califnan Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Agreed. The whole thread is simply here to dig at OW. My mother was fOW who married her fMM. They have been married for more than 20 years now. There have been no "next OW". --------------------- This Poster deserves the same respect you have given other OP's.. She is asking questions on here regarding her own life. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? I think it would highly depend on the attitude they had about the affair. If they felt bad about it during the affair, they might be more likely to put up with it; feeling it was due them for having caused that pain to another. If they were lied to and became too attached to walk away once they discovered; they could tend to be a ready made victim for the serial cheater. But one advantage a former affair partner who marries the person they had the affair with has is that they will be more able to recognize it if they are being cheated on. They already know how the person acts when they are being duplicitous and maybe recognize it quicker. And perhaps it will not be such a horrible shock; they already knew the person to be capable of it. Link to post Share on other sites
lolapalooza Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Uh... I think ALL of you have missed the point of this thread. How can it be a dig at OW of the OP is an OW herself? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t238654/ The above thread is about how the OP slept with her ex, making her the OW to the BS who was previously the OW! I dunno.. maybe the OP is asking if her ex will be faithful to his new wife, since he was obviously unfaithful to her. Maybe she's asking if she gets her WS back, will he cheat on her? How about a little clarifying before assuming it's a jab at OW? Makes me think there may be some guilty consciences out there... Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 How about a little clarifying before assuming it's a jab think there may be QUOTE] ------------------- Exactly .. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? Opening statement.... Uh... I think ALL of you have missed the point of this thread. How can it be a dig at OW of the OP is an OW herself? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t238654/ The above thread is about how the OP slept with her ex, making her the OW to the BS who was previously the OW! I dunno.. maybe the OP is asking if her ex will be faithful to his new wife, since he was obviously unfaithful to her. Maybe she's asking if she gets her WS back, will he cheat on her? How about a little clarifying before assuming it's a jab at OW? Makes me think there may be some guilty consciences out there... ............................. 10 characters Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 . How can it be a dig at OW of the OP is an OW herself? How does her "status" as the OW insulate her from making jabs? That's YOUR assumption... Link to post Share on other sites
lolapalooza Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) Opening statement.... ............................. 10 charactersdo you have a point? How does her "status" as the OW insulate her from making jabs? That's YOUR assumption...I assumed nothing. I pointed out that the OP's intentions should be more clear before ANYONE made assumptions. Her other thread said she missed her husband. She referred to herself as the OW. If it were a ONS, I don't think she would refer to herself as that (yes, here I am assuming). So if she is now the OW, maybe she wants her husband back. Maybe if she gets him back, will he cheat on her and would she put up with it knowing his history? Maybe it IS a jab by saying neener neener my xWS is with the OW, but lookie lookie he cheated on her with MEEEEE! Who knows? She hasn't said. Everyone has assumed her intent. Edited July 23, 2010 by lolapalooza Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Agreed. The whole thread is simply here to dig at OW. My mother was fOW who married her fMM. They have been married for more than 20 years now. There have been no "next OW". all you do is dig at OW there has probably been an entire slew of OW in those 20 years what makes you think that you would know. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Unapologetic BS, huh? Yeah, I guess you could call me that. I didn't hold the affair against the other women. It didn't mean I was altruistic as in giving away my SO, but realistic that he was already gone (permanently or temporary). Did I miss something? Was IWWH specifically addressing this to JJ? Originally Posted by IfWishesWereHorses If she was an unapologetic OW would that then make her an unapologetic BS by default?? I propose that she (fOW) (nBS) would want only his happiness and give him up to the new more deserving OW. That's not what typically happens though, all of a sudden his behavior must be because he's a broken man when before it was because of an undeniably uncontrolable connection/soulmate scenerio. Link to post Share on other sites
lolapalooza Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) all you do is dig at OW there has probably been an entire slew of OW in those 20 years what makes you think that you would know. lolWhuuuuh?? Well, crap. I bitched about another thread going off-topic, and now I've participated in the derailment of this one. Shame on me. Please don't give me another beatdown, Tony. Mkay, I'm out. Worrying about putting up with a cheater is too sad to me. Y'all be good. Edited July 23, 2010 by lolapalooza Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 all you do is dig at OW there has probably been an entire slew of OW in those 20 years what makes you think that you would know. lol I dig at OW?? Excuse me for just a moment here..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahahahah!! :lmao::lmao::laugh::lmao::lmao::bunny: Sorry. I am better now. Would you like to qualify that with some proof that I (of all people) DIG at OW??? Oddly enough I have considered myself a defender of OW (at least their right to be happy in their relationships if that is what they want, and their right to leave any relationship in which they are less than fulfilled!! I am OW! I am unashamed OW! I am unapologetic OW! But I take digs at OW?? I am just at a loss here! And I know there have been no other OW because I saw my step-father come home every night on time, I saw him never leave my mother's side on weekends. I saw him send her flowers every week. I saw him romance her every night. I saw him proudly tell the world this was the woman he loved and would always love, over and over and over. I have had a cheating husband. I know what they look like, and what they do NOT look like is what my step-father embodies for my mother. I have never seen a man love a woman the way that he loves her. I have never seen a woman love a man like she loves him. He was MM, she was OW. He told her he loved her, and that as soon as his youngest child was an adult he would tell the world he loved her. He told her if she was patient he would move mountains. She was, he did. He did everything he promised her and more. And he promised her forever the day he married her, and he was old enough, wise enough, and in love enough to mean that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) --------------------- This Poster deserves the same respect you have given other OP's.. She is asking questions on here regarding her own life. Please clarify this statemant by explaining how I was less than respectful. If I was somehow disrespectful then I would owe the OP an apology. However, after reviewing my post I see no lack of respect for the OP. I simply stated that i thought the question was loaded, and intended to be a dig at OW. I make a valid point, obviously one shared by other people on this thread as well. Edited July 24, 2010 by Fallen Angel Link to post Share on other sites
TinaniT Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 I have seen a few couples that married after the affair and are having a great time together. Quite a few here, too. Some of my closest friends. A lot of people probably don't know their "history" because they keep it to themselves because of how some people are... but some of the happiest couples I know. The question is obviously a dig, as it did not say, "if" but "when" he cheats again, as if it were a given. And it is far from that. Slightly OT, I would suppose a MM who ends up with the OW only after the wife kicks him out might be more likely to cheat in the future, but I wouldn't necessarily think that a man who leaves of his own accord. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Please clarify this statemant by explaining how I was less than respectful. If I was somehow disrespectful then I would owe the OP an apology. However, after reviewing my post I see no lack of respect for the OP. I simply stated that i thought the question was loaded, and intended to be a dig at OW. I make a valid point, obviously one shared by other people on this thread as well. ---------------- You said the whole thread was simply to take a dig at OW. I interpreted that to mostly mean that you thought the OP started the thread to take a dig at OWs.. But it appears she is asking two questions on here related to her own life.. Link to post Share on other sites
joseygirl Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Why is it horrible for a MM to divorce his wife who he has been cheating on and marry the OW. Doesn't he get some points for deciding his own fate and changing his life. It seems that it is said once a cheater always a cheater.... but there are good men out there that truly are unhappy.... and move to change their situations. If the new spouse who was the OW doesn't realize after being part of that whole situation what her husband needs and what was lacking in his previous marriage and allows those things to creep into their relationship than shame on her. Shame on them both. Isn't life supposed to be about learning and growing and hopefully making better decisions the next time around? I also don't understand why it is ok for the BS to just look the other way or accept her husbands infidelity and take him back when the OW is supposed to know he is a dog and kick him to the curb. Don't both women know he has cheated? Why is it ok for the BS to accept this and try to make the relationship work but not the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 ---------------- You said the whole thread was simply to take a dig at OW. I interpreted that to mostly mean that you thought the OP started the thread to take a dig at OWs.. But it appears she is asking two questions on here related to her own life.. She is quite possibly asking a question about her own life, however I stand by my statement that this particular question and the way it is posed was/is intended to be a dig at OW. I personally don't care, because it does not affect me, in that I know that the premise upon which this question is based (the premise that a MM who divorces and marries his OW will cheat) is patently untrue as a general statement of fact. It is possible, certainly, but not a given. No more so than ANY man (single, never married; single, divorced; single, divorced multiple times, or MM when the relationship began) is likely to cheat on his spouse. The fact is some men cheat on their spouses. Some men never do. Some men cheat on one spouse, divorce, remarry and never cheat on the second spouse (whether she was OW from his first marriage or simply someone he met afterwards.) Some men cheat on their spouse, divorce, remarry and cheat again. It is individual to the person involved in each relationship. To say otherwise is akin to saying that ALL babies are beautiful, because SOME babies are beautiful. Or that all people who attend church regularly are good people, simply because some people who attend church are good people. It just doesn't fly. It is question meant to inflame, because the OP is angry at the fact that her husband married his OW and she is, as someone put it "saying neener neener my xWS is with the OW, but lookie lookie he cheated on her with MEEEEE!" with this question, and wanting to know if the new wife/fOW finds out, if she will boot out the husband or accept it as inevitable. If you want to know the real answer to the question, then I would suggest that the poster do what so many here say to do, and call up the wife and let her in on the secret. Then we can all know what that particular former Other woman turned wife will do. I would suggest though that the OP be prepared to be "thrown under the bus" as so many other OW are told to prepare themselves for. because my guess is that her exH will try harder to stay with his new wife than he did to stay in his marriage with the OP. *just my opinion* Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 The premise that a MM who divorces and marries his OW will cheat) is patently untrue as a general statement of fact. It is possible, certainly, but not a given. No more so than ANY man (single, never married; single, divorced; single, divorced multiple times, or MM when the relationship began) is likely to cheat . . . The fact is some men cheat on their spouses. Some men never do. Some men cheat on one spouse, divorce, remarry and never cheat on the second spouse (whether she was OW from his first marriage or simply someone he met afterwards.) Some men cheat on their spouse, divorce, remarry and cheat again. It is individual to the person involved in each relationship. To say otherwise is akin to saying that ALL babies are beautiful, because SOME babies are beautiful. Or that all people who attend church regularly are good people, simply because some people who attend church are good people. It just doesn't fly. [/Quote] Whew! Thank you. You saved me a lot of typing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Whew! Thank you. You saved me a lot of typing. Anytime! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? I don't think an OW feels there will be a "next" affair. How does anyone react when they don't think something will happen to them? IMO, no differently than any other betrayed person. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) Did I miss something? Was IWWH specifically addressing this to JJ? Did I miss something? Do the TOS of LS state that you only can comment on something that is directly addressed to you? I sincerely thought you could comment on matters that interested you. Edited July 24, 2010 by jennie-jennie Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 You presume he will cheat on the new W. The past, while the best indicator of future performance, is NO guarantee. This question has no real merits except as a subtle dig. Agree. My father has not once even looked at another woman since M his fOW... and now, at his age, he wouldn't be able to . I am deeply integrated into my H's life, unlike his xW who inhabited a parallel universe. It would be pretty difficult for him to manage an OW without my being in on it - and, given my sexual politics, he'd have no reason to hide it from me. But, having survived on A, he's adamant that he would never want to go through that again - trying to maintain a presence in an old life he's checked out of, when every fibre of his being just wants to live fully in the new one. But if, hypothetically speaking, he did go and pork his xW, I'd have to call the men in the white coats and have him put away, as his sanity would clearly have deserted him :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 I agree with this. She knew what she was getting, so why should she be surprised when history repeats itself? If he had tons of counseling in order to deal with the issues that led him to cheat then one shouldn't expect the behavior to continue. Besides that, he may have found true intimacy with the one he left for. If she accepts him as-he-is, especially if he was a serial cheater, then yeah, history is pretty much going to repeat itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted July 24, 2010 Senior Moderators Share Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) This is NOT Bible study....PLEASE!!! No sermons here. Just please give practical advice and preach not. Sermons and lectures are an inappropriate form of advice and MOST OFTEN not desired by those seeking help. Moses is not affiliated with LoveShack.org. If you want to discuss religious issues, please go to that forum. Thank you for your cooperation. Edited July 24, 2010 by Tony Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Moses is not affiliated with LoveShack.org. Pity - if he'd posted here, someone might have helped him find his way much quicker than the 40-odd years it took him... Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Pity - if he'd posted here, someone might have helped him find his way much quicker than the 40-odd years it took him... THIS is REALLY funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts