i deserve hell on earth

[Thorgs]

by the way, i remember a poster named Jersey something who was the most anti porn person i ever came accross.

 

now i know what she was talking it. its all so clear.

 

make no mistake, this is my fault. but i must be a sex addict, i have been looking at porn for years. on a daily basis.

 

it just looked so easy. like everyone was doing it with everyone.

 

i thought there would be no consequences.

 

i guess i am a sex addict. i will ask at the STI clinic tomorrow for some resources on that.

 

that does not excuse me. i made a choice and will never forgive myself.

porn is poison in a relationship in my opinion. get help and you will be better for it. We all need help sometime in our lives. Keep that head high and get this all in order. There will be a lot of tears and pain from both parties, but if you're sincere and work hard at making this right, I think you will make it.

[Thorgs]

thanks thorgs, you have been very patient with my ramblings.

 

i dont want to drink, i rarely do. but if i drink enough tonight, i will pass out tonight and be too sick in the morning to think about it either.

 

i know i wont, because i dont really want to. but i can see how people get lost in the bottle or drugs when they have this much pain and shame.

 

i never cry. never. i cant stop.

Helping you takes my mind off of my heart break/pathetic life. I'm glad I could be an ear in your time of difficulty. Don't drink, it only makes situations worse at a time like this. I personally gave up drinking, it's just not worth it.

[BellaBellaBella]

Truthfully, I would like to slap the crud out of you. You need to calm your butt down and quit your drama. You need to take steps to save your marriage if you can.

 

People can and do survive affairs.

 

you need to open yourself up to her be totally transparent

Answer any and all questions

Go no contact with the crack whore

get tested asap

change your cell number if she had it

How do you know the crack whore? Was it a one night stand or does she work with you or what?

 

Do you want help or do you just want to have drama.

 

Your wife will be angry, but ask yourself what your willing to do to save your marriage.

[SammySunh]

Truthfully, I would like to slap the crud out of you. You need to calm your butt down and quit your drama. You need to take steps to save your marriage if you can.

 

People can and do survive affairs.

 

you need to open yourself up to her be totally transparent

Answer any and all questions

Go no contact with the crack whore

get tested asap

change your cell number if she had it

How do you know the crack whore? Was it a one night stand or does she work with you or what?

 

Do you want help or do you just want to have drama.

 

Your wife will be angry, but ask yourself what your willing to do to save your marriage.

 

im just freaking out, thanks for the reality check.

 

i have no concerns about the other girl, this not an affair situation.

 

i dont know if i should try and save my marriage. how will i ever look my wife and kids in the eyes again.

 

this is all up to my wife now, but even that is an unfair burden to put on her. right now she is away with the kids and has no idea the mountain of bricks waiting to crash her life.

[SammySunh]

the irony is i need my wife so badly right now to help me get through this.

 

i must be be sick in the head. how else can i explain doing this? there is just no reason, i had no motivation for it. being sick in the head does not absolve me, but what the hell would possess me!

[BellaBellaBella]

People make poor choices everyday. Was there drinking involved? People even survive being unfaithful with a hooker.

 

I get you feel undeserving, let her make you feel like crap. Don't act entitled. However, don't end it because of how you feel. At least let her make an informed decision.

 

So what were the circumstances of you and the crack whore?

[Thorgs]

the irony is i need my wife so badly right now to help me get through this.

 

i must be be sick in the head. how else can i explain doing this? there is just no reason, i had no motivation for it. being sick in the head does not absolve me, but what the hell would possess me!

Maybe when she leaves for the week go and see a psychologist. Maybe they can help you with the motives behind it and give you professional advice on the situation.

[BellaBellaBella]

Sammy, why don't you take the first steps by setting up individual counseling and maybe marriage counseling. Also look into a sex addicts meeting.

[SammySunh]

People make poor choices everyday. Was there drinking involved? People even survive being unfaithful with a hooker.

 

I get you feel undeserving, let her make you feel like crap. Don't act entitled. However, don't end it because of how you feel. At least let her make an informed decision.

 

So what were the circumstances of you and the crack whore?

 

i liked to troll CL just to see Casual Encounters postings. i have looked at them for years, it felt voyeuristic and made me horny.

 

i guess some time ago, i had added a girl to my MSN who was into texting. i think it was 8 months ago. we never chatted.

 

flash forward, my wife is outa town, i am lonely for company(noexcuse!) and i get this random text. we flirt cuz im a flirt. turns out she doesnt live far from where i was and she came over to the little pub. i had had 1 drink, i was not drunk.

 

one thing led to another and i went to her place. she was gross looking, what the hell! she offered to do something dirty and i just was like sure. being a big shot and all.

 

so thats how.

[SammySunh]

Sammy, why don't you take the first steps by setting up individual counseling and maybe marriage counseling. Also look into a sex addicts meeting.

 

thats a good idea. i will ask at the STI clinic in the morning.

[SammySunh]

sad .... 15 anniversary of marriage next week. i had a nice hotel in a trendy part of town. spanish restaurant with salsa dancing. a roller blade in the park. spa treatment in the morning.

 

and i know she would have made sweet love to me every chance in between.

 

all gone.

 

gone.

 

yes i am being dramatic, sorry. it just drives home the point and its a textual discussion. i am writing as i would write, not to create drama for sympathy.

[Thorgs]

sad .... 15 anniversary of marriage next week. i had a nice hotel in a trendy part of town. spanish restaurant with salsa dancing. a roller blade in the park. spa treatment in the morning.

 

and i know she would have made sweet love to me every chance in between.

 

all gone.

 

gone.

 

yes i am being dramatic, sorry. it just drives home the point and its a textual discussion. i am writing as i would write, not to create drama for sympathy.

if it helps calm the nerves to help you stay focused on your goal, then no worries.

[BellaBellaBella]

Tomorrow get a new phone number and go no contact. Tell your wife that you had an issue with the phone. This way crack whore can't text you again. Right this second deactivate your account with the encounter service. I don't know however, no it can be done, block yourself from that site again. Then remove any and all porn from your computer. Remove any and all chats from your computer. Do you have any emails from other crack whores? btw love that term for the OW.

 

We need action now, no crying. Step up and do everything you can to save the love of your life. Make a list of how you have tried to affair proof your relationship. This is going to be a big hit to her self esteem. Make sure you say this wasn't anything to do with you. It was me being an absolute wacko. Like I lost my mind or something.

[BellaBellaBella]

Throrgs is right give us the drama. Did you use any protection with crack whore at all? Does she have bc?

[SammySunh]

Tomorrow get a new phone number and go no contact. Tell your wife that you had an issue with the phone. This way crack whore can't text you again. Right this second deactivate your account with the encounter service. I don't know however, no it can be done, block yourself from that site again. Then remove any and all porn from your computer. Remove any and all chats from your computer. Do you have any emails from other crack whores? btw love that term for the OW.

 

We need action now, no crying. Step up and do everything you can to save the love of your life. Make a list of how you have tried to affair proof your relationship. This is going to be a big hit to her self esteem. Make sure you say this wasn't anything to do with you. It was me being an absolute wacko. Like I lost my mind or something.

 

all the right answers. i have already deleted the MSN account. i dont have porn on my computer, just some online subscriptions (that she knows about and has looked at together), which I have sent an email to cancel.

 

i took her for granted. clearly. now my fate is not in my hands anymore.

[BellaBellaBella]

What about the phone number? Can you block her from texting?

[SammySunh]

Throrgs is right give us the drama. Did you use any protection with crack whore at all? Does she have bc?

 

it gives me fingers something do, and hopefully chronicles my raw emotion if i may need it later. im so selfish i guess.

 

i didnt for oral and really wasnt interested in standard sex. oral sex is not safe sex! i cant even call myself dumb cuz i already know that. it must be arrogance then.

 

i was having 20 years of the safest sex ever invented. 100% monogomany for a life time. its gone, no matter what happens i will never be pure again. it never even meant anything to me and now that its gone, i want it back.

 

arrogance and selfishness. clearly.

[SammySunh]

What about the phone number? Can you block her from texting?

 

never had phone contact.

[Thorgs]

Throrgs is right give us the drama. Did you use any protection with crack whore at all? Does she have bc?

omg it's Thorgs

[Thorgs]

never had phone contact.

so when you said she likes texting, you meant over MSN?

[SammySunh]

so when you said she likes texting, you meant over MSN?

 

yup ...

 

thanks for being around. im not thinking straight, well i am cuz i know exactly how this will most likely play out. i could never hide it from her, we have a cosmic connection, she will see it on my face the moment she gets home.

 

i know i wont have sex with her and will have to explain why her husband who in 20 years has been ready to have sex on command all of a sudden is not available.

[SammySunh]

id tell her right now, but she has to drive 12 hours to get home through mountains and she will not be able to on her own with this kind of news.

 

she deserves the comfort of not having to deal with this and drive home after. her mom and sister all live here, i must wait to tell her until she is home.

 

poor thing has no idea whats coming. im such a bastard.

[BellaBellaBella]

Sorry I typed your name wrong.... Please forgive me.

 

So Sammy was this oral alone? Important because we don't want crack whore claiming your the baby daddy.

[SammySunh]

Sorry I typed your name wrong.... Please forgive me.

 

So Sammy was this oral alone? Important because we don't want crack whore claiming your the baby daddy.

 

im cut, so that wouldnt be a problem anyhow.

 

my whole crotch is tingling, its been 24 hours, this is a problem! STi clinic opens at 830 tomorrow, i already looked.

[Thorgs]

Sorry I typed your name wrong.... Please forgive me.

 

So Sammy was this oral alone? Important because we don't want crack whore claiming your the baby daddy.

No worries...it's better then getting the classic, "Thong"!

 

Sammy, are you going to tell her tonight or wait until she comes back from being gone for a week? Or is she coming home tonight from being gone for a week?