thing in my life ever, a huge transformation, yes for me, but because i not want to lose her. She had enough of how i was, so have i, but how does she know how i will be, this is all i ask to show her. I don't want to get back with her, i want to go forward with her.

She knows she won't want to be with me, but she wants to see the different me. This don't make sense to me.

Do people out there think people speak with there current emotions, i do, i was overmailing her & annoyed her, but i had so many things on my mind. 1 mail a week she said, never a no contact rule, just a content rule. When she sees my change, do you think she will change also, it's all i hope. I don't want to move on. I love her with all my heart. More now than ever.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

monkey you gave up too much for her and maybe she lost respect for you because you did that

 

you should never try and totally mould yourself into how someone else would want you ( of you think they want you) to be

 

i wouldn't want a girl to try and do that for me... that would put me right off her

 

its rather a different thing if you get interested in each others interests etc. like usually happens in relationships

 

but to fundamentally try and change your personality for somebody is impossible and any self improvement you may want to make should be for yourself first

 

monkey this sounds harsh but it sounds like she doesn't love you ( otherwise she wouldn't be 6000 miles away! ), never will and you are better forgetting about this girl forever

 

if she is 6000 miles away there is no way you can bump into her so it should help you move on

 

it sounds like you are trying to find problems with yourself to explain why she doesn't want you and this is a very very destructive process for you... do yourself a favour and go and see a professional therapist

 

also go and see your ex best friends and have a few drinks, you don't necessarily have to have their chosen lifestyle... just a few drinks OR if not go join a new club, take up a healthy hobby or sport, there are many many things to do in life besides a bar person 7 nights a week!

 

I don't want to move on. I love her with all my heart. More now than ever

 

sorry, i feel for you but realistically what are your chances of a reconciliation? answer this to yourself

 

at the end of the day...

 

DLTBGYD

 

Don't let the bastards get you down

[monkey]

I always had to return home because of visa reasons & i knew all along that she would be staying there because she worked for 2 years to afford to go to the USA. She's Hungarian & it was her dream. She initially didn't want any relationship at all, she was totally adamant because it may interfere with her dream, but she changed her mind.

 

She needs time to get over helping me, i was very insecure & emotionally fragile, a situational anxiety, a medical problem i couldn't help. If she fell ill i'd do anything for her. I'm doing all i said to her, with therapy & helping myself. I find it turns my stomach that she could say so much to me to get me home. She promised me that she would see me when i was well. She has her job there & i don't believe she doesn't feel bad about what she did, she couldn't be human not too.

 

We do have lots in common, not just intersets but views & i didn't change myself, i just did what was right for me.

 

As for reconciliation, no she doesn't love me now, the person who was fragile & anxious, but that was an illness i never had before & i'm having therapy & medication, but the massive transformation i'm undergoing, yes i do believe she can love me again, because i won't be the same person. I guess she has no confidence in this. But i need to show her.

[Durden]

Well, i decided to send the ex a valentines day card, I didnt know what kind of response i would get, but it wasnt what i hoped!! I posted it on wednesday evening and she got it today. I got a text from her basicly saying leave her alone and she wants her cd's back. Bit of a shock when i got it. So, my response is **** it. I have tried, she obviously didnt care about me as much as what she said she did. I'll post her cd's up, at thats the end of it. Least i know where i stand for definite now. Only cares about her ****ing ****e cd's!

[SoleMate]

Durden, I'm so sorry you got the bad news. That must hurt like anything. I bet the world looks pretty bleak to you right now - like there's no more joy and happiness for you. If I may be permitted to point out a tiny little bright spot - just a tiny one - at least she's not stringing you along. She just ripped her love right off ya instead of pulling it really slow and leaving you wondering what was happening. So you can get started on full scale grieving right away.

 

If I were you, I would pack up her CDs and every other little shred of her stuff in a big box. Not packed with utter rage and all the CDs smashed, just placed in a box with bubble wrap and sealed and addressed. Then kick the box a few times, talk to the box about how angry and hurt you feel, scream at it/her for betraying you and taking her love away from you, and take it to the post office, and mail it.

 

Then go do something good for yourself - something different and fun that doesn't require much ambition.

[Durden]

yeah i do feel pretty ****ty. I'm tired as well, havent had much sleep since we split up. And been trying to keep myself busy at work and the gym. I shouldnt have sent the card. Knew i'd end up reggretting it.

[Durden]

I've sent her precious cd's back. Got a text from her saying thank you very much, and she's going to send my stuff down soon. I was at work when i recieved the text. Felt like crying so i went somewhere quiet and i did. I havent sent her a text or anything since she text saying she wanted to be left alone. I have been alright the past few days. Just hit me today that its finally over.

I keep thinking that if i leave her alone for a while maybe she might see sense, but then i think im just kidding myself. I hate breaking up, its the worst feeling in the world. O.k getting kicked in the nuts hurts, but that goes after a few minutes.

[SoleMate]

I think jmargel posted about the six stages of grieving. It starts with denial, and moves on through bargaining, anger, a few others, and finally acceptance of the reality. You do need to go through the stages to really heal.

Make sure you give yourself the time and permission to do just that. It's good that you have a new job that may suit you better.

 

At some future time, you may want to look back at this relationship and decide if there's anything you want to change about yourself before the next go-round. There are some good resources at <URL removed> (which will apply to any committed relationship).

 

You know, so many of us have been where you are now - the dark valley of rejection and hopelessness. Every day takes you a step farther out of that valley. Good luck!

[monkey]

Brain Right

I forgot to say, when i met her she was adamant she didn't want a relationship to hinder her ambitions, because she had worked in her native Hungary for 3 years to save & plan her trip to England to au-pair & then onto America.

She changed her mind & i always knew if it came to it, she would remain in the States, whatever. I only had 3 months from the start & she had 6, but i was on the lookout for a job & got one but had to return to England to get a work visa, this is still possible, however i don't think she'll be there as long as she'd like, similarly for visa reasons.

My actions have pushed her away further, by emailing too much & wanting answers, & she speaks with her current emotions & at the time were anger towards me. I do believe that over time, when the air is clearer & she does want to see me, as she has said & i will be a different person, there will be a chance of reconciliation. She has leaft it open ended & i believe the "push & pull" theory will work. But neither of us are readers of the future, but her "current" emotions, understandably tell her we won't reconcile.

[Durden]

I didnt contact my ex at all. She sent me a text saying just had a new piercing done, in an intimate place. I just replied your a nutter!!. I thought she wanted to be left alone and she text me that after a week of no contact. I was begining to get over her, but it kind of dragged it up again. I feek ok though. Then she text me today asking if i could find out what has happened to a cple of DVD's she ordered from amazon last month. I said i'd look it up for her when i get back from work. I have, but have''nt sent her a msg. She could have done it herself! Why are woman so bloody confusing?? I know not all of you are, but the ones i meet seem to be!

[dario]

Hey Durdern...

 

Two words: Be careful.

[Durden]

yeah i know. I'm not going to let her screw my head up. As far as im concerned, its over. I know i should just tell her to leave me alone, but i havent got the heart to do it

[maxmuscle]

Druden,

 

Your ex is making small talk. She feels guilty about being a B**** when you sent her a valentines card. You left her alone and now she has nothing to do but think. Silence is a killer! Trust me it works to perfection every time. You have given her space and time and now in return you are getting responses at free will. Be careful and conitnue to give her time and space. Don't be so overly zealous to respond to her, she doesn't deserve it!

[Durden]

Your right maxmuscle!! I'm just going to get on with my life, what happens, happens.

[dario]

maxmuscle...that's true. Caution is the key...you don't want to be on an emotional rollercoaster ride that puts you back to another starting point that is now coupled with 'stronger' feelings of reconcilliation. Yeah, be careful. Follow your gut...perhaps that's silly to say. But, y'know, follow your mind as well as your heart. If you feel that pain you know where that pain will lead you...you know how potent it can become and you don't want to accelerate it. It'll drive you nuts.

[Durden]

I am so glad i found this forum. Best advice i've had in years has been on here

[monkey]

Max

Do you think time is a killer, gives them time to think what they done, or is making them feel guilty a good thing, like making them think that mabe they were too out of line.

What if time blows up in our faces & they think we've forgotten them.

She said to send 1 mail a week, but thinks i'll send more, but keeping in touch she wants.

[maxmuscle]

Monkey,

 

Your ex will never forget about you. Being silent speaks a million words. Its shows a sign of strength, independence, maturity, and understanding. Druden did a good thing by giving his ex what she wanted and now she is second guessing her initial plan. Druden was being patient without ever realizing it. His ex might just start to come around more and more. Silence makes the other think about the relationship more because there is no one there to remind them of the relationship, but you. And you are not around or talking to them about the realtionship.

[dario]

I think that's so true.

 

I went through hell post breakup due to reasons that had nothing to do with my ex. And, foolishly, I took some of it out on her (not in a harsh way) in some kind of 'need you etc'. I don't think your ex needs to know what spot you're in right now, Monkey. Better yourself and she will call down the track. Right now you've flooded your mind with her and not you - it's been priority number one for you. Do you really think it is priority number one for her? No chance. You are being a nuisance to her.