My stupid eating disorder is flaring up...

[Lauriebell82]

I'm unsure what to do right now. I can feel my eating disorder flaring up again. It's mostly due to my job, I work night hours and the stupid nurses in my unit put all this junk food in the nurse's station. I HAVE to go in there in order to get the files for clients and the record log. Also the coffee pot is in the room with all the food! My clients also ask me if I am an addict, I have started to say I have an eating disorder, which has made me think about it more. I have binge eating disorder, it's in "recovery" as I haven't binged in years and years. I am still obsessed though! I guess I'm still psychologically addicted.

 

I'm really scared. Help!

[Citizen Erased]

Have you seen anyone about the eating disorder LB? Cos this isn't really the type of thing we can just say oh well avoid the food and drink lots of water.

 

I am sorry it's flaring up. I bet you're putting pressure on yourself to be gorgeous for your wedding, which you already are by the way.

[Lauriebell82]

Have you seen anyone about the eating disorder LB? Cos this isn't really the type of thing we can just say oh well avoid the food and drink lots of water.

 

I am sorry it's flaring up. I bet you're putting pressure on yourself to be gorgeous for your wedding, which you already are by the way.

 

Thanks. I received treatment years and years ago when I was binging hardcore. I was pretty overweight back then, after some therapy I stopped binging and my obsession went down a lot. The "thoughts" were still there a little bit and I did fluctuate but I NEVER binged after that (it's been like 10 years) or gained a significant amount of weight.

[sugarmomma]

Maybe you can reflect back on some of the things you learned in treatment to get you through the difficult moments. Get some literature and other resources (i.e. support groups) that may help. If you've been recovering for years you kinda know what you need to do in terms of getting back to basics.

 

Best wishes.

[D-Lish]

LB, it will never leave you, it's always going to be an issue.

When I was an emaciated bone rack at 105lbs, I looked in the mirror and couldn't see the difference between being 105lbs and my former weight of 160lbs. Even now, levelling out at 120lbs, I see that 160lb girl in the mirror.

 

Eating healthy is a choice, just like abstaining from alcohol, drugs, or any other addiction.

 

What exactly are you scared of? Gaining weight?

[Lauriebell82]

 

What exactly are you scared of? Gaining weight?

 

Yeah, that's an understatement! Mostly because it has happened many many times in the past. When I try to stop worrying about it and just "eat" I end up gaining weight. I had a slight weight gain since starting my job, but I have since cut back on eating junk and I took it back off. Unfortunately, it has left me paranoid and scared that I will gain it back again. There is a support group that I found called "Food addicts in recovery" that I might check out. It's specially for those who are in "recovery" as in they are not physically active in their eating disorder, but still struggling with the psychological symptoms.

[Art_Critic]

LB..

 

You need to step back and re-evaluate where the stress is coming from in your life and alter it or learn how to deal with it differently.

 

Is the upcoming wedding stressing you out as well ?

You seem like a bit of a bride-zilla type ( no offense meant.. just trying to nail down your stressor and being a bit of a bride-zilla isn't all bad) and maybe the wedding plans are taking their toll on you while you are getting this extra stress from work.

 

My opinion is that if you cannot control your eating then get your butt in counseling now!!

[Lauriebell82]

LB..

 

You need to step back and re-evaluate where the stress is coming from in your life and alter it or learn how to deal with it differently.

 

Is the upcoming wedding stressing you out as well ?

You seem like a bit of a bride-zilla type ( no offense meant.. just trying to nail down your stressor and being a bit of a bride-zilla isn't all bad) and maybe the wedding plans are taking their toll on you while you are getting this extra stress from work.

 

My opinion is that if you cannot control your eating then get your butt in counseling now!!

 

Actually, I'm not particularly stressed out about the wedding. I am very organized and have a schedule of when everything needs to get done. I do fight with my mom and act like a bridezilla towards her, but not anyone else (not saying that's a good thing, but you know what I mean). Nobody has mentioned anything to me anyway...

 

I think it's mostly my job, the hours are hard, I rarely see fiance. My eating is not out of control YET, but the psychological symptoms have flared up a lot more then usual, as I wrote in my OP. So far I have been able to stay in recovery. I am scared about relapsing though...

[SummerLady]

Actually, I'm not particularly stressed out about the wedding. I am very organized and have a schedule of when everything needs to get done. I do fight with my mom and act like a bridezilla towards her, but not anyone else (not saying that's a good thing, but you know what I mean). Nobody has mentioned anything to me anyway...

 

I think it's mostly my job, the hours are hard, I rarely see fiance. My eating is not out of control YET, but the psychological symptoms have flared up a lot more then usual, as I wrote in my OP. So far I have been able to stay in recovery. I am scared about relapsing though...

 

Mine is job related as well. Tons of pressure. Some is personal but not much of it. It's an old way to cope that is harmful. So mad sometimes that it won't go away. I also see myself differently than the way I am. At 105 I also thought I could lose a few. Ugh. When I see pictures of what I looked like at 105 I see where my SO said wow you were too thin. I was. I need to find a middle ground. Tired of the extremes. I will look for a support group today.

[laRubiaBonita]

Maybe you can reflect back on some of the things you learned in treatment to get you through the difficult moments.

 

i agree. it is good to go in for what i call a "tune Up" every couple of years.... just to stay on the otherside of the Line.

 

LB, it will never leave you, it's always going to be an issue.

When I was an emaciated bone rack at 105lbs, I looked in the mirror and couldn't see the difference between being 105lbs and my former weight of 160lbs. Even now, levelling out at 120lbs, I see that 160lb girl in the mirror.

 

Eating healthy is a choice, just like abstaining from alcohol, drugs, or any other addiction.

 

exactly my thoughts!

[Green]

have you been having sex with your bf... could have something to do with that... maybe if your bf hasn't seen you naked in a while you are worried about what you will look like.

[Lauriebell82]

i agree. it is good to go in for what i call a "tune Up" every couple of years.... just to stay on the otherside of the Line.

 

Yeah, I was looking for someone who specializes in eating disorders but can't really find anyone in the area. I'm looking into this Food Addicts group. I am very scared though...

 

have you been having sex with your bf... could have something to do with that... maybe if your bf hasn't seen you naked in a while you are worried about what you will look like.

 

Haha, no we do have sex on a regular basis. Actually, I've never really been worried about that, it DOES make me feel good when he notices that I've lost weight and he tells me. But he will never say I look fat or bad so I never worry about what I will look like.

[laRubiaBonita]

Yeah, I was looking for someone who specializes in eating disorders but can't really find anyone in the area. I'm looking into this Food Addicts group. I am very scared though...

 

so you go to a group.... what is the worst that could happen? you do not really have to do anything you do not want to do- or else you can just leave.

 

No biggie give it a try, at least- you cannot rule it out unless you try it!

 

GL!