tanita Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Hello every one Well i am getting married in 7 days.In the past i have posted a few threads in this forum so some of you might remember me... My boyfreind of 2 years cheated on me in the past but i have put this behind me.Now i am getting married to the same guy in 7 days. Is there any one that thinks it's ok ? I woul really appreciate some feed back Thankx Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. I could search for your previous thread about this, but it would be easier if you posted the link. Bottom line here...you may have gotten over it, but what about him? Can you be sure it's not going to happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Do YOU think it's OK? Even the fact that you're posting this question suggests you have doubts. I would never advise going into a marriage while still in the "reasonable doubt" stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I recall bits and pieces of what you've previously posted and, um, weren't you both cheating on each other at that time and did you not also express the same doubts then as you do now? Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Goodness sakes....if you're a week away from tying the knot, and you're feeling compelled to come to a forum such as this and ask complete strangers whether or not you should make this serious, lifetime commitment...well duh, I guess that answer is NO -- you're obviously not ready. If you were ready, there'd by no doubts whatsoever, and no question. I recall your many sordid posts from the past (I guess anyone wanting to know their content could use the "search" feature and do a search on the username: tanita, to get more of a history here)....you were both cheaters. It was all pretty screwed up. Marriage is something serious and sacred..it's nothing to be taken lightly, it's not something you should ever do if the relationship doesn't have total mutual TRUST as a foundation, or if you have any doubts (a week before the wedding, no less). I'll have to go back and refresh on some of your past posts. If memory serves me right, you're quite young and he's a fair bit older, and you were both pretty immature and promiscuous, with a LOT of tension and fighting and chaos in your so-called relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Here's some past posts from Tanita, if you want to have more of the whole "picture" with which to give her your opinion about whether she should get married: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t20256/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t20324/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t20926/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t22157/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t20435/ Frankly, Tanita, I thought you were very young back then when you were posting about your unhealthy relationship, and I still think you're very young, and likely too young to be making the serious decision of committing your life to someone who previously betrayed your trust, and cheated on you. Frankly, I'm surprised you even decided to stay with him. And the fact of the matter is, your relationship with him was based on cheating on both your parts, because at the time you relentlessly chased him to "get him" (which you did), he was with someone else at the time..so in essence, you were his mistress. I think you'd be better off doing some growing up and learning more about the essential components that need to exist in a relationship: honesty, fidelity, taking responsibility, having boundaries, not settling for less, not excusing bad behavior, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 hmm, so y ask for advice? (u seem to have all the responses at hand). it's not doubting the marriage that is bad. that is normal (to have a few doubts right before the big day). but, u r doubting whether he will be faithful later, because he cheated before. this shows the idea (to us) that u may not have truly gotten over that event. maybe u should just talk to him about it before the big step. just to remove the tension and your jitters? either way, good luck and congratulations! oh and a crucial element in keeping a relationship together is that u both keep trying and never give up. u seem to have this down - correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Befuddled - I so enjoy your posts. I like a person who shoots straight from the hip. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Geez, Iamnotnothing, that's really nice of you to say, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Thanks to befuddled1 for providing links to previous posts. Tanita, seriously, what are you thinking? Believe me, a marriage certificate will not make your relationship easier, more solid, or provide any tangible or intangible benefit. Your relationship has to be good to begin with for a marriage to work. Your relationship doesn't sound good at all. The only thing that marriage will change is that when things do fall apart, you'll need to pay a lawyer. Triple the headache, without lessening the heartache one bit. If you're looking forward to a big party that you were going to have after your wedding, have it anyway. Enjoy. But the trappings of a wedding are soooooooo not worth the nightmare that will ensue for people who shouldn't be getting married. It might be nice to be able to make references to "my husband," to talk about "we" instead of just "I" when making plans, to be able to call yourself "Mrs. So-and-so." I know that getting married is a big deal in many communities, having a husband increases a woman's social status. But again, none of those little pleasures will be worth it if you're trapped in an unhappy marriage. Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck. But since you came here and asked, I will add my voice to those that say that you don't sound like you're in the sort of relationship that ought to move on to marriage. The fact that you're asking here about it suggests to me that you know that's the case. Link to post Share on other sites
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