Owl Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 OK...bottom line. Clearly things aren't what MM made them out to be...he's being cryptic and evasive, his wife (ex-wife/whatever) is being defensive... What are YOU going to do from here? Continue the relationship given these murky circumstances? End it given all this uncertainty and doubt being generated? YOU are the one who decides what you will and won't accept in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Mombot........I think your lack of complete answers or descriptions of what has transpired in your interactions with MM and the wife, make you one of the most frustrating posters I've saw here. You seem to only want to give us little snippets of information, maybe in hopes that the responders will be more likely to tell you what it is you want to hear. You don't explain yourself well enough nor do you give enough information in order for anyone to give you good responses. Most everyone responds with guesses, because that is all we have to offer and it's the best anyone can do. I'm not trying to be cruel or mean, but if you really want help and advice, then step up to the plate and take the time to paint a little better picture of your situation so we will really know what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 This statement covers it all. I'm not under the bus, but I'm not really clear on what the story is, and he really didn't react when I told him I emailed her. He just sort of shrugged, the Whatever move, and I think I am the whatever. You have no idea if you under the bus or not. Unless you were a fly on the wall when MM and his wife spoke about this.. Also, he isn't going to tell you that he threw you under the bus. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I will not bother her again. i doubt this. your vindictive nature will get the better of you and you will be like a crack addict going through withdrawal.....and you will get the urge to rub it in her face again. its only a matter of time. Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 i doubt this. your vindictive nature will get the better of you and you will be like a crack addict going through withdrawal.....and you will get the urge to rub it in her face again. its only a matter of time. I am surprised , what makes you think she has vindictive nature ? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I am surprised , what makes you think she has vindictive nature ? think about it, do you think an email to a wife telling her that her husband is on his way to her place knowing what they will be doing when they get there an attempt at simply and innocently informing the wife? or did she want the wife to sit there reeling inside after rubbing her face in s##t? all one needs to do is read her posts. I wasn't the only one that thought this either. her email to the wife wasn't to simply "inform" her. she wanted to twist the knife. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Agreed Dex. It was an "Im the new girl in town step aside" email. Thats not how you get information from a spouse if you are simply wanting to ensure you arent treading into a marriage that isnt over. Youd say something like I am seeing x and he has told me that you are separated and in the process of divorcing and I wanted to make sure that this was true or something to that effect if you did it AT ALL. Mombot I just dont understand your motivations here at all. You dont seem to trust him which is a good enough reason to get out to begin with. Youve involved his wife and he behaves really oddly about that. Maybe you see the situation very differently than the rest of us. You obviously arent obliged to share your feelings or thoughts on this, but its difficult to understand where you are coming from in a way that ISNT predatory based on the way you worded the email. Maybe we misunderstand you. But its a tough one. I dont want to judge you harshly when you are probably very disappointed in the way things have gone (noone needs that) but its difficult to make sense of it given the information you have provided us with. Edited August 3, 2010 by jj33 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 I did not write anything vindictive in my email. I think it is easy to ignore the OW when you probably don't really care about much except maybe financial security and family. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I did not write anything vindictive in my email. I think it is easy to ignore the OW when you probably don't really care about much except maybe financial security and family. She didn't ignore you. She doesn't believe you. While they may have legally separated 11 years ago, they could have reconciled, no? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I did not write anything vindictive in my email. I think it is easy to ignore the OW when you probably don't really care about much except maybe financial security and family. Are you making an assumption or is this something you know for a fact?:confused:If you don't have proof of that maybe you should be looking at the guy you are having an A with and ask him why he hasn't initiated divorce proceedings in 11 years? What's his motivation for staying married? What security is he getting from this? Why do you ignore that? And what better thing to care about than family? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 I talked to him on the phone- he said he really can't divorce her until he retires- he needs her health benefits. He had a heart attack 4 years ago and is a contract worker- no benes. Could be true. Also could be the gaslight the OW lie too! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 I talked to him on the phone- he said he really can't divorce her until he retires- he needs her health benefits. He had a heart attack 4 years ago and is a contract worker- no benes. Could be true. Also could be the gaslight the OW lie too! So if this is true...he is using her too. :laugh: It makes no sense...health benefits until he retires... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 I never really minded her that much, once in a while saw her, she never got married. He brought her in where I worked to meet me before we first went out. After we were married about 7 or 8 years, she called and wanted him to father a child for her because she liked ours so well. That truly made him mad, and he didn't see her for a few years. When he was in his last months, I sent them on a date to a four star restaurant. I had my daughter call her and let her know when he passed, my daughter knew from an early age but never judged her dad. That's why I found the I don't believe you email so ... well , odd. Sorry, but this is so abnormal it isn't funny. Just because you 'welcomed' the OW into your life doesn't mean other spouses want to or would. You chose to look the other way and since you stated you didn't really love him, you chose to allow him to continually disrespect you and you just didn't care enough to leave. As for him needing her health benefits sorry, but he could easily ask to be covered until whenever.... so what does he plan to do for health benefits AFTER he retires???? This doesn't add up at all. Doesn't matter - what matters is if you are okay with staying the OW forever. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Maybe he's waiting for his Medicare to kick in! Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Maybe he's waiting for his Medicare to kick in! ------------------- Exactly. He only has two years until his Medicare kicks in.. minimal payments.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 4, 2010 Author Share Posted August 4, 2010 Yes he is. A secondary to that is pretty cheap. An individual policy for someone with a history of heart attack would be very high, he is right about that. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Seriously? Wow. Wonder how many divorces there will be when Obama's healthcare kicks in. Bet they didn't plan for that. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Yes he is. A secondary to that is pretty cheap. An individual policy for someone with a history of heart attack would be very high, he is right about that. At least he is consistent...he is using both women equally for his own gain. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Yes he is. A secondary to that is pretty cheap. An individual policy for someone with a history of heart attack would be very high, he is right about that. so your MM is willing to forego love for money. he "can't" even possibly be available because he "has" to stay married because he needs insurance. any man who had a D as his TOP priority would make more to spend whatever amount necessary on insurance IF he WANTED to BE divorced (past tense). but he won't... according to him. what he wants MORE is to stay married so she can cover his health benefits. shows where HIS priorities are. funny how he hasn't worried how it may affect a gal he may intend to mislead - i mean, date... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Yes he is. A secondary to that is pretty cheap. An individual policy for someone with a history of heart attack would be very high, he is right about that. i had a stroke shortly after my long marriage ended. my insurance costs ME 350.00 per month. why can't he afford 350.00 per month... what does it say to you that he's not willing to spend an additional few hundred dollars IF he wanted to be divorced? is he always so cheap? Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 I thought heart medications caused ED. No little blue pills for heart patients. That'd be a big drawback for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 4, 2010 Author Share Posted August 4, 2010 The man is pretty amazing sexually- for any age or any condition. I think the amazing sex is the big hook of this whole thing. I'm sure it is a big ingredient in most A's. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 The man is pretty amazing sexually- for any age or any condition. I think the amazing sex is the big hook of this whole thing. I'm sure it is a big ingredient in most A's. yep, i gave up 23 years of my life for amazing sex. the trade off was an abusive man. i'll take a kind, gentle, loving, loyal, average in the sack man any day over what great sex made me compromise in the name of "love." what length are you willing to compromise yourself for - in order to continue with "great sex." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 4, 2010 Author Share Posted August 4, 2010 Separated man is not abusive in any way. He is well mannered and of course, charming and generous. As far as loyal, not so sure about that. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 Separated man is not abusive in any way. He is well mannered and of course, charming and generous. As far as loyal, not so sure about that. -------------------- There is no loyalty to be found in a man who acts as if he isn't completely free. Mombot.. If it appears that there is something between you and your love ... There Is. Link to post Share on other sites
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