How to approach a guy you fancy but haven't met on facebook?

[12crushonyou]

Hi,

 

my friend recently showed me somebody on his facebook profile, and jokingly said "you'll like him - hes your type!" I looked, and he was totally gorgeous! I couldn't believe how beautiful he was! I looked through his photos and there was something about him, flicked through his wall and he's smart and funny. Damn! i thought, if only i could meet him! My friend knows this guy loosely as an acquaintance of other friends and he lives some distance from me, so it's not like a meeting would be easy to set up.

 

I told my other friends and they agreed he looked nice and told me to add him - what had i to lose? He might reply! Loads of people meet on facebook, etc. But i don't know if i dare! If i add him, he may flatly think " i don't know her" and delete me as spam or something!

 

I know that if i add him, i'll have to say something, but what do i say?

 

Apparently this guy is a little shy, and i find approaching people online or off terrifying! i feel so stupid and fear that men will think i look like some man-hungry slapper if i make the first move.

 

If i message him and admit the real reason i want to add him - i.e, i think he looks nice, i'll look a bit forward and like somebody i'm not, because i'm not that forward in real-life!

 

However, if i approach him and say "oh this is so embarrassing! you don't have to reply if you don't want!!!" i will look like a loser!

 

My friend is having some trouble of his own relationship-wise, so i don't want to bother him with this- besides, i'm 28- i shouldn't need a friend holding my hand to add somebody on the internet.

 

I know it's only an add on facebook for god's sake! But i don't know how to approach him! I normally wait for guys to approach me! I need to be a bit more proactive! What do you think i should say that doesn't look weird or make my friend look like he was pimping him out? And guys, if a mutual friend of yours messaged you, saying you looked nice, would you think it was a bit strange? x

[kdark]

Can't you just bypass facebook and have your friend invite you out when he is hanging with this guy?

 

If the guy doesn't even know you exist, then you are going to have be proactive and initiate this one. You're going to hate yourself if you let this guy go without even trying something.

 

If you really don't want to be the first to message, your best bet would be to leverage your friend in any way you can.

 

I'm a guy, and I wouldn't be creeped out at all if a cute friend of a friend sent me a message on FB. Ever done internet dating? Just make a comment about his profile, and go from there. But i'm sure there are lots of girls here who can tell you better than me how to play it coy.

[12crushonyou]

Haha! I don't need to "play" it coy! that's there anyway. I'm glad you say it wouldn't be freay. I think from a female point of view, a guy messaging you going "Oh you're hot!" is very intimidating. Oh, it is to me....

[sagetalk]

Hi,

 

I know it's only an add on facebook for god's sake! But i don't know how to approach him! I normally wait for guys to approach me! I need to be a bit more proactive! What do you think i should say that doesn't look weird or make my friend look like he was pimping him out? And guys, if a mutual friend of yours messaged you, saying you looked nice, would you think it was a bit strange? x

 

If I thought she was attractive I'd be happy about it. So would 99% of single males. I'm not sure where you got your mentality that guys don't like that. If he rejects you, at least you know. If he likes you, you could have alot of fun.

[ALittleWorried]

You're putting WAY too much thought into this.

 

Here's the deal. At the moment, you don't know this guy, you don't interact with him at all. If he's not interested, you'll be back to where you were. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[WalkInThePark]

How old are you?

You can't fancy this guy for the very simple reason that you don't know him.

[denise_xo]

How old are you?

You can't fancy this guy for the very simple reason that you don't know him.

 

A (mature and upgoing) friend of mine was recently approached in the same way by a (mature and upgoing) man who had seen her facebook profile and really liked it. They are both in their late 30s. He asked her out on a date and they have now been a couple for seven monhts. So it does work for some people.

 

To OP:

Nothing to lose IMO, just go for it. Not sure exactly what you should say but something confident sounding that will both make him laugh and feel good about himself should fly.

 

No need to worry about whether it is part of the 'real you' or not - if you do it, it IS part of you and in any case if he bites you'll get to know each other and then make your minds up.

[cabarc1]

Facebook is how i met the guy i'm seeing now. He thought i looked interesting and sent a friend request. Normally i don't add people i don't know. I graduated high school 10 years ago and since i can't remember half the people that add me i went ahead and accepted his request. I looked at his profile and thought he was so good looking. I asked him who he was and he told me why he added me.

 

Anyways, we talked for a while through facebook before meeting up. I didn't want to meet someone off of the internet but was SO glad i met him!

 

I definitely say go ahead and give it a try, you have nothing to lose!

[12crushonyou]

Thanks you lot, it's been really encouraging. Yeah- i have nothing to lose- except my dignity if i bump into this guy! Now I know it's not a looney idea, what do i say?

 

Do i express interest (y'know, like "that"?)?

 

Or do I say hi.. and..er...?

 

 

Here's the rub: i can't comment on the profile as the profile is set entirely to private (I only saw it as my friend physically showed me his profile on the computer and said "look"..)

 

:s

[denise_xo]

Thanks you lot, it's been really encouraging. Yeah- i have nothing to lose- except my dignity if i bump into this guy! Now I know it's not a looney idea, what do i say?

 

Do i express interest (y'know, like "that"?)?

 

Or do I say hi.. and..er...?

 

 

Here's the rub: i can't comment on the profile as the profile is set entirely to private (I only saw it as my friend physically showed me his profile on the computer and said "look"..)

 

:s

 

I don't get the profile on private problem - is it closed for friend requests, too? Can't you send a friend request and add a message to that?

 

I don't think you lose your dignity. Men ask women out all the time and get rejected, I don't think they're less dignified for that reason... You're giving the guy a compliment.

 

Yes, express some interest but a bit packaged.

 

Good luck

[mixwell]

Just keep it simple. Send a message saying you saw his profile and he appears to be interesting and then ask a few general questions and leave it be.. He will know just by you initiating contact the you're interested in him and the ball is in his court... besides... What if we were back in the 80s without cell phones, internet ... THEN what would you do... Contacting someone online now makes it VERY simple to communicate with someone you normally wouldn't in person initially..

[mixwell]

 

Here's the rub: i can't comment on the profile as the profile is set entirely to private (I only saw it as my friend physically showed me his profile on the computer and said "look"..)

 

 

Didn't see that on my last post... Just say (name) showed you his profile and THEN you can tell him that you think he's interesting.. If anything it will flatter him that you'd say something like that.. Then wait and see if he replies..

[Green]

Just send him a friend request and in the txt insert part of the friend request write something like " (your friends name) told me to add you as a friend, said we should meet" that way its like you are just relaying what your friend said and only adding him because of what your friend said. It takes it all off you.

[cabarc1]

Just send him a friend request and in the txt insert part of the friend request write something like " (your friends name) told me to add you as a friend, said we should meet" that way its like you are just relaying what your friend said and only adding him because of what your friend said. It takes it all off you.

 

 

I like this ^ idea!

[jamesum]

God, women are so helpless when it comes to approaching men. :laugh:

[denise_xo]

God, women are so helpless when it comes to approaching men. :laugh:

 

:lmao:

Well at least we put a lot of thought into it, yeah?

[jamesum]

:lmao:

Well at least we put a lot of thought into it, yeah?

Well, to be fair we men had a 50,000 years of head start. Although for a large part of that time approaching women merely involved invading their caves, killing the men, and dragging them back to their own caves.

[denise_xo]

Well, to be fair we men had a 50,000 years of head start. Although for a large part of that time approaching women merely involved invading their caves, killing the men, and dragging them back to their own caves.

 

You just beat me to that point

 

Go on then, enlighten us - your five top pieces of advice for approaching men are what?

Damn shame the invading cave approach isn't good currency anymore.

[jamesum]

You just beat me to that point

 

Go on then, enlighten us - your five top pieces of advice for approaching men are what?

Damn shame the invading cave approach isn't good currency anymore.

How do you like a man to approach you? Believe it or not, its exactly the same.

 

Approaching men and women are not so different. The only difference is that women tend to have what is called as 'onitis'. It means when you have interest only in that 'one special guy/girl' and you dont want anyone else. So when that person reject you the pain is much bigger. Some guys also have this problem. But many if not most guys just approach as many women as possible without putting too much feelings so rejection feels less painful.

Edited July 24, 2010 by jamesum

[zengirl]

I approach guys all the time, but I don't get Facebook for meeting new people so much. . . except through events and groups on FB. So, not sure if I can help, but generally, I just talk to someone. If it's through FB or something, I imagine it's a little bit like online dating, where I'll generally say WHY I find them interesting, like "It seems like that trip to Ireland was really interesting. We have some friends in common, but we've never met. I'm zengirl." (Like, if I see a guy on the street, I'm much less likely to say, "I came over here because I noticed the book you were holding," and would instead say, "Hey, I love Galapagos. How's it coming along?" or whatever the book name is).

 

One of my relationships (only a few months long due to already-in-motion year-long travel plans I decided to keep) started because I went up to a guy at an election night (Obama's) party and said, "Cool shoes!" We talked for a few minutes, but he was taking care of a drunk friend (who'd borrowed and broken his glasses, so interesting night for him), so I asked him, "Hey, do you want to give me a call sometime." He did. We hit it off. Hitting on guys totally works, and it's really not that hard. It's just like talking to anybody. If he'd said no, I wouldn't have cried into my pilsner or anything. I would've just been, "Okay, cool. Have a good night." I think girls think that men are going to have these huge conversations about what a jerk that girl was for coming over, but really. . . I've had guys say, "Aw, man, I have a girlfriend," or whatever. I wouldn't ask a guy to call me or whatnot, unless I was getting a vibe from him that he was attracted, but you can go up and talk to anybody. The only people that'll mind are jerks, or people in a bad mood, unless you're saying something weird.

 

On FB, the worst he can do is decline you. It's not like it's going to become some big scandal. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Edited July 24, 2010 by zengirl

[MrNate]

Denise if it helps, I actually have a friend who met his gf through fb. She saw his profile, chatted him up first, and asked him if he would like to play mario cart one night. My friend accepted and now they've been dating for almost a year! We make fun of this instance, but it shoes non-traditional methods work quite well.

 

Women taking the offensive can definitely work. Give it a shot!

[Mimolicious]

Another one bites the dust!

[jamesum]

"Cool shoes!"

You forgot the "Wanna ****?" part. :laugh:

[denise_xo]

Denise if it helps, I actually have a friend who met his gf through fb. She saw his profile, chatted him up first, and asked him if he would like to play mario cart one night. My friend accepted and now they've been dating for almost a year! We make fun of this instance, but it shoes non-traditional methods work quite well.

 

Women taking the offensive can definitely work. Give it a shot!

 

Oh I do, and I know it works I was asking Jamesum the question for fun - I have initiated contact with men many times (see my response to Jamesum's other thread in the GR section), and I would have lost out on some pretty good experiences if I hadn't

[zengirl]

You forgot the "Wanna ****?" part. :laugh:

 

Is that some guy line? No, he had custom shoes for the occasion They were lime green and decorated with, "Yes, we did!" (Would've been depressing shoes had Obama lost, I guess. . . ) Guess I should've mentioned that part so it didn't sound so asinine.