i deserve hell on earth

[SammySunh]

No worries...it's better then getting the classic, "Thong"!

 

Sammy, are you going to tell her tonight or wait until she comes back from being gone for a week? Or is she coming home tonight from being gone for a week?

 

she comes home on Wednesday, i will tell her then.

 

i will be here when she gets home but i am going to write a letter, maybe give her this thread as well so she can open an account and blast me. if she wants to, if it helps her. who knows, maybe she will come this very post and write back that i deserve the hell i am writing about. if some dood who thinks this is a good idea can be scared out of it, then i at least have saved some other family, since i clearly screwed my own.

 

i will have my bags packed and i am looking for a place to go right now.

 

i dont really have any friends or family in this city though. they are all connected to my wife and i cant expect those that are her best friends or mom and sister to put up her loser husband.

[BellaBellaBella]

Wait until she is home and you can tell her and she can see how sorry you are. Do you need to go to urgent care for tingling problem, tonight?

[Thorgs]

Yeah, why not go to the hospital? They can run those tests cant they? How old are the kids? Definitely see a psychologist to help you through this as well as a sex addict group and definitely relationship counseling. As for how to break the news...I wouldn't know how.

[BellaBellaBella]

Look I get this is very fresh for you. However, I also think your being a little premature here. You are looking at worst case scenerio. You know your wife will not want to be a single mom. She will want to try and save your marriage. You say you never did this before. I know there is a book called how to surivie an affair. People have honestly survived long term affairs. Is your marriage going to be the same, no. However, with hard work on both parts you honestly can survive this.

 

I am in a sitch to. Married for 15 years, in a couple of months. My husband loves me. My husband however, has a low SD and suggested I go outside the marriage for fulfillment. We are working togather on this whole situation.

 

Tomorrow you call the hotel and what the cancellation policy is. Perhaps the first step of healing is some alone time with her. Hold her let her cry.

I think having your bags packed is premature and shows you aren't committed to healing.

[Thorgs]

One of my favorite sayings, "Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best." Don't jump the gun so quickly. Play it smart and do what you need to do to get back your family. I wish we were friends and I could have been at that pub the night you made this mistake. I would have slapped you in the face to wake you up and see that you have a pretty and loving wife and beautiful kids.

[BellaBellaBella]

Ask her if she will allow you to recommit to her on your anniversary. Sammy, you can get through this. Some of those people on the affair sites say your marriage can get better.

[SammySunh]

Look I get this is very fresh for you. However, I also think your being a little premature here. You are looking at worst case scenerio. You know your wife will not want to be a single mom. She will want to try and save your marriage. You say you never did this before. I know there is a book called how to surivie an affair. People have honestly survived long term affairs. Is your marriage going to be the same, no. However, with hard work on both parts you honestly can survive this.

 

I am in a sitch to. Married for 15 years, in a couple of months. My husband loves me. My husband however, has a low SD and suggested I go outside the marriage for fulfillment. We are working togather on this whole situation.

 

Tomorrow you call the hotel and what the cancellation policy is. Perhaps the first step of healing is some alone time with her. Hold her let her cry.

I think having your bags packed is premature and shows you aren't committed to healing.

 

thanks to you too ... i feel so much shame. i feel like July 20th will be a funeral for the rest of my life. How can this day come without me remembering life as i knew it came to an end.'

 

i had the best life. i really did. now my wife is texting me and i have to live a charade.

[SammySunh]

can you imagine ... her text says

 

hi my love

 

i couldnt find my phone for an hour and felt like i had lost you.

 

 

 

thats the kind of love we had ..... puppy love.

 

 

how does a smart, educated and self aware person do this ??? why?

[Thorgs]

Ask her if she will allow you to recommit to her on your anniversary. Sammy, you can get through this. Some of those people on the affair sites say your marriage can get better.

Maybe along with professional help (psychologist, marriage counselor, sex addict group) he should go to the bookstore and get some self help books? It couldn't hurt.

[Thorgs]

can you imagine ... her text says

 

hi my love

 

i couldnt find my phone for an hour and felt like i had lost you.

 

 

 

thats the kind of love we had ..... puppy love.

 

 

how does a smart, educated and self aware person do this ??? why?

Ok, now I am starting to get jealous of your bond with her!

 

Don't ignore the text though, then she will worry. And it's not had...you two still have it! Now it's your turn to prove it to her through your actions of making things right.

[BellaBellaBella]

Okay confession time. In my quest to figure out WTF to do with my husband. I researched these affair sites. There is one called divcorce busters and another called marriage builders. At Marriage Builders there is a book called how to survive an affair. I also read countless accounts of affairs. I couldn't figure out how my husband could tell me to go out and do that. They say you can't have the same marriage, but you can have a better marriage. I think MB, gets a little fantical. However, it takes what it takes.

[Thorgs]

I agree that the marriage bond can become stronger if they get through the affair/mistake. I'm interested on seeing the progress between Sammy and his wife. It will show us what the true power of love is capable of.

 

But who am I to say this. I'm just some 28 y/o guy with a horrible life.

[SammySunh]

i know that as much pain as i feel now, its just the beginning. it may get better one day, but not before it gets worse for sure.

 

i have never believed in religion, but i see why people gravitate to it now. maybe if i had invested in a relationship with god, even if its not real, i would have some comfort right now.

 

god.

booze.

drugs.

 

all seem superficial to me really, but im so messed up. and i am breaking her heart for nothing. like it was a stale sandwich.

 

at least i have life insurance for them when i die. its all i feel i have left to offer them. im sure it will pass, but why do i deserve for the pain to go away.

 

such a pity party too. i should sign off and just suffer my consquences.

[Thorgs]

Also, Bella, have you asked your husband to go to a marriage counselor? Sorry to get the thread off topic for a bit, just trying to help

[BellaBellaBella]

Exactly right, marriage vows are through better and worse. May this be your worst. What time is where ever you are? If you have an early day, say baby I am sorry I was waiting for you and am about to drop. Get off the texting early. That way while your in drama mode you don't slip up and say something.

 

You need to man up and tell her when she can use a bat on your ass. Go buy a nerf bat and hand it to her and let her beat the crap out of you with it.

[SammySunh]

I agree that the marriage bond can become stronger if they get through the affair/mistake. I'm interested on seeing the progress between Sammy and his wife. It will show us what the true power of love is capable of.

 

But who am I to say this. I'm just some 28 y/o guy with a horrible life.

 

my wife will still love me, but she wont keep me and why the hell should she? she has never settled for anything less then what she offers in return.

 

im sick, i know it. this is when i need her the most, i hope she can find a way to help me through it but if she doesnt i cant blame her.

[Thorgs]

i know that as much pain as i feel now, its just the beginning. it may get better one day, but not before it gets worse for sure.

 

i have never believed in religion, but i see why people gravitate to it now. maybe if i had invested in a relationship with god, even if its not real, i would have some comfort right now.

 

god.

booze.

drugs.

 

all seem superficial to me really, but im so messed up. and i am breaking her heart for nothing. like it was a stale sandwich.

 

at least i have life insurance for them when i die. its all i feel i have left to offer them. im sure it will pass, but why do i deserve for the pain to go away.

 

such a pity party too. i should sign off and just suffer my consquences.

I'm an ex-Mormon (yeah, we are hardcore religious folk) but I can tell you this, if you repent for your sin then God forgives and forgets, as long as you never do it again. If he can forgive and forget, then your wife surely has the power to do the same...although it will take a lot of work on both your parts, mostly yours.

[BellaBellaBella]

Yes, we went last night. We actually know the guy. He told my husband he was an idiot for telling me that. My husband told the Dr. that he worships the ground I walk on and just wants me to be happy. We will be going again. I also researched polyamory. My DH is faithful. I just think lighting struck him.

 

My Beans dog died today and I am a little wacko sorry.

[Thorgs]

my wife will still love me, but she wont keep me and why the hell should she? she has never settled for anything less then what she offers in return.

 

im sick, i know it. this is when i need her the most, i hope she can find a way to help me through it but if she doesnt i cant blame her.

I know what it's like to be alone. I have been alone most of my life. This is a time in your life you are alone. It will suck, but you will survive. This is something you did that indirectly affects her, so she can't be there for you to make this right. Just take the right steps towards getting her to trust you again after poop hits the fan. When you gain her trust again, your heart will burst at the seams because you will feel her love again.

[Thorgs]

You need to man up and tell her when she can use a bat on your ass. Go buy a nerf bat and hand it to her and let her beat the crap out of you with it.

 

I think it would be best if the children weren't home to witness it. That way they wont worry or wonder what is going on.

[BellaBellaBella]

Why do you keep saying she is going to leave?

 

I use a prayer like a mantra.

 

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

change the things I can and the wisedom to know the difference, and the courage to know the difference.

 

to break it down for you,

 

You can't change the fact that you slept with crack whore,

you can take accountablity for what you did and make restitution.

you cannot control your wives reaction. However, do not take away her right to be angry and to want to kill you. Do not take away her right to want to recover the marriage. Perhaps instead of making July 20th a day

of morning. Make it a day I found out how much my wife truly means to me. Give her a gift on that day to tell her how much she means to you and how you would never want to be without her.

[BellaBellaBella]

I don't think the children should be there when you tell her period. Nobody ever suggested the nerf thing on any sight I saw. However, if my DH cheated on me I would want to beat the living stuffin out of him and I am not violent.

[Thorgs]

Perhaps instead of making July 20th a day

of morning. Make it a day I found out how much my wife truly means to me. Give her a gift on that day to tell her how much she means to you and how you would never want to be without her.

July 20th I think was the day he made the mistake...since that was a few days ago...but not sure.

[SammySunh]

i feel like i cant sit, i stand up and i cant stand. i am too hot, so i took off my clothes and then i look at myself and said, put on your clothes you pathetic loser.

 

i have never had a crisis like this. my body is out of control.

 

i tried lying down. on the floor. i then lied down in my bed.

 

its going to be a long night. i am resolved to not drinking. i dont like being drunk, have never in my life done the hollywood drink a bottle of booze and drown my sorrows.

 

i have never had sorrow. i took everything for granted. on reflection, there was no way i was prepared mentally to handle such a lie. i know myself, why did i think i could do it and not feel this remorse?

[Thorgs]

I don't think the children should be there when you tell her period. Nobody ever suggested the nerf thing on any sight I saw. However, if my DH cheated on me I would want to beat the living stuffin out of him and I am not violent.

I hear ya on that. I am not violent either...nor will I ever be.