i deserve hell on earth

[SammySunh]

i deserve hell on earth, death would too good for me. i deserve to live a long painful life with no end in sight.

 

i cheated on my wife after 20 years of faithfullness. no reason either, she is hot and energetic and the girl i ruined my family over was a pig, probably a crack whore.

 

my wife is out of town and i have 4 or 5 days to get my affairs in order as there is no way I can have sex with her again. i am going for an STI test first thing in the morning too. i have never had sex with anyone by my wife and same with her and why the hell would i do this i dont know.

 

i dont know and i dont know. it must be a sex addiction, but i dont even deserve an answer to the question. i have earned this pain and its a tiny punishment compared to what i have done to my family.

 

she does not deserve to live my lie. my kids cant learn anything from me either. keeping the family together by lying serves no one. my kids and wife will feel lots of pain, but it gives her a chance to move on and get over it. i will never get over it, why should i be spared?

 

really, i just need to go away, earn money for as long as i can so my family doesnt suffer financially but i have thrown every thing else out.

 

i deserve nothing but pain. forever.

 

no trolling, i dont even know why i posted this. my pain is real and i hope it never goes away.

[SammySunh]

the girl was gross .... good for me, i cheated and the memory haunts me, im glad it wasnt some hot young thing.

 

if she gave me a disease .. i not only deserve it, but the irony is i have had 20 years of condom less sex and if i caught a disease and can never have condom less sex again, thats still not enough punishment for what i have done.

 

ya, i really messed up. my whole life is going to be turned upside down and i have no idea how to make this right.

[SammySunh]

i wont kill myself, my family would not get any insurance money if i did. but i will beg god for some painfull death.

 

at least my wife can gain the wealth she deserves. she still has her youth and looks and with a bankroll will still be able to care for herself and the family.

 

and find a real man.

[Thorgs]

If it means so much to you then just tell the other woman you are done with her. Then man up and come clean to the wife. No sense in living a lie...it will destroy you. Plus if your wife finds out by someone else...even more pain. If she leaves you it's because she is deeply hurt by what you did. If she doesn't, then you're the luckiest man in town.

Edited July 24, 2010 by Thorgs

[SammySunh]

If it means so much to you then just tell the other woman you don't want to talk to her anymore. Then man up and come clean to the wife. No sense in living a lie...it will destroy you. If she leaves you it's because she is deeply hurt by what you did. If she doesn't, then you're the luckiest man in town.

 

the other girl wouldnt even know how to contact me, we dont know each other and like i said i bet shes a whore.

 

my wife better leave me, what kind of women would want to be with a pathetic loser. not my wife, i know that for sure.

 

i have no where to go, she will probably take the kids and move to her mom's so that I dont have to live on the street, even though thats where i belong.

 

i hate myself so much.

[Thorgs]

the other girl wouldnt even know how to contact me, we dont know each other and like i said i bet shes a whore.

 

my wife better leave me, what kind of women would want to be with a pathetic loser. not my wife, i know that for sure.

 

i have no where to go, she will probably take the kids and move to her mom's so that I dont have to live on the street, even though thats where i belong.

 

i hate myself so much.

Hey man, we are all human. That doesn't justify what you did. But if you're wife stands by your side after she knows what you did, then you know she truly loves you. I'm not the one to tell you how to go about telling her since I have never been in your situation, nor do I think I ever will, since the love of my life just cut me loose. Maybe someone else can chime in with advice.

[SammySunh]

oh ya, my penis has been tingling every since and thats like the # 1 symptom of herpes.

 

how does one person wreck everything with the most obviously stupid and wreckless thing i could ever do.

 

i am self destructive, do people do this without even knowing why? who cares the answer i guess, its too late.

[SammySunh]

if i ever needed my wife more in my life, i do not know. and of course she can not be expected to put my needs before hers. she cant help me through this, it is I who has to do whatever it takes to help her move on.

 

we were so much in love too .... i just dont know why i did this. i had no motivation.

[Thorgs]

oh ya, my penis has been tingling every since and thats like the # 1 symptom of herpes.

 

how does one person wreck everything with the most obviously stupid and wreckless thing i could ever do.

 

i am self destructive, do people do this without even knowing why? who cares the answer i guess, its too late.

Get tested before you start panicking too much. I just read that it might be caused by stress. Don't count your chickens before they hatch. If you're going to get through this it's going to be slowly...one day at a time.

[Thorgs]

if i ever needed my wife more in my life, i do not know. and of course she can not be expected to put my needs before hers. she cant help me through this, it is I who has to do whatever it takes to help her move on.

 

we were so much in love too .... i just dont know why i did this. i had no motivation.

You also said you were eachothers first...or am I wrong? Maybe you subconsciously wanted to see what it was like with another woman?

Edited July 24, 2010 by Thorgs

[SammySunh]

I read your other posts and it looked like you had an ED problem with your wife. You also said you were eachothers first...or am I wrong? Maybe you subconsciously wanted to see what it was like with another woman?

 

i guess so ... i keep trying to understand it in my mind and it just feels like false justification.

 

i had a chance to do some dirty things that i would never ask my wife to do. big woopee, didnt do much for me. i felt nothing the whole time. when compared to sex and true lust with my wife, wtf was i thinking!

 

and my wife is my only adult sex, i had sex with teenager when i was like 14 and 15, same with her. we met she was 16 and i was 17.

 

we are so much in love, like puppy love. of all the times i pick, why now? who cares, i did it and dont deserve salvation.

[hopesndreams]

Don't feed the troll.

[Thorgs]

i guess so ... i keep trying to understand it in my mind and it just feels like false justification.

 

i had a chance to do some dirty things that i would never ask my wife to do. big woopee, didnt do much for me. i felt nothing the whole time. when compared to sex and true lust with my wife, wtf was i thinking!

 

and my wife is my only adult sex, i had sex with teenager when i was like 14 and 15, same with her. we met she was 16 and i was 17.

 

we are so much in love, like puppy love. of all the times i pick, why now? who cares, i did it and dont deserve salvation.

Don't give up hope brother. I'm hoping someone who has been in your situation can chime in and give advice on how to break the news. But I do recommend coming clean because it will eat away at you as time goes on. I was completely in love with my ex and if she cheated on me and wanted to come back to me...it would take a lot of work on trust, but I would still want to be with her. So you never know, don't give up on that hope!

[SammySunh]

Don't feed the troll.

 

im not a troll .... but you can treat me like one. i swear.

[xxoo]

we are so much in love, like puppy love. of all the times i pick, why now? who cares, i did it and dont deserve salvation.

 

Look, Sammy, you made a mistake. A BIG one. But you are kicking yourself over it, and definitely learned a lesson. You aren't going to do this ever again (are you?).

 

Tell your wife. If things are as great as you describe between you, she likely won't want to bag it all over one bad choice. She WILL want to dump you if she finds out later, after a lot of lies and deceit. Come clean, beg forgiveness, and PROVE to her that you realize this was the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life.

 

Honestly--now don't tell my H this, lol--but if my H did something like this and came to me immediately to confess and beg forgiveness, I'd probably get over completely in a relatively short amt of time. What would kill the relationship is lies, cover-ups, and/or repeated "mistakes".

[SammySunh]

Don't give up hope brother. I'm hoping someone who has been in your situation can chime in and give advice on how to break the news. But I do recommend coming clean because it will eat away at you as time goes on. I was completely in love with my ex and if she cheated on me and wanted to come back to me...it would take a lot of work on trust, but I would still want to be with her. So you never know, don't give up on that hope!

 

id like to say thanks ... i feel like such a drama queen, but i just dont deserve advice on how to save myself.

 

i could use advice though to make sure the pain caused to my wife and kids can be softended.

[SammySunh]

Look, Sammy, you made a mistake. A BIG one. But you are kicking yourself over it, and definitely learned a lesson. You aren't going to do this ever again (are you?).

 

Tell your wife. If things are as great as you describe between you, she likely won't want to bag it all over one bad choice. She WILL want to dump you if she finds out later, after a lot of lies and deceit. Come clean, beg forgiveness, and PROVE to her that you realize this was the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life.

 

Honestly--now don't tell my H this, lol--but if my H did something like this and came to me immediately to confess and beg forgiveness, I'd probably get over completely in a relatively short amt of time. What would kill the relationship is lies, cover-ups, and/or repeated "mistakes".

 

you make good sense. i dont plan on asking her to forgive me. i plan on suggesting she call her mom to come get her as i dont think she will want to see me after i tell her.

 

i will watch the kids until she decides how she needs to handle it. i suspect she will come home the next day and go stay at her mom's.

 

she wont take me back and if she does, our marriage will never be the same. i know for certain, i wrecked a fairy tale, no matter what happens.

[SammySunh]

maybe i should send her an email with a link to this thread and just let her know to text me if she wants to see me.

 

gives her all the time she wants before she has to deal with me.

 

or is that a chick$hit way? maybe she wants to throw something at me or slap me in the face. she should.

[Thorgs]

Listen to xxoo. It's going to take a lot of work on your part Sammy, but if you can rekindle this marriage, then YOU have to prove it.

 

If she senses that you are truly apologetic, then that will help her with whatever choice she makes.

[Thorgs]

maybe i should send her an email with a link to this thread and just let her know to text me if she wants to see me.

 

gives her all the time she wants before she has to deal with me.

 

or is that a chick$hit way? maybe she wants to throw something at me or slap me in the face. she should.

no no no, face to face. You made a big mistake and by texting her is a cowards way out and might lead to her not feeling that you are man enough to own up to your mistake.

[Thorgs]

Sorry this might hurt but, just think of her leaving you and having sex with someone else when all is said and done. Does that make you extremely mad? If so, then you have to bust your ass on overtime to make this right. This will show her how much she means to you. If you email her, it's like no effort. We are all human and prone to mistakes.

[SammySunh]

Sorry this might hurt but, just think of her leaving you and having sex with someone else when all is said and done. Does that make you extremely mad? If so, then you have to bust your ass on overtime to make this right. This will show her how much she means to you. If you email her, it's like no effort. We are all human and prone to mistakes.

 

it doesnt make me mad ... she should. she should leave me, divorce me and then find a real man.

 

thats what a women like her has earned. she has done all the right things in life and up until now so had I. and yes, one mistake of this nature is enough to have it all taken away.

 

if anyone who has ever thought about cheating on their wife reads this and can relate to my story, heed my advice.

 

its not worth it.

 

not worth it.

 

my wife has hot passionate wild sex with me many many times a month.

 

for 20 years.

 

this girl was not only lame, but ugly as hell. what the hell, can you image what kind of moron does this? i wasnt drunk. what the fu(k, nothing is adding up!

 

i am in a crisis, thats for sure and i have no idea what to do.

[Thorgs]

it doesnt make me mad ... she should. she should leave me, divorce me and then find a real man.

 

thats what a women like her has earned. she has done all the right things in life and up until now so had I. and yes, one mistake of this nature is enough to have it all taken away.

 

if anyone who has ever thought about cheating on their wife reads this and can relate to my story, heed my advice.

 

its not worth it.

 

not worth it.

 

my wife has hot passionate wild sex with me many many times a month.

 

for 20 years.

 

this girl was not only lame, but ugly as hell. what the hell, can you image what kind of moron does this? i wasnt drunk. what the fu(k, nothing is adding up!

 

i am in a crisis, thats for sure and i have no idea what to do.

Baby steps Sammy, you'll get through this.

[SammySunh]

by the way, i remember a poster named Jersey something who was the most anti porn person i ever came accross.

 

now i know what she was talking it. its all so clear.

 

make no mistake, this is my fault. but i must be a sex addict, i have been looking at porn for years. on a daily basis.

 

it just looked so easy. like everyone was doing it with everyone.

 

i thought there would be no consequences.

 

i guess i am a sex addict. i will ask at the STI clinic tomorrow for some resources on that.

 

that does not excuse me. i made a choice and will never forgive myself.

[SammySunh]

thanks thorgs, you have been very patient with my ramblings.

 

i dont want to drink, i rarely do. but if i drink enough tonight, i will pass out tonight and be too sick in the morning to think about it either.

 

i know i wont, because i dont really want to. but i can see how people get lost in the bottle or drugs when they have this much pain and shame.

 

i never cry. never. i cant stop.