I sent her an email

[califnan]

Is Madonna too old? We are the same age.

Many many men ask me out consistantly, and I turn them down because they are too young or I don't know them.

I was friends with him for over 4 years before I went anywhere with MM.

I have been a widow for almost 8 years, and I did have a boyfriend before MM.

 

-----------------

 

No you and Madonna are not too old

 

I regret that your relationship with him - has spoiled it for you toward others.

 

When you have had enough of him and go NC, you may at least see the relationship for what it was ... or wasn't ..

[Fieldsofgold]

Is Madonna too old? We are the same age.

Many many men ask me out consistantly, and I turn them down because they are too young or I don't know them.

I was friends with him for over 4 years before I went anywhere with MM.

I have been a widow for almost 8 years, and I did have a boyfriend before MM.

 

Too young is bad, but married is OK? Mombot, you've got this ALL wrong!

 

IMHO, I was shocked to see your age, not because of your chronological age (I'm in my 50's as well), but because your posts on this thread would be more consistent with a confused young woman in her 20's.

 

Now I see that in addition to everything else, you have 'relatively' recently lost your H.

 

I don't mean any of this as an insult to you. My point is that I really think you need counselling.

 

I've posted about a dozen times that I think counselling is something that would be beneficial to help you sort through all this. Others have suggested it as well. You never respond to that suggestion in any way, or even acknowledge it in any way.

 

I would appreciate your comments and your thoughts about counselling for yourself.

Edited July 31, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[Mombot]

I had quite a few counselling sessions when my husband was dying and after he passed. My counselor told me about 6 months after my H passed, you do not need to come back unless you want some indepth analysis about yourself. I still have his card.

I am not sure what I think about IC for this situation.

We has several long discussions about my H's girlfriend, an A that lasted more than 20 years. I was not jealous of her in the slightest. I felt completely differently about him than my separated M. I loved him very much, but was never in love with him, I figured out at the end.

[Fieldsofgold]

I had quite a few counselling sessions when my husband was dying and after he passed. My counselor told me about 6 months after my H passed, you do not need to come back unless you want some indepth analysis about yourself. I still have his card.

I am not sure what I think about IC for this situation.

We has several long discussions about my H's girlfriend, an A that lasted more than 20 years. I was not jealous of her in the slightest. I felt completely differently about him than my separated M. I loved him very much, but was never in love with him, I figured out at the end.

 

I think in-depth analysis about yourself would be a great idea. I know that if several people told me they felt I needed and could benefit from IC, especially if they had no ulterior motives, I think I would listen.

[NoIDidn't]

I had quite a few counselling sessions when my husband was dying and after he passed. My counselor told me about 6 months after my H passed, you do not need to come back unless you want some indepth analysis about yourself. I still have his card.

I am not sure what I think about IC for this situation.

We has several long discussions about my H's girlfriend, an A that lasted more than 20 years. I was not jealous of her in the slightest. I felt completely differently about him than my separated M. I loved him very much, but was never in love with him, I figured out at the end.

 

Wow, the deceased husband had a 20 year affair, and here you are in one now?

 

An analysis would give you lots to think about, that's for sure.

[Mombot]

I never really minded her that much, once in a while saw her, she never got married. He brought her in where I worked to meet me before we first went out. After we were married about 7 or 8 years, she called and wanted him to father a child for her because she liked ours so well. That truly made him mad, and he didn't see her for a few years. When he was in his last months, I sent them on a date to a four star restaurant. I had my daughter call her and let her know when he passed, my daughter knew from an early age but never judged her dad.

That's why I found the I don't believe you email so ... well , odd.

[NoIDidn't]

I never really minded her that much, once in a while saw her, she never got married. He brought her in where I worked to meet me before we first went out. After we were married about 7 or 8 years, she called and wanted him to father a child for her because she liked ours so well. That truly made him mad, and he didn't see her for a few years. When he was in his last months, I sent them on a date to a four star restaurant. I had my daughter call her and let her know when he passed, my daughter knew from an early age but never judged her dad.

That's why I found the I don't believe you email so ... well , odd.

 

I don't understand. What was so odd? That she didn't respond the way you felt you did?

 

I don't get it.

 

I think her response was quite typical. Unfortunately, her answer doesn't give any clues as to whether they are actually separated or not, though.

[Mombot]

Well, I did find out he really is- since 1999. That opens a lot of other questions-

[jennie-jennie]

Mombot, I get the sensation you are not from the US? You seem to be from a culture quite different than the US culture? Am I correct in this?

[Mombot]

om Italy and my father was from Greece.No, lived in California my whole life. My mom is first generation, parents from Italy, my Dad was from Greece. He died when I was young and my mom remarried a nice man who adopted me.

[Mombot]

I don't know why that sent so messed up sorry.

[Mombot]

She just sent me a new email that says, Don't bother me again.

[Jilly Bean]

She just sent me a new email that says, Don't bother me again.

 

Did you write her a second time after the initial email?

[whichwayisup]

She just sent me a new email that says, Don't bother me again.

 

I hope you respect her wishes and leave her alone.

 

Though, by contacting her the way you did, she's not ever going to talk to you about anything, confirm or deny anything that could help you when it comes to the MM..Her husband.

 

Decision time: Do you stay and be the OW, continue to believe the lies he's telling you or do you walk away and find a single guy (when you're ready to) to love and respect you, someone you can have all to yourself.

 

Choice is yours.

[Fieldsofgold]

Did you write her a second time after the initial email?

 

Or did her H send you the second email using her account?

[Mombot]

No I did not recontact her.

[Jilly Bean]

Mombot - if you didn't send her a second email that warranted that response, then you have to let it go.

 

But, I will say, IMO, her response is not one a woman who is blissfully separated and working her ways towards divorce.

 

She either wants to bury her head in the sand, or believes you, wishes it weren't true, and plans to fight for her marriage, rather than engage with you.

 

You have the best answer you'll get. Now it's up to you...

[Mombot]

I will not bother her again.

[whichwayisup]

But, I will say, IMO, her response is not one a woman who is blissfully separated and working her ways towards divorce.

 

She either wants to bury her head in the sand, or believes you, wishes it weren't true, and plans to fight for her marriage, rather than engage with you

 

And as I said above, now you only have HIS word on what is going on. Unless you hire a PI and find out what the true status is between him and his wife.

 

Maybe they are separated on paper, but emotionally are still together, still friends, still acting like a family unit. Whatever it is, it's working for them. Or maybe SHE has an OM on the side and he's just chosen not to tell you that they have an open marriage, yet has no reason to ever leave her. Either way, you have a decision to make.

[silverfish]

Mombot - if you didn't send her a second email that warranted that response, then you have to let it go.

 

But, I will say, IMO, her response is not one a woman who is blissfully separated and working her ways towards divorce.

 

She either wants to bury her head in the sand, or believes you, wishes it weren't true, and plans to fight for her marriage, rather than engage with you.

 

You have the best answer you'll get. Now it's up to you...

 

Or she doesn't care. I mean, if they are separated, the response is an intelligent one actually, and exactly what I would say...'don't bother me again'.

 

Unless it was from the H pretending to be her...

[whichwayisup]

I will not bother her again.

 

And how do you feel that she's asked you to leave her alone? Does it bother you that you didn't get the info or reaction from her that you were expecting? Even more so that it seems the MM hasn't reacted either, hasn't opened up or said much about you contacting his wife?

 

Something feels very off here.

[2sunny]

And how do you feel that she's asked you to leave her alone? Does it bother you that you didn't get the info or reaction from her that you were expecting? Even more so that it seems the MM hasn't reacted either, hasn't opened up or said much about you contacting his wife?

 

Something feels very off here.

 

i completely agree. the fact that MB hasn't given much info doesn't help. people are asking questions and she completely overlooks them... thus there is no pertinent info to work from.

 

i'd like to know exactly what her MM/SM said about the email that was sent. we haven't heard what words he used with MB when he found out she sent it to his W. he must have responded with some reaction. if he didn't - then something is even fishier!

 

seems he would have discussed what her reason was for sending it - at the very least. then he would either be A) very angry with her or B) try to calm her down knowing how hurt she may be in suspecting him of still being married or C) didn't say anything because he's unsure which one of his OOW may have sent it to his wife...

[Mombot]

Mombot, so actually nothing seems to be any clearer? How do you feel about it now?

This statement covers it all.

I'm not under the bus, but I'm not really clear on what the story is, and he really didn't react when I told him I emailed her. He just sort of shrugged, the Whatever move, and I think I am the whatever.

[jj33]

I dont see that there is ANY decision to make at all other than do you want to be the OW.

 

Why hire a PI and throw money away?

 

You dont trust him. His W hasnt given you any hope that they are anywhere near a divorce. His reaction was not odd to say the least.

 

Im glad to hear you wont be contacting her anymore. I thought that was very predatory.

[Mimolicious]

Mombot - if you didn't send her a second email that warranted that response, then you have to let it go.

 

But, I will say, IMO, her response is not one a woman who is blissfully separated and working her ways towards divorce.

 

She either wants to bury her head in the sand, or believes you, wishes it weren't true, and plans to fight for her marriage, rather than engage with you.

 

You have the best answer you'll get. Now it's up to you...

 

Ummm... sorry but for all we know she is far ahead moving on with her life and doesn't want to deal with what to her seems petty and irrelevant.

 

Different people deal with the same situation in 1,000 different ways. The way that suits their perdicament. We don't know if in fact she could care less about her H and OW, because she is no longer invested in their M. As far as I can remember, his W works out of state, 1,200 miles from H. We don't know what she does for a living. She can be so drowned in her "career". 1. could care less and 2. can't afford the distraction.

There are people to who a "SO" is not so significant or they are not the air they breath.

(Not exactly my POV but I do see it happen all the time, in my profession at least.)

 

IMO, if someone emailed me with such a vague message, I wouldn't take 2 seconds to deal with it. The message was not concrete nor really exposed details directly related to the MM.

 

Mombot- I think you blew your chance of getting her full and undivided attention. She could have asked your MM if he has someone, he could have denied it-end of story, for all she cares.

 

Doesn't mean that she is in denial, burying her head or even cares to be with him in a romantic way. She probably doesn't care!! and they can in fact be separated.