My husband has cheated - is it only about sex?

[fooled once]

This is one of the most interesting threads I've read. I can't figure out who's who, but I've read a few of the messages in each of the three "stories" and have a couple of things to say.

 

First off, I disagree with jthorne. She (?) only seems willing to change her opinion because she thinks this was posted by the OW, not the wife (I also read the Infidelity thread). And she also thinks that this is that Michelle girl she called a brat who's independently wealthy, or something like that (sorry, but you sounded jealous). I am always very interested in finding out how people react to situations based on who is delivering the story, so this is brilliant.

 

When the wife has a sob story, everyone offers support. When the OW tells the truth about her feelings, she gets bashed (how dare she???). Especially when the OW apparently has everything that other women want (including those who hang out eating popcorn with their mothers).

 

But that's not the point. Lady, I don't care who you are, but I have been the OW for about 9 years now. There is NO WAY that your husband will ever let go of this woman, assuming that you are, in fact, the wife.

 

Men who are only interested in booty calls don't waste their time emailing them about his life, how he is, complimenting her and her motherly skills, talking about her child, etc. He might bring up sex a lot, which you mentioned, even though I don't know to which extent. But if it has been going on for so long and he didn't forget about her, they had a very strong connection. (And btw, what kind of a man looking for a booty call would spend his BIRTHDAY online with her call for 8 HOURS? And sneak out on his son't birthday to talk to her? Come on, now.)

 

And how many men looking for a booty call would actually CALL the woman's husband to save her? This was very telling. I can't tell if he actually spoke with the husband or not, but it doesn't matter. As soon as she needed him, in a very high stress situation that could have gotten her into deep trouble, he was there for her. He could have cowered and not replied, or only emailed. But he stepped up to the plate, BECAUSE HE CARES FOR HER.

 

He does seem conflicted, however. I don't know if this is the first time you find out about something like this or if he has cheated before, but his doubt probably has to do with guilt. Either that, or he is very concerned with how he comes across to her, which is one reason why he he talks about himself as a father so much. He's basically saying "I am cheating on my wife, I suck as a husband, but I'm a wonderful father. Actually, I'm a nice guy. Look at how conflicted I am over this affair and how it weighs on my conscience, to the point where I have to stop it once in awhile. This is only happening because I can't stay away from you, not because I'm a cheating bastard.". And what interest would he have in portraying this image to a booty call? None. Unless he sees her as something more, in the future.

 

I would guess that it was mostly sexual, or it is for now, since he seems to be very attracted to her, especially since they hadn't seen each other in weeks and ended up having sex in his office. That SCREAMS hot, passionate, sexual compatibility (and I would venture to say that maybe the first time in his office was a fantasy thing for at least one of them, if they worked together at one point? I'm sorry if this upsets you in any way, but these two sound kinky - together.)

 

I'm having a hard time thinking of a booty call whose choice of lifestyle (working vs. non-working) is of any interest to her man. Why in the world would this guy care about what kind of a mother she is if she is only supposed to be a FB? Now, they may have an understanding that it's only about sex, but they're both finding out that it's easier said than done.

 

But to answer your question, does he have feelings? OF COURSE he does. Is he in love? I don't know, but he is, without a doubt, falling for her. But here's the thing: THE MORE THEY HAVE SEX, THE DEEPER HIS FEELINGS WILL GET. This affair has been going on for a long time, but in a way, it just started.

 

So if you really are his wife, I suggest you confront him - soon. If you are the OW, he's already falling for you. Study the case a little more deeply, and you will have what I assume you want (him). If you're just a lunatic making all of this up to get on people's nerves, thank you - you just gave me one hell of an insight into human beings' biased psyches.

 

Posted by a troll, who for some reason has a fixation on jthorne, even remembering that she and her mom had popcorn the other night. Wondered if this troll remember that jthorne recently got engaged and more? jthorne, look out ... you got a stalker

 

Jennie, no idea why you are so fascinated with my past and for the record, you are wrong on what you wrote. Instead of answering the original post, you picked apart jthorne's post; thereby causing THIS thread to go OFF TOPIC. Tony is very strict about sticking to the TOPIC of the tread. Can you do that or do you need to turn this thread into all about you? If you have a question about MY past, PM me. I will probably delete it unread, but MY past isn't up for discussion here

 

 

And for the record, I agree with jthorne - cyber sex and skype sex is not sex, it is called masturbation. Which is why I would never do long distance dating. I prefer my man in person, not on a phone or a computer.

[jthorne]

There's these kits... It uses dental junk. You make a mold of the guy's unit, then fill the mold with this latex stuff. It makes an exact replica! Clone A Willy, something like that. I thought it'd be fun, just for the entertainment value.

 

Maybe Michelle should look into it. According to her other threads, the MM only wants bjs not sex. Maybe he'd go for it.

[jennie-jennie]

I am not wrong on what I wrote. You have stated it yourself in an old thread. I remember it distinctly because it surprised me so. But you are right, this is off topic, so I will let it go.

 

Oh, and masturbation can be fun too, but it sure does not replace real sex that is so true. Mmmm, my MM is a great lover.

 

Oops, sorry, it seems I was off by one.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207946/

 

This has to be one of the funniest threads I have read here because I wasn't even sure what the vanilla sex was.

 

I am guessing vanilla = ordinary, routine, 'normal' sex?

 

The 3 times we had intercourse, it was very regular.

 

He was more into performing oral on me.

[jthorne]

I'm sorry, but I'm still not seeing your point.

My point was someone that only wants the "OW" to come to the office to give him blowjobs (it's on another thread), isn't really an OW that is truly cared about by a MM. She's really not even a booty call in my estimation, she's not even a piece of ass. She's a FWB at best. One that's getting the wrong end of the stick if you ask me.

 

But hey, like I said, there were times in my A that sex was infrequent. If that meant I wasn't an OW, that's totally fine with me.

Edited July 20, 2010 by jthorne

[jennie-jennie]

I'm sorry, but I'm still not seeing your point.

My point was someone that only wants the "OW" to come to the office to give him blowjobs (it's on another thread), isn't really an OW that is truly cared about by a MM. She's really not even a booty call in my estimation, she's not even a piece of ass. She's a FWB at best. One that's getting the wrong end of the stick if you ask me.

 

OK, back on topic. It seems that this affair has been an EA, an EA with a lot of hesitation back and forth. It has just recently progressed to a PA. So no telling where it is going in that regard. (I am basing this remark on the OP of this thread.)

[fooled once]

I am not wrong on what I wrote. You have stated it yourself in an old thread. I remember it distinctly because it surprised me so. But you are right, this is off topic, so I will let it go.

 

Oh, and masturbation can be fun too, but it sure does not replace real sex that is so true. Mmmm, my MM is a great lover.

 

Considering *I* was in the relationship, I know how many times we had actual intercourse and I know what I wrote. Feel free to go back and search my posts for it. FTR, it is kinda creepy that you are so fixated on how many times I had sex while I was my affair.

[jennie-jennie]

I'm sorry, but I'm still not seeing your point.

My point was someone that only wants the "OW" to come to the office to give him blowjobs (it's on another thread), isn't really an OW that is truly cared about by a MM. She's really not even a booty call in my estimation, she's not even a piece of ass. She's a FWB at best. One that's getting the wrong end of the stick if you ask me.

But hey, like I said, there were times in my A that sex was infrequent. If that meant I wasn't an OW, that's totally fine with me.

 

I wasn't talking about times in the affair when sex was infrequent. I was talking about total number of times during the entire affair.

[jennie-jennie]

Considering *I* was in the relationship, I know how many times we had actual intercourse and I know what I wrote. Feel free to go back and search my posts for it. FTR, it is kinda creepy that you are so fixated on how many times I had sex while I was my affair.

 

I did, and as you can see above I corrected myself to 3.

 

I am just thinking that maybe it was the lack of sex in your relationship that has made it so difficult for you to emphasize with the intenseness of other OW's relationships? I am just trying to get my head around how you think.

[jennie-jennie]

I see you did take the time to research it -- I will await your apology.

 

Apology for being one off? Well, I guess it was off with a magnitude of 50%. That is quite a lot!

[jthorne]

I wasn't talking about times in the affair when sex was infrequent. I was talking about total number of times during the entire affair.

Oh. Well, I'd have to say that we didn't have sex as much as I would have liked. But I think it's rare that an OW gets it as much as she'd like. No way I was ever gonna get it 2-3 times a day anyway.

 

Jennie, how does a person who lives in another country provide frequent physical sex? I'm just curious for those times my hunny goes out of town.

[jennie-jennie]

Oh. Well, I'd have to say that we didn't have sex as much as I would have liked. But I think it's rare that an OW gets it as much as she'd like. No way I was ever gonna get it 2-3 times a day anyway.

 

Jennie, how does a person who lives in another country provide frequent physical sex? I'm just curious for those times my hunny goes out of town.

 

There are airplanes you know.

 

And my MM is good for 2 or 3 times a day. :love:

[jthorne]

There are airplanes you know.

 

And my MM is good for 2 or 3 times a day. :love:

And you get it 2-3 times a day how many days of the year?

[jennie-jennie]

And you get it 2-3 times a day how many days of the year?

 

Well, we have periods of infrequency too of course just like you since we are long distance. But there is no way I can count the number of orgasms my MM has given me throughout the years - a thousand? More than 3 that's for sure.

[jthorne]

Well, we have periods of infrequency too of course just like you since we are long distance. But there is no way I can count the number of orgasms my MM has given me throughout the years - a thousand? More than 3 that's for sure.

you didn't answer the question.

[jennie-jennie]

you didn't answer the question.

 

You know I am not keeping track of how often we meet. But he is in a lucky streak now with his business, so those plane tickets keep on coming.

[jennie-jennie]

Again, not sure why you are so fascinated by me and my former sex life, but believe it or not, the affair I was in wasn't wrapped around intercourse. And why do you again presume to know what I think and don't think? I can empathize with OW. To make the leap from lack of intercourse to inability to be sympathetic to others is quite the stretch, even from you.

 

If you have any other questions about my former affair, please take it off this thread as your inaccurate assumptions and questions are off topic as my former sex life is not the discussion here.

 

 

 

 

Yes an apology since as you can see below, you were ADAMANT you were right and *I* was wrong. So yes, an apology. I have already asked you to ignore me, but since you can't seem to do that, the least you can do is apologize when YOU WERE WRONG, even though you were deemed yourself right

 

Different folks, different strokes. To me sex is sooo important for a relationship. It is the sexual chemistry that makes it or breaks it for me.

[Circular]

I'd call this an EA, with a strong desire by the H to push it into PA territory. EA because they back and forth with some big time gaps which means there has to be some deep emotional bonding for them to "go back" otherwise what's the value of the relationship to both parties?

 

Also, my R lasted 2+ years with only FO once, though many times would have been preferred. The PA piece is what eventually led to the ending, her guilt and feeling of the world collapsing and the impact on her kids made me realize that the best thing for all parties was to just end it and walk away, I could see she was struggling with it and well, quit while you're ahead. I did break NC recently but it was to exchange some info on an Ill friend, the communique was very impersonal on both our parts. I think we are both in healing time, trying to put the past behind us.

[jennie-jennie]

Yes an apology since as you can see below, you were ADAMANT you were right and *I* was wrong. So yes, an apology. I have already asked you to ignore me, but since you can't seem to do that, the least you can do is apologize when YOU WERE WRONG, even though you were deemed yourself right

 

I apologize for thinking you had sex twice during your affair when it was thrice.

[jennie-jennie]

I'd call this an EA, with a strong desire by the H to push it into PA territory. EA because they back and forth with some big time gaps which means there has to be some deep emotional bonding for them to "go back" otherwise what's the value of the relationship to both parties?

 

Also, my R lasted 2+ years with only FO once, though many times would have been preferred. The PA piece is what eventually led to the ending, her guilt and feeling of the world collapsing and the impact on her kids made me realize that the best thing for all parties was to just end it and walk away, I could see she was struggling with it and well, quit while you're ahead. I did break NC recently but it was to exchange some info on an Ill friend, the communique was very impersonal on both our parts. I think we are both in healing time, trying to put the past behind us.

 

I think your assessment here of the affair in the OP is correct. And I do understand that some affairs end once they go physical.

[Fallen Angel]

I would say that there is a reason the MM in this story keeps dealing with the same woman for 2 years. Whatever the reason, be it because he is too lazy or unable to get a different OW, or because he really does have some kind of feeling for this woman, i don't know. But whatever it is he feels for her, it certainly doesn't seem to include serious affection, or respect. *shrug*

 

Personally, I don't see what is in it for the OW, and I think she should dump this guy.

 

I answered the way I did because that is what I would say if I believed this story, and someone might be experiencing something similar and be reading this, but I am quite certain we have a troll being several people on the board at once. (And not just in this thread triangle, I think.. )

[jthorne]

I lurked on Edith's thread. Looking back what a time waster that was. I felt so much sympathy for her. Waste of time, waste of emotions.

I know! I felt so sorry for her! How stupid I felt when the truth came out! Just not sure why she still bothers seems like she would change her story up a little.

[stillafool]

I know! I felt so sorry for her! How stupid I felt when the truth came out! Just not sure why she still bothers seems like she would change her story up a little.

 

Okay, I'm confused now. Could someone explain?

[Fallen Angel]

Oh, I agree. I mistakenly assumed you were still accusing me of being a member of another site. My apologies.

 

No worries.

 

For the record, I couldn't care less who is a member of the "site that must not be named". Part of me being an unapologetic OW also includes me being an unashamed OW. I am very forth coming about my relationship and am therefore unaffected by people who want to attempt to bully OW by threating to "out them". I just think it is a shame that people coming here for support are being offered words of "wisdom" offered up as being intended to be supportive and constructive by someone who will then call them ugly names and make fun of them behind their backs, and people are believing that it is "advice" offered with good intentions and their best interest at heart when it is obviously anything but. *shrug* (we really need a shrug face on here)

 

OP,

 

If your husband tells you that he was simply in it for the sex, will it be easier for you to attempt to reconcile your marriage with him?

[jthorne]

Edith was a troll also????? At first I thought this was Edith but now it sounds more like Michelle.

There is a big coincidence in edith's and michelle's posts don't you think?

[stillafool]

Yes like I said at first I really thought it must be Edith with the same old questions and it seems like Michelle also. I don't know which it is but it's definitely one of them. Too coincidental.