Why won't he commit?

[crazysexycool4me]

I'm currently friends with benefits with a guy I've been seeing for three months. I've talked to him about becoming official, but he says he does not want a relationship right now. I would understand this if we didn't see each other several times a week and only contacted each for booty calls, but we are friends and hang in non-sexual context as well as sexual and all are friends know about the relationship and support it.

 

At the same time, he broke up with his ex about three months prior to us getting together (she dumped him), but I don't know if its his fear of committing again or otherwise. Do you think its possible that he's scared of commitment after the break or just not that into me?

 

Why won't he just call me his girlfriend???

[WTRanger]

Nail this to your door so you see it every time you want to go see him.

 

Sex DOES NOT equal feelings. Just because you sleep with someone doesn't mean it's going anywhere. Put it this way. Right now, he's getting his cable TV for free with the pay channels. Why on Earth would he call the cable company and ask they bill him for it?

 

If you want a relationship, next time get into the relationship before you have sex with someone. You kinda put the cart before the horse on this one.

 

Just as with guys in the emotional tampon friendzone, you'll never escape the booty-call girl friendzone. It's a lesson learned that if you sleep with someone right after they break up, more than likely you are just a rebound.

[stillafool]

I have to agree with WTRanger on this one. Also it could be that he is not over his ex yet. Usually the one who gets dumped has a harder time getting over the breakup. One thing that can save you time and pain is to believe him when he says "I don't want a relationship". Don't try to convince him otherwise or you will turn him off.

[Sw3etdev1L]

I am going through some sort of the same situation....

so,

what I believe is....

take care, be responsable... don't worry, and be happy, be good with yourself... and if somehow, time passes by and you feel and think that, that relationship is not good for you, whatever the reason... then, move on.. move on when you are ready to move on... you only live once, why not have the experience with a person you feel something for, if he is not hurtinig you.

At least he is being honest about his feelings.. give it a shot.

why listen at taboo ways of thinking... each relationship truly is different than the other.

[Jordanjames]

I know this is hard for the OP but the guy said he doesn't want a relationship you have to take his words for it. I say cut your losses and do not sleep with him again. Also, I think the OP has to make real sure the next man she dates do NOT sleep with him until you are sure he wants a relationship. I don't know how many dates you need to go on but definitely go on a couple try to get to know the guy first.

[Enema]

You don't tick all of his boxes for a "girlfriend".

 

But you have all the right equipment to be a FWB.

[xpaperxcutx]

So why do you assume sex automatically equates a relationship?

 

If that is true, then the last few FWBs I have had would have meant that I would have had 3-4 boyfriends.

 

You need to stop sleeping with this guy if you think he's going to one day come to the realization that he does want a relationship. All he's wanted so far from you is the physical.

[impz]

Duh. You go into this arrangement as a FWB. Now, you are wondering why he wouldn't commit?

 

He wants a FWB, which means you are clearly not girlfriend material for him. Why do so many girls think that a man will change for you. They don't. Stop thinking they will because men will always be men. He only sees you as a friend to have sex with, and that's about it.

[Nela]

I'm sort of in the same situation as you are, which means I can't give you any solutions, because I don't even know what I am supposed to do. I won't tell you to stop seeing the guy, I won't tell you to stop having sex. If people would tell me that, I wouldn't be able to listen.

 

But I do agree that sex does not equal feelings. For men. I mean, my friend and I, we are just like a couple in any way possible, everyone says so - he's affectionate in public, kind, we go places together, spend lots of time together, we talk about everything and he has certain feelings for me, but, (he says) he is not ready to be in a relationship, he's too damaged and thinks it would just be unfair to both of us. Then again, this is not fair for me either... But I chose this, he wouldn't have gotten into this FWB situation if I hadn't told him I was absolutely fine with it. I was at the time, not anymore, now I want more - tough luck for me! I changed, he didn't.

 

So I really feel for you... I have no idea whats going to happen, but I hope you'll be ok.

[stillafool]

He wants a FWB, which means you are clearly not girlfriend material for him. Why do so many girls think that a man will change for you. They don't. Stop thinking they will because men will always be men. He only sees you as a friend to have sex with, and that's about it.

 

 

If women don't want to begin and end as FWBs, tell the next guy that asks you to be a FWB that you are not that but girlfriend material. If they can't accept that then walk away. Never, ever put yourself in a FWB relationship (basically casual sex) unless that is where you want to remain. Most men end up putting FWB to the side and choosing a gf he wants to marry.

[harmfulsweetz]

Top and bottom of it is, that people who get into FWB situations want the 'fun' of the relationship without the strings. He doesn't want to commit. I won't tell you he won't change, because heck, people DO change, in what they want etc. But it is unlikely he will commit to you. That's just statistically speaking how it goes.

 

I've been where you are, I know how much it can confuse you, and how much it can hurt, and sting. But what you must realize is that you chose this, this was the path you chose for whatever reason, and it's your choice to keep doing this while you want more and won't get it, or it's your choice to stop and find more from elsewhere. If you want more than an FWB, and you keep doing this, then you are disrespecting yourself.

 

There's nothing wrong with FWBs, or anything like that, if both parties want the same thing from it. The problem is, the woman often gets attached because we think sex equates to emotions, and we instantly associate sex with emotions. Men do not think as such and so these are easy for them.

 

My suggestion: if you want more from him, then I would stop having sex with him, stop contact. It probably won't happen, and if it does, it certainly won't happen while you're handing out the milk for free. Why buy the cow when you can have the goodies for free?

 

If you don't want anything more, keep going with it.

[LoveLace]

I've had a "relationship" exactly like this one, sexual and non-sexual, etc, he used the same excuse of not wanting a relationship right now, I let it go round and round like that for 5 years...get out while you can...he'll keep you on the string that way as long as you let him and never finally step up. Trust me...hate to say it, but you are a time killer of sorts, doesn't mean he doesn't really like you, but in general, mostly as a time killer.