I sent her an email

[lolapalooza]

Maybe you should start a career as a clairvoyant? Otherwise please refrain from insulting me.

Clairvoyance is not required to see the obvious.

 

ETA- not meant as an insult. It's not likely that you are a 3%'er. Just not in the odds.

Edited July 26, 2010 by lolapalooza

[Ellin]

Clairvoyance is not required to see the obvious.

 

ETA- not meant as an insult. It's not likely that you are a 3%'er. Just not in the odds.

What is obvious for some isn't for others:)

All the best, lola.

[Mimolicious]

I have no idea why you are chipping in out of the blue, I've never seen your name before and you certainly know nothing about my experience IRL and my experience with another poster, so I don't think you can make an informed comment about it, as some of your statements above illustrate, anyway.

 

Nadia- LS Veteran. She is not allowed to chime in? This is an internet site just because she doesn't comment doesn't mean she doesn't read the threads.

 

Hope the OP, comes back soon and gives an update. I hope she is not this silent because she is feeling down.

[Confused4Now]

I have no idea why you are chipping in out of the blue, I've never seen your name before and you certainly know nothing about my experience IRL and my experience with another poster, so I don't think you can make an informed comment about it, as some of your statements above illustrate, anyway.

I can assure you Nadia is very reputable around these forums....she just doesn't post as much anymore. I will tell you this...I do value everything she says and she calls it like it is.....

[bestplayer]

Cat fight continues ...

[Ellin]

I can assure you Nadia is very reputable around these forums....she just doesn't post as much anymore. I will tell you this...I do value everything she says and she calls it like it is.....

I didn't question Nadia's reputation. Just said I don't think she knows my life story or my experience with this forum story well enough to make an informed comment, which is obvious to me from what she wrote.

 

Ok?????

[herenow]

(Quote from Ellin - )

So - as I have always tried to warn - giving advice which content or way of presenting is not really for the good of its receiver, makes you partly responsible for whatever happens to them as a result.

 

I haven't been here in a while so, first off, hello again.

 

I have to comment on this little tidbit before I comment on the topic of this thread. IMO, I am not at all responsible for what someone else does because of an opinion I voice on an internet forum. Just like no one here (or anywhere) is responsible for the choices I make for myself. IMO, adults should take responsibility for their own actions. To blame others is simply ridiculous IMO.

 

As far as the OP telling the BW, I'm all for it and I always have been. If I were the BW, I wouldn't respond because my issue would be with my H. Maybe that is why she hasn't heard anything from the BW. Or, it's possible that he MM got to the email first and the BW will never see it. Unless the OP has some real contact with the BW, she will never know what really happened.

Edited July 26, 2010 by herenow

[Ellin]

 

I have to comment on this little tidbit before I comment on the topic of this thread. IMO, I am not at all responsible for what someone else does because of an opinion I voice on an internet forum. Just like no one here (or anywhere) is responsible for the choices I make for myself. IMO, adults should take responsibility for their own actions. To blame others is simply ridiculous IMO.

 

As far as the OP telling the BW, I'm all for it and I always have been. If I were the BW, I wouldn't respond because my issue would be with my H. Maybe that is why she hasn't heard anything from the BW. Or, it's possible that he MM got to the email first and the BW will never see it. Unless the OP has some real contact with the BW, she will never know what really happened.

I respect your opinion.

 

I never said you are responsible for the actions of others, but you might be partly responsible (as I originally stated) for the part in which you influenced someone else's decision. It's obvious that people do influence one another's behavior and interactions on the internet can be as influential as IRL.

 

It all depends on the way you conduct yourself, If you say something like "I think you would be better off doing x because..." that's fine and it's just an opinion presented in a helpful way. But it's different if it sounds something like "what's the matter with you? don't you see the obvious? how can you....".

 

These two might look similar at the surface - just trying to help - but are two very different things.

[herenow]

I respect your opinion.

 

I never said you are responsible for the actions of others, but you might be partly responsible (as I originally stated) for the part in which you influenced someone else's decision. It's obvious that people do influence one another's behavior and interactions on the internet can be as influential as IRL.

 

It all depends on the way you conduct yourself, If you say something like "I think you would be better off doing x because..." that's fine and it's just an opinion presented in a helpful way. But it's different if it sounds something like "what's the matter with you? don't you see the obvious? how can you....".

 

These two might look similar at the surface - just trying to help - but are two very different things.

 

I respect your opinion as well, but we have to agree to disagree. I still say that I bear no responsibility in any way for any decision made by another adult on this forum. Just like I can't blame any decision I make on you or anyone else.

[Ellin]

I respect your opinion as well, but we have to agree to disagree. I still say that I bear no responsibility in any way for any decision made by another adult on this forum. Just like I can't blame any decision I make on you or anyone else.

But do you accept that other people get influenced by your reactions and advice?

[herenow]

But do you accept that other people get influenced by your reactions and advice?

 

I hope so. If not, I would be wasting my time posting here. That doesn't mean I'm responsible for their decisions.

[Silly_Girl]

But do you accept that other people get influenced by your reactions and advice?

 

Surely it's just another opinion to consider, like seeing things from a different viewpoint by watching a movie or soap opera or overhearing a conversation in the canteen? Not sure 'influence' is the right word, or not for me anyway.

[Ellin]

I hope so. If not, I would be wasting my time posting here. That doesn't mean I'm responsible for their decisions.

That's fine.

 

I believe, however, that we are judged by the fruits of our actions.

[herenow]

That's fine.

 

I believe, however, that we are judged by the fruits of our actions.

 

This is from the LS guidelines:

 

The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice...

 

If someone is so vulnerable that they do something just because a stranger on an internet tells them too, then they may need to talk to a person who is qualified to help them make decisions. Even therapists usually don't tell a person what to do, they help them come to the best solution themselves.

[Mombot]

She replied- she said she did not believe me.

[herenow]

She replied- she said she did not believe me.

 

Well, then I guess it's now between her and her H (or whatever he is).

[Ellin]

Surely it's just another opinion to consider, like seeing things from a different viewpoint by watching a movie or soap opera or overhearing a conversation in the canteen? Not sure 'influence' is the right word, or not for me anyway.

Our whole lives, ways of acting and personalities are profoundly influenced by the people around us, from the clostest relatives to the society as a whole, from the day we are born.

 

Other people are like our mind's mirrors, we base our self-image on that reflection. Feelings of what it right and wrong, acceptable and not, feelings of guilt and shame are a result of this. And these feelings make us take a certain course of action.

[herenow]

That's fine.

 

I believe, however, that we are judged by the fruits of our actions.

 

I too believe that we are judged by our actions. All of our actions to be clear. Not just what we say on this forum.

[ladydesigner]

She replied- she said she did not believe me.

 

WOW:eek: What now?

[herenow]

Our whole lives, ways of acting and personalities are profoundly influenced by the people around us, from the clostest relatives to the society as a whole, from the day we are born.

 

Other people are like our mind's mirrors, we base our self-image on that reflection. Feelings of what it right and wrong, acceptable and not, feelings of guilt and shame are a result of this. And these feelings make us take a certain course of action.

 

But, in the end, we are solely responsible for the choices we make. Anything less is blame shifting and, IMO, very unhealthy.

[lolalove]

I didn't question Nadia's reputation. Just said I don't think she knows my life story or my experience with this forum story well enough to make an informed comment, which is obvious to me from what she wrote.

 

Ok?????

 

Does anyone else have more experience with this forum story? All ya gotta do is read the posts! What makes Nadia difference from anyone else that "follows the thread" by reading it?

[Ellin]

But, in the end, we are solely responsible for the choices we make. Anything less is blame shifting and, IMO, very unhealthy.

You can put it this way. It comes down to the question of intention. If you honesty believe you're doing what's best for another (including advice), there's no problem. But sometimes it's not so, even tough it looks like it is.

 

But I really don't want to hijack Mombot's thread.

[Ellin]

Does anyone else have more experience with this forum story? All ya gotta do is read the posts! What makes Nadia difference from anyone else that "follows the thread" by reading it?

You don't seem to understand what I wrote in the post you're commenting on.

 

Maybe it's just me not being able to make myself clear, lolalove. In this case - sorry.

[herenow]

You can put it this way. It comes down to the question of intention. If you honesty believe you're doing what's best for another (including advice), there's no problem. But sometimes it's not so, even tough it looks like it is.

 

But I really don't want to hijack Mombot's thread.

 

Here is the thing. My opinion may make someone who disagrees with it feel bad. However, to change my opinion to pacify someone isn't helpful or truthful. There are times when people disagree and that is part of life.

 

My intention is to give an honest opinion in hopes that someone will find it helpful. But, in reality there will also be someone who finds it not so helpful. That is just the way it is.

[jennie-jennie]

I told him I sent her an email. He said, well, I'm actually more concerned what my kids think.

That was pretty much it. He did not bring a cell phone, I know he has not talked to her yet. She did not reply to me, and probably hasn't read it- don't know.

 

She replied- she said she did not believe me.

 

Okay, so this is what we know so far. It doesn't look too good, Mombot. How do you feel about it? You have so much more insight and information on what is going on than we do.

 

You have been questioning whether they are really separated, right? Did she say anything about that?