Am I overreacting?

[BubbleFreak]

My dad and niece are having a combined birthday party. I am footing 1/3 of the bill for it (my two brothers are paying the rest), plus also making a big fancy birthday cake for it, and helping to decorate the place and prepare food for the day. I had to take a day off work for it. I was talking to my brothers about the party just 2 days ago.

 

After 3 days of inactivity on FB I check it, and realise several days ago my sister-in-law posted on a cousin's wall that the party has been changed to a different date, pushing it forwards a week. Since it's too late at night to call them directly, I sent my brother a message on FB asking if this was true. My sister-in-law responded straight away and posted on my wall that yes the party is now less than 2 weeks away and that I should go over early that day to help.

 

I was very angry, but I collected myself the best I could, and deleted her message from my wall. I then sent her a private message and said I was very upset that I had to find out about the date changes by reading it on someone else's page on FB, and that it angered me she and my brother did not ask me and simply assumed I would be ok with it, and that I deserved more say in the matter. And to call me tomorrow.

 

Am I overreacting?

[Ronni_W]

Short answer: No!

 

Their behaviour is inconsiderate and disrespectful.

If, due to the date change, you can no longer fulfill all your original 'promises', then THEY must live with their decision to change the date without getting your input, and THEY must make arrangement and foot the whole bill for whatever you are, as a consequence of THEIR unilateral decision, now unable to do. IMO.

 

I'd suggest just do what YOU are comfortable doing under these new circumstances: things you won't resent doing or feel guilty not doing, long after the party is over.

[BubbleFreak]

I am further aggravated after the phone call today. My brother was angry that something as "trivial" as a date change should be a problem. Angry that I told them to call me, and why didn't I call them instead. Thinks just because the new time does not suit me, that I am being selfish because he has already told all the guests and they are OK with the change. Did not apologise for forgetting to let me know, but instead telling me to grow up and suck it up. Anything I said I'm sure he didn't hear since he was yelling the whole time, nonstop. I thought how I stated my feelings yesterday were assertive and not at all rude, but he clearly took offense to it.

[HeldbyGravity]

Some people just don't understand that when you take the day off of work to do something, it's not easy to just adjust it. You have the right to be mad, yes. Stay mad? Eh, that doesn't change the insensitivity of your brothers and whoever else knew about the date change.

 

Tell one of them, without any malice or contempt lacing your words, that next time this type of thing happens, you need to be alerted ASAP, because you need to tell your boss earlier and switch plans if needed. The reason why I'm saying not to yell at them about it is that that doesn't change anything or help the situation, only gets everyone all mad at one another right before a big family gathering! But talking about it, sharing what happened because of it, helps.

[BubbleFreak]

Thanks Ronni_W and HeldbyGravity for your replies. The same thing happened last year for my dad's birthday party, for a similar reason. One of my brothers took control of everything and me and my other brother were pretty much just dollar signs, footing the rest of the bill. I don't think my other brother cares that he has little input into party planning, but I was annoyed. I already told him that he needs to keep me in the loop about what is going on, but he just doesn't.

 

You're right, HeldbyGravity, I shouldn't stay angry because it won't help in any way. It just shook me up to be woken up by a phonecall and then have my brother yelling into the speaker the whole time and also throwing in some uncalled for insults. Nothing I say will change who he is.

 

My dad's birthday party is just so important for me because he doesn't have much longer to live. He has a terminal disease and the slow death has been stretching out for a number of years, how much more time is left is uncertain. I'm the one that has to care for him because I live with him plus I have two other jobs to help pay bills. I'm busy and my brother and sister-in-law just don't understand the importance of my role.