What Am I Doing Wrong?

[isdn00789]

I've been single for nearly three years now, and lately I've been trying to change that. What's the problem? I'm shy, picky, and just don't have the interests of a typical person my age (I'm 21).

 

I don't know where to go to meet girls. Obviously, I know that anywhere is technically an answer, but what I really mean is I can't come up with any place that I want to go where the girls are plentiful. What do people go out and do? Bars are a no for me (I don't drink)? What else is there?

 

I'm anxiously awaiting the start of my next semester of college because my first degree is finally done and I'll actually have some girls in my classes next semester. I suppose my best bet my just be to wait 5 weeks, but what happens if there is no one I'm interested in (it frequently happens).

 

I have profiles on countless singles sites, but on the rare occasion I find someone I might be interested in, I only get a reply about 50% of the time. People tell me I'm attractive, even strangers on this site when I asked once before.

 

This leads me to believe the problem is how I'm presenting myself in my messages or in my self-description. Is there anything wrong with my self description? It is below:

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I'm a nice guy. I get along with everybody, and I'm generally very laid back and level-headed. I'm serious when I need to be, but I'm definitely not all work and no play.

 

I always try to be there for my friends and family, but I'm not a pushover. If I can help, I will, but I do have limits.

 

I was home schooled starting in 8th grade, and I started taking college classes when I was 16.

 

I've always been at the top of my class in school, and nothing has changed. Working hard pays off... not only has all of my college up to this point in time been free, but I've actually MADE money just by going. =)

 

I'm a very motivated person. I always finish what I start, and I always do a good job.

 

I have a good job, I own my car, I have my own house, and I'm generally successful in whatever I pursue.

 

I'm really a very open person most of the time, and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about me (thats a hint... You should ask me something =)

 

Things I enjoy:

Photography

The three links below are to three of my fairly recent favorites.

http://khabarak007.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d18uavc

I'd be happy to share more! If you're interested, just ask. =)

 

Biking

I am very much into biking; particularly mountain biking. I ride every chance I get (usually at least 4 times a week). I plan to start entering some races this summer (2010). When I can't ride, I usually go for a run. Physical fitness is important to me.

- Update: I rode in my first ever mountain bike race yesterday (7/18/2010). I had a great time, and can't wait to do it again. =)

 

Magic!

Not witch-craft magic, but illusions. I like close-up tricks in particular. Card tricks are probably my favorite at this point in time, but I'm definitely interested in learning any tricks I can find. Magic is fun to perform, and a challenge to perform well (I always like a challenge).

 

If you're interested in learning some fun tricks check out http://revision3.com/scamschool or just search YouTube for tutorials. There are lots of them. =)

 

By no means am I an excellent magician, but I'm not terrible either. I've posted a few videos on YouTube. You're more than welcome to check them out if you like.

Here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/user/Khabarak007

(6/14/2010 -- These videos are a bit old. I've gotten better since I made these videos, and I know a lot more tricks... I'll update them someday soon.)

 

Currently I'm going to college in (omitted for the sake of anonymity) . My first degree (computer science) is complete, but I haven't actually graduated yet because I've come to the realization that my first degree choice really wasn't right for me. However, it has allowed me to get a descent job while I continue my schooling.

 

My plan now is to become a medical doctor, probably a psychiatrist. Although I'm not crazy about the extra years of school, I'm confident that they will be worth it in the long run.

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Thanks in advance for any replies!

[spiderowl]

You definitely sound a catch to me. Only things I would suggest regarding your profile are:

 

- shorten it - I don't think people read much beyond four paragraphs

- say a bit about what kind of person you'd like to meet

- say what kind of relationship you'd like with someone, e.g. good friend, intimate partner, someone to share with

- tell them about this lovely, warm, intelligent character who wants to meet a girl. No need to say too much about your achievements though a little mention is good

- mention your good human qualities, e.g. creativity, intelligence, warmth, fidelity - basically let them know you are a warm person they would want to be near, not just someone whose achievements they should admire

- make sure you have a photo on the profile; it's offputting if people don't as it makes you feel they have something to hide

 

I think the suggestions will make a difference. As for meeting girls, go to lots of places you don't normally go to - just for the experience if nothing else. Do things out of your normal routine and you'll bump into different people than you normally would. Break out of your normal patterns and explore a little.

 

Good luck!

[Jemay]

You're only 21, take it easy! I don't see why you should even be online! A young person usually hangs out with other young people, right? Sometimes hanging out with same sex, increases someones confidence when approaching girls, so maybe hang out with a guy friend? I'm certain you'll get plenty opportunities at college if you put yourself out there and work a bit on that shyness. So many places you can meet a girl.... a party, the bookshop, mall, park, coffee shop.... it just takes practice approaching a girl and rejection is inevitable but as long as you accept that, you have nothing to lose!

 

In regard to the self-description, way too long IMO! You sound like a very nice guy though, doubt it'll take long before you meet someone great! Good luck!

[Shakz]

If I was a woman and I read your profile (successful working man and student, multitude of activities, etc.), all by age 21, I would probably ask myself "When would I fit in? Would I ever be more than an accessory to his life?" My advice would be to tailor your profile to those aspects of yourself that a woman would find most appealing, and the best way to do that, IMO, is to read their profiles. Good luck, although something tells me you're the kind of person who makes his own luck.

[isdn00789]

Thanks for the replies everyones!

 

I guess the general consensus is that my profile is too long and maybe a bit too formal feeling. To be honest, I almost made it longer the other day. =/ To me it feels very sparse and short. I'm kind of long-winded though, so I guess that is why.

 

Spiderbowl:

First of all, thanks for your kind words.

I'll try to take your advice on all accounts. Changing my profile will be the easy part. Going out is extremely difficult for me to do. I'm not much for doing things alone, and I really only have one friend who also isn't much for going out (at least not with me...). We go out and eat on occasion, but aside from that we talk online or hang out at each other's houses.

 

I admit that staying couped up in my house does not exactly enhance my chances of meeting someone, but it is unbelievably hard for me to change.

 

That said, I did force myself to go out to a book store tonight.

 

Jemay:

Really I'm only online because I'm trying to look anywhere I can. And, of course, you're right. Young people do tend to hang out with other young people, but I just don't seem to fit in with anybody I meet. As I said above, I have only one friend. He's a good friend, but I don't think I've seen him for at least 3 weeks, maybe a month. Finding male friends is nearly as hard for me as finding a girlfriend.

 

Maybe if I could go out with just him it would help my confidence level, I'm not sure, but on the rare occasion that we do go out, his girlfriend comes too. She is all about trying to find a girl for me (too much so, probably), but I'm paranoid about seeming shallow in front of both of them. As a result, I just dodge any related questions (which, coincidentally, I'd really like to answer...)

 

One of the largest problems I run into is that the primary activity people my age seem to be interested in is drinking, and I don't drink at all. Drinking a little bit is acceptable, but the stories I hear... I find it really immature. More than that, I'm tired of all the **** I get for not drinking.

 

And finally, to make myself seem like a real looser... After 5 full years in college, I've never been invited to a single party. =( I'm sure its because people think I'm not interested, but really I'm just unable to express myself around new people. I can speak in public to groups of complete strangers, but when it comes to expressing an interest in someone new (guy or girl) its just next to impossible for me... it is the most unbelievably frustrating thing in the world.

 

The whole problem with me not being able to express myself is temporary, but it is so debilitating that it almost doesn't matter. I get comfortable with people relatively quickly, but I rarely get the chance to get comfortable with someone. I'm sure I sound pathetic, but truthfully I used to be FAR worse, and I've been working hard to get over this. Where I am now is progress, it's just not good enough.

 

 

Shakz

Thanks for your advice. Not that it matters to say it here, but I definitely have time for a girl in my life. I may work hard, but I have spare time (too much of it right now).