Living with Girl - 2.5 years - Marry or Breakup - Complication - Met Someone

[leadoff]

Ok, I've been living with my girl friend (at my house) for about 2.5 years. She is very cool but she isn't taking care of herself and has gained quite a bit of weight. She leaves food out doesn't clean up after herself and in many ways is a walking Dennis the Menace. She is however, pretty, kind, considerate and let's me be me.

 

The time has come to either get engaged or break up. We, despite the above don't have very much in common. I enjoy sports and games, like a clean house / kitchen ect. and she does not. She enjoys her computer and tv but not much else. I've invited her on several occasions to join me in what I'm doing or at least to watch but has only shown up twice in 2.5 years. Sex has waned and is at this point almost non-existent. She has put a deadline on the relationship as to when she figures I should propose or she's gone.

 

To complicate things I met a girl recently and almost by accident (I know there are no accident's like this) we went to lunch. We had a great conversation and found that we had things in common. We ended up seeing each other again this week and by the end of the night ended up making out in the car outside of her house.

 

My girlfriend is very cool and I don't want to throw anything really worthwhile away. I don't want to be any more of a jerk than I've already been so I have to make a decison.

 

What do I do??????????? Help!!!

[yes]

2.5 years and all these doubts incl. making out w/ someone else? sounds like the break up bells are ringing LOUDLY.

 

good luck,

-yes

[Tony T]

Sorry Dude but this is a decision you're going to have to make all by yourself. There's really no significant input anybody can give you from what you have written. Until the day you die you can meet new ladies and make out with them. That's not rocket science. If you don't think you can live without the lady you're with, then marry her. If you think you won't miss her and you can do much better, go for it.

[Darkangelism]

What feels more right to you?

[Iamhappy]

I think you should break up with her.

 

She deserves better. She deserves a man who'll be honest with her about the state of relationship, not some a**hole who cheats on her because he has "doubts."

 

I feel sorry for you. You obviously have no idea what respect means. You have none for yourself and certainly not for this woman or the relationship you shared for the last 2 1/2 years.

[SoleMate]

Ya know, I'm going to say something a little different here...You like a clean house, and you prefer that you and your partner not be overweight. Well, your current gf is lacking in these areas. But you don't really know if the new flame is tidy, or if she'll put on weight either. Why don't you let #1 go, and get to know #2, but SLOWLY? And then see if you really are compatible on the important stuff like:

 

* neat/sloppy

* fit/fat

* morning/night

* couch/outdoors

* C&W/alternative rock

* sushi/mashed potatoes

* kids/no kids

* drugs/no drugs

etc.

 

In other words, if you pick up girls based on their willingness to make out and some superficial similarities, you will be jumping from one frying pan into what may become ANOTHER frying pan.

[Miss_Prolixity]

Hi Lead,

 

It has taken you 2 1/2 years to figure out if you're compatible or not? You know, it doesn't matter who you meet in life, someone or something will disappoint you. You can dump your g/f and move into another relationship, but sooner or later you will find something that irritates you about them too.

 

I find in America we have the 'disposable relationship syndrome'. It becomes too easy to get rid of a person or problem than to work on it. That's why communication is essential to a relationship. Have you even tried to express your concerns to your current g/f? Maybe address the problem about how it affects you that the house isn't as tidy as you like and maybe you both can find a resolution? Also, if her weight is bothering you, maybe encourage her by working out together. Or find some hobby/sport you both could find pleasure in. But never critisize her appearance, as that will bring resentment towards you.

 

One thing I will address is, finding someone who loves you unconditionally and supports you is more important than physical beauty. Sure being attracted to your mate is important, but I hope you have more in common with somone than their physical appearance which fades in time.

 

Lastly, remember the saying "the grass is greener on the other side"? Well, that is a syndrome some people fall into. And when they fall into that trap, most will keep looking for "the other side" and make it rountine for part of their lives, instead of treasuring the person who truly loves them.

[lostforwords]

nah.... I say dump her.... clearly you dont deserve some one like her.... shes far too good for you... your far into the appearance thing and care only about the outside not the inside... you want a clean house? hire a maid.... your far too immature anyways to be bogged down by marriage... you wouldnt be able to handle any problems or situations properly.... your bleak outlook on a small issue like this speaks volumes of how you would handle it if something even far more serious arises if you were married.

[Misty2004]

It disturbs me that you haven't said anything about loving or even liking your current gf.

How do you feel about her? ( Putting aside any new romance that is possible)

 

If she's giving you an ultimation like that, I'd say she's a strong woman that has put up with things bn snagnant too long and she knows it

[befuddled11]

I'm a little amazed at your "2 possible choices" here....from either marrying her, or breaking up with her.

 

First of all, I don't think there's anything at all wrong with openly admitting that you're turned off by your girlfriend's weight gain and obvious lack of concern for her appearance. That goes beyond looks, that says a lot about a person's respect for themself. If someone doesn't respect themself and has a "who cares" attitude, it's common for that to manifest in their lack of attention to their appearance. For those offended by your comment about this, who accuse you of being shallow and only concerned with "looks", that's a crock...and most likely coming from someone who has issues with their own weight/appearance. We all deserve to be with someone who takes pride in their appearance....who's not a slob, who's not lazy.

 

Your sex life basically doesn't exist. Why do you think that is? Do you not initiate because you're not very attracted to her anymore? Or does she not want sex?

 

For someone here to snottily tell you that you should just "get a maid", that's crazy. You weren't talking about expecting her to be your maid and housekeeper.....sounds more like she's just really let her go, is lazy and has no sense of responsibility to even pick up after herself or put food back in the fridge, etc. That's gross. Nobody wants to be with someone and have to be like a parent and have to "remind them" to pick up after themself.

 

It doesn't sound like you have much in common anymore. You're recognizing that.

 

However, the right and manly thing to do is make a decision about where you're going WAY before you continue to mess around with the new gal (or any other gal, for that matter). You owe it to your girlfriend to either p*ss or get off the pot. If you're not attracted to her, you feel that you're now very different, that you have different personalities and she's not as active as you are, and your sex life sucks...then it would seem obvious that you're no longer a good match.......and proposing to her isn't going to "fix" the problems.

 

Does your gf work? Or does she spend a lot of time at home lounging around and having no ambition?

 

Is she depressed? Has she been under a lot of stress in her life? Was she always so lazy and slobby?

[lostforwords]

For those offended by your comment about this, who accuse you of being shallow and only concerned with "looks", that's a crock...and most likely coming from someone who has issues with their own weight/appearance

 

befuddled, your just being silly!! LOL are you for real

 

For someone here to snottily tell you that you should just "get a maid", that's crazy

 

not crazy, just realistic, if you cant handle it, dont read it, certainly no need for you to pick at someone elses post. Yours is a great post tho.

[jmargel]

Lead, Miss_Prolixity has a good post. You need to discuss these things with her. Do you love her, and more importantly are you IN love with her? That should be the deciding factor. If your answer is yes then i'm sure your gf will work on things with you if you let her know in a nice way that you are having problems with somethings between you too.

 

If you say no to the question above, then its pointless to try to work on things. Just don't string her along while you are with this other girl. No one can give you an answer on what to do. The people here who have posted giving you an answer, really shouldn't. They should guide you to come up with an answer, but that's about it.

[morrigan]

You're responsible for your decision. You don't sound at all like an individual ready to get engaged, and while you claim to like your girlfriend, you have doubts about your living situation. Plus, your interested in other women. I don't see committment coming out of this equation.

[UCFKevin]

If anyone ever says they have a choice, break up or marry, the answer is OBVIOUSLY break up, regardless of the circumstances.

 

People should marry because they want to be together forever, not because of an ultimatum or anything else, as another option or whatever. It should be about love, not a convenient outcome.