If he's a happily MM, then why is he with me?

[jennie-jennie]

Supercedes altruistic feelings (which I interpret as care, concern) for the AP?

 

Sounds more like use than love.

 

This entire concept of selfish love is a challenge for me. Selfish love is an oxymoron. Love isn't selfish.

 

It is not use, it is a drive, an urge to be with someone because they make you feel good.

[donnamaybe]

It is not use, it is a drive, an urge to be with someone because they make you feel good.

But that's not all. I want to be with my honey because I know the good things I do for him; the good feelings I give him that he so deserves after some of the treatment he's received at the hands of some nasty women in his past. He has such a good heart, and I want to give him all I can to fill that heart up to brimming.

[jennie-jennie]

I will disagree with you. They are posts of women in love, ordinary women, but while having a love affair with a married person they are not IMO "good" women. Good isn't selfish. Good doesn't knowingly take part in actions that are hurtful to another. Not good. Not necessarily a bad person, but not good, either.

 

I am a good person. I don't want to be in an extramarital relationship, but the man I love gives me no choice if I want to be with him. I have done everything in my power to persuade him to choose between his wife and I. There is nothing more I can do. Just like I couldn't make my exSO stop drinking until he wanted to himself.

 

I am no more selfish for wanting to have a relationship with my MM than his wife is. We all want relationships with those we love.

[jennie-jennie]

But that's not all. I want to be with my honey because I know the good things I do for him; the good feelings I give him that he so deserves after some of the treatment he's received at the hands of some nasty women in his past. He has such a good heart, and I want to give him all I can to fill that heart up to brimming.

 

Which is exactly what I do for my MM. I have healed many of his wounds from the past, including some from his wife. You don't have to be nasty to give someone a wound, it can happen anyway.

[donnamaybe]

I am a good person. I don't want to be in an extramarital relationship, but the man I love gives me no choice if I want to be with him. I have done everything in my power to persuade him to choose between his wife and I. There is nothing more I can do. Just like I couldn't make my exSO stop drinking until he wanted to himself.

 

I am no more selfish for wanting to have a relationship with my MM than his wife is. We all want relationships with those we love.

But because he knows he is hurting you to a degree by refusing to be with you and only you completely, he is selfish. He is also selfish because he refuses to give YOU up and be only with his wife.

 

Selfish, selfish, SELFISH!

 

Sorry. Just couldn't hold that in.

[jennie-jennie]

But because he knows he is hurting you to a degree by refusing to be with you and only you completely, he is selfish. He is also selfish because he refuses to give YOU up and be only with his wife.

 

Selfish, selfish, SELFISH!

 

Sorry. Just couldn't hold that in.

 

That's OK. I might even agree with you. Something is keeping him from doing what he should be doing. Something is keeping him on that fence.

 

I am going to take 2long's post with the quote by Peck and start a new thread. This is an interesting discussion.

[silktricks]

I am a good person. I don't want to be in an extramarital relationship, but the man I love gives me no choice if I want to be with him. I have done everything in my power to persuade him to choose between his wife and I. There is nothing more I can do. Just like I couldn't make my exSO stop drinking until he wanted to himself.

 

I am no more selfish for wanting to have a relationship with my MM than his wife is. We all want relationships with those we love.

 

Yes, of course, we do. However, you commenced the relationship with him before you were in love, as love is not instantaneous - when you knew he was a married person. Those are not the actions of a "good" person, by my meaning of the word good. Just as my actions when I had an affair with a married man were not good. Yet, overall, I, too, believe I am a good person.

 

So, I'm not saying that you are not overall a good person, because I believe you are. However, your actions and reactions in relationship to the man you are having an affair with are IMO not "good" by the customary definitions of the word "good".

 

To say his wife is selfish because she has a relationship with her husband is not necessarily untrue, but it is moot, as the situation is not the same. When they contracted their marriage, both parties were single. As single persons both chose to make vows to each other regarding their future state. The fact that she remains in that marriage does not make her selfish.

 

The selfishness arises IMO by wishing to have (or having) a relationship with someone who has already contracted a relationship with someone else, knowing that action will cause great pain to a 3rd person who is already in a relationship.

 

(And, of course, I'm speaking only of the 2 women involved here, because I think the MM is the most selfish of all.... )

[Owl]

That's OK. I might even agree with you. Something is keeping him from doing what he should be doing. Something is keeping him on that fence.

 

I am going to take 2long's post with the quote by Peck and start a new thread. This is an interesting discussion.

 

You're right. And that something is him.

 

He's the common denominator in both relationships that he's stringing along.

[TinaniT]

Supercedes altruistic feelings (which I interpret as care, concern) for the AP?

 

Sounds more like use than love.

 

This entire concept of selfish love is a challenge for me. Selfish love is an oxymoron. Love isn't selfish.

 

Love seeketh not Itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care;

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.

 

So sang a little Clod of Clay,

Trodden with the cattle's feet;

But a Pebble of the brook,

Warbled out these metres meet.

 

Love seeketh only Self to please,

 

To bind another to Its delight:

Joys in another's loss of ease,

And builds a Hell in Heavens despite.

[Tony]

This thread was started by and is supposed to be about Noel2. Somewhere, it was hijacked and has now become all about jennie-jennie. This is ridiculous and abusive to the OP. This thread will be closed...and deleted in a day or so. I'm not going to take the time to break it out into which posts are about whom. This is the most offensive off-topic abuse I have ever seen in this forum.