Brokenheartitaly Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 I am new to this site and want to share my heartbreak with everyone here, because I am having great difficulty getting over my break up with a person who I love very deeply and who I think still loves me but is afraid to get hurt in our relationship. I was together with Maurizio for about 3 years... Things were good in our relationship... We had our apartment together.. We did things together.. Maybe we did too much together... I am unfortunately not a very outgoing person because I don't have a lot of faith in myself... Maurizio and I spent a lot of time together alone at home... He is actually opposite from me and likes to spend a lot of time socialising... But he preferred to spend his time with me instead of socialising like he used to... It wasn't really a problem for me that he went out, but I know he always felt guilty if he left me alone at home... Maurizio and I had some difficult times too, because he is very jealous and is also very suspicious... I do know that he was checking up on me and this annoyed me but I didn't hold it against him really... I did try to play up on him once, but the joke went down badly... I didn't have any proof that he didn't have to worry about me after I did the joke... The whole problem is that he has recently left me... I know he didn't want this to happen either but he just couldn't cope anymore with our situation and the worries which he had about me loving him... He is a very passionate person and shows his love a lot... I am more one who loves but keeps it too much for me... I am having great problems getting over this breakup.... Also for the fact that we both live together with another friend... We really don't want to give each other up completely, because we both do really care about each other deeply....I am still trying to win him back.. But he is taking the attitude at the moment to be somewhat agressive in his approach to me and it is making me feel really lonely and sad... I have lost about 10 Kilos during the past two months and I do nothing else but cry and worry during the day... I need some advice on how to get over this relationship because I don't want to lose him as a friend... I care deeply about him and know he cares deeply about me... His problem is that he is such a nervous person and I know that he is hurting also to see me in such pain... We did try to reconciliate during the Christmas period by me giving him time to think etc... But unfortunately during my absence he met another person and is still seeing this person today... I know that Maurizio is very conditioned by things that other people say and we being two gay males often hear some overconditioning thoughts from other people of our circle... I really don't know how to get over this matter... I am so afraid of remaining alone... Anyone got any advice or help for me.... Thanks again Stewart Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 First of all, I'm sorry. It's nice to see gay guys that try and make a long-term relationship when the majority of gay men don't. I'm assuming you had lots in common with this man, especially being a loner and not very social. I guess you would have had hobbies and things that made your hearts go wild. Can you continue doing them, so that 1) you continue on with the life that you love 2) he may feel sad and miss those times Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 What makes you think most gay guys don't want a long relationship? I haven't met too many, but every one I've met, they're very into being in serious relationships, if they weren't in one, they wanted to be. Anyway. Living together with someone you just broke up with must be an AWFUL thing to go through, I couldn't imagine that at all. There are a few more things you could do. It sounds like you guys definitely have clashing personalities and life styles, that's kind of a bad thing to begin with, but if you BOTH are willing to work on things, just talk about it. You yourself should try to be more affectionate, more showing in your feelings. And he has to learn to trust you and believe you. Although with him seeing someone else makes this pretty unlikely to occur, sadly. Did he leave you FOR this new person or did he break up and then later meet the guy? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 First of all, my condolences. It's clear that this has been excruciatingly painful for you. And the fact that you are trying to change Maurizio's mind, and he is resisting, is just adding to the pain of rejection and loss every day. ...I am unfortunately not a very outgoing person because I don't have a lot of faith in myself... I see this lack of faith as your fundamental problem. It will always be difficult to develop and sustain relationships, and recover from the downturns, when you yourself are not convinced of your loveability and worth. Have you ever been evaluated for depression? I would encourage you to make an appointment as soon as you can. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenheartitaly Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 Thanks to you all for your kind replies... The big problem with maurizio is that he is a very nervous person and also gets very emotional but more in the angry way... He finds it difficult to keep his angry emotions under control and this is basically because he is hurting inside and doesn't want to feel hurt... It's the way that he reacts to the pain which he is feeling... I really understand what he is doing... It's just that I wish he would try to do this in another way because I know that it isn't doing any good to him.. Our problems started in October when I went away to work in Germany for my company a few times during the week... In the gay community there are a lot of people who aren't very friendly people and who interfere too much(also without knowing) in the lives of a couple... Maurizio like I said is a very suspicious person... And I remember that one of these people who like to interfere and joke without thinking about the consequences made a comment regarding the possibilities for gay persons in Germany.... Probably he only made a joke but like I say maurizio probably had all ears open at that time and started to have his suspicions... I am sure of that now because he told me that he thought I was in Germany to see another person, but I was only there for work... The problem was that during the crisis period of two months, only I was the person who was more willing to negotiate... And maybe I pressured a little bit too much, but simply because I was scared.... I didn't want to lose him... Obviously I tried all the possible methods to be able to convince him that we should try again... And the thing about it is he was starting to come towards me again... We decided to spend Christmas apart to give us both time to be on our own a little, to give us time, or more to give him time, to get his life back together again.... And during that Christmas period we were getting closer and closer and closer... Until two days before I came back from holiday... On this day he was together with friends of ours and they should have gone to the cinema... But there is another, let's say acquaintance, I can't stand him really who kept bugging and bugging to go to the disco... Basically this person is a person who goes on and on and on so much that in the end you agree with him just to shut him up... He is also the person I spoke about who interferes too much in the lives of others and I know that maurizio had been speaking to him and that he definately advised him to do this and that etc... Maurizio is the sort of person who has never had any real experiences in relationships... Yes he had another one for six months, but a real love relationship(he worshipped me) was the one he had with me.... This other person who never leaves us alone probably advised maurizio to go and have his experiences in the world, and because maurizio is one who is so conditioned by what others say, he was thinking about this seriously - even although in his heart it wasn't what he really wanted to do... This is one of his greatest weaknesses is the fact that too often he does things which other people decide for him... Anyway, he met this new person in the disco... He told me after many lies about how he met this person, because he was scared obviously... He told me he got to know him via internet, that they followed each other in the disco all evening etc etc... In the end he told me that the guy had been watching him all night and when they were leaving he approached him and asked for his telephone number.. The real story he told to a friend of ours though... What actually happened is that this guy was watching him all evening, but at the end of the evening the guy started to leave with his friends.. This other guy who was in maurizio's company(the one who interferes) said to maurizio - look what you are missing, he's been watching you all evening, go after him, go after him... Maurizio being the type of person who likes to look big in these things went after him and asked for his phone number... The day after he spoke again to our good friend and told him that he had met this guy in the disco, but this wasn't even what he wanted... This is why I know he didn't want to go after this one, but did it to look big only... He is so afraid of what people will think about him... So this is basically how things started, of course the guy called him and they started messaging and talking and all of that and he got to like him and they started seeing each other and here we are today.. There are some things which I can say though, some things which are very strange with this. I gave maurizio a saint christopher and a letter "s" on a chain about 18 months ago... He never removes it... And he still keeps it around his neck even though he says he doesn't love me and is seeing another person... He told me that he wants to live together with me.. He told me that he needs me in his life... He needs to see me doing all the things which I did at home before... He keeps a simple post it note, where I wrote Good Night... He has it pinned up in his bedroom for nearly a month now... But he is treating me badly... But really badly as if he wants me to hate him... i.e. ignoring me, cutting me out of everything in his life, shouting, disagreeing with everything I say etc.. Another strange thing is that he told his older sister when she asked about us, that maybe he would return to me... This was about two weeks ago... But he tells me categorically that he would never return to me.... You see this is the reason I am still behind him... Because there are so many signs that everything isn't finished inside of him... He is stating too many things categorically and this isn't him... I really don't know what to do.. I am hurting so badly about this matter and I am so scared at the moment to say anything to him in case it's the wrong thing and he goes on again... To speak to him about how we could resolve our problems is impossible because he just starts to shout... What more can I say... It is a huge mess !!! Stewart Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts