monkey Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Cheers all, absence & the heart being fonder. It can't do anything but good, i'm just an impatient man. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Top forum this one. Myself I am giving the ex a period of silence, though I desperately want to contact her. SHe is waitning on letters for her job to come and the only time I will see her in the short term i s when she picks them up. I want this woman back, I love her, but I aint playing her game. I want her to stew in her own thoughts about how the relationship was good (and it was) and how even though she says it was a good decision, she aint going to have any 'enlightenment' and 'growth' without someone to care for her. She can stew for a month and then I contact her. My worry is though will she really think about it? I mean, what thought processes will she have? I think about it often, but will she? I wonder and am concerned about this. Her view of enlightenment and growth was that rather than me and her doing nice homely things like markets and outings, she will sit in a bar and drink. WOW!! But will she think of me? She said she still loved me last week....... I hate this. I dont need her, but I want her. WHat to think adn do is the thing. Link to post Share on other sites
LikkleMissConfused Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Arabess I totally agree with you: I don't think there is anything harder in life than getting over someone you truly loved. No matter whether the other person loved you or not it is hard when you have truly cared nurtured and loved someone. My advice to you would be leave it alone! Don't put yourself through the pain. You are talking and thats good but don't crowd her. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Top Banana fishman, stew in her own juices, as tasty as they are she can stew in them. It takes time for people to realise that they're in the wrong. Keep the flag flying! Monkey Link to post Share on other sites
Author Durden Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 Got a text yesterday saying thanks for sorting her DVD's out for her. Didnt reply, just leaving her alone. Still aint got my stuff back yet! Dunno what to do about it, she said she'll post it to me, dont want to use my stuff as an excuse to text her. Maybe a month down the line and i havent got it, might text then. Aint nothing important any way, so not too bothered. Still miss her, but not hurting as much. **** happens! Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Heeya! Dont make it any easier. I was thinking about how I could hold her last night and strangelythe feeling was a bad one. I been 'apart' for three weeks (though she only just left and the way she acted was like she still was in the relationship - hugs nd kisses and sex and words of 'what I want is this is in my life' - exactly what I offered) but I feel not humiliation or pain, but a sense of growth - like I am going to be better out of this NO MATTER what. I will find someone - either her again or someone new and I will ultimately have the life I want. If this ex leaves forever and has her miserable 'enlightened life' of bars and clubs then so be it. To quote Treebeard "a wizard should know better!!!" I will become more enlightened and one day when the dust settles and the stew is all cooked she will go "oh.......sh*t. what have i done." If it is too late, then to late. If not, well, alas. I aint her possesion and property to play with as she sees fit. I am a human being with emotions and honour. I did nothing wrong and I will benefit in knowing that. In one year this will not be read by me, I may be with someone else, I may not be too, I may be her again. Either way, I know i am RIGHT, no matter what I do here. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 I'm sending my 1 a week mail & i still get no answer, i can't believe her coldness, & that she realisticly thinks that what she has done to me hurts so much. ! Should i text her to ask why she hasn't answered my mails, i mean it's so frustrating that she is a push of a button away & i can't contact her because of this space thing, but then why she say 1 a week? Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Unfortunate thing is that anytime you 'push' at her with your feelings, she 'pushes' away from you. You SMS her she goes "oh not again," and will be less likely to come back; Easiest thing to get her back (no guarantees) is to let them stew. Dont contact them at all (unless it is business like things.) I know it is also ther hardest cause I am going thru the same thing. At the same time you have to grow and make up your mind as to what you really want - if you appear this huge person who is all 'oh, i miss you" they pull further back. Not easy, but it is all we have.... Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I know about all the pushing & pulling, it's so hard when i'm leaft with no answers & i think of whats she's doing as i was this time last year we were so happy in her country. We started a life together abroad & now i'm back here & all is in limbo & i feel crap. How can people have such lack of emotion & feelings, especially someone that was so close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Durden Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 I went out on the town last night, and pulled twice! And was told by two beautiful woman that i am f'ing gorgeous. Cheered me up! This afternoon I was woke up by ex with a text asking what email address was. I replied with it, and then when i finally crawled out of bed and checked my emails, there was 1 from amazon with the details of 2 cd's she just ordered. She still uses my email as she has'nt got 1 set up. Bit strange getting that after she told me to leave her alone! I'd be lying if i said i was over her totally, but dont really give too much of a **** anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I woke this morning wit all our photos arriving & looking at them & seeing us holding hands & touching thighs in romantic places in San Antonio & everything, it just makes me realise that it can't all be false & that it can be there again, this was at a time when all we were was friends & yet she was holding my hand & thigh & we look like proper partners, i can't believe we are having this space thing after i see them, it's so stupid & childish. I know my panic attacks freaked her, but this was an illness, just like cancer or flu, & cpuldn't be helped. Surely what i see in these photos, means something & can't be thrown away by something i'm working on getting rid of!, afterall she felt like holding my hand & certain intimate times, when now i realise it was for me, people with her morals, don't do this! Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Monkey, I dont want to sound rude, but let go! Comes to it at the end of the day that you dont need her, you want her. I also want $1,000,000 but I dont need it to live. I know it is hard - hell, I saw my ex yesterday and I am screaming to contact her inside, but I know I have to distract myself and do other stuff to not forget, but forgive I suppose. I know how you could be missing her, the frustration and the feeling of "why?" You wanna find out why right now and have her go "I am sorry.." Unfortnuately that aint going to happen. Mate, try online dating and fire off responses and contacts to new women (I have met some 25 women in the past 3 weeks - some I would go out with, some as friends) and it is a huge self esteem boost - you dont have to meet them - just chat online.... ALso, exercise, makes you feel great. If you ake yourself a better person inside, no matter how much you hurt at the end of the day you come out the other side of the tunnel a better person. I know it sems hard, but it is truth. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Twenty five?! Crikey! Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 And I have a head like a dropped pie..... go figure!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Monkey That was then. This is now. There are photos of me and my ex-husband and of me and other SOs over time. AT THE TIME I felt that way, but I do NOT now. She felt that way about you THEN but this is a different time. People change. Feelings change. You absolutely must understand this. Hundreds of people at this site who have been left, gotten divorced, etc. have photos of themselves when they were 'in love' with someone that they are not 'in love' with now. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Sorry to butt in - but Aussies on the SHACK! 25 did you say? Ain't that kinda normal for AUSTRALIAN men?!?!? (He he he!) We don't all look like Steve Irwin! Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 *blush* Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I wonder how many Aussie there are on the shack? Man, we should have a Shack meet-up in Oz...this is completely off the topic! Just good to see other Aussies on board! Um, Monkey...if you let the pain continue it will consume you. I'm very up and down and very unsure sometimes...but you can make it through this and push on. Don't blow off the year because of her. You know you...you know what you can do in this world and if you don't make it happen because of this one woman...well, that's a kick in the teeth for YOURSELF. I have a good friend who I saw last night and everytime I talk to him I walk away with a stronger piece of determination. Speak to people who will lift you....I mean, these LS guys help out alot. But get some one on one with someone you can trust. Talk to a publican at your local...drown your sorrows not with liquor but with words and laughter. Do me a favour - go to your local, sit at the bar, order a coke or something, order up some chips and just talk to the guy behind the bar. I know that people will be saying, 'Dario you idiot! Don't go to the pub!!!!' But you know, during the day a couple of times on the weekend I went to my local and just sat at the bar and talked to a familiar face. It helps. And you know, you don't HAVE TO DRINK...just talk, listen to the music....hey, you know the best thing to do? Something physical! I'm probably sounding like a friggin lunatic! But cut grass, lift bricks, cut steel....get your hands dirty. Once that mind is occupied you're not thinking and thinking and diving into self pity and analytical thoughts over and over. That's my opinion! Again, to all those from Oz (especially from NSW ) CYA! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I heard a sailor say once...... If someone steals my favorite car, I can always rent me a ride in an easy taxi! I applaud you guys....at least you are making the most of a bad situation and finding something to do. I haven't replaced my ex overnight.....but it wasn't for a lack of trying!!! MONKEY....DAMMIT MAN....take the hint from these guys and find some fun in your life. It won't heal your heart....but it'll darn sure distract you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Funny you should say that about the sailor Arabess, Fishman and I were e-mailing earlier and I expressed a bit of regret that he doesn't live in Sydney. Heh. I know I wouldn't actually do it, but I can always tell myself that if worst comes to worst there's always Nevada... The sheer thought of -ever-having to sink that low keeps me going after a bad date. Monkey, Perhaps you should consider having a BBQ, if you catch my drift. Photo paper burns reeaal purty. All blue and green and purple and orange... Consider it your last spiritual message to her, and then stop trying to get back in touch with her in the real world. I get the sense you've got your head wrapped around some soulmate idea, so go read up on soulmates. Some of them are -meant- to hurt you. That way you're strong enough to handle the real thing when it comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Nevada????? Somewhat lacking in water for fishman and sailors.....HAHAHAHA! What made you pick Nevada? Actually, it's a wonderful state. I love the Arizona too. Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Perhaps "little Dixie" was reading that quote you posted.... Sydney and certain towns in Nevada both have legalized prostitution. Considering how bad dating in the U.S. can be for guys who go out with women under approx. 35 (at least where I live), one of our dark little jokes is that if we're going to spend $200 on a date like she wants, we might as well just take a road trip out west and get some guarunteed no-hassle loving. That said, I love the desert and if I could find work in my field in a place like Santa Fe I'd move in a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I'm OVER 35.....I just require hot chicken wings and cold beer......no where NEAR $200 bucks! Not to be confused with the "Chicken Ranch Whore House' in Nevada! I live in a Navy town....you can get it on the side of the road for $20. Ugly as crap......but the same end result. LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I will forever have a love/hate relationship with Sydney....but it will always be home. Link to post Share on other sites
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