Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 I checked my phone- he has called me ten times so far today, amd I am still standing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I checked my phone- he has called me ten times so far today, amd I am still standing. aaaahhhhhh, he's starting to figure it out.... good girl, stay strong - for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 Maybe this is easier than saying goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I checked my phone- he has called me ten times so far today, amd I am still standing. Hang tough Mombot.........and enjoy him groveling, but don't give in. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Hang tough Mombot.........and enjoy him groveling, but don't give in. I agree. Mombot, what would it take to make this right for you? Make it a statement. Be ready to make that statement if and when you do decide to take that call. Tell him to make it happen or you walk. Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Can't you change your number or block his? Repeat???????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Maybe this is easier than saying goodbye. I'm sure most people will disagree with me but while I think it's important to ignore him for now, I think at some point you're going to want to talk to him. It still feels too open-ended. Maybe that's just me though. I'm always for closure and only then I will stop talking. You ultimately need to do what's right for you though. Enjoy your date and weekend and then you'll be able to make a better decision as to how to proceed after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 At this point, since I am somewhat of a realist and know he is not going to finalize his divorce anytime soon, or ever, I guess there is really nothing he can say that would satisfy me at this point. Sorry I ditched you when I said I'd call? Doesn't work for me. I know he no intention of dealing with his W anytime soon, so what could be good enough to break this spell? Don't see a diamond ring and a divorce paper flying my way anytime soon. I am sure all the OW/OM feel totally left out a lot, and they are still waiting. I can't wait for him, no matter how much I care. I can feel just as totally left out without talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) At this point, since I am somewhat of a realist and know he is not going to finalize his divorce anytime soon, or ever, I guess there is really nothing he can say that would satisfy me at this point. Sorry I ditched you when I said I'd call? Doesn't work for me. I know he no intention of dealing with his W anytime soon, so what could be good enough to break this spell? Don't see a diamond ring and a divorce paper flying my way anytime soon. I am sure all the OW/OM feel totally left out a lot, and they are still waiting. I can't wait for him, no matter how much I care. I can feel just as totally left out without talking to him. Then that's a really good place to be. Well, I didn't mean that you might want to talk to him in order to get better answers or to change things - I was thinking it was more to explain your side of it and then walk away. But you're actually better off not talking to him if you feel like you've said all there is to be said. He broke a promise to you, has lied, and has been dismissive. He has pushed things to the point of no return and he only has himself to blame for that. Edited August 11, 2010 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 If being free is worth what I leave behind, and it's too late to get over the lie, and there is no real future, then it's goodbye time. It's been fun, an experience of a lifetime, and I now know that my self respect is more important to me than waiting around for someone who is never truly available. I may regret this, I don't know. Tomorrow I will put on the smiley face and try to go on, and then Friday I will escape until Monday. I have a feelibg if I don't leave, he'll show up and I'll buckle. He gave up after call number eleven. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I can feel just as totally left out without talking to him. Very true and very wise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 Well, I hope so. I've tried every direction and tried on different attitudes, trying to enjoy it for the fun and perks. Not enough. Even though I know he doesn't go home to her every night like so many OW, I don't see him at my house every night, so why go on? I guess I'm like everyone else, I want more, and I guess I'm going to have to be it. Until I feel on solid ground, I will have to keep extra busy so the canyons in my soul don't widen. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 At this point, since I am somewhat of a realist and know he is not going to finalize his divorce anytime soon, or ever, I guess there is really nothing he can say that would satisfy me at this point. Sorry I ditched you when I said I'd call? Doesn't work for me. I know he no intention of dealing with his W anytime soon, so what could be good enough to break this spell? Don't see a diamond ring and a divorce paper flying my way anytime soon. I am sure all the OW/OM feel totally left out a lot, and they are still waiting. I can't wait for him, no matter how much I care. I can feel just as totally left out without talking to him. i'm sure if you think about it - he has promised other things and didn't follow through - because he couldn't risk being found out. he will try to see you when it's convenient again - for him. this is about taking care of you now - and your best interest. unless you want to be in the same position as now - 20 years from today... don't step back into his plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 I don't have 20 years or 20 minutes more for limbo. I have to keep telling myself this so I don't phone or write or worse yet, go see him. Why, I ask myself, does happiness not last? For the first time in years I was pretty happy and then I found out I was having a R with someone who made himself unavailable. And years before he met me, just doing his thing without bothering to get completely divorced. Whatever the other excuses are, the bottom line is he doesn't want to be available. I'm single and available, and he's not- really. This feels lonely, yet strong. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Well, I hope so. I've tried every direction and tried on different attitudes, trying to enjoy it for the fun and perks. Not enough. Even though I know he doesn't go home to her every night like so many OW, I don't see him at my house every night, so why go on? I guess I'm like everyone else, I want more, and I guess I'm going to have to be it. Until I feel on solid ground, I will have to keep extra busy so the canyons in my soul don't widen. Wanting more than we get and more importantly getting less than what any reasonable person deserves in a healthy relationship is when the flags should come out and the warning signs should flash, but for some reason I think we as women hang on to long.......waiting and hoping for that more. As much as the reality of finding out about all the lies and deception in my situation sucked, at least I'm no longer in limbo. Limbo is hell! Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 They may have set some unrealistic expectations perhaps...I won't argue that. But when the agreement or expectations change (on one side or the other)...then BOTH parties need to re-negotiate or discuss that change...not just make it unilaterally (and hide it from the other spouse). Like I said...that's what appears to have happened here. It doesn't appear that his wife has this expectation to see others...and MM is hiding his relationship with Mombot as a result. So it appears to still be a case of 'cheating'. That's a possibility. But now that Mombot has informed the W it is not hidden any more and the W doesn't seem overly concerned so maybe the matter of whether her separated H sees someone else or not is not high on the list of her priorities. Or so it appears. As already mentioned on this thread, this man does seem to have a good reason to stay M even if the R has disintegrated - the medical insurance. Why he feels he has to hide his R with Mombot is another question. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 You said that he is legally separated and only with his wife for her benefits/insurance money...Maybe HER deal with him was, if you want me to cover you on my insurance, you can't date outside of the marriage.. Or something along those lines.. THough I do think there's alot more going on behnd the scenes that M doesn't know about. I have to say, you're very strong and should be proud of yourself for not responding. NC is for YOU, not for him. When you're ready, take it a step further, start deleting his messages, don't even listen to them. I do think eventually your cell number needs to be changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 That's a possibility. But now that Mombot has informed the W it is not hidden any more and the W doesn't seem overly concerned so maybe the matter of whether her separated H sees someone else or not is not high on the list of her priorities. Or so it appears. As already mentioned on this thread, this man does seem to have a good reason to stay M even if the R has disintegrated - the medical insurance. Why he feels he has to hide his R with Mombot is another question. His wife didn't say she didn't care. His wife said that she didn't believe her. That's not a lack of concern...that's denial, which is NOT the same thing. Her denial plus his continued cover up of his relationship with Mombot make a pretty decent indicator that he and his wife aren't in a situation where they agree to date/see others. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Mombot- I posted a good amount about taking ACTION to ensure NC...to include changing numbers/blocking him/etc... BNB has posted something similar...but there's been no indication that you've read these posts or considered this advice. What's the status on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Mombot- I posted a good amount about taking ACTION to ensure NC...to include changing numbers/blocking him/etc... BNB has posted something similar...but there's been no indication that you've read these posts or considered this advice. What's the status on this? If she's like me - and maybe a lot of other people - in the beginning of not talking to someone, my curiosity would be too great and I would want to know if he's calling and how many times he calls. Maybe an ego thing, or wanting to know if he did care at least a little bit. I think a person does reach the point where they don't care about that but, by then, what does it matter if he's blocked or not? It really all comes down to how you choose to react to the calls. Unless, of course, the person is abusive and obessed - that's a different scenario. I do understand the logic behind blocking someone but it's a tough thing to do in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 Am not caring if I block his number or not- he can always call from another number and at least this way I know who it is. Have been really really good about NC. Today I feel the little broken off chips in my heart but I'm running away from home this weekend and that will be good. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Am not caring if I block his number or not- he can always call from another number and at least this way I know who it is. Have been really really good about NC. Today I feel the little broken off chips in my heart but I'm running away from home this weekend and that will be good. No, totally change your number. This way you don't have to worry about who it is when you answer your phone. Just easier in the long run on you. Have FUN this weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 No, totally change your number. This way you don't have to worry about who it is when you answer your phone. Just easier in the long run on you. Have FUN this weekend! EXACTLY! Remove any avenue of approach that he may have to try to re-enter your life. Remove any form of contact he may try to take. But, it's up to you. Just recognize the risk of getting sucked back in that you're taking (in my experience here, a very, very, very real likelihood) when you don't take these kinds of active measures. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 My daughter told me she thought I should keep seeing him- she said she thought I was happier than I have ever been. She said she was thinking about calling him- she said separated is fine, and she and her husband really like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 Lunch with hot guy was a real bust- he is very sexist. Kept calling me little lady. I guess lokks are just looks sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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