Dealing with my dad.

[Nikki Sahagin]

My parents are complete opposites. My mum is open, loving, affectionate and nurturing - she always gives us cuddles and love. My dad is a hard worker and very reserved, he doesn't do affection, conversation or much else. I've always loved my dad but struggled to get close to him. I remember crying and him not hugging me, and talking to him is nearly always intolerable - he is so opinionated, stubborn and kills conversations easily. I do love him but he is a difficult person to get close to, very cold, unexpressive and distant. As such although he is my dad I don't know him at all as a person, I wouldn't know how to make him laugh etc.

 

At the age of 21 its hitting me more and more that my dad is a really difficult person to deal with. He doesn't really 'fit' in our family, he is on the outskirts of it, I don't know if its through choice, if we singled him out or if it just happened.

 

We've always gone on amazing holidays and my dad has recently been talking about holidays he wants to go on. Today I go to speak to him and he says he can't afford a holiday. I say since when as I wasn't aware our financial situation had changed. He just blows his top and says we can't and he doesn't care anyway, in fact he doesn't care much about anything anymore.

 

I'm beginning to feel my dad is depressed. He has worked hard all of his life for us but it feels like he works and buys us things but makes no effort to know us or be there in any other way. If i'm happy he cuts me down, he makes little digs at us all and if he wants us to do something he can't say it nicely, always rudely.

 

I'm beginning to feel he is bitter, maybe with marriage, with us or with life, but his lack of communication skills means he'd never address it, he only shows it with sulkiness like a child, moodiness, aggression and withdrawing.

 

I know all is not well, but as his child I don't know how to reach out to him, especially as he wont reach back.

[Chinook]

Nikki, I would take this post, write it down on a sheet of blank paper and leave it some place for him to read. Stick the word 'Dad' at the top and 'Love a worried Nikki' at the bottom. See what happens. If that doesn't work, talk to your Mom... I know with my Mom and Dad, my Mom is like your Dad... if I want to connect with my Mom, I end up using my Dad as a catalyst kinda thing. It works for me.

[LuckyCharm]

^I agree! write him a letter and explain how you feel. some people have a hard time talking face to face, so maybe in your case a letter might help him open up to you more.