Can NC push an ex farther away?

[Username37]

I don't know. I feel like breaking NC now. I think I done it too long and I'm at a point where she totally forgot about me.

[rager]

Well after 4 weeks of NC, I still wonder about this..but it only last a brief moment as my thoughts move on.

 

In my mind right now, I will contact her again. But it will only be after I'm fully over her and can accept her as a friend, handle her talking about guys shes dating and answer questions about other guys truthfully, without any pain.

 

How long will this take? I'm not sure - certain aspects are close to being there but I still have some way to go. In the end, time will tell. I may just decide in 2 weeks time that I dont want to hear from her again I have no need to.

[A Hot Mess]

Wait, so you told her she can no longer string you along and that you won't take her crums and she bailed?

 

 

Exactly what value are you providing to this thread?

 

I, unlike you, am answering the OP's question with my personal experience. Once again, my point is that "Yes. Going NC, CAN push your ex away." I mean really, that's kind of the point, to keep them out of your mind/life. But obviously some people are using NC as a way to get their ex's interest level back up. Which, may not work out in their favor, and initiating NC might just hasten the process.

 

Would you like to dispute that? Or just continue to make pointless comments?

Edited July 21, 2010 by A Hot Mess

[HeavenOrHell]

What would breaking NC achieve? If I'd broken NC when I still wanted him back it would have set me back and taken longer to move on.

Don't do it, it's not worth it! Unless you are one of the RARE couples who get back together and stay together. How likely is that?

I don't mean to sound harsh here, just passing on what worked for me in helping me move on.

 

 

I don't know. I feel like breaking NC now. I think I done it too long and I'm at a point where she totally forgot about me.

[Maverick1983]

All these "win your ex back" sites,I'm sure we all know them, foolishly say nc is a counter intuative way to win back a loved one.What a load of bs.Alot of people have correctly said that it is good for one thing and one thing only and that is the oppurtunity to move on yourself.If you use nc as a weapon against someone you are meant to love well doesn't it just contradict you're intentions.Why would you trick someone you still love by ignoring them?if someone asks for space it's ok,if someone dumped you it's ok but if you dump someone and regret it well that person will only feel as though nc from you is just confirmation you don't care IMO.

[Ilovecake]

Exactly what value are you providing to this thread?

 

I, unlike you, am answering the OP's question with my personal experience. Once again, my point is that "Yes. Going NC, CAN push your ex away." I mean really, that's kind of the point, to keep them out of your mind/life. But obviously some people are using NC as a way to get their ex's interest level back up. Which, may not work out in their favor, and initiating NC might just hasten the process.

 

Would you like to dispute that? Or just continue to make pointless comments?

 

Just because my opinion is different than yours doesn't make it not valuable. I'm telling the OP that NC logically can not push someone further away who's really no longer there for them. That is my personal experience and opinion.

 

As far as your post which was directed at me, you yourself said when you instated NC your ex stopped stringing you along. I see that as a good thing. You say what I said is pointless because you don't want to hear the truth but I believe I made a pretty big point that your relationship was over and going NC didn’t change that and waiting around for your ex didn’t change it either. People can’t move on because they refuse to accept the finality of the breakup. Once you accept that the person is gone that's when you start healing.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Ilovecake

[GrayClouds]

Right. But with me on the leash, it provided her some security in that she didn't have to pick anyone.

That is one way to look at it, another and much more accurately;

 

With you on the leash, it provided her some security to pick everyone.

 

She get to eat all her cake she wants (and in this case cake meaning as many boyfriends/sex) and a have it too ( and in this case cake meaning you sitting at home wanting sex). YOur providing her the training wheel to learn how to ride, though eventually she will take those training wheels off and never put them on again.

 

Finally if a girl needs the "security" of a boyfriend in her life she to live her life was not much of a catch to began with.

 

By going NC you avoid both scenarios reinforcing your own worth to you and the world. Besides if your thinking of NC and wondering how it is effecting the EX your missing the point, it more then not talking, it about making the focus you. So I guess I am saying I am with Ilovecake on this one

 

.

Edited July 21, 2010 by GrayClouds

[A Hot Mess]

As far as your post which was directed at me, you yourself said when you instated NC your ex stopped stringing you along. I see that as a good thing. You say what I said is pointless because you don't want to hear the truth but I believe I made a pretty big point that your relationship was over and going NC didn’t change that and waiting around for your ex didn’t change it either. People can’t move on because they refuse to accept the finality of the breakup. Once you accept that the person is gone that's when you start healing.

 

I don't want to "hear the truth"? What, exactly, are you telling me that I don't already know? Never once in any of my posts did I ever say anything about wanting my ex back or that I hadn't accepted that the relationship was over.

 

Try some reading comprehension, perhaps. Also you might want to maybe stop projecting your own issues, or those of others you apparently spend hours and days on here knocking down, onto my posts. Once again, I answered the OP's question. In my situation, going NC sped up the time frame in which my ex jumped into another relationship. Nothing more. Nothing less. I wasn't using NC as a tool to win her back. The following was even in my initial post that you obviously didn't read, or understand...

 

"I wasn't using NC as a tool (as I realized I could never date her again, regardless if she wanted to), but as a way to finally (after being stupid for a while) start respecting myself and begin picking up the pieces."

 

 

 

Finally if a girl needs the "security" of a boyfriend in her life she to live her life was not much of a catch to began with.

 

Exactly. Trust me, I know this.

 

 

 

Besides if your thinking of NC and wondering how it is effecting the EX your missing the point, it more then not talking, it about making the focus you. So I guess I am saying I am with Ilovecake on this one

 

You both are missing the point. I didn't post a sob story about how I wanted to get my ex back, bought a $29 course, went NC, and she jumped into a relationship with another guy. For the thousandth time, I'm simply saying that NC can push your ex farther away. Never did I say I wasn't focusing on myself, or constantly worrying about what she is doing. Ya know, there are plenty of ways that the doings of your ex can get back to you, without you even wanting to hear about it. In fact, I'd say that the times you don't want to know the most, are exactly when some random bit of news will seep into your universe.

 

You guys can dispute the fact that NC will push your ex away all you want, but don't act like you know my situation or what I'm doing (and use it in your argument) when in fact you don't.