Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. ~H.G. Wells

[Fieldsofgold]

I never said I was without fault. But realize, in my case I would be doing it because I do not want my MM to be happy, not because I do not want his wife to be happy. It is something between him and I, like a relationship should be. Even if it of course unfortunately would have an effect on her too.

 

In Sid's case she did it to get to the MOW.

 

You say that like it's a bad thing.

 

There's a lot more to this story - a whole lot more . . .

 

SL did it because she promised the OW she would do it, if OW didn't leave her husband alone. SL drew a line in the sand. OW chose to cross it anyway. OW reaped the promised consequences.

 

Sounds fair to me.

 

In an affair, sometimes one AP is more agressive than the other one. Sometimes one AP pushes to keep the affair going, even after the other AP wants to end it. In the case of SL, it sounds like the OW was trying to rekindle it.

 

In all fairness, SL told the woman exactly what she would do, IF the OW ever contacted her H again. The OW had a choice. The OW made an informed choice, knowing full-well what SL had stated she would do. The OW disrespected everyone, including the wishes of her xAP. She contacted the H again, even though he didn't want to talk to her. H told SL. SL simply made good on her promise.

 

Imagine what would have happened if SL had not kept her word and followed through? The OW most likely would have been right back to hitting on and trying to entice SL's H, probably would have been peskier than a horsefly.

 

As I see it, SL was just fighting for her H the only way she knew how. And she fought fair. She told OW ahead of time EXACTLY what would happen. The OW had complete control over whether it would happen or not. If she didn't want it to happen, all she had to do was leave SL's husband alone. But she chose not to do that.

 

OW had a choice. OW gambled that she could get by with it. She lost. She reaped what was promised.

 

Again, sounds fair to me.

[Mimolicious]

You never were though (anyones fool)...as for your family, that's a hard call to make. I've been in that sitch before...you just hope things will work out and the crap will stop...Mimo, it's just a hard call to make.

 

Your family is your family...forever...homeboy is history and is not worth loosing your family...friends, that's a different story unless they were like way longtime friends....Mimo, it's just hard....

 

 

I know.

 

The friends... I've since 13, I am 32. But whatever!

I still have a decent relationship with my family but the dent, only time can smooth out.

[Mimolicious]

Wow, that was a really bad story. Sorry you had to go through all that. There are OW who are behaving awfully, no question about that. To tell in front of her child and tell your child too . To go after you like that . Talk about vindictive and what had you done her by the way? (shaking my head)

 

What have I done to her? Last I recall, I just got married to my HS sweetheart.

 

What I did to her after the fact she did all of that is the REAL question. Her shenanigans didn't hold up too well in court (for the both of them). Now she got a criminal record, restraining orders and a broken man. My exH seems to not be having much fun nowadays. He still tries to make sexual passes at me, tells me that we are still a "family":rolleyes: and greets me with "Hi Mimolicious... The Love of My Life". He's lost. Oh and BROKE! I wonder if his OW (now GF) would like it if she heard him saying these things to me? 2 days ago he sent me a text saying "I am sorry for ruining OUR life". Before he would say "Sorry for ruining YOUR life". I don't get it...

 

Yeah, it was F'ed up. I felt so bad for her boy and I wanted to kill her when I saw muy boy running out the store in tears. He was barely 6. When I saw her inside the store. She was laughing about it. I didn't go inside and break her jaw because I was about to take a license for work. Cant let her also ruin my career, besides what did it matter at that point?! He had already made his choice, so good riddance! He actually didn't beliecve me about the store story. He said that I had made it up, then she gloated about it to him, the he felt like an idiot and apologized.

 

I don't mean to TJ this further but I have to say, I've been on LS for a few yrs and was here prior to this SN as well. I have read many of your stories and even though I can come across as a typical "bitter BS" at times (it's hard to separate the feeling sometimes) and the "OW basher" there are few LS's in the position of OW that I actually have and am learning to understand and appreciate as the human beings that we all are, at the end of the day. Including you JJ. You make my head spin at times (lol) but I am more frustrated towards your MM for having 2 women (wonderful ladies, perhaps) living this way. No pun intended. There are few characters that are CRAZY but we can't all be the same. Life is like a bag of Skittles-loaded with different flavors.

[Mimolicious]

I dunno. My adult daughter, who is very open-minded about sex, is bothered by her grandfather making out with her grandma in front of her, and by my sister and her husband who are swingers and often let the conversation turn into sexual insinuations. There is something about older relatives in that they should keep their sex life to themselves.

 

 

Ah the wonderful world of Flirt Parties! Whoa! but maybe your daughter is freaking out about the type of sexual activities?

 

The grandparents making out... Maybe because of dentures!?! :lmao::lmao: (I'm just being a goof.) I have never seen my grandpa being affectionate with my grandma, they have been M for 65yrs. I wish he would hug her and kiss her, so she can feel loved by her H.

[Mimolicious]

so that the cheating spouse keeps lying to the faimly & yet manage to look like a great parent until some stranger walks up to one of the children to tell them that their father/mother is sleeping with his/her spouse ?

So how should Bs cover it up for the WS in this case ?

 

You all realize that this argument is going around in the same circle?!?!

 

Basically SL's H and OW kept their A secret from the OW's kid(s). As some here are suggesting that parents in As should do. What happened yrs later? The truth came out and now you have a child (adult one at this point) that you kept in the dark see the light. Who perhaps, now has a stepbrother rather than a full blown one. Some tangled wed we weave!

 

The truth will always prevail. People sometimes don't want to see further than the carrot dangling in front of them and don't see the big brick wall ahead. Kids eventually will grow and have their own opinion and jugment. Who knows, some may not even care while others do. But the truth doesn't have to be told twice, lies are never ending stories...

[Fieldsofgold]

What have I done to her? Last I recall, I just got married to my HS sweetheart.

 

What I did to her after the fact she did all of that is the REAL question. Her shenanigans didn't hold up too well in court (for the both of them). Now she got a criminal record, restraining orders and a broken man. My exH seems to not be having much fun nowadays. He still tries to make sexual passes at me, tells me that we are still a "family":rolleyes: and greets me with "Hi Mimolicious... The Love of My Life". He's lost. Oh and BROKE! I wonder if his OW (now GF) would like it if she heard him saying these things to me? 2 days ago he sent me a text saying "I am sorry for ruining OUR life". Before he would say "Sorry for ruining YOUR life". I don't get it...

 

Yeah, it was F'ed up. I felt so bad for her boy and I wanted to kill her when I saw muy boy running out the store in tears. He was barely 6. When I saw her inside the store. She was laughing about it. I didn't go inside and break her jaw because I was about to take a license for work. Cant let her also ruin my career, besides what did it matter at that point?! He had already made his choice, so good riddance! He actually didn't beliecve me about the store story. He said that I had made it up, then she gloated about it to him, the he felt like an idiot and apologized.

 

I don't mean to TJ this further but I have to say, I've been on LS for a few yrs and was here prior to this SN as well. I have read many of your stories and even though I can come across as a typical "bitter BS" at times (it's hard to separate the feeling sometimes) and the "OW basher" there are few LS's in the position of OW that I actually have and am learning to understand and appreciate as the human beings that we all are, at the end of the day. Including you JJ. You make my head spin at times (lol) but I am more frustrated towards your MM for having 2 women (wonderful ladies, perhaps) living this way. No pun intended. There are few characters that are CRAZY but we can't all be the same. Life is like a bag of Skittles-loaded with different flavors.

 

If she did that to my baby, I would have wanted to cut her long, deep and repeatedly. (and worry about forgiveness later.) What a piece of work!!!

 

And your poor xH. Sounds like he's sorry now. Too bad.

 

I can't believe what all you've been through. You are one strong woman.

[Ellin]

so that the cheating spouse keeps lying to the faimly & yet manage to look like a great parent until some stranger walks up to one of the children to tell them that their father/mother is sleeping with his/her spouse ?

So how should Bs cover it up for the WS in this case ?

 

Not relieved of duty at all. That duty does not nor has it ever included my lying to make their father look good. I am concerned with my own relationship and I have no intention of every lying to them and then they look back and figure out they can't trust me either. That's bull. Do you have children?

 

If you quote the part where I wrote BS should lie and cover up, then I'll answer your questions.

[Ellin]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

 

There's a lot more to this story - a whole lot more . . .

 

SL did it because she promised the OW she would do it, if OW didn't leave her husband alone. SL drew a line in the sand. OW chose to cross it anyway. OW reaped the promised consequences.

 

Sounds fair to me.

 

In an affair, sometimes one AP is more agressive than the other one. Sometimes one AP pushes to keep the affair going, even after the other AP wants to end it. In the case of SL, it sounds like the OW was trying to rekindle it.

 

In all fairness, SL told the woman exactly what she would do, IF the OW ever contacted her H again. The OW had a choice. The OW made an informed choice, knowing full-well what SL had stated she would do. The OW disrespected everyone, including the wishes of her xAP. She contacted the H again, even though he didn't want to talk to her. H told SL. SL simply made good on her promise.

 

Imagine what would have happened if SL had not kept her word and followed through? The OW most likely would have been right back to hitting on and trying to entice SL's H, probably would have been peskier than a horsefly.

 

As I see it, SL was just fighting for her H the only way she knew how. And she fought fair. She told OW ahead of time EXACTLY what would happen. The OW had complete control over whether it would happen or not. If she didn't want it to happen, all she had to do was leave SL's husband alone. But she chose not to do that.

 

OW had a choice. OW gambled that she could get by with it. She lost. She reaped what was promised.

 

Again, sounds fair to me.

 

Every story is different and I understand and respect other people's experiences, decisions and emotional pain.

 

But IN PRINCIPLE BS who, wanting to get a revenge on OW/OM or WS, hurts innocent people in the process, is no better than OW/OM and WS conducting the A. My opinion.

[silverfish]

Every story is different and I understand and respect other people's experiences, decisions and emotional pain.

 

But IN PRINCIPLE BS who, wanting to get a revenge on OW/OM or WS, hurts innocent people in the process, is no better than OW/OM and WS conducting the A. My opinion.

 

What do you suggest the BS does then, when faced with a situation like Sid's? If the OW had continued to harrass her H, I guess they could have taken out a restraining order or something, but that would probably have got back to her kids as well.

[silverfish]

Not relieved of duty at all. That duty does not nor has it ever included my lying to make their father look good. I am concerned with my own relationship and I have no intention of every lying to them and then they look back and figure out they can't trust me either. That's bull. Do you have children?

 

I agree about not lying to make their father look good, but it's always been a conundrum of mine whether to actively tell if they don't know. I wasn't told and I was mad, ironically at my Mum. I found out my Dad had left her for an OW when I was introduced to her after the split, but realised something was up when my Mum mentioned her name. I guess subconsciously I had always expected her to tell the truth, whereas my expectations of him were much lower.

[bestplayer]

Every story is different and I understand and respect other people's experiences, decisions and emotional pain.

 

But IN PRINCIPLE BS who, wanting to get a revenge on OW/OM or WS, hurts innocent people in the process, is no better than OW/OM and WS conducting the A. My opinion.

 

I agree with you 100% as far hurting innocent people is concerned .

 

However I think the discussion was about SL informing the OW's adult son about the affair , which was completely justified considering how that OW & WW were messing up SL's life .

 

There is nothing wrong for a BS to expose the people who are ruining her marriage .

 

Best of luck

[fooled once]

I dunno. My adult daughter, who is very open-minded about sex, is bothered by her grandfather making out with her grandma in front of her, and by my sister and her husband who are swingers and often let the conversation turn into sexual insinuations. There is something about older relatives in that they should keep their sex life to themselves.

 

I guess you are right, my parents shouldn't hold hands in front of their grown grandson or kiss each other (and not with open mouths) Gimme a break.

 

And I know about parental alienation laws ... quite frankly, a couple sentences said over time do not equate to parental alienation. Takes more than that. Quite a bit more.

[TheLoneSock]

OMG-I love it!

 

One of my very good friends had this as her tagline.

 

EEG

 

OH EM GEE.

 

Like, you should totally get a tramp stamp of it. H.G. Wells 4 LyFe!

[fooled once]

This is only a fact for those involved and want an easy transition. If in fact, the damage to the children is concern of not just one parent but both(since it takes two to create life), then neither parent would do anything to bring shame or embarassement on their children. That would include everrything, drugs, alcohol, affairs, crime....whatever could harm the chidren. I have no responsibility in creating, maintaining or smoothing any relationship with my children and their father. It is only my job not to impede said relationship if it is desired by both parties.

 

I am not a maid:mad:and cleaning up the mess of two grown people not in my job discription as a parent. And not all relationships with children are for the child's good. As evidenced by OWoman's step children and their mother. A healthy relationship is more important than blood ties...thank you very much.

 

It isn't your job to clean up their mess, although more than likely, like most custodial moms, you are left dealing with the fallout from it all.

 

AS you said, it is your job not to do anything that could destroy or damage the other parent's R with his/her children.

 

So just because the WS had an A (took action which could result in his/her R with children to be badly affected) that doesn't give the BS the right to act in the same way. The BS is not relieved from the duty to put the children's interest first.

 

Are you for real? So it is okay for the cheater to damage his kids, but the wife should rise above it all, clean it all up, make it nice and neat for daddy and his newest fling AND be the model parent? When does dad have to step up to the plate? Dad did enough of a job destroying his relationship with his kids by lying to them, disrespecting their mother, choosing to spend time with the OW instead of his kids.

 

Yet again, it is the "BS's" fault if she doesn't bend over and ask to continue to get screwed

[jennie-jennie]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

 

There's a lot more to this story - a whole lot more . . .

 

SL did it because she promised the OW she would do it, if OW didn't leave her husband alone. SL drew a line in the sand. OW chose to cross it anyway. OW reaped the promised consequences.

 

Sounds fair to me.

 

In an affair, sometimes one AP is more agressive than the other one. Sometimes one AP pushes to keep the affair going, even after the other AP wants to end it. In the case of SL, it sounds like the OW was trying to rekindle it.

 

In all fairness, SL told the woman exactly what she would do, IF the OW ever contacted her H again. The OW had a choice. The OW made an informed choice, knowing full-well what SL had stated she would do. The OW disrespected everyone, including the wishes of her xAP. She contacted the H again, even though he didn't want to talk to her. H told SL. SL simply made good on her promise.

 

Imagine what would have happened if SL had not kept her word and followed through? The OW most likely would have been right back to hitting on and trying to entice SL's H, probably would have been peskier than a horsefly.

 

As I see it, SL was just fighting for her H the only way she knew how. And she fought fair. She told OW ahead of time EXACTLY what would happen. The OW had complete control over whether it would happen or not. If she didn't want it to happen, all she had to do was leave SL's husband alone. But she chose not to do that.

 

OW had a choice. OW gambled that she could get by with it. She lost. She reaped what was promised.

 

Again, sounds fair to me.

 

You seem to have more details about Sid's story than Sid herself.

 

What do you suggest the BS does then, when faced with a situation like Sid's? If the OW had continued to harrass her H, I guess they could have taken out a restraining order or something, but that would probably have got back to her kids as well.

 

And now the story is developing even further.

 

These are Sid's motivations in her own words:

 

My motivations in exposing: well there's the obvious in that exposure shines the light of day on the A. It enable everyone to know what is happening. I hoped to embarrass the OW into acknowledging her own part in all this to people she had betrayed. Depending on the situation at the time, various members of my family will probably contact the younger son once he is old enough to consent to a paternity test himself. At least his older brother can forewarn him of the possibility.

 

This is also Sid's own words, if anyone should elaborate on them I think it should be Sid herself, as she must be the only one of us here on LS who knows the facts:

 

D-day was in October 2008. I did not contact the BH's parents and adult son until March 2009 and May 2009 respectively once the "trickle truth" had established the possibility that my H might be the father of the baby (now nearly 8 years old). I had already told the OW I would not tell her adult son provided she stayed away from my H - but she couldn't - in early May 2009 she asked my H to meet with her behind my back and begged him not to tell me she phoned him. He did tell me so I kept my "promise" to her by telling her son of the A.

 

Shouldn't it be Sid's husband who should make sure to keep the MOW away? My exSO had an exOW stalking him every now and then for more than a decade. She used to make up one incredible excuse after another for why she needed to contact him. Not until he finally put his foot down firmly enough did she leave him alone. But why would I have intervened? It was his problem.

 

Anyway, it seems to me that Sid's words have snowballed away.

[bentnotbroken]

Every story is different and I understand and respect other people's experiences, decisions and emotional pain.

 

But IN PRINCIPLE BS who, wanting to get a revenge on OW/OM or WS, hurts innocent people in the process, is no better than OW/OM and WS conducting the A. My opinion.

 

 

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I don't think anyone said what Sid did was right, just they understood and that it is a consequence of the cheating people. And you already answered my question...thank you.

[Fieldsofgold]

Every story is different and I understand and respect other people's experiences, decisions and emotional pain.

 

But IN PRINCIPLE BS who, wanting to get a revenge on OW/OM or WS, hurts innocent people in the process, is no better than OW/OM and WS conducting the A. My opinion.

 

But Sid didn't do it to get revenge. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW leave her husband alone. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW back off and get out of their marriage.

 

The OW would not leave the H alone, even at his request. She was trying to reinsert herself into the marriage. Sid made the promise - she had to keep it or otherwise she might as well just give the OW free access to her H.

 

This really was not a revenge thing. It was a "leave my husband alone, or else" thing. A thing the OW could have easily and totally avoided.

[bentnotbroken]

You seem to have more details about Sid's story than Sid herself.

 

 

 

And now the story is developing even further.

 

These are Sid's motivations in her own words:

 

 

 

This is also Sid's own words, if anyone should elaborate on them I think it should be Sid herself, as she must be the only one of us here on LS who knows the facts:

 

 

 

Shouldn't it be Sid's husband who should make sure to keep the MOW away? My exSO had an exOW stalking him every now and then for more than a decade. She used to make up one incredible excuse after another for why she needed to contact him. Not until he finally put his foot down firmly enough did she leave him alone. But why would I have intervened? It was his problem.

 

Anyway, it seems to me that Sid's words have snowballed away.

 

 

Why? Isn't Sid responsible for her own life. She is took matters into her own hands and will deal with whatever the outcome maybe. I think that is all most BS want..choices about the things that happen in their lives. She made a decision and right or wrong it was hers to make. Just like it is the decision of the individuals to participate in an affair.

[Fieldsofgold]

. . . This really was not a revenge thing. It was a "leave my husband alone, or else" thing. A thing the OW could have easily and totally avoided.

 

That's how it looks to me.

[bentnotbroken]

I agree about not lying to make their father look good, but it's always been a conundrum of mine whether to actively tell if they don't know. I wasn't told and I was mad, ironically at my Mum. I found out my Dad had left her for an OW when I was introduced to her after the split, but realised something was up when my Mum mentioned her name. I guess subconsciously I had always expected her to tell the truth, whereas my expectations of him were much lower.

 

 

My children knew before I did. I had caused them enough grief with my own issues, I had no intention of adding insult to injury by lying to them. If they had been younger maybe they wouldn't have recognized anything...but they did know their dad had been emotionally abusive and they saw it get worse as this affair progressed.

[Ellin]

But Sid didn't do it to get revenge. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW leave her husband alone. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW back off and get out of their marriage.

 

The OW would not leave the H alone, even at his request. She was trying to reinsert herself into the marriage. Sid made the promise - she had to keep it or otherwise she might as well just give the OW free access to her H.

 

This really was not a revenge thing. It was a "leave my husband alone, or else" thing. A thing the OW could have easily and totally avoided.

 

I see your point. It didn't look like that when she first mentioned it, but after adding more details I can understand her POV.

[jennie-jennie]

But Sid didn't do it to get revenge. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW leave her husband alone. She threatened it in an attempt to make the OW back off and get out of their marriage.

 

The OW would not leave the H alone, even at his request. She was trying to reinsert herself into the marriage. Sid made the promise - she had to keep it or otherwise she might as well just give the OW free access to her H.

 

This really was not a revenge thing. It was a "leave my husband alone, or else" thing. A thing the OW could have easily and totally avoided.

 

It is not that easy if you are in love with a man. Maybe she needed closure from Sid's husband to be able to end the affair once and for all, to hear from him that he wasn't interested in rekindling the affair.

[jennie-jennie]

That's how it looks to me.

 

Oh, for a moment I thought you were another screen name for Sid. You seemed to know her story better than she does herself.

[jennie-jennie]

Why? Isn't Sid responsible for her own life. She is took matters into her own hands and will deal with whatever the outcome maybe. I think that is all most BS want..choices about the things that happen in their lives. She made a decision and right or wrong it was hers to make. Just like it is the decision of the individuals to participate in an affair.

 

Why would the MOW's adult son and parents-in-law knowing about the affair prevent her from continuing it? The only thing that would prevent her would be Sid's husband not wanting to participate any longer in my opinion.

[jennie-jennie]

I don't mean to TJ this further but I have to say, I've been on LS for a few yrs and was here prior to this SN as well. I have read many of your stories and even though I can come across as a typical "bitter BS" at times (it's hard to separate the feeling sometimes) and the "OW basher" there are few LS's in the position of OW that I actually have and am learning to understand and appreciate as the human beings that we all are, at the end of the day. Including you JJ. You make my head spin at times (lol) but I am more frustrated towards your MM for having 2 women (wonderful ladies, perhaps) living this way. No pun intended. There are few characters that are CRAZY but we can't all be the same. Life is like a bag of Skittles-loaded with different flavors.

 

Maybe we can become friends yet, Mimo , even if we have different views on many things. I think perhaps both of us have experienced some of the harsher sides of life, and still come out on the other side of it.

 

Ah the wonderful world of Flirt Parties! Whoa! but maybe your daughter is freaking out about the type of sexual activities?

 

The grandparents making out... Maybe because of dentures!?! :lmao::lmao: (I'm just being a goof.) I have never seen my grandpa being affectionate with my grandma, they have been M for 65yrs. I wish he would hug her and kiss her, so she can feel loved by her H.

 

:laugh: