Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. ~H.G. Wells

[Mimolicious]

You are, of course, entitled to that opinion, but other people have reasons to feel differently. Once our children are adults, they are full members of the community on their own terms and we parents have no say regarding who they speak to, and about what.

 

Like I've been saying, the truth WILL come out. To expect secrecy is simply unreasonable. If you don't want your grown children to hear of your affairs in the community, don't have them or disclose them on your own terms.

 

 

And even when they are not adults yet.

 

Since being off-topic is trend today....

 

My 9y/o asked his dad "why did you cheat on my mommy and left us for OW?". His response-*INSERT CRICKET SOUND HERE*. NICE! Can't even face a 9y/o with the truth! Classic!

 

How does my 9y/o know??? My 15y/o found pics of her father kissing OW on a social site... the pics are scanned pictures with the date of 10/31/05. (GUESS EVERYONE WAS TRICKING THAT NIGHT! ) My 9y/o saw them and he well knew that his father and I were "Happily" married back in 05. Can't lie about a scanned date!!!!!!

 

Doesn't he deserve to know the truth? Should he feel like he's not an important person in his own family to be given an explanation?

[Mimolicious]

Amazing, isn't it?

 

Word! To think about it, they are not protecting their kids. They are protecting themselves from having to face the music and for once be truthful to the "closest" thing to their heart. IMO, MY KIDS come 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th... not my ExH, BF, bootycall, OM, MM, and whatever else may exist out there.

 

So back to the topic...

 

What are we talking about again?

[xxoo]

In this particular case, if I remember correctly, the extramarital relationship had been over for years, then the APs were renewing contact again after the MW's husband died, but the affair hadn't been restarted and was never restarted, since SidLyon found out about it. So the thoughts in your post don't apply to this particular situation.

 

Then I guess it would depend on what "renewing contact again" constitutes (in reality, or in Sid's mind at the time of talking to the adult son), and how much of that contact involved the adult son and the OM, specifically.

 

So back to the topic...

 

What are we talking about again?

 

Moral indignation--and I think this thread is overall on topic!

We've gone around and around, but demonstrated that the moral indignant are often empathetic, even if others assume them to be jealous.

[lolapalooza]

Word! To think about it, they are not protecting their kids. They are protecting themselves from having to face the music and for once be truthful to the "closest" thing to their heart. IMO, MY KIDS come 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th... not my ExH, BF, bootycall, OM, MM, and whatever else may exist out there.

 

So back to the topic...

 

What are we talking about again?

Maybe if they didn't have anything to be ashamed of, they'd have nothing to hide. Where'd the moral indignation and/or jealousy be then?

[pureinheart]

This is an interesting thought. I just saw your other post about this. But who should be the one telling? I still don't think it is the WS MOP's BS' obligation to tell so.

 

In this particular case, if I remember correctly, the extramarital relationship had been over for years, then the APs were renewing contact again after the MW's husband died, but the affair hadn't been restarted and was never restarted, since SidLyon found out about it. So the thoughts in your post don't apply to this particular situation.

 

Given this info, it makes it even worse IMO. I didn't know the background and thought the A was fresh...in either case it is not ok.

 

Wouldn't it have been better to discuss this with her H...realising this was a trigger to a wound that was not completely healed?

 

I still can't believe people are defending this behavior...

[donnamaybe]

Perhaps before people go sneaking around behind their partner's back, they should think about the possible fallout. If they think the fallout is worth the risk, then they have nothing to complain about when the s hits the fan.

[lolapalooza]

Given this info, it makes it even worse IMO. I didn't know the background and thought the A was fresh...in either case it is not ok.

 

Wouldn't it have been better to discuss this with her H...realising this was a trigger to a wound that was not completely healed?

 

I still can't believe people are defending this behavior...

I'll defend the truth over a lie anytime.

 

Like I said, if they had nothing to be ashamed of, they would have nothing to hide.

[pureinheart]

You are, of course, entitled to that opinion, but other people have reasons to feel differently. Once our children are adults, they are full members of the community on their own terms and we parents have no say regarding who they speak to, and about what.

 

Like I've been saying, the truth WILL come out. To expect secrecy is simply unreasonable. If you don't want your grown children to hear of your affairs in the community, don't have them or disclose them on your own terms.

 

Wouldn't this be more about tact?

[Mimolicious]

Perhaps before people go sneaking around behind their partner's back, they should think about the possible fallout. If they think the fallout is worth the risk, then they have nothing to complain about when the s hits the fan.

 

Like they say- "A man's intregrity is measured by what he does when no one is watching".

 

Why not think before the fallout, the risk, the whip cream bottle and the velvet cuffs? If you are not happy in your R get the hell out!!!!!!! It takes 2 to tango and 3 to mess it all up. Why people complicate their lives this much? GEEZ... You would think it would make people rethink 1,000 times before having a little fun and a lifetime of headaches, regrets, lies, heartbreaks, damaged goods, etc that come out of A's. Once you cross the line to be interested in someone other than your SO it's a wrap...

[pureinheart]

I'll defend the truth over a lie anytime.

 

Like I said, if they had nothing to be ashamed of, they would have nothing to hide.

 

Your truth would then be in fact in this case...payback is a bit*h?

[donnamaybe]

Your truth would then be in fact in this case...payback is a bit*h?

I think she means THE truth as in the guy cheated on his wife. Truth.

 

"Honey, I really love you, but I can't leave for the kids." Lie.

[donnamaybe]

Wouldn't this be more about tact?

Is that what cheaters are thinking about while they're making their plans? Tact and diplomacy?

[jennie-jennie]

So when the exOW was calling my SO for support when her son had gotten a stillborn child several years after the affair ended, I should have called up her son and told him that his mother was stalking my SO? I mean after all it had to do with his recent tragedy.

[lolapalooza]

Is that what cheaters are thinking about while they're making their plans? Tact and diplomacy?

Right. And then they want to get all "indignant" when someone wants to tell the kids the truth! Everybody is bashing Sid for telling the truth. I don't get that. Why should she have covered for cheaters?

 

So to tie into topic, maybe they are jealous that the BS was an innocent bystander with nothing to hide.

 

Uh, waitaminnit, I guess someone has to have morals to be morally indignant. Durnit. I guess then now what we got here is yet another off-topic post.

[donnamaybe]

So when the exOW was calling my SO for support when her son had gotten a stillborn child several years after the affair ended, I should have called up her son and told him that his mother was stalking my SO? I mean after all it had to do with his recent tragedy.

Was she "stalking him" or were you just pissed off? There's a world of difference.

[jennie-jennie]

Right. And then they want to get all "indignant" when someone wants to tell the kids the truth! Everybody is bashing Sid for telling the truth. I don't get that. Why should she have covered for cheaters?

 

So to tie into topic, maybe they are jealous that the BS was an innocent bystander with nothing to hide.

 

Uh, waitaminnit, I guess someone has to have morals to be morally indignant. Durnit. I guess then now what we got here is yet another off-topic post.

 

Nobody asked Sid to cover for cheaters. The question is why she is running around exposing them not taking into consideration what harm she might be causing in doing so.

[jennie-jennie]

Was she "stalking him" or were you just pissed off? There's a world of difference.

 

She stalked him for years, more than a decade actually. It continued after he and I had broken up.

[donnamaybe]

She stalked him for years, more than a decade actually. It continued after he and I had broken up.

If her kid was adult enough to tell, that might put a stop to her shenanigans. Why didn't you just call the cops and put an end to it? No one should have to put up with that.

[jennie-jennie]

If her kid was adult enough to tell, that might put a stop to her shenanigans. Why didn't you just call the cops and put an end to it? No one should have to put up with that.

 

It wasn't frequent enough to involve the cops. But it sure made me hate her.

[pureinheart]

Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Still, it is hypocritical to participate in a betrayal, and then be outraged when the betrayed party retaliates. Her retaliation is provoked, if not justified.

 

This is interesting ...

[pureinheart]

Is that what cheaters are thinking about while they're making their plans? Tact and diplomacy?

 

It doesn't appear as if tact and diplomacy ran in any part of this situation:eek:

[Mimolicious]

Nobody asked Sid to cover for cheaters. The question is why she is running around exposing them not taking into consideration what harm she might be causing in doing so.

 

 

This is also interesting! Let's be realistic here. Wasn't she exposing her cheating H to his OW son? Was there ever any room for "consideration" towards anyone to begin with? Sometimes people ask to receive way too much of what they have not given.

[jennie-jennie]

This is also interesting! Let's be realistic here. Wasn't she exposing her cheating H to his OW son? Was there ever any room for "consideration" towards anyone to begin with? Sometimes people ask to receive way too much of what they have not given.

 

Sid does not need to expose the affair to be able to have a relationship with the man she loves. Thus the two situations do not compare.

 

I am not asking for anything for myself. Since my SO, my children and my parents knew from the very start of the affair, it would have been redundant for the BS in my case to tell anyone close to me.

[sadintexas]

The kids are affected by the adults' decisions and actions, but they are not participants in the love triangle.

 

Whoa! Wait a minute. That totally negates your love triangle thing (which didn't make sense to me as an answer to that question anyway). The BS (whether one or two of them) are not willingly involved nor (usually) informed either that they are involved in a love triangle. So why are they different than the children who are also affected?

 

That doesn't make sense to me.

[Ellin]

You read correctly.

 

The OW's sons were both betrayed too by their mother. The older son was a child at the time of the affair and she had the affair with my H while she was pregnant with her younger son, and after he was born he was present on a number of occasions while they were conducting their affair. Do I hear your moral indignation about this Jennie?

 

Their father (her BH) then died and she invited my H to his funeral and also to the graveside. Do you have any moral indignation about this too?

 

I didn't discover the A until after her BH's death. I informed her oldest son who by then was an adult and also the BH's parents (in the absence of a BH by that time) . The parents were very sympathetic towards me and very unflattering about their newly widowed daughter-in-law. I think it confirmed their view of her as an unpleasant person.

 

Why do I think that you will reserve your own moral indignation for only my actions in this very tragic situation?

 

And what is it you would have done if someone had informed you about your parent's sex life? What he did was take up with his mother her betrayal of her husband and children - not with me the mere messenger, and victim of her disgraceful actions.

 

I find this astonishing. Why would you do something like that? What was your motive? What did you expect to achieve? Other than upsetting several people who were not guilty of anything?

 

It just looks vindictive.