i love him more at the bar then at home

[hollydaze]

i have this strange thing that happens to me when i go out with my boyfriend to the bar. i see him in such a different light and i fall in love wtih him over and over again. we are playing pool, or video games or singing and just having a good time. i feel so close to him and so lucky to have him and i am glad that he is my boyfriend. then we get home and we are right back to the same old routine and my feelings go back to the same old things too. i still love him but it just seems that while at the bar i love him more and he means the world to me, and i watch him like it is our first date or something totally fasinated with him. i even tell myself when it is going on that i want so badly to hold on to this feeling this love but as soon as we leave it all leaves too. i still love him and all but why are these so different when we go out. he has a few beers but i don't drink so i know it is not the alcohol talking, then what else can it be?

[dyermaker]

Do you have a billiards room at home?

[hollydaze]

no we don't have a billards room at home and i don't think that would solve the problem anyway.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I enjoy going out with my partner as well! He's a social butterfly and consummate clown while I'm a bit more reserved and shyer in public. He provides MUCH entertainment and keeps me laughing until my face hurts. He even gets me doing things I wouldn't normally do on my own.

 

However, during those moments I'm simply infatuated and in total awe of his ability to loosen up and get the crowd going. I wish I were more like him! But I can't expect my partner to be "on" all the time. Too much of a good thing might literally drive me nuts!!

 

How do I know its love and not just infatuation? --- Because we enjoy each other's company just as much in those calmer, quieter moments when we're vegging out on the couch in our baggy-butt pajamas. We actually look forward to those comfortable silences and lazy nights at home.

 

Love shouldn't require public displays or external stimulation to remind couples that they are a dynamic duo. Home is in the heart of the person you love. It should feel 'comfortable' and not be confused with 'bordum.' If you feel you’re in a rut just take a few moments to take inventory of how fortunate you are. Its all a matter of perspective and attitude…and more importantly about finding a healthy balance.

[carla]

Could it possibly be that being in a public place such as a bar. You maybe (how do I say this without being rude....aaa what the hell) maybe you are tring to show off to all the other woman like he's mine and you can't have him. And you feel that you have to let everyone know your happy together. Is he really good looking do you notice other women looking his way? I don't know that's my guess.

[befuddled11]

True love isn't something that varies in depth, such as you describe.....from it being one intensity at "home", and another when out in a social setting. The increased feelings you feel for him when you're out as a couple...that ain't love....it could be infatuation, feeling proud of him, enjoying showing him off, whatever...but it's not this sudden increase in feelings of love. True love doesn't fluctuate like that.

[hollydaze]

hmmm, some very well thought out answers here. i do not show him off, other women rarely if ever look at him, we are basically in our own little world.

 

maybe it is just the distraction from everyday "boredum" life and a time to feel lose and freer without the restraints of work, family, etc.

 

it's just that when we get back home for me anyway, i wish i could hold on to that loving deep feeling i feel whilst at the bar.

 

we do also love our quiet evenings together, don't get me wrong, i know i love him or i would not be with him for all these years, i just wish the same feelings could persist as they do at the bar.

 

we have and love our cozy evenings in our baggy sweats too! with popcorn and a movie or what not to wear we are both quite content.

 

just makes me wonder why the big difference in feelings between the bar and at home.

[Iamhappy]

I have the same problem with shoes.

 

They look great while I'm trying them on in the store. They look great on me while I'm wearing them. I enjoy the compliments I get whilst I walk about the town. Then I get home. They seem just like ordinary shoes. The magic has worn off and now my feet just hurt.

 

I start having doubts about them. Yeah, they look great, but at home, they're just ok. I think maybe it's the lighting or maybe I should just get myself another pair of shoes.

 

The cycle will repeat itself a few times and eventually, I find that I'm not as in love w/ the shoes as I thought I was. Guess who ends up getting a new pair of shoes?

 

[Arabess]

Iamnotnothing,

 

Actually, that is a great analogy of the situation the poster was talking about.

 

Holly,

Your feelings aren't totally uncommon. It makes for a great date.... but it doesn't serve to build a great long term relationship on. It's the mood of the bar, maybe the music and drinks....and him....which work. Then whne you are home alone....it's just him.

 

As long as you are both enjoying the relationship, by all means, have a great time. I would have reservations about making it more of a serious relationship than it is now though. I think this happens to people and they still get married....then it doesn't work and the sex stinks and no one is happy.