melowoman Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I'll choose: less likely .. Because putting herself into OW category .. she has already given herself a sense of entitlement.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I would say more likely. She already knows he's a liar and a cheater, and she knows he's very capable of this level of deception. She didn't mind him cheating when he was cheating with her, so she won't really mind when he cheats ON her. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I would say more likely. She already knows he's a liar and a cheater, and she knows he's very capable of this level of deception. She didn't mind him cheating when he was cheating with her, so she won't really mind when he cheats ON her. I agree with this. She knew what she was getting, so why should she be surprised when history repeats itself? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I agree with this. She knew what she was getting, so why should she be surprised when history repeats itself? --------------------- No. She was special. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I agree with this. She knew what she was getting, so why should she be surprised when history repeats itself? Because the original BS was an evil hellish shrew and the OW/new BS was his savior? I mean, SHE can't suddenly be an evil hellish shrew, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 LOL @ Gorilla. But, that's just it. Whether you are a BS or an OW, if you stay with the cheater, you have sent the message that you accept and tolerate his cheating. Even if you "say" you don't, the mere fact of being with him shows otherwise. So, it should never be a surprise to a BS when the WS cheats again, and it shouldn't be a shock to a fOW turned wife when he cheats on her. A cheater doesn't respect either party in the situation - not his wife, and not the OW. Just because a gal changes roles in the equation doesn't change the cheaters behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 "Any man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy." Sir James Goldsmith. Upon marrying his Mistress, Lady Annabel Birley. Oh yes. He went on to have an affair with Laure Boulay Comptesse de Meurthe. He died whilst living with her, while still married to Lady Annabel. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? You presume he will cheat on the new W. The past, while the best indicator of future performance, is NO guarantee. This question has no real merits except as a subtle dig. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 If she was an unapologetic OW would that then make her an unapologetic BS by default?? I propose that she (fOW) (nBS) would want only his happiness and give him up to the new more deserving OW. That's not what typically happens though, all of a sudden his behavior must be because he's a broken man when before it was because of an undeniably uncontrolable connection/soulmate scenerio. Link to post Share on other sites
TOWinNYC Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? I think (like all things) this depends on the woman. The OW who was willing to put up with a lot of s*** before becoming the W will continue to put up with things about her man that make her unhappy, including the "next affair". And the OW who was NOT willing to put up s*** prior to becoming the W, the one who is strong enough to state what she wants and makes sure she gets it - even if that means walking away from the R - that woman will not put up with an EMA. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Mombot Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I have seen a few couples that married after the affair and are having a great time together. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 And the OW who was NOT willing to put up s*** prior to becoming the W OW not willing to put up with ish wouldn't be an OW to begin with. It's like starting backwards, ain't it?! "Any man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy." I agree. Character removed, character replaced! Then again, nothing is cookie-cutter. I have seen a few couples that married after the affair and are having a great time together. And we all know that the record can scratch! I'll say: Most likely. It may be an ego thing and not wanting to accept that after the fact you were no "oh so special" so you put up with it to not face the masses. Anything can happen though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author melowoman Posted July 22, 2010 Author Share Posted July 22, 2010 And if the new OW is the ex-wife - how does that change the dynamics - or doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 And if the new OW is the ex-wife - how does that change the dynamics - or doesn't it? Why should the dynamics change. If one is married to another and involved with someone other than the spouse....why would it be different? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Sounds as if this man is in confusion.. The ball is in his court - the burden is on him.. If he divorces, or before he divorces - be sure you want him back for the right reasons.. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I don't know whether the dynamics change, but it would constitute irony of the highest order. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Do you think an OW who marries her MM is more or less likely to put up with her man's next affair? who cares? at least for a little while, by the OW and MM being married, they are saving 2 other people. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 You presume he will cheat on the new W. The past, while the best indicator of future performance, is NO guarantee. This question has no real merits except as a subtle dig. People change all the time for the better...they get their lives together and live good productive lives...I personally see people turn around for the better more than not. I am not even the same as I was yesterday... Case in point: Girl I worked with back in the day, we both hired on together and were making top dollar of which we were not used to...I think I was making a 1.97 at the time and went to big bucks. She was a dope fiend drug addict living out of her car, she was really hard core and didn't like anyone except me... she got a couple of paychecks and got a place...she worked all the O/T she could...she went on travel for the company and really banked some bucks...quit using drugs, quit smoking, even gave up caffeine:eek::eek::eek:.....went to school for respratory therapy, later from what I understand was running that part of the hospital.... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Mostlikely this senerio can be broken up into two parts: Those that M the wrong person, and those that have commitment issues. The ones with commitment issues, should they choose to get help, or at the very least fess up by saying they have a problem, can turn that around...some I have noticed lust is the main driver and many of those turn into serial cheaters. ExDM fit the serial cheater catagory...and if I may, OP'er get something off my chest. It was brought to my rememberance today after talking with an old friend that is up for a few days from a different state. LOL, she can verify all the crazy stuff during the teen years...we know all the same people etc. We just recently reunited after several years. She had a bunch of business to take care of and had to come here periodically...I asked exDM if he would help her with some things...well sure enough home boy was on the prowl. I got mad and felt it was very rude of him and she and I ended up discussing it and she told me what he was saying about me...that I am jealous and crazy and stuff and that he didn't know what I was talking about. I am not stupid, by any sense of that word...naive a bit at times...not stupid. I told her I was not willing to loose my friendship with her over him and his game playing and we both agreed. This is an example of an individual with a problem. With all of the women to hit on, he picks my friend????? Way not cool. I will NEVER loose a friend over something like that again. That really did hurt me...I don't feel like the "how could he do that" type deal due to the "prior knowledge", although it reinforced once again that the desire I once had for him to change and knock the serial cheating off was a longshot. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 You presume he will cheat on the new W. The past, while the best indicator of future performance, is NO guarantee. This question has no real merits except as a subtle dig. Agreed. The whole thread is simply here to dig at OW. My mother was fOW who married her fMM. They have been married for more than 20 years now. There have been no "next OW". Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 "Any man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy." Couldn't agree more TM. Great quote. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 who cares? at least for a little while, by the OW and MM being married, they are saving 2 other people. OMG Dex, I think we actually agree. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 You presume he will cheat on the new W. The past, while the best indicator of future performance, is NO guarantee. This question has no real merits except as a subtle dig. Subtle? I think not. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 If she was an unapologetic OW would that then make her an unapologetic BS by default?? I propose that she (fOW) (nBS) would want only his happiness and give him up to the new more deserving OW. That's not what typically happens though, all of a sudden his behavior must be because he's a broken man when before it was because of an undeniably uncontrolable connection/soulmate scenerio. Unapologetic BS, huh? Yeah, I guess you could call me that. I didn't hold the affair against the other women. It didn't mean I was altruistic as in giving away my SO, but realistic that he was already gone (permanently or temporary). Link to post Share on other sites
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