fnouri Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I posted my story here about a month ago. My fiancé of 6 years had fallen in love with someone else and wanted to leave. She is bitter over things that were said and done and really started doubting everything in our relationship, even the fact that we were once in love! Many of you wonderful people replied, and your replies really helped me. After a long and sad 4 months, I was finally at peace to let her go. I was ready to separate, as I did not see any hope for rebuilding our relationship. I even offered to help her move out! But she never did. And now, she wants us to go to counseling! I am totally confused. On one hand she tells me that she is so over me, that she will never love me again, and that she is not at all attracted to me. She even tells me that I am not really attracted to her. On the other hand, she is worried about me; she continues to have sex with me (although she insists that it is arousal, which is different than attraction!), and wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do. I want to stay with her more than anything else in life, and I know that I love her. But I don’t understand these roller coaster emotions. What would a counselor do? Is it wise to go to counseling? Any advice? Fred Link to post Share on other sites
zoezeroseven Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Some people are too insecure to be on their own (without a bf/gf), so they jump from one love to another. It was very easy for her to criticize every part of your relationship when she was getting ready to jump to the next love. Now, maybe she doesn't have enough security in that next guy to make the jump from the comfort of a six year relationship. (I'm actually in a deteriorating 6 yr. relationship, so I know that 6 yrs. makes a huge difference in the way things progress, the amount of security perceived, etc.) I would suggest that your gf go to counseling for her issues alone or go together to make a symbolic justure of your love for her and the relationship. Counselors just help you talk together and figure it out for yourself. A good one, anyway, will never give you any answers (that's the career I'm in school for). Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 You already had prepared yourself for her leaving you for this other guy. She's verbally abusive, blames you for her actions, and then expects you to support her emotionally when this new relationship bombs. Does this sound loving and respectful to you? She is needy to the point that she would rather salvage a relationship she was tired of than be by herself. She sounds narcissistic and I do feel she needs counseling. You, on the other, hand, should break up with her and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 I am totally confused. On one hand she tells me that she is so over me, that she will never love me again, and that she is not at all attracted to me. She even tells me that I am not really attracted to her. On the other hand, she is worried about me; she continues to have sex with me (although she insists that it is arousal, which is different than attraction!), and wants to go to counseling. Right there she is telling you its over. The whole counciling thing could be her thinking she might be saving you some pain. My ex did that, after she verbally & mentually abused me for the past year of our relationship, and then went off w/ my now ex best friend of 15 years. She even sold my 20 week old german shepherd puppy. After all of this, she wanted 'us' to goto counciling. Yea, I went and I was there for about 10 minutes, when he asked her why did she even bring me along. Her reply was that 'I care for him and want him to get over me'. I couldn't have been more insulted. I laughed at her told her to '**** off' in the office and told the councilor 'I'm leaving'. He told me to go ahead, that she has alot of issues. No one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you. Stand up for yourself and demand respect from her. That's the only way you'll get it. Stop giving her sex, she's just using you. You are putting things into your own head that aren't true. I can guarantee she's fcking some other men as well. You are putting your health at risk too. Some people change over the years, and unfortunetly some for the worst. Sounds like she has. Don't try to 'save' her, because you can't. Let her go & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
bicylejunk Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 That's what I don't understand. WHen my ex was moving out, Like 2 days before she moved out, she came home really late in the morning after hanging with friends, we were talking and crying etc. and she started touching me and we ended up having sex....Yet she still moved out. I thought it meant something to her. She said it was just that she wanted to feel me, but she still needs time to herself, her own space. Does sex not mean anything to women? She'll have sex with you, but she's not attracted to you??? That's such Bulls***. She want's your sex , yet she's leaving and now wants couseling, She's a screwed up Chick, Man. Link to post Share on other sites
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