Return Of "The One"

[Jilly Bean]

On a lighter note.. maybe you will get a chance to see his dinkle.. ( I just was looking for any reason to use D-lish's word )

 

LOL, Art. I know you couldn't help yourself.

[You'reasian]

I don't know what precisely shagging entails, but I don't think I'm doing that. More like playing with and considering. Unfortunately though, I'm starting to remember the things I liked about hte last guy which totally defeats the purpose of having a rebound. There are definitely drawbacks to 25 year olds with smokin hot bodies. They're still 25. They drunk dial at 3am.

 

3 weeks gives you plenty of time to wax, mani/pedi, shop. You know you will.

 

I told my ex that we would probably never find anything like what we had together. He was young, he didn't understand what I meant until a few years later. He admitted he had made a mistake in letting me go. It is what it is. I'm not as attracted to him as I once was, so who knows if it was a mistake. I do know that it is really tough to find someone that you are highly compatible with and you get along even when you don't get along. You are fortunate to have had "that thing" whatever it is. True love? I think in my case it was. He's the only ex for whom I want happiness, even if that doesn't include me. That's how much I love him still.

 

It's not defeatist, it's realistic. It's hard to hold other relationships up to the real deal, without them falling short.

 

Holy crap I think I just depressed the hell out of myself. But maybe hanging out with the 25 year old will cheer me up tonight.

 

I was 25 when I had an awesome, romantic summer get together with someone who reminds me of Jilly

 

We were so natural for each other, so relaxed....

[Art_Critic]

LOL, Art. I know you couldn't help yourself.

 

days.. I've been holding on to that one for days...

 

JB.. I'm sorry you went thru all that..

I do know some of what you went through.

 

I don't talk too much about it just because I've moved on and it isn't exactly something I keep in the forefront today being married to a different person and I try not to talk too much about my past when she could very well read my words.. but my first wife and I lost a baby at a little over 3 months..

I don't think she fully recovered and it certainly changed me..

 

I will never forget the scene.. burned into my mind where the lady running the wand say's "I'm sorry the heart beat is no longer there".

I'll stop there..

 

Like I said.. I feel for you..

 

Now.. Let's talk about dinkle..... I got to use it again..

[Jilly Bean]

days.. I've been holding on to that one for days...

 

JB.. I'm sorry you went thru all that..

I do know some of what you went through.

 

I don't talk too much about it just because I've moved on and it isn't exactly something I keep in the forefront today being married to a different person and I try not to talk too much about my past when she could very well read my words.. but my first wife and I lost a baby at a little over 3 months..

I don't think she fully recovered and it certainly changed me..

 

I will never forget the scene.. burned into my mind where the lady running the wand say's "I'm sorry the heart beat is no longer there".

I'll stop there..

 

Like I said.. I feel for you..

 

Now.. Let's talk about dinkle..... I got to use it again..

 

LOL. Dinkle, dinkle!

 

That's a very sad story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It really does change a couple when they are in love and excited about the baby. I felt like our baby was the physicaly embodiment of our love, and that if the baby couldn't survive, then we had nothing either. Not logical, but not a logical situation.

 

When I miscarried, he was right by my side in the ER holding my hand, and we both saw the fetus after I passed it. We both looked at each other, and he said, "is that what I think it is?" I just laid my head back, because the pain was pretty excrutiating up to that point. The docs told me that miscarrying is more painful than birth, as you're not dilated at all.

 

It was a moment that I think was burned in both of our memories.

 

I spent the night in the hospital, and they made me sign a death certificate.

 

We never really spoke of it again after that.

 

God, this really sucks ass. I friggin HATE going there again. Damn.

[Art_Critic]

God, this really sucks ass. I friggin HATE going there again. Damn.

 

Yeah. and I'm sorry that I helped take you there...

I didn't mean too...

**hugz**

 

I love D-Lish's word Dinkle.. but Mr Wiggles has such a ring to it...

and there are so many things you can do with Mr Wiggles..

 

hahahahaha

[Jilly Bean]

Yeah. and I'm sorry that I helped take you there...

I didn't mean too...

**hugz**

 

I love D-Lish's word Dinkle.. but Mr Wiggles has such a ring to it...

and there are so many things you can do with Mr Wiggles..

 

hahahahaha

 

No, you didn't. It was Sunny, actually. Kidding, Sunny!

 

It's OK. It's just stuff I haven't thought about in detail in many, many years. I have told people over the years, but it was never in detail.

 

It's just a lot of pain, as you well know. Horrible enough on its own, but made worse because it ended us.

 

I'm going to pee in my pool for a bit.

[daphne]

If you really don't feel comfortable talking to him about what happened and how you felt, you shouldn't.

 

But I do think that perhaps you two never said what you needed to say. I understand how we, as young women, tend to blame the man from our moods to our lives not going as planned to the mundane things that would be happening even if they weren't around. So the miscarriage was probably even more intense for the both of you. Fortunately, we learn from it most of the time.

 

I know I have had two occasions where I didn't spit out what I needed to say, and I still somewhat regret that. Not that I would change how things worked out. Just that I tend to hold onto information that might have put someone at ease or explained what was happening. I ultimately couldn't trust them enough to let them have it. It was my trump card. You can't hurt me because you don't know the whole story about what something meant to me.

 

So funny thing is, now that I'm with an age inappropriate boy with no real future, I started it out right by being completely honest about things. Even if it means I am at a disadvantage. Granted, he started out by communicating well. But it's a start.

[JustJoe]

A miscarriage is a horrible, horrible thing for two people to go through. Though You and I haven't always agreed, I feel deeply for you, In college, my GF miscarried our baby, and we were never the same. It affected her mental stability, I did ALL I could, but I wasn't wise enough or smart enough, or mature enough, or loving enough, or sympathetic enough, or anything enough, to hold her together. It's been 10 years, and she still is an emotional wreck. My sympathies .

[Chinook]

Jilly, onto more cheery stuff... updates...? When's he coming...?

[2sunny]

ya, ya - when's he coming Jilly?

 

have you been shopping? bought anything new for his visit? do tell!

[Jilly Bean]

Couple of weeks! I wrote him last week and told him to let me know his travel plans, so waiting for the flight info, which, knowing him, will come the day prior. lol. My last email to him wasn't open-ended, meaning, I didn't ask him any questions that he needed to respond to, and instead just told him which dates were good, and to let me know his plans. I dunno. I guess I got tired of the banter and what have you been doing with your life stuff. I also have this thing about over-investing in advance of things that aren't a done deal...

 

No, I haven't bought anything! Silly Sunny. It's not like he'd know any of my clothes I currently own, so it would all be new to him. Though I do still have some things from when we lived together!

 

I'm honestly not terribly jacked about seeing J right now. Still been having my mini-dramas with Soldier Boy, though we haven't seen each other. Just tough to let go of him right now, even though I'm trying...

[2sunny]

what drama have you been having with SB?

[Calendula]

It gave me the jeebies when I started reading your story in this thread. I don't think our paths have crossed yet here on LS but I absolutely get where your currently coming from on your "one". I've only posted a few things recently about what's been going on in my own life (check out some of my recent posts), but it echoes a lot of what you've described in this thread.

 

Long story short, I left my "one" four years ago while I was in Graduate School. Four years of essentially no contact later, and I woke up one morning and new I had to contact him. So I did. I told him exactly how I felt (mostly lost and generally unhappy) by G-mail Chat, and his reply was that he felt the same way and that we should talk. Perhaps I could send you the exchange by PM...maybe it would help you. We live six hours away from each other, but we managed to meet for coffee the following week as we were both traveling to the same place at the same time (strangely convenient timing). We did our best to stay emotionally distant and impersonal for all of our two hours talking to each other that first meeting, but all we really had to do was look at each other to know that we were both still in love. Contact had been made.

 

We talked on the phone a few times after that, and then I took the risk and decided to invite him up to visit me for the 4th of July weekend. I did it by Gmail Chat again, but it didn't take him long to make up his mind to come. This was two days before he would have to leave, but he changed his plans and came anyway. When I asked him why he said yes to coming he told me that a long time back he had promised himself that if I ever invited him to come visit me again that he would come. At least I didn't have long to wait between when I found out he was coming and when he actually showed up, but I did plenty of writing and soul searching in the short time I had. The biggest thing I tried to figure out was what I actually wanted. Why had I invited him up? Why did I feel it was important to reconnect with him? Why? I was following my gut feeling, and I'm still not absolutely sure what all the answers are. I just new that it felt right and it was something I had to do. He was my match, my standard against which I compared every person I was with after him. I had to know if it could work, if we could start again. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering 'what if', so I took the risk.

 

He came. We spent a wonderful weekend together. It was truly amazing, like we hadn't spent 4 years apart, and as impossible as it seemed, we fit with each other even better than we had in the past. And then the morning he had to leave I tripped on some makeshift steps near my apartment while walking my dogs and hurt myself (bent half my toenail backwards up off the nail bed - talk about pain). He couldn't fix my toe, he couldn't stop it from hurting, but he could fix the steps that I had hurt msyelf on, and he refused to leave until he had done so, even though he had a 6 hour drive ahead of him and work the next day.

 

With as wonderful a weekend as it had been contrasted against the pain of my injury and the added pain of having to bend the toenail back down (which I had to ask him to do because I couldn't), I couldn't take it anymore. The compounded 4 years of loneliness and unhappiness fell on top of all the rest and I broke down and sobbed in his arms. It was such a relief to have him again in my life, and he just held me close and told me he loved me. I had no doubt of it even before then, if only from his actions that day and the rest of the previous weekend. I love him equally as much and I always had, even when we were apart.

 

The strangest part is that I have the eerie feeling that I'm coming full circle. I HAD to meet with him; and when I did I felt like he was the part that had been missing in my life. For the previous four years I had been trying so hard to ignore it that I simply couldn't anymore. I still don't know what will happen with us. I'll see him again in 4 days and I'm just trying to take things one day at a time and work things out as they come. I know I love him, and I know I want to be with him, but I still have to rediscover who he is, all those little things that have changed, and he still needs time to get to know the new me. We'll see...

 

I hope your meeting goes as well (in the big scheme of things), and that you find the emotional strength to face your pink elephant with him, even if that is all you do. One thing you might keep in mind is that it was HIS baby too. The mother of a friend of mine lost the child before him (would have been his older sister, but died 3 months after being born), and when that child’s birthday comes around, everyone thinks of his mom instead of his dad. He commented on it to me once, how it hurt his dad just as much as it did his mom, just in different ways. The child wasn’t yours and it wasn’t his, it was part of both of you, and the best way to truly deal with it and move on will be to do it together.

 

If you do reconnect with this man, remember that you are STARTING OVER, and building your relationship afresh. Take your time, do it right, and remember to pay attention to who he is NOW, instead of seeing only who he was back then. Leave the past in the past, not as something to be forgotten, but rather something to be learned from as you move towards the future. You can't ruin old memories, because they are just that, memories, and you'll always have them. Even if things don't work out, at least you'll KNOW and you will be able to say for certain that you tried. I wish you luck and strength, and I hope that things work out the way you want them to.

[desertIslandCactus]

Is there an update yet, Ms Jilly ..