i deserve hell on earth

[LuckyCharm]

Even if you don't have STD you still need to tell her. yes it will pain her very much but it's the right (honest) things to do. Just look at how long this whole thread is and how much you had to spill out to us, you won't be able to keep it from your wife, it's gonna eat you up so badly and you know it.

Your stressing your self out too much here, you don't know what kind of punishment is in for you, whether it's STD, wife leaving + heartbreak, heartbroken wife that love you so much she'll be willing to forgive you and work on saving the marriage.

[SammySunh]

Even if you don't have STD you still need to tell her. yes it will pain her very much but it's the right (honest) things to do. Just look at how long this whole thread is and how much you had to spill out to us, you won't be able to keep it from your wife, it's gonna eat you up so badly and you know it.

Your stressing your self out too much here, you don't know what kind of punishment is in for you, whether it's STD, wife leaving + heartbreak, heartbroken wife that love you so much she'll be willing to forgive you and work on saving the marriage.

 

thanks LC ...

 

it may be my heightned state, but the texts and messages my wife are sending me are so over the top lovey. what the hell kind of timing is this!

 

she never, and i mean never, sends me provactive photo's. just not her thing, although she is sexy. today she says, she cant wait to see me and sends me a picture of up her skirt. said she took off the panties thinking of me cuz she has the day to herself as the kids are at the grandparents.

 

stoooooopid, stoooopid why why why ... i just will never know how i could wreck my life in less then 100 minutes.

 

i just keep saying to myself as i post this, i hope one curious husband reads this thread and thinks twice about my pain. i dont wish this on any loving relationship.

[Corporate]

Did you go meet this OW right after you skyped with your kids and wife?

 

What were you expecting when you plan to meet this woman? Just some flirting or did you expected what ultimately happened? If you expected the latter, why didn't you bring a condom? Easy women like that have been around and around.

 

How about some answers to the above questions?

[SammySunh]

How about some answers to the above questions?

 

missed this ...

 

 

yes, went out after the skype and yes just was lonely and wanted company, but had an idea it could lead to this. had non condom oral from her, which is why i am freaked.

 

im trying to not focus on that part anymore, its making me ill that i was so stupid and could have prevented all this.

[nddb]

Here's the harsh advice.

 

If you don't have STD, learn from this.

 

Next step: Bury it. Bury it with a shovel. Then bury the shovel and pile 6' of dirt on top. Then channel that energy into doing things to improve your relationship.

 

Don't go to your wife for absolution. That's for the priest. Keep your broken heart to yourself instead of dramatizing it to break her heart too. No good will ever come of it.

 

Then resolve to never do it again or slit your throat next time it happens.

[SammySunh]

Here's the harsh advice.

 

If you don't have STD, learn from this.

 

Next step: Bury it. Bury it with a shovel. Then bury the shovel and pile 6' of dirt on top. Then channel that energy into doing things to improve your relationship.

 

Don't go to your wife for absolution. That's for the priest. Keep your broken heart to yourself instead of dramatizing it to break her heart too. No good will ever come of it.

 

Then resolve to never do it again or slit your throat next time it happens.

 

thats another school of thought.... logistics are hard, she will want to have sex without question on Wednesday and I wont know the results. a big flag will go off if i tell her I cant, thats never happend in 20 years.

 

i dont know how not to tell her, i dont know how to tell her. i cant slit my throat, the insurance wouldnt pay and i wouldnt do that, its a chicken ***** thing to do and i wouldnt have the balls even if i wanted to.

[nddb]

thats another school of thought.... logistics are hard, she will want to have sex without question on Wednesday and I wont know the results. a big flag will go off if i tell her I cant, thats never happend in 20 years.

 

i dont know how not to tell her, i dont know how to tell her. i cant slit my throat, the insurance wouldnt pay and i wouldnt do that, its a chicken ***** thing to do and i wouldnt have the balls even if i wanted to.

 

Your insurance policy is crappy. After 2 years wait, most/all insurance policies will pay for suicide. But that's neither here nor there.

 

I'm sure there have been times in 20 years of marriage that either of you are too tired/pissed/busy/preoccupied with work/preoccupied with your sibblings, mom, dad issues to have sex. She would understand if she care for you.

 

I think you are making this into a drama unnecessarily. I'm done here.

[Corporate]

I think you are making this into a drama unnecessarily. I'm done here.

 

Sammy, ignore nddb. His advice is just horrible.

[LuckyCharm]

I agree! don't listen to nddb.

 

As you said you can't have sex with your wife when she comes home cause you need to get tested. she has the right to know.

[LuckyCharm]

Sammy, it's been a few day and I'm wondering how your doing. did you get tested? have you told your wife?

[linwood]

nddb`s advice is the best in this thread.

 

Sammy please remember that most of the people in this thread have a hard bias against cheating and believe that the ONLY way past an infidelity is exposure.

 

This is of course crap.

 

Only you know your situation and only you can tell whats right.

 

I`m just going to second nddb`s advice and tell you to somehow put off sex until you get your results.

The possibility of an STD from receiving a blow job is extremely low.

 

Do not screw up your entire life because of one stupid painfully regretful act coupled with bad advice given from an internet forum full of heartbroken lovers with huge chips on their shoulders.

 

Once you`re certain you`re clean (Which you most probably are)bury it deep and never do it again...never..never.

[Hop_prophet]

Go ahead and listen to linwood and nddb if you want to be a slimy douchebag with no morals. You're the one who has to live with it. I bet they are cheaters themselves and are telling you that to absolve their own guilt.

 

Seriously if you love your wife then you owe her the truth. If you were that weak once then you have a very good chance of doing it again. Oh but then you can just bury it once more . It's up to you whether you want to build the rest of your life on lies and deceit.

[linwood]

Go ahead and listen to linwood and nddb if you want to be a slimy douchebag with no morals. You're the one who has to live with it. I bet they are cheaters themselves and are telling you that to absolve their own guilt.

 

You lose that bet.

 

What do I get? What do I get?

You gonna give me some of your "Holier than thou" suppositories?!!

 

I can hardly wait!

[Ophelia11]

My stbx had seedy unprotected sex, was paranoid about contracting something and was trying to bury it and move on. His paranoia got the best of him and I found out what he did by evidence he left on the internet. I gave him a chance to tell the truth and he didn't take it. He lied.

 

I am not saying that him telling the truth up front would have made me stay with him. I am not sure about that. But a great part of my inability to forgive him as a partner was the trust issue. He did not respect me enough to provide me with important info I needed to make a huge life decision. He put me at risk physically and I did not have a choice because I was ignorant to his infidelity.

 

If you love her, you should respect her enough to tell her and let her choose for herself. My guess is she is not an idiot, and your guilt will eventually give you away anyway. It will be much worse then.

[nddb]

I bet they are cheaters themselves and are telling you that to absolve their own guilt.

 

 

Wow, narrow-mindedness much?

 

When someone gives an advice different than yours, make sure to call them cheaters, immoral, etc.

 

Brilliant--why did I think of that line of argument.

[CrayonAngel]

Sammy, how are things? I assume your wife is back from her trip...

[2sure]

The OP went on and on about how is wife would move out and go to her Mom's. Thats ridiculous. She and the children will stay in the house. You will leave.

[Billzebub]

I say if all he got was a blow job that he needs to learn fro the experience and move on. Don't ruin her life over it. I say this as someone who was cheated on before and I think the only reason to tell the other party is to make yourself feel better (not having to carry the guilt)...I honestly think the only reason my ex told me was so I would give up on the relationship - which I did.

 

If you want to reconcile, then there's no reason to drag the ugly truth out into the light of day.

[liveit]

was to validate to yourself what a worthless individual you really think you are deep down. Because that's how you've felt about yourself your whole life and this trauma you've caused is what you grew up with and are used to. You don't think you deserve a loving wife and happiness so you sabotaged your marriage. The cheating is a small thing in the grand scheme - just a device. The larger issue is how you feel about yourself. The larger issue is shame. Come to terms with your past and forgive yourself. Not an easy task for many of us but that's exactly what you need to do. Good luck.

[Ellin]

oh ya, my penis has been tingling every since and thats like the # 1 symptom of herpes.

how does one person wreck everything with the most obviously stupid and wreckless thing i could ever do.

 

i am self destructive, do people do this without even knowing why? who cares the answer i guess, its too late.

If it started straight away I doubt it is a symptom of infection, as this takes some days to develop after exposure. It could be that you regret what you di so much that you're "imagining" the symptoms. That's common.

 

But well done for being so responsible and not wanting to pass any possible infection on to your W. Get checked and don't forget that it takes months before you can do a HIV test (but don't panic as it is extremely unlikely that you've caught it).

 

Obviously during this time you couldn't possible keep up a lie...

 

But we all make mistakes.

[Ellin]

I say if all he got was a blow job that he needs to learn fro the experience and move on. Don't ruin her life over it. I say this as someone who was cheated on before and I think the only reason to tell the other party is to make yourself feel better (not having to carry the guilt)...I honestly think the only reason my ex told me was so I would give up on the relationship - which I did.

 

If you want to reconcile, then there's no reason to drag the ugly truth out into the light of day.

Is that all he got? I didn't read the whole thread. If so, it's even more unlikely to catch an infection..

 

I also agree with you Billzebub... If he wants to remain M and regrets what happened and plans not to do it ever again, then it's better to spare this from his W.

[candymoon]

Is that all he got? I didn't read the whole thread. If so, it's even more unlikely to catch an infection..

 

I also agree with you Billzebub... If he wants to remain M and regrets what happened and plans not to do it ever again, then it's better to spare this from his W.

 

Agreed.

 

Wished I had seen this thread earlier. My H did the exact same thing. No penetration but foreplay with some literal whore. I told him early on, if he made a single mistake DO NOT TELL ME to absolve your guilt because I will be forced to act on it. He told me a year and a half ago now (apparently he did it 6 years ago when I was having a nervous breakdown--I wasnt there for him sexually for 3 or 4 months and he NEEDED it). I havent screwed him the last 6 months because of these visuals in my mind with him and OW even tho there was no intercourse. It sickens me. 20 years and I was a faithful and hardworking wife.

 

I bet now he wishes he'd f*ck*d her for all the trouble. I'm thinking this week I'm going to tell him it's over. I can't get over it.

 

OP, I hope your wife is more forgiving than me if you've confessed. You seem like you are really sorry for what you did. You made a mistake. Best of luck to you and your family.