24 years old... virgin... never had a girlfriend. I don't know wtf to do anymore...

[portola]

I'm 24, two years out of college, working as a successful young professional. Never had sex. Never had a girlfriend. Been on dates with 9 girls in my entire life. Most were met online, and never went anything past a 3rd date. I've only had ONE girl totally want me - met her in RL - and she pursued, went on 3 dates, but I ended it. She was 6 years older, really weird, kind of fat, and we had nothing in common.

 

Looking at me, you would not think so. In fact I'm so ashamed of this I LIE about it to even my best friends. Not a single ****ing person knows.

 

I live with multiple roommates that are all friends. We have many girls that are also friends. We drink and party and go out to bars every weekend. I go to concerts. I'm physically active, and play on a co-ed softball team, snowboard, workout. I was even in a fraternity in college. I shower everyday.

 

But not a single day goes by where I don't think about my lack of experience, my future, loneliness. I feel embarrassed, depressed, and fearful of my future. This past year especially, it's hit me like a ton of bricks. In college, I was busy with engineering studies, partying, making friends, and just having fun. Being indifferent and busy did not work for me then obviously, even in a frat and the dorms.

 

 

Now, when I'm out with friends(guys and girls) and they're talking about their relationships, crazy sex stories from the past, stories about their crazy ex's... I just nod along or pretend to laugh. But inside I feel like punching a wall, or myself. I can't stand to hang around my friends when they're with their BF/GF because it is just depressing to watch.

 

Example: Was on a camping trip a couple months ago. We're drinking around the fire and playing "never have I ever". Which if anyone's ever played always turns into stories about sex, drugs, crazy drinking stories, breaking the law, and other stuff non-PG related stuff... "never had I ever made out on my parents bed... never have I ever gotten a BJ in the car...". What do I have to offer? Just drinking stories, but had to make up crazy sex/hookup stories to fit in (I said it happened in high school/college) - with my own ****ing friends! I nearly cried in my tent that night... alcohol didn't help my emotions...

 

 

I'm at the point in my life where I should've already had experience, and just now start looking for serious relationships and thinking about the long term. But I'm at level ****ing 0.

 

So now my depression is a double whammy. Yes, I already have trouble meeting and attracting girls, and I'm years behind my peers. But let's say I conquer that obstacle. WHat about when I have no idea what to do sexually? That gives me a new dose of paranoia... when I haven't even come close to that stage yet.

 

I find myself not being able to focus at work anymore. I mope and daydream and zone out. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be alright, having fun like everyone else in social situations. I'll go out to the bars, to my coed softball games, to the gym, and some social clubs/volunteer activities I do with a bit of hope and excitement. I always come back feeling 10x worse and alone(meaning, without a significant other).

 

The thought of all my friends marrying/moving in with their partners... while me being all alone living in a studio or with other random losers. The thought of that ****ing scares me.

 

Sorry for the long rant loveshack, but I'm at a loss here. It's not that I'm hanging out with the wrong crowd, or a loner with no friends and hobbies. It's not that I'm fat. I don't have some ugly disfiguration. I don't even know what to do anymore.

 

Professional help maybe? Any tips?

Edited July 22, 2010 by portola

[USMCHokie]

Don't stress yourself out over it. There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer...I had first sex and first relationship at 25...just keep working on yourself...keep going on dates...stop making excuses for yourself...stop comparing yourself to your friends...stop valuing yourself based on them...

[Green]

I've been good looking and smart my entire life. I had some major life trajedies happen to me when I was in middle school (my parents died).

 

It really messed me up not to mention I had no guidance. I was terified of being rejected by girls. It put me in a position where I wouldn't even try with a girl even if I felt like she liked me.

 

I graduated college as a guy who had never even kissed a girl. By the way I had also began lieing to my friends acting like I had sex before.

 

That summer I guess I had just had enough basicaly my hornyness had reached critical mass and was causing me to be more confident. I asked a really pretty and hot girl out and she said yes. She ended up becoming my gf for a short while and I did all those fun things I had always wanted to do.

 

I was devestated when it didn't work out. I cried like a little baby. But I had taken the pssy off the pedestal. I had learned for myself that there is no magical barrier between me and women and that rejection wouldn't kill me.

 

I got another seriouse gf and this just made the point to myself again... I can get pretty girls who I find attractive to like me and that I am the same person as I was before.

 

By the way when I first graduated college I was unemployed and living with family. Then when I did get a job come august it was working in a warehouse moving freight around. So I was kinda a loser yet was able to date to different girls.

 

All you have to do is TRY.

 

1) Flirt with girls you find attractive a) just silly fun talk b) maybe some fun teasing and touching

 

2) Ask these girls out a) don't be afraid of rejection b) don't talk yourself out of it even if its a girl in line at the supermarket c) Just says something like "lets get dinner tonight" then have them put their number in your phone.

 

3) KISS the girls on the date... its very important you don't let the date end with out kissing them on the lips. My guess is in the past when you went on dates you didn't find ways to touch or kiss the girls. YOU MUST face rejection and try to kiss the girl before the date is over. Also look for ways to touch the girl.

 

Good luck come back with stories of how you actualy tried... and stay away from online dating if you can... ask REAL WOMEN OUT... don't be afraid of rejection. Please give us and update on how you actualy have been asking out girls and trying to kiss them. Feel free to ask questions.

 

Remember there is no difference between you and a guy who has experience other then your attitude and percieved lesser value.

[jamesum]

Buy Libidno. Once the sexual pressure is gone, it will be easier to be alone.

[Nikki Sahagin]

There's so much pressure around sex and relationships that most people who are having sex don't even want to, and most people in relationships would rather not be there.

 

Its all about detatching from the pressure; the pressure of your friends expectations and social expectations.

 

What are you worth without sex and a relationship?

What do you feel you'd be worth with sex and a relationship?

Would you feel normal and accepted?

There is no shame in starting late. I think a lot of these things come down to luck and standards (any man or woman can sleep with 100 people if they have no standards.)

 

You should be proud that you do have standards and are waiting for the right type of women/woman. As for the rest...it is difficult, but if you take the pressure of things will fall into place.

[TheLoneSock]

Lack of experience doesn't mean lack of skill. What I mean by that is, you get to a certain point where most of sex will come natural to you anyway, regardless of if you've done it before.

 

For instance, I lost my virginity at 15 (23 now). Most lose theirs at around 19-20 I believe. Other than just having the enjoyment of it, what did I gain by having it 5 years in advance of my peers? Other than confidence, not much. Maybe a few small tidbits that make sex easier and less awkward at first, like how to kiss better, not accidentally pulling her hair by leaning on it, where and how to use my hands, what positions really work and which ones are just hollywood; things like that. Those are things that come quickly anyway, it certainly doesn't take 5 years. It still all boils down to simple, instinctive stuff. So don't worry about still being a virgin, you will catch up soon; and certainly don't let it be an obstacle to building the confidence you need right now.

[kdark]

As a guy, if you don't get over your fear of rejection and are able to step outside your comfort zone, you will not get dates.

 

How often are you approaching women? 9 dates isn't that many. Are you getting shot down by women regularly? Because you sound like a very well balanced, successful individual with many friends, who is just putting too much pressure on himself to get a girl.

[Thorgs]

Sex is addicting. Don't stress it too much. TMI in 3, 2, 1...I'm a good looking guy and I just lost my V-card last October...yeah I was 27!

 

But that girl was fat and I was pretty buzzed. The next girl had messed up teeth and I couldn't even get it up for her...but the last girl I was with, now my ex, was the best. I miss that girl so much.

[Thorgs]

I think prostitution should be legalized... I bet you'll see a lot less rapes and the girls will be cleaner and safer, because it will be regulated.... Must be done in house, not motels, cars ect ect..no house calls. That would be great for the guys that just want a nice get-away for an hour and to lose that V-card once and for all.

This could be the improved Craigslist. Hmm, what would we call it?

[skydiveaddict]

Portola; you should join the military. You will gain self-respect and confidence in yourself. That's all you are lacking.

[Green]

You're ok, guy....24 is young and you have plenty of time for "that"

 

However..get it done before 30....or you'll end up like me.... lol.

 

I know what you mean about the lies to everyone... I have all my work buddies convinced I have sex on a daily basis....never had it in my life....never went on a date..never kissed a girl......ever.

 

Just calm down and don't fret so much about it....A lot of guys your age haven't done it yet...you have time, man

 

Seeya-round, kid.

 

Dude you just need to stop fearing rejection and go out there and try. Past doesn not equal the future.

 

Sex is addicting. Don't stress it too much. TMI in 3, 2, 1...I'm a good looking guy and I just lost my V-card last October...yeah I was 27!

 

But that girl was fat and I was pretty buzzed. The next girl had messed up teeth and I couldn't even get it up for her...but the last girl I was with, now my ex, was the best. I miss that girl so much.

 

Yeah losing your v-card isn't any big deal. But seriously dude only go after women you find attractive and want a relationship with.

[hitmark]

before contacting any girl face to face or by email. you first make the mind to have date and to search a good one. you may contact some one through mach.com

[suupaaemma]

My bf was 24 when I met him, never kissed, never had sex, never had a girlfriend. But then he finally met this wonderful girl (me, lol). I'm not sure exactly how he felt about it, must be hard "missing out" on a lot of stuff u hear people talking about but now he's fine once he did it.

 

He never cared about "having fun" and getting a lot of experience while being young before getting into a serious relationship though. He has always been the serious type. But it's not that unusual to do all that later. Since you yourself made up stories in front of your friends, who knows, maybe someone you came across did as well and how are u supposed to know? Its not as unusual as you may think.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

24 years old... virgin... never had a girlfriend. I don't know wtf to do anymore...

 

 

You sound sooooooooooooooooo much like the many women who each think they should be married to their lifetime partner by age 23. They can't understand data that shows that the average age of first marriage by women with a college degree is 26, and the average age of first marriage by women with a masters degree is 30.

 

What is most central to what they can't understand, is that this isn't the sort of "average" on which one side is somehow "below average". They don't call that thing in the middle of the street the "median" for nothing.

 

The women in my example here need to understand that it is perfectly fair to be 5 years, or even 10 years on either side of that "average".

 

The number wouldn't be where it is if all women met and married someone by age 22.

 

The greatest threat to you is that your own woeful outlook just further aggravates your loneliness.

 

Also, I'm wondering if the scores and scores of people who were milling about all around you back in college, have now caused you to notice a void in your world of people your age and of either gender. Maybe some of the present is inspired by merely not interacting with enough people in general.

 

It would really make sense to maybe take a class here or there on a subject that interests you, or one directly related to your career field, with the added chance that you might meet others with whom you have something in common. From more casual, less directly-romantic interactions like that are likely to come romantic possibilities which leap up and surprise you in a good way.

 

Adjust what you CAN there between your ears, and reassess your outlook before taking reasonable steps to simply meet more people.