OW who marries her MM

[lolapalooza]

What happened to the OP?

[Mimolicious]

What happened to the OP?

 

She bounced with Moses and the 12 disciples.

 

 

Jk.

[Summer Breeze]

Please clarify this statemant by explaining how I was less than respectful.

 

If I was somehow disrespectful then I would owe the OP an apology. However, after reviewing my post I see no lack of respect for the OP. I simply stated that i thought the question was loaded, and intended to be a dig at OW. I make a valid point, obviously one shared by other people on this thread as well.

 

The response was perfectly respectful and on the mark.

 

I wonder what the response from BS would have been had a thread asking if the BS gets surprised and upset when the WS starts up the A again. Asking that question is a dig and unacceptable just as the OP here is. Maybe it wasn't the intention but a little more detail at the beginning would have stopped the first few responses to take the conversation that way.

[Fieldsofgold]

This is NOT Bible study....PLEASE!!! No sermons here. Just please give practical advice and preach not. Sermons and lectures are an inappropriate form of advice and MOST OFTEN not desired by those seeking help. Moses is not affiliated with LoveShack.org.

 

If you want to discuss religious issues, please go to that forum. Thank you for your cooperation.

 

If I had any clue about your sense of humor, I would say, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned."

 

But since I have no idea what you find humerous, I won't.

[melowoman]

I did not intend my original question as a jab against OW. I am very confused as I was very angry at my ex-husband for betraying me with the OW. For my own self respect and to set a good example for my 17 year old daughter...I left him. Life after my divorce has not been what I expected. I didn't realize how hard it would be to be alone after 23 years with my ex husband.

 

After being divorced a year, he has been coming around helping me fix my house and now I think I am still in love with him and I guess I have forgiven him for the affair. We have done alot of talking and he has apoligized to me and told me he still loves me. We wish we would have communicated more during the divorce. He was very agreeable during the divorce - giving me anything I wanted - no fighting - which I took as him not caring. He says he was just trying to stay friends and not have a messy divorce.

 

Maybe he is lying to me and just wants a little on the side and it is comfortable with me - I don't know. I swore I would never get involved with a MM and here I am. I was hoping to feel a little less guilty because he was mine first for so long. But I don't.

[califnan]

I did not intend my original question as a jab against OW. I am very confused as I was very angry at my ex-husband for betraying me with the OW. For my own self respect and to set a good example for my 17 year old daughter...I left him. Life after my divorce has not been what I expected. I didn't realize how hard it would be to be alone after 23 years with my ex husband.

 

After being divorced a year, he has been coming around helping me fix my house and now I think I am still in love with him and I guess I have forgiven him for the affair. We have done alot of talking and he has apoligized to me and told me he still loves me. We wish we would have communicated more during the divorce. He was very agreeable during the divorce - giving me anything I wanted - no fighting - which I took as him not caring. He says he was just trying to stay friends and not have a messy divorce.

 

Maybe he is lying to me and just wants a little on the side and it is comfortable with me - I don't know. I swore I would never get involved with a MM and here I am. I was hoping to feel a little less guilty because he was mine first for so long. But I don't.

 

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It was easy enough to interpret that it was not a jab Melo - if just taking the trouble to read your first post on LS.

 

I have my own ideas of how sacred a marriage is that was based on adultery - But I think it would be a good idea to refrain from intimacy with him .. otherwise it just makes him a 'cake-eater' with two women ..

[White Flower]

I did not intend my original question as a jab against OW. I am very confused as I was very angry at my ex-husband for betraying me with the OW. For my own self respect and to set a good example for my 17 year old daughter...I left him. Life after my divorce has not been what I expected. I didn't realize how hard it would be to be alone after 23 years with my ex husband.

 

After being divorced a year, he has been coming around helping me fix my house and now I think I am still in love with him and I guess I have forgiven him for the affair. We have done alot of talking and he has apoligized to me and told me he still loves me. We wish we would have communicated more during the divorce. He was very agreeable during the divorce - giving me anything I wanted - no fighting - which I took as him not caring. He says he was just trying to stay friends and not have a messy divorce.

 

Maybe he is lying to me and just wants a little on the side and it is comfortable with me - I don't know. I swore I would never get involved with a MM and here I am. I was hoping to feel a little less guilty because he was mine first for so long. But I don't.

I must not have read the whole thread or maybe this is the first time you divulged this info. So, you were once the W and now you are the OW? Is he remarried or just in a R with someone else? Very interesting, and if I've got it right, then I can see where your OP wasn't meant to bash OW.

 

Thanks for clarifying and I hope your life goes the way you want it.

[White Flower]

Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair?

Going back to your OP, do YOU feel that since you are now your exH's OW that YOU are more or less likely to put up with your man's next A?

 

Alternately, do you wonder if his new W(?) will put up with his A with you?

 

So interesting.

[melowoman]

I must not have read the whole thread or maybe this is the first time you divulged this info. So, you were once the W and now you are the OW? Is he remarried or just in a R with someone else? Very interesting, and if I've got it right, then I can see where your OP wasn't meant to bash OW.

 

Thanks for clarifying and I hope your life goes the way you want it.

 

 

He is remarried to the OW. He claims he married her because he couldn't pay the bills on his own and would lose the house we built together.

[melowoman]

Going back to your OP, do YOU feel that since you are now your exH's OW that YOU are more or less likely to put up with your man's next A?

 

Alternately, do you wonder if his new W(?) will put up with his A with you?

 

So interesting.

 

If I get him back - I will do everything to avoid him needing the attention of an OW. I admit to some fault in the whole thing - I was very close to my daughter to the extent that we excluded him alot. I think I would put up with an affair - I have no delusions of what kind of man he is. Unfortunately I love him still.

 

Yes, I am very curious is the W will put up with his relationship with me - I don't know her so I have no idea.

[Fallen Angel]

If I get him back - I will do everything to avoid him needing the attention of an OW. I admit to some fault in the whole thing - I was very close to my daughter to the extent that we excluded him alot. I think I would put up with an affair - I have no delusions of what kind of man he is. Unfortunately I love him still.

 

Yes, I am very curious is the W will put up with his relationship with me - I don't know her so I have no idea.

 

Call her up and ask her. *shrug*

 

That is the advice most often given to other OW on this board, and you are now his OW, so it should be no different for you I would think.

 

Are you engaged in an ongoing relationship with him now? or was it one time?

 

Are you content with being his OW? You seem to want him to divorce and remarry you, have you told him this is what you want?

[BB07]

silly 10 character thing

 

If I get him back - I will do everything to avoid him needing the attention of an OW. I admit to some fault in the whole thing - I was very close to my daughter to the extent that we excluded him alot. I think I would put up with an affair - I have no delusions of what kind of man he is. Unfortunately I love him still.

 

Your statement bolded above makes it sound like you feel that you did something before that makes you think it was your fault that he turned to someone else before.......you don't really believe that do you?

 

Why would you want back this kind of man, the man who cheated on you and is now cheating again, with you? Isn't that a bit warped?

 

Don't you see by reading the stories here that most of the OW are NOT happy with the circumstances of the affair. Sure once in a while some of them are, but the majority are NOT. Being an OW is not usually enough.

 

Yes, I am very curious is the W will put up with his relationship with me - I don't know her so I have no idea.

[White Flower]

Or he's telling the truth and now realizes he just needs <thinks he needs> more than one woman in his life.

 

Hey, I don't knock those BW/OW who could put up with cheating. The OP knows what it was like before and if comparing it to now makes the past better then she knows what she's doing.

 

The only problem I have is when BS claim they would never put up with it, then do. Or they say they'd cut their WS's cahones off if they cheated and then don't when they learn of the A. At least back up what you say. This fBW/currentOW is backing up her beliefs.

 

Many of us OP were perfectly happy being OP...at least at one time. So I don't judge.

[Fallen Angel]

Or he's telling the truth and now realizes he just needs <thinks he needs> more than one woman in his life.

 

Hey, I don't knock those BW/OW who could put up with cheating. The OP knows what it was like before and if comparing it to now makes the past better then she knows what she's doing.

 

The only problem I have is when BS claim they would never put up with it, then do. Or they say they'd cut their WS's cahones off if they cheated and then don't when they learn of the A. At least back up what you say. This fBW/currentOW is backing up her beliefs.

 

Many of us OP were perfectly happy being OP...at least at one time. So I don't judge.

 

Backing up her beliefs? She believed that her H's affair was worth getting divorced over and is now changing her mind and being his OW and wanting him to divorce and remarry her. How is that backing up her beliefs?

[White Flower]

Backing up her beliefs? She believed that her H's affair was worth getting divorced over and is now changing her mind and being his OW and wanting him to divorce and remarry her. How is that backing up her beliefs?

Sorry, I didn't have time to read the whole thread so I don't know if she left him/forced him to leave after learning of the A. Maybe he left her, is what I was thinking, even if she wanted him to stay, even if that meant he was going to continue cheating. If that were the case and she was ok with it, who are we to judge?

[Fallen Angel]

Sorry, I didn't have time to read the whole thread so I don't know if she left him/forced him to leave after learning of the A. Maybe he left her, is what I was thinking, even if she wanted him to stay, even if that meant he was going to continue cheating. If that were the case and she was ok with it, who are we to judge?

 

In that case I would agree.

[pureinheart]

If I get him back - I will do everything to avoid him needing the attention of an OW. I admit to some fault in the whole thing - I was very close to my daughter to the extent that we excluded him alot. I think I would put up with an affair - I have no delusions of what kind of man he is. Unfortunately I love him still.

 

Yes, I am very curious is the W will put up with his relationship with me - I don't know her so I have no idea.

 

Wow MW...my heart goes out to you, what a difficult sitch...you guys went through all that work of the D and everything that goes along with a breakup now to reverse it.

 

While I do agree that there are reasons, that are good ones as a matter of fact, for taking up with another...I really don't think your being close to your daughter fits in that reason catagory IMO....even with excluding him.

(((((hugs))))) MW...yours is a difficult situation...

Edited July 26, 2010 by pureinheart

[Mimolicious]

He married the OW for a paycheck?

He's lying to one of you.

 

 

You'll be surprised. People do stupid things all the time.

 

Melowoman- Do you honestly think that if you get your exH back (removing his W out of the pic) your R with him is going to work out?

 

I agree with FA, maybe you should call his W and tell her that you 2 are rekindling old flames. Maybe he is getting a pink-slip from his W and sees you as the best "go-to" opportunity since you are willing to have the open vacancy.

[califnan]

You'll be surprised. People do stupid things all the time.

 

QUOTE]

 

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Yes they do .. The first stupid thing was the adulterous "wife" thinking She was going to be the 'one'

 

Melowoman, As I said before - you shouldn't have intimacy with him, unless he gets divorced - and remarries you ..

[jwi71]

OK...good to be wrong here.

 

However, OP, have you gotten IC?

 

You seem to have divorced out of spite and anger - to punish him. And, as you have found, it doesn't work that way. I suspect you have spent this time regretting your D.

 

Well, my question to you is: do you REALLY want him back?

Or is he the low hanging fruit so to speak?

 

If you TRULY want him back, then tell him so.

IF he only married her for money and has feelings for you...make him prove it (like going to couples counseling, filing for D and moving out into his place).

 

What are you prepared to DO to go from OW to the W again?

 

I believe its possible.

[melowoman]

OK...good to be wrong here.

 

However, OP, have you gotten IC?

 

You seem to have divorced out of spite and anger - to punish him. And, as you have found, it doesn't work that way. I suspect you have spent this time regretting your D.

 

Well, my question to you is: do you REALLY want him back?

Or is he the low hanging fruit so to speak?

 

If you TRULY want him back, then tell him so.

IF he only married her for money and has feelings for you...make him prove it (like going to couples counseling, filing for D and moving out into his place).

 

What are you prepared to DO to go from OW to the W again?

 

I believe its possible.

 

To answer your questions above...my exH and I had marriage counseling several years before our divorce and it really didn't help us. I have not had counseling after the divorce.

 

Yes, I was very angry for along time and we had other issues to do with our only child that made things worse. There was so much anger between my exh and our daughter that contributed our moving out.

 

I am confused whether I want him back, even though I know I still love him. We have been talking alot and he says he wants to re-marry me but to give him time. I am fine with that since I don't know what I want for sure anyway. He says his W is more of a roommate and he loves me not her. (I know, I know, that's what they all say!)

[Fieldsofgold]

To answer your questions above...my exH and I had marriage counseling several years before our divorce and it really didn't help us. I have not had counseling after the divorce.

 

Yes, I was very angry for along time and we had other issues to do with our only child that made things worse. There was so much anger between my exh and our daughter that contributed our moving out.

 

I am confused whether I want him back, even though I know I still love him. We have been talking alot and he says he wants to re-marry me but to give him time. I am fine with that since I don't know what I want for sure anyway. He says his W is more of a roommate and he loves me not her. (I know, I know, that's what they all say!)

 

how would it impact your daughter if you and he got back together? Was there a serious reason for her anger toward him? These are things I would suggest you seriously consider.

[pureinheart]

how would it impact your daughter if you and he got back together? Was there a serious reason for her anger toward him? These are things I would suggest you seriously consider.

 

My thought also...

 

Was your anger due to your exH's anger with your daughter...was he jealous of her...if si, I really think twice about allowing him to return into your life, even if your daughter is grown and gone now...he's got some serious issues possibly...anyways I really hope the best for you:)

[Gfkr2]

I have seen a few couples that married after the affair and are having a great time together.

 

Especially when they are both 2x cheaters like my WW and her MM.

[califnan]

Especially when they are both 2x cheaters like my WW and her MM.

 

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Are you trying to say that selfishness and lack of conscience can equal a "good time" .. or is that for a separate thread ...