I sent her an email

[Dexter Morgan]

This thread is so long because people anticipated something would happen by contacting the W

 

No, YOU anticipated something would happen by contacting her.

 

most of us wondered why you would contact her if they are legally seperated. it was nothing more than to rub salt in a wound.

 

All the AP want to know where they stand.

 

then you find out from the lying cheating MM where things stand. You leave the wife alone if it has been established that they are seperated. Any contact initiated by you is an attempt to get her goat.

 

and like you said, the reaction was a big nothing......not what you had hoped for.

[desertIslandCactus]

Not going to put funds in there.

 

 

Mombot even if you don't put funds in there: If you have a joint account and he leaves the account in a deficit, you are half responsible to make up the diff. It could ruin your credit or for opening other accounts. There is no reason for having an account with someone outside of marriage.

[White Flower]

No, YOU anticipated something would happen by contacting her.

 

most of us wondered why you would contact her if they are legally seperated. it was nothing more than to rub salt in a wound.

 

 

 

then you find out from the lying cheating MM where things stand. You leave the wife alone if it has been established that they are seperated. Any contact initiated by you is an attempt to get her goat.

 

and like you said, the reaction was a big nothing......not what you had hoped for.

I have to disagree. If something doesn't jive and you are looking for the truth chances are you'll find it, or will have to find it, elsewhere. Mombot found it and now she can deal with it.

 

Mombot even if you don't put funds in there: If you have a joint account and he leaves the account in a deficit, you are half responsible to make up the diff. It could ruin your credit or for opening other accounts. There is no reason for having an account with someone outside of marriage.

Very true, you could be responsible for an overdrawn account.

[whichwayisup]

Why on earth would you even CONSIDER having a joint bank account with someone that YOU are not married to. The guy is separated, NOT divorced.

 

Please think outside the box on this one. You say you "trust" him completely with money? Yet he plays these pathetic games with you on everything else.

[Confused4Now]

Why on earth would you even CONSIDER having a joint bank account with someone that YOU are not married to. The guy is separated, NOT divorced.

 

Please think outside the box on this one. You say you "trust" him completely with money? Yet he plays these pathetic games with you on everything else.

It's clearly a hook...a way for her to see they have something joint something for the future. UGH BTDT

[desertIslandCactus]

Why on earth would you even CONSIDER having a joint bank account with someone that YOU are not married to. The guy is separated, NOT divorced.

 

Please think outside the box on this one. You say you "trust" him completely with money? Yet he plays these pathetic games with you on everything else.

 

 

Also it would seem that if he uses his "separated" wife for her health insurance, he's not above using another woman in a bank account status financially.

[jwi71]

I have loosely followed this thread and like 2Sunny, something is off.

 

If I missed it I'm sorry mombot but why haven't they gotten D now?

[Mombot]

He told me it would be impossible to focus on his nuclear job and get divorced long distance,

[Silly_Girl]

He told me it would be impossible to focus on his nuclear job and get divorced long distance,

 

I processed my own divorce. Pretty simple. If everything's 'sorted' it's really not that hard or time-consuming. And if he's as self-sufficient financially as he makes out, he'll have a lawyer doing the nitty-gritty for him, yes?

 

So it's not insurance or money stopping him. It's time....

 

Mombot. This seems so odd. Are you really okay with the situation???

[2sunny]

He told me it would be impossible to focus on his nuclear job and get divorced long distance,

 

ok - so he is promising it's impossible.

 

so tell me again why this is attractive to you?

[Mombot]

The onlt reason I care that he's not D is somehow it just doesn't seem right to be terminally separated. He couldd be D and go back to her, anything could happen. I was having a moral dilemma.

So many people on this forum date while separated.

But I do feel one thing- I really feel life is better with him in it.

[NoIDidn't]

So I am not the only one that feels something is off about this thread? The first thing I noticed was the disappointment that the W didn't have a huge (negative) reaction. Who goes NC because the W doesn't blow a gasket? Now he's "legally" separated but can't "focus" on a divorce?

 

It makes no sense. Legally separated only makes the divorce (when its uncontested -and non-reactive W doesn't seem to be contesting anything) easier.

 

Is someone being led down the "Garden Path" here?

[NancyBotwin]

Is someone being led down the "Garden Path" here?

I suspect we are.

For going on 37 pages now...

[NoIDidn't]

I suspect we are.

For going on 37 pages now...

 

Hard to say, that's why I said "someone". LOL.

[Mombot]

I have been giving this whole thread a lot of thought.

I was advised to talk to the S and that resulted in zip. I guess everyone wants a D day and I thought separated but not D was a moral dilemma. A lot of separated people date.

Will he ever want to be truly available? Maybe not.

I guess we all would like a really accurate psychic that can tell us how everything will go.

I really don't know how the OW/OM does it when their love goes home every night and sleeps in the same bed with the BS.

[Silly_Girl]

I have been giving this whole thread a lot of thought.

I was advised to talk to the S and that resulted in zip. I guess everyone wants a D day and I thought separated but not D was a moral dilemma. A lot of separated people date.

Will he ever want to be truly available? Maybe not.

I guess we all would like a really accurate psychic that can tell us how everything will go.

I really don't know how the OW/OM does it when their love goes home every night and sleeps in the same bed with the BS.

 

How do you know yours isn't Mombot? Really?

[Mombot]

She lives in Washington and we are in California. Call her and she'll answer her house phone, it's a landline.

[Silly_Girl]

She lives in Washington and we are in California. Call her and she'll answer her house phone, it's a landline.

 

He is literally never in the same state as her?

[2sunny]

I have been giving this whole thread a lot of thought.

I was advised to talk to the S and that resulted in zip. I guess everyone wants a D day and I thought separated but not D was a moral dilemma. A lot of separated people date.

Will he ever want to be truly available? Maybe not.

I guess we all would like a really accurate psychic that can tell us how everything will go.

I really don't know how the OW/OM does it when their love goes home every night and sleeps in the same bed with the BS.

 

there really isn't a good way to tell what the reality is or what the fiction is - what exactly have YOU seen evidence of about his life? NOT what he tells you - but hard evidence compared to everything you have been told. think about what it all is, what you know and what you have evidence of.

 

do not make assumptions based on his words... that really means nothing unless there is solid evidence.

 

in the end - the decision is yours. what you decide sends him a clear message... remember - what you do tells him how you expect to be treated.

[2sunny]

She lives in Washington and we are in California. Call her and she'll answer her house phone, it's a landline.

 

you do understand that a landline has the capability to be forwarded to another number, right? please don't make assumptions - that's very dangerous and causes much pain.

[NoIDidn't]

you do understand that a landline has the capability to be forwarded to another number, right? please don't make assumptions - that's very dangerous and causes much pain.

 

I thought the same thing when I read that.

 

Landlines and cellphones can be forwarded to other numbers. And even selectively with some carriers.

[Mombot]

Maybe she's off with someone else?

[whichwayisup]

You want to know what he does when you aren't with him? HIRE A PI. Spend that money and see. Then maybe you can either accept your situation as it is.. You are dating a separated man who has NO intention of divorcing his wife. It doesn't matter what the reasons are - Fact is, he is not available to create a new life with you. Or, maybe he IS lying and been pulling the rope over your eyes the whole time. There was an OW who posted that her MM faked his own death. Nothing surprises me on here, reading some of the crap that MM serve their OW's and they eat it up, and believe every single word.

 

Up to you, it's your life. If you're happy enough being second fiddle and only seeing him on HIS terms, his time frame, then go for it. Just don't be upset or disappointed that he is going to let you down alot of the time. Holidays, birthdays, Christmas. Just for starters.

[Mombot]

We do spend holidays together. He will be in the middle of a big project on Thanksgiving, so I am going to bring him homemade dinner. I think he should go see his elderly mom on Christmas if he can, and spend New Year's with me.

[Aragorn]

Newly registered here, but a longtime lurker. This thread has brought me out of the shadows, as it were. As many others have already alluded, this is not the kind of situation to be taken lightly or ignored.

 

So, let's cut to the chase: this MM is clearly a professional cheater. Look at the strategies he employs - they are all relatively textbook, but they are still remarkably effective (apparently):

 

• Multiple cell phone accounts - hence the "missing phone" incidents
  
• Mobile lifestyle
  
• Lies
  
• One-liner conversation-ending excuses when confronted
  

If you are serious about this, then you need to insist that he get divorced. Issue an ultimatum. Any honest man who is serious about a relationship with you would have already set those wheels in motion. If he doesn't want to go through with it even then, that's a very easy answer about how serious he is about you.

 

If he accepts this challenge and goes through with said divorce, you would still have to ask yourself if you have a clear conscience about continuing forward with someone who has proven to be blatantly untrustworthy repeatedly.

 

So, in other words, unless honesty is unimportant to you, get out of this situation immediately.