Almost 5 months NC and still heartbroken....Why??

[Hazyhead]

I think most of my problem with letting go is the fact that when I want to shout, get angry or just ask why I can't, well I could but that would just cause even more trouble.

 

In a 'normal' R I would have that closure I guess.

 

I know that if I rang him or e mailed him and told him I was still hurting he would listen but I know that is pointless to both of us.

 

Its just the hardest place I've ever been, its like I'm doing the right thing for his M even though its ripping my heart out every minute of every day...

 

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I read my earlier post just now and it seems hard on you, which wasn't my intention (hard on you means hard on me too). I was only trying to point out that the terminology of the relationship matters not, it what you put in of yourself and subsequently lose that affects the pain involved.

 

When I read your words I just want to drive down there to where you are and hug you (then maybe hit the town for some dancing and cocktails... we can sob on to each other's shoulders the following night )

 

You'll do it, hon. Every day is a step forward - think of where you were six months ago. That's progress!

 

Thinking of you xxx

[ladydesigner]

Getting over someone is really a choice.

If you talk about it, think about it, you give it power to live on.

 

To get over my 11 yrs relationshiip, then my 1 yr affair with a married guy(that was more painful than the 11 yr relationship), I just got tired of giving my power away. You think about it over and over and talk about it over and over and one day, you make a choice to let go

 

5 months is not a long time, Give it time and one day you will get sick of giving these thoughs any power.

 

Hang in there

 

Yep this was the same for me.

 

Big hugs (((hopeless4u))) You will get over this. The hard part will be when you are over it and then looking back at how much time was wasted still thinking about him. God I hate myself for that. I mean 2 years...really? I really wasted that much time.

 

Onwards and upwards! You can get over him hun, you can! I know it;)

[hopeless4u]

Crying helps. I did plenty.

Better to let it out than keep it in.

Several months after my D I had myself a little ritual.

I destroyed every picture of my xW. I threw away everything that reminded me of her. I erased her completely (we have kids so not 100% possible but you get the idea). Spent time alone...setting goals...just getting through the days.

 

Then I went out and got laid.

 

(Maybe thats all I needed all along)

 

Look forward, not back.

 

When was the last time you went....oh...skydiving?

 

:laugh: jw, its been a while!!!! Maybe thats what I need to get my mojo back:confused:

[hopeless4u]

I did the same thing as you....I don't have any of my xW pictures I leave that up t my kids and since I walked away from my house I left her with mostly everything. I don't have any reminders of my marriage with me.

 

I did the same thing and tried to get laid but was very unsuccessful at it. So I focus on me and my kids....being alone is getting easier and easier every day. Like everyone keeps saying keep moving forward you can't go wrong.

 

I will do, look forward not get laid:o

 

I think I'm doing fine on the outside but I know inside I just feel numb, dead and like its going to be like this forever sometimes....

[hopeless4u]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I read my earlier post just now and it seems hard on you, which wasn't my intention (hard on you means hard on me too). I was only trying to point out that the terminology of the relationship matters not, it what you put in of yourself and subsequently lose that affects the pain involved.

 

When I read your words I just want to drive down there to where you are and hug you (then maybe hit the town for some dancing and cocktails... we can sob on to each other's shoulders the following night )

 

You'll do it, hon. Every day is a step forward - think of where you were six months ago. That's progress!

 

Thinking of you xxx

 

Oh no Hun, you wasn't harsh, I need the kick up the ass sometimes, I know that:o

 

Yes, drive down or I will drive up and we can put the world right all in 1 night!!

 

I do keep thinking how bad I was at the beginning so time really does heal but somedays when I'm feeling low I can't help but wonder 'how much longer' this will last......and of course if HE is suffering too??

 

xxx

[hopeless4u]

Yep this was the same for me.

 

Big hugs (((hopeless4u))) You will get over this. The hard part will be when you are over it and then looking back at how much time was wasted still thinking about him. God I hate myself for that. I mean 2 years...really? I really wasted that much time.

 

Onwards and upwards! You can get over him hun, you can! I know it;)

 

Yeah I will be having a BIG party when I get to the point where thinking of him doesn't break my heart, lets hope I'm not to old to enjoy it!!

 

Thanks for the (((hugs))) hunny xxx

[Hazyhead]

Oh no Hun, you wasn't harsh, I need the kick up the ass sometimes, I know that:o

 

Yes, drive down or I will drive up and we can put the world right all in 1 night!!

 

I do keep thinking how bad I was at the beginning so time really does heal but somedays when I'm feeling low I can't help but wonder 'how much longer' this will last......and of course if HE is suffering too??

 

xxx

 

Heeyyy!!!

 

You sound a bit better today. I know exactly what you mean by wondering if he's suffering too... I thought like that and tortured myself with thoughts that he's picked himself up, dusted himself of and 'Hey ho'd himself off into the sunset. He hasn't, and I don't actually want him to suffer, but it hurts to think that I meant nothing... that I was no big deal.

 

However, I really don't think this happens. Everyone suffers, including him. And you, sweetie. And it won't last forever... And... maybe I'll take that drive down; we'll work on JW's advice. The moving forward part! xxx

[fooled once]

Yep as always FO, I read this and thought.....How right is that!!

 

I do still think of him as the man I fell in love with, at times though I do think of the man he is and I do feel that 'F**k You' feeling but unless I'm busy it just doesn't seem to last.

 

I have so much planned for the next few months, work, parties, holidays but I can't 'keep busy' forever can I?

 

I just feel dead inside FO, like I'm doing this routine of work, sleep, party and the in between time I'm constantly having to tell myself to 'not' think of him....its just exhausting...

 

I have phoned up about some IC today, maybe thats what I need......

 

IC will be good.

 

And hon, I think you just have to say goodbye to the memories (for now) and let it all really and truly go. Stop hiding from it with parties and such -- grieve it -- once and for all -- and then tell yourself NO MORE and really push it from your head as much as you can. Each time you feel it creeping it, redirect yourself. ((hugs)) I hope you can find some peace my friend!

[White Flower]

A "rule of thumb" that I've heard for recovery after an affair is one week for every month of the affair. (This isn't apples to apples, mind you, and I'm aware of that too).

 

So it wouldn't be surprising to find out that it's closer to six months before you start feeling better.

 

Just hang in there...focus on healing, focus on moving on....try to find things to fill the time/void of where you were focused on the relationship. Take up a challenging new hobby...focus on an old one. Work out...take up martial arts, etc... All of these are also great for dealing with the stress created by your grief.

Oh no! Does that mean it'll take 60 weeks to get over exMM???