Author Mombot Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 You know I really like Dexter's email. Maybe if I decide to do a do-over I will send that one. It's much more clear than mine. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 You know I really like Dexter's email. Maybe if I decide to do a do-over I will send that one. It's much more clear than mine. I have to give kudos to Dexter for the well thought out email too. I think you might even get a better response from MM's estranged W. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 I actually think I am satisfied with our discussions today. He said he has own timeline planned of how he is going to handle things with his family and it is all designed to make his life easier. When he is done with this contract we will pick out some residences and keep mine here in California. By the tone and direction of the conversation, it is exactly the way we planned for things we have done. And yes, I wanted to know what was the deal. Mombot - this could easily work for both of you - even IF he never gets divorced. if your intentions aren't to marry him, then there is no reason to be hesitant - given that he DOES what he says he will do as the timeline runs along. is your intention to marry him or to live your life together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 21, 2010 Author Share Posted August 21, 2010 Either way is ok with me. He is pretty old school. I think he would rather be married than not- I was married over 20 years and it turned out so sad, I don't really care if I marry again or not. I will not move in with him or him with me if there is no final divorce papers. That will never happen, not in a million years. We are going to see a Beach Boys impersonators show next weekend with a big buffet next weekend near San Diego. That should be fun. I got free tickets to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) I'm confused. (granted, I have not read all 40 pages.) He's separated, and you spend your holidays together, but his wife yells at him for spending too much money, and he won't talk to you in front of his grown kids?????? I assume he doesn't spend time with you in the presence of his adult children? Have you met them? If he has really been legally separated for 11 years, these should be non-issues. To me, these raise BIG questions. You vascillate A LOT. I still think you really need IC. Edited August 22, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 You know I really like Dexter's email. Maybe if I decide to do a do-over I will send that one. It's much more clear than mine. too late. After the first inadequate email that looks like a prodding, any more contact will just make you look like an OW stalker. Leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 I agree Dexter- she said not to bother her, so I won't. Did not see him on the weekend- probably just as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Mombot- So you're satisfied at this point with where your relationship with him is at? You've got no further concerns/questions over the red flags that you've seen? If so, I doubt that there's much more that anyone can "help" you with. (I am curious tho...you mentioned that he "had a plan"...did he share details/timelines of this 'plan', or did he just tell you he had one?) Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I agree Dexter- she said not to bother her, so I won't. Did not see him on the weekend- probably just as well. this is a red flag to me to some extent. IF he was at all troubled about the possibility of not seeing you in the future - most MM or SM would be making great efforts to see a gal on the weekend. what did he say kept him away from seeing you? is it possible he's seeing more gals than you (and his wife of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 He worked until 4 a.m. in the morning Saturday and would have to be back at work Monday 5 a.m. so he had to switch schedules. I really did not see running 250 miles for one afternoon. We have not talked about the timeline in the last few days. I think I will not bring it up and see what he does. As for advice, you're right, I am a bit vexed here. I think there is nowhere to go here but either go with it- or walk away. Friends after lovers rarely works out. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 are you open to continue dating other available men? and if so, it may be helpful to allow him to clearly understand you intend to date with the intention of finding someone who is unattached. keep in mind what NC also did for you - he started making more effort when you weren't as available... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 I told him I had other options and would definitely consider all of them. I tried to go out with a very handsome man but he had not much personality or smarts. Am thinking of rolling with separated man but if I find someone smart and available, then he will be let go. I have my eyes open, and am not going to do multiple men at the same time, but am open to getting to know someone available. Link to post Share on other sites
terrific Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 Wow, I just read this whole thing and think someone should write a book....made my life seem really dull. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 24, 2010 Author Share Posted August 24, 2010 I thought my life was uncomplicated until I found out he never finalized his divorce, and then it was wow, he really lied to me. I know I am a very good looking older woman. It took me until I was 30 to realize I was really pretty attractive.I know he likes the way I look. But the hits by all the men really turned me off. I value personality and attitude more than other qualities, and I've not met anyone like him before. But I see if he thinks it will difficult, he wants to skate off, and I still have the lie-dar in place. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 I told him I had other options and would definitely consider all of them. no.....you won't. the only way you will ever consider them is if the MM decides he is done with you. You have said all of this before. I think you are blowing smoke. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 no.....you won't. the only way you will ever consider them is if the MM decides he is done with you. You have said all of this before. I think you are blowing smoke. Dex - seems she has decided to leave things as they are. there is nothing more to help her with; especially since she seems content with her status quo. when nothing changes = nothing changes... Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 Dex - seems she has decided to leave things as they are. there is nothing more to help her with; especially since she seems content with her status quo. when nothing changes = nothing changes... I think you guys are being a little harsh. There's nothing that says she HAS to listen to the advice here. Ultimately, Mombot, you need to do what feels right to you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 I think you guys are being a little harsh. There's nothing that says she HAS to listen to the advice here. Ultimately, Mombot, you need to do what feels right to you. wtf? harsh? nothing harsh about it - i was simply stating the obvious. sheeez... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 I think you guys are being a little harsh. There's nothing that says she HAS to listen to the advice here. Ultimately, Mombot, you need to do what feels right to you. nobody expects her to listen, especially after all her flip flopping. her telling everyone that she is going to start availing herself of all options, only to come back and pray at the alter of MM is just posturing to keep the drama going in the threads. Or it may be she believes she is strong enough to ditch MM for available men. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 wtf? harsh? nothing harsh about it - i was simply stating the obvious. sheeez... and likewise......... she is trying to put on this front that she is strong enough to ditch the liar and cheat...saying she is going to have fun with some sexy free men.....but then its obvious that she can't get away from MM. She isn't strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted August 25, 2010 Author Share Posted August 25, 2010 Dexter may have something there. But I do think everyone on this forum has conflicts, aspirations and way too many feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 nobody expects her to listen, especially after all her flip flopping. her telling everyone that she is going to start availing herself of all options, only to come back and pray at the alter of MM is just posturing to keep the drama going in the threads. Or it may be she believes she is strong enough to ditch MM for available men. It's why they call it the rollercoaster. Mombot knows when he acts interest and speaks of their future, i.e. property and bank accounts that he is thinking of the two of them. (one way or the other ), Then when he acts cooler, she knows she has other options. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 MB- has your man started that bank account yet? Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 MB- has your man started that bank account yet? He betternotav. Mombot, he can work til 4:30 in the morning all he wants, but no joint bank accounts . Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 He betternotav. Mombot, he can work til 4:30 in the morning all he wants, but no joint bank accounts . well that's what he promised her... Link to post Share on other sites
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