OW who marries her MM

[OWoman]

The first stupid thing was the adulterous "wife" thinking She was going to be the 'one' [/Quote]

 

No matter how you slice it, having sex with one's legally wedded husband does not constitute adultery. At least, not in the real world - perhaps in some cuckoo religious fantasy world, but nowhere that counts in reality.

[HappyAtLast]

I could not say for sure, but I seriously doubt that my wife (ex affair partner) would tolerate me having an affair anymore than she tolerated being an long-term other woman.

 

All relationships are different and run via different dynamics. I would never disrespect my wife by engaging in an affair, despite that our relationship began as such. I would sooner die than hurt her.

[Mimolicious]

I could not say for sure, but I seriously doubt that my wife (ex affair partner) would tolerate me having an affair anymore than she tolerated being an long-term other woman.

 

All relationships are different and run via different dynamics. I would never disrespect my wife by engaging in an affair, despite that our relationship began as such. I would sooner die than hurt her.

 

You're the exception my friend. Some ex's think that it can be an open-door policy with previous partners. My xH thinks that he can work his way back into my undies with his 1995 swagger . Not happening! He left our M and family for his OW, they are not married but still. Why should I allow him to back into my life, get in my bed and use me to get his rocks off? If he did't value our "love", "marriage", "family", etc the first time around would it make it any better a second time? Difference is, that I wont allow him to disrespect me. I'll be totally honest here, I love my xH and Lord knows that I would have loved to grow old with him but reality is he's not the man I deserve. I wont allow him to disrespect me EVER AGAIN!

 

Besides, the OP's exH is already married to the OW. She is now participating in the same act that exH and OW probably got crucified for doing.

 

 

I am confused whether I want him back, even though I know I still love him. We have been talking alot and he says he wants to re-marry me but to give him time. I am fine with that since I don't know what I want for sure anyway. He says his W is more of a roommate and he loves me not her. (I know, I know, that's what they all say!)

 

And this is what he probably said about you too. Are you stringing along this A because of the comfort zone that it provides? If you dont know what you want then how are you supposed to find out if you're involved in such a hotmess?

[HappyAtLast]

The very thought of getting into my ex-wife's unmentionables has made me need to go and lie down, I fear

[GreenEyedLady]

The very thought of getting into my ex-wife's unmentionables has made me need to go and lie down, I fear

 

OMG-I know!

 

The thought of EVER sleeping with my XH makes me

 

I hadn't slept with him for several months before leaving and am glad I will never do it again.

 

YUCK!

 

An EX is an EX for a reason!

 

GEL

[Mimolicious]

The very thought of getting into my ex-wife's unmentionables has made me need to go and lie down, I fear

 

 

:lmao::lmao: You're something else.:lmao::lmao:

 

That's in your case and good that now you know better than to keep the cycle of infidelity going. Wanna give some lessons to the unreformed ones? Geez... LOL!

 

People make mistakes that they can't take back. Seems like my xH made a HUGE one but a little too late! I would have to be the biggest moron to get involved with him. Mind you, he is still with his OW.

No thanks! I have more dignity and self-respect than that. I am no longer his doormat.

[White Flower]

The very thought of getting into my ex-wife's unmentionables has made me need to go and lie down, I fear

 

OMG-I know!

 

The thought of EVER sleeping with my XH makes me

 

I hadn't slept with him for several months before leaving and am glad I will never do it again.

 

YUCK!

 

An EX is an EX for a reason!

 

GEL

Amen brothers and sisters!

[OWoman]

All relationships are different and run via different dynamics. I would never disrespect my wife by engaging in an affair, despite that our relationship began as such. I would sooner die than hurt her.

 

My H tells me the same daily - by his words and his actions

 

(Great to see you again BTW HAL!)

[OWoman]

The very thought of getting into my ex-wife's unmentionables has made me need to go and lie down, I fear

 

OMG-I know!

 

The thought of EVER sleeping with my XH makes me

 

I hadn't slept with him for several months before leaving and am glad I will never do it again.

 

YUCK!

 

An EX is an EX for a reason!

 

GEL

 

This bears repeating, yet again!

 

Sex with an ex is like eating what you just threw up If I am ever that desperate that I consider that, I would sooner hack my soft bits off with a blunt penknife!

[Fieldsofgold]

This bears repeating, yet again!

 

Sex with an ex is like eating what you just threw up If I am ever that desperate that I consider that, I would sooner hack my soft bits off with a blunt penknife!

 

While I find these comments hilarious, and I totally agree . . . This is an individual situation for each of us. I fear that our derisive remarks aren't helpful or supportive to the OP, who obviously still has feelings for her x. I suspect that she may be feeling a little bashed, or ridiculed, right about now. Not anyone's intention, I'm sure.

 

I never allowed my xH to come back, though he wanted to for years. Let's see - after about 4 years of marriage to his 1st OW/W, during the birth of his child with his 2nd OW/W (while she was in hospital having the child, he wanted to sleep with me/move in with me - classy guy!) Then again with #3 OW/W.

 

I list these out, because I believe it clearly demonstrated his unwillingness to ever stop having OW. If I had taken him back, it would not have "fixed" him. I believe there would still have been OW #'s 1-2-3-4.

 

On a couple of occasions long ago, I broke up with someone, then later began to miss them and ended up getting back together - only to realize later that there was a good reason why I had broken up with them in the first place! Sentiment and loneliness had made me forget.

 

Perhaps that is your situation. Individual counselling might help you sort out what you really want.

Edited July 29, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[woinlove]

All relationships are different and run via different dynamics. I would never disrespect my wife by engaging in an affair, despite that our relationship began as such. I would sooner die than hurt her.

 

Most mature people think like this when they get married - that they cannot imagine disrespecting and wanting to hurt their spouse, and yet many go on to do just that. Even more so, if they have done it before, whether or not they married their AP.

 

Yes, all relationships are different, but intimate relationships aren't static and unchanging. I think the best way to ensure one doesn't cheat again is to learn from that experience and do what is necessary to change oneself to remain faithful even 10-20 years down the road.

 

Some people make an unwise decision in marrying, and may find a more suitable partner the second time around, but even with an unsuitable partner, only a fraction of those people will chose cheating as a way of dealing. Those who don't cheat and who instead end the marriage before finding a new partner are likely to remain faithful to their next partner as well. I think those who chose to cheat, will usually have to change more than just their partner in order to stay faithful for the long haul.

[HappyAtLast]

Most mature people think like this when they get married - that they cannot imagine disrespecting and wanting to hurt their spouse, and yet many go on to do just that. Even more so, if they have done it before, whether or not they married their AP.

 

This is probably true of most folks. However, unless one is truly a serial cheater I am not sure one is more likely to cheat in a second marriage any more so than they are likely to cheat again in their current marriage.

[WalkInThePark]

He is remarried to the OW. He claims he married her because he couldn't pay the bills on his own and would lose the house we built together.

 

Why would you want to be with a loser like that? Even if you hate the xOW now new W, it is far from flattering that a guy marries for this reason, or says that he married for that reason.

It means at least that he is not honest to his new W and if what he says is true, that he is financially stable.

[2sure]

My BFF recently divorced , ex is now living with OW:

 

OW at the last moment had to use every cent from her own divorce settlement to buy the dream home he promised because her MM couldnt get a mortgage until his divorce was final. That was nonsense, he couldnt put his name on the mortgage because he has not a cent to his name and it would have been declined. He is filing for chapter 11 she is unaware of this and making wedding plans.

 

My BFF , days after the final divorce found that she has an STD. Told her ex who has refused to acknowledge he has it and wont tell his OW.

 

He is now in the dream house, and although she now has a huge mortgage OW is not yet living there because there is no furniture. He told her he didnt want her to move in with her kids until everything is "just so". The furniture is never coming, he has no credit.

 

Meanwhile he calls and texts my BFF the former spouse he betrayed every single day for hours. He still wants both.

 

I am tempted to tell the OW myself about the financial & legal nightmare she has entered ( I have reason to believe she hasnt legally committed fully yet). And I think she really really should know that she has this STD which doesnt go away ever.

 

On the other hand , my friend is like: Let her marry him , I'll tell her everything in 10 years when he is entitled to half her retirement and house...just like she did for me.

[Mimolicious]

My BFF recently divorced , ex is now living with OW:

 

OW at the last moment had to use every cent from her own divorce settlement to buy the dream home he promised because her MM couldnt get a mortgage until his divorce was final. That was nonsense, he couldnt put his name on the mortgage because he has not a cent to his name and it would have been declined. He is filing for chapter 11 she is unaware of this and making wedding plans.

 

My BFF , days after the final divorce found that she has an STD. Told her ex who has refused to acknowledge he has it and wont tell his OW.

 

He is now in the dream house, and although she now has a huge mortgage OW is not yet living there because there is no furniture. He told her he didnt want her to move in with her kids until everything is "just so". The furniture is never coming, he has no credit.

 

Meanwhile he calls and texts my BFF the former spouse he betrayed every single day for hours. He still wants both.

 

I am tempted to tell the OW myself about the financial & legal nightmare she has entered ( I have reason to believe she hasnt legally committed fully yet). And I think she really really should know that she has this STD which doesnt go away ever.

 

On the other hand , my friend is like: Let her marry him , I'll tell her everything in 10 years when he is entitled to half her retirement and house...just like she did for me.

 

2Sure- I remember you psoting something about your BFF. My BFF is going through some nasty D too.

 

About the bolded. HEY! I guess everyone is entitled to revenge, right?

 

The STD part is not a joke though, that can even infect children depending on the STD. Hope nobody shares cups!

I don't think I would keep that part quiet. Maybe tell her after they are M? or send the Medco refill to her address... puts the bug in her ear.

I'm just saying...

[2sure]

I know, I'm conflicted. To be honest I am even conflicted about the warning her as to the financial mess. I dont feel sorry for her - but I'm sure she has been manipulated. On the other hand...I mean, it isnt as though he is good at it . Someone should maybe be punished for being selfish...but for being stupid?? I dont know.

[NoIDidn't]

I know, I'm conflicted. To be honest I am even conflicted about the warning her as to the financial mess. I dont feel sorry for her - but I'm sure she has been manipulated. On the other hand...I mean, it isnt as though he is good at it . Someone should maybe be punished for being selfish...but for being stupid?? I dont know.

 

I wouldn't tell her a thing. She'd likely think you're just another crazed and lonely betrayed woman that's going through a divorce like your BFF and think it was sour grapes motivating you, when its not.

 

I've tried this warning the new woman thing a time or two (even did it with stepmom) and its always been misinterpretted initially. And the mess it causes just isn't worth it.

 

She'll find out in time.

[jwi71]

I know, I'm conflicted. To be honest I am even conflicted about the warning her as to the financial mess. I dont feel sorry for her - but I'm sure she has been manipulated. On the other hand...I mean, it isnt as though he is good at it . Someone should maybe be punished for being selfish...but for being stupid?? I dont know.

 

You have an ethical and moral obligation to inform her.

You are NOT responsible for the reaction to the news - but you ARE responsible for giving it.

 

One part of a moral and ethical life is to act honorably even when you know it will be ill received.

 

Tell.

 

My .02

[NoIDidn't]

You have an ethical and moral obligation to inform her.

You are NOT responsible for the reaction to the news - but you ARE responsible for giving it.

 

One part of a moral and ethical life is to act honorably even when you know it will be ill received.

 

Tell.

 

My .02

 

I cannot agree with this. What moral and ethical obligation was this OW operating from?

 

This is her bed, IMO. No point in trying to save her from it. Be careful what you wish for, comes to mind.

[White Flower]

I cannot agree with this. What moral and ethical obligation was this OW operating from?

 

This is her bed, IMO. No point in trying to save her from it. Be careful what you wish for, comes to mind.

No point? Then why all the advice to OW on these boards?

 

2sure, tell her. Who cares how she takes it. Let her beat herself up later on if she doesn't receive it well now.

[2sure]

Well, I am going to tell her. Telling her directly myself will come back to bite my friend in the as*. My telling the OW will also make my friend angry simply because the divorce has just been finalized and she is still very angry. So, I want to do the right thing - because I do believe that it is the decent thing to do. What I'm struggling with:

 

Can I tell her anonymously? I know its cheap. I am not an anonymous kind of person. But really...I think she would find it more believable coming from an unknown than from her former MM's recently dumped wife's best friend. Still, maybe its cowardly. I dont want to live like that.

[silktricks]

Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair?

 

I would think less likely. She has already "shared" him once (with his former wife). I doubt that she'd be willing to do so again.

 

Of course, that is only an answer to the OP. There's no saying that he's going to have another affair.... as people have already stated at length...

Edited August 6, 2010 by silktricks

[Mimolicious]

Well, I am going to tell her. Telling her directly myself will come back to bite my friend in the as*. My telling the OW will also make my friend angry simply because the divorce has just been finalized and she is still very angry. So, I want to do the right thing - because I do believe that it is the decent thing to do. What I'm struggling with:

 

Can I tell her anonymously? I know its cheap. I am not an anonymous kind of person. But really...I think she would find it more believable coming from an unknown than from her former MM's recently dumped wife's best friend. Still, maybe its cowardly. I dont want to live like that.

 

 

Her husband's STD prescription meds can always mistakenly be delivered to her! LMAO! BWahhahahha!! Sorry, I don't mean to be evil but I find it hilarious. Yes, be very careful what you wish for because when you get it, it may not be exactly as you had hoped for!!!!!! She's def going to feel really special!

[jwi71]

I cannot agree with this. What moral and ethical obligation was this OW operating from?

 

This is her bed, IMO. No point in trying to save her from it. Be careful what you wish for, comes to mind.

 

Its not ABOUT the OW or what she "should" get.

 

Its about having information another SHOULD know - in this case, that her (the OW's) partner has an incurable STD. Placing everything else aside, having this information REQUIRES it be told. She knows and she must divulge.

 

Its not about the OW at all. Its about 2Sure having life altering medical information. Because she has it and knows it to be true, she has a duty to tell. TO NOT tell is unethical for 2sure.

 

Do no harm nor allow it through inaction to come to pass.

[jthorne]

It's possible that the OW was the one that gave it to him, and already knows.